How to Indicate Silence

[TheWritingGroup]

In a story I'm working on, I want to show that my viewpoint character opens her mouth and tries to speak, but no sound comes out.

Which is better?

" "

or

"_____"?

 

[ElectricBlue]

In a story I'm working on, I want to show that my viewpoint character opens her mouth and tries to speak, but no sound comes out.

Which is better?

" "

or

"_____"?

Neither. There's no sound, she's silent. Use the narrative to hear the silence, to hear the emptiness, to explain the hole in her soul from which no sound can ever get out. Let the context speak louder than words ever would.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

What EB said. Both of those examples suck, no offense. Use the narrative instead - something along the lines of: Her lips parted as if to speak but only silence followed.

 

[KittyOfSteele]

I guess it depends on what are you trying to convey...

Neither. There's no sound, she's silent. Use the narrative to hear the silence, to hear the emptiness, to explain the hole in her soul from which no sound can ever get out. Let the context speak louder than words ever would.

You can do this...

...or if you're feeling humorous...

"!" said the stranger, and grabbed his arm.

...

"?" said the stranger.

 

[ronde]

Neither. There's no sound, she's silent. Use the narrative to hear the silence, to hear the emptiness, to explain the hole in her soul from which no sound can ever get out. Let the context speak louder than words ever would.

I agree. There's no point in making the reader guess what you mean. Just tell the reader she opened her mouth but no sound came out.

 

[SinclairGroupLLP]

In a story I'm working on, I want to show that my viewpoint character opens her mouth and tries to speak, but no sound comes out.

Which is better?

" "

or

"_____"?

“…”

 

[TheWritingGroup]

I guess it depends on what are you trying to convey...



You can do this...

...or if you're feeling humorous...

You got it. I probably should have mentioned that it was meant to be funny.

-Annie

 

[AllenWoody]

Or you can go full porno.

She opened her mouth to speak, but then suddenly, out of nowhere, a massive, throbbing, pulsing black cock plunged past her lips and down her throat. All speech, even the desire to form words, fled.

 

[MK_Whimsy]

In a story I'm working on, I want to show that my viewpoint character opens her mouth and tries to speak, but no sound comes out.

In one story I wrote that "her words died in her throat."

 

[KittyOfSteele]

Or you can go full porno.

She opened her mouth to speak, but then suddenly, out of nowhere, a massive, throbbing, pulsing black cock plunged past her lips and down her throat. All speech, even the desire to form words, fled.

"Hmgrgrgrlgrlmm" she said.

 

[NotWise]

"She opened her mouth, but not a sound came out."

 

[RejectReality]

“…”

If you're going to use any textual representation, that's it right there. Trailing off from nothing.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

"She opened her mouth, but not a sound came out."

Well, it's first person, and as written in the draft she does comment on it as narrator.

-Annie

 

[NotWise]

Well, it's first person, and as written in the draft she does comment on it as narrator.

-Annie

"I opened my mouth, but not a sound came out."

It seems like the narrative should be enough, but maybe that's a style thing. It's hard to write dialog if there are no words.

 

[Voboy]

"Her mouth had been filled with many things over the years, but most of the time? Silence wasn't one of them.

"This was one of those times."

 

[lilshymynx]

"Hmgrgrgrlgrlmm" she said.

She turned into a murloc?

 

[KittyOfSteele]

Well, it's first person, and as written in the draft she does comment on it as narrator.

-Annie

"I tried to say something, I really did. The problem is that I felt like I was choking in a huge load of cum that went the wrong way, but I didn't even cough. It's like I had a dick shoved down my throat, and I couldn't feel it. It's not often that silence fills my mouth."

Got inspired by @Voboy and tried to make it funny, though it feels more pulpy than funny.

She turned into a murloc?

No, murlocs do that in all caps!

 

[NotWise]

"I opened my mouth, but not a sound came out."

It seems like the narrative should be enough, but maybe that's a style thing. It's hard to write dialog if there are no words.

Thinking about dialog with no words...

My most recent story has a scene where the MMC arranges to buy a pair of earrings without saying a word to the salesperson. The "dialog" takes place through gestures and expressions described in narrative. I think that's realistic and not uncommon. But that also has nothing to do with the question.

 

[Lathanar1]

Go with a classic. "The silence was deafening."

 

[Britva415]

In a story I'm working on, I want to show that my viewpoint character opens her mouth and tries to speak, but no sound comes out.

Which is better?

" "

or

"_____"?

This is totally fine in a comic where you can put it in a word balloon.

No word balloons? Don't do it. Just use words - you narrate the silence, because you can't quote it.

 

[THBGato]

"So, if I do this," I pull my pyjama top up and flash my boobs at her. Her eyes go wide and her jaw drops. I pull my top back down.

"..." This empty sound issues from her mouth.

I did that in Twenty, and some commenters complimented me on it.

The truth is there is rarely silence. Speechlessness, sure, silence rarely. Just listen to 4'33".

 

[PennyThompson]

In my not-yet-published On The Job story, for a silent non-verbal reaction I wrote:

“Oh! Um, I see the problem! It’s the ampersand.”

I stare blankly at him, making an 'Okay, and?' face until he realizes that more detail is required.

 

[PennyThompson]

I did that in Twenty, and some commenters complimented me on it.

The truth is there is rarely silence. Speechlessness, sure, silence rarely. Just listen to 4'33".

The local community orchestra "performed" 4'33" once, and it was surprisingly enjoyable and interesting

 

[TheLobster]

In my not-yet-published On The Job story, for a silent non-verbal reaction I wrote:

I think that's different.

OP wants to write that the character on some level tried to speak but couldn't (for whatever reason, purely physical or more deeply psychological).
In your case it's nonverbal communication that's very much intended, and you are simply taking a convenient shortcut that let's you dispense with detailed description of squinting combined with eyebrow-rising whose meaning may not even be obvious to readers.

But to the original question: "..." if dialogue is expected, otherwise just narrative description. It really depends on the overall tone of the scene.

 

[StillStunned]

Plenty of my stories have things like "I was left floundering for words, my mouth opening and closing while my brain rebooted," or "I realised I'd stopped breathing, and the words I wanted to say died of oxygen deprivation." Sometimes even "I managed a witty 'Nnngh...' in reply so she didn't notice I'd been staring down her blouse."