Lil_Jenni's Adventures, Past and Present...

[lil_jenni]

That does seem weird unless she and Misty have stayed in touch. Or if she realized she has no other female friends. Might have been eye opening for her and maybe she is trying to reconcile.

They have, I guess. Misty and I texted a lot very early this morning. She was getting off her shift, and I was up with Twin B, who is fussy as fuck. I've had maybe two hours sleep.

Anyway, Misty is going to be a bridesmaid, and she told me that our mutual ex is the second ex lover whose asked her to be a bridesmaid. Maybe it's not as weird as I thought.

 

[13Fantasies]

They have, I guess. Misty and I texted a lot very early this morning. She was getting off her shift, and I was up with Twin B, who is fussy as fuck. I've had maybe two hours sleep.

Anyway, Misty is going to be a bridesmaid, and she told me that our mutual ex is the second ex lover whose asked her to be a bridesmaid. Maybe it's not as weird as I thought.

Sometimes people don't realize how alone they are until they plan a wedding.

 

[13Fantasies]

On a different note, maybe i was sympathizing with you. I woke up around 1:30 and have pretty much been up since.

Night duty used to be my duty when we had babies.

 

[lil_jenni]

On a different note, maybe i was sympathizing with you. I woke up around 1:30 and have pretty much been up since.

Night duty used to be my duty when we had babies.

It's mine because I don't work. But day duty is mine too because I don't work. Evenings and weekends, Hubby has it covered. But it's going to be a long day today until he gets home. He is going to make me breakfast as soon as he's out of the shower, however.

Of course, I'd rather be in the shower with him, but you know...

 

[13Fantasies]

It's mine because I don't work. But day duty is mine too because I don't work. Evenings and weekends, Hubby has it covered. But it's going to be a long day today until he gets home. He is going to make me breakfast as soon as he's out of the shower, however.

Of course, I'd rather be in the shower with him, but you know...

Damn kids.

 

[lil_jenni]

Hubby made me scrambled eggs, turkey bacon, and a biscuit. I'm starting to believe him that he likes me a bit heavier... why the hell else would he make me so much fucking food? I mean, he said it was because he wanted to give me options, but... he didn't stop me when I ate it all. Of course, he was gone already when I finished... Maybe some of this is on me...

Oh, I need some sleep. Really really need some sleep. But the Kiddo is up, and Twin A is too... Is it too late to drop them off at a fire station??? Kidding...

 

[dkak001]

They have, I guess. Misty and I texted a lot very early this morning. She was getting off her shift, and I was up with Twin B, who is fussy as fuck. I've had maybe two hours sleep.

Anyway, Misty is going to be a bridesmaid, and she told me that our mutual ex is the second ex lover whose asked her to be a bridesmaid. Maybe it's not as weird as I thought.

The awesome thing about going to someone else's wedding is it's not about you. You can happily blend into the background, enjoy conversation, some food and a night out. Then you can sneak out and go home or to your hotel whenever you want to. I usually enjoy looking at all the girls dressed up nice, too...

I'd say go. It's someone you shared a connection with once. But things and people and situations change, so it doesn't have to be awkward unless you want it to be.

 

[13Fantasies]

Hubby made me scrambled eggs, turkey bacon, and a biscuit. I'm starting to believe him that he likes me a bit heavier... why the hell else would he make me so much fucking food? I mean, he said it was because he wanted to give me options, but... he didn't stop me when I ate it all. Of course, he was gone already when I finished... Maybe some of this is on me...

Oh, I need some sleep. Really really need some sleep. But the Kiddo is up, and Twin A is too... Is it too late to drop them off at a fire station??? Kidding...

Just enjoy the food and the extra ass grabbing.

 

[lil_jenni]

Just enjoy the food and the extra ass grabbing.

Right now, all I want to enjoy is sleep. I managed a twenty minute nap before my mom called. It was a quick conversation, because she could tell how tired I am. But now I can't fall back asleep, and I know I only have a narrow window.

 

[13Fantasies]

Right now, all I want to enjoy is sleep. I managed a twenty minute nap before my mom called. It was a quick conversation, because she could tell how tired I am. But now I can't fall back asleep, and I know I only have a narrow window.

Too bad you don't live nearby. I'd watch the heathens for you while you slept.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

Oh, I doubt that.

But to add to the weirdness, she asked Misty to be a bridesmaid. Do you all think that's weird, or is it just me? Maybe it's a generation thing. If so, does that mean I've reached the age where I look at what the 'kids do now days' and shake my head?

That’s interesting, my guess is there’s definitely something going on. I agree this doesn’t sound like a let’s do a redo, but she’s playing some kind of game. I would recommend a conversation to get a feel of it.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

Hubby made me scrambled eggs, turkey bacon, and a biscuit. I'm starting to believe him that he likes me a bit heavier... why the hell else would he make me so much fucking food? I mean, he said it was because he wanted to give me options, but... he didn't stop me when I ate it all. Of course, he was gone already when I finished... Maybe some of this is on me...

Oh, I need some sleep. Really really need some sleep. But the Kiddo is up, and Twin A is too... Is it too late to drop them off at a fire station??? Kidding...

Maybe he just wants to make sure you can take a heavier over the knee spanking.

 

[lil_jenni]

Hubby and the kiddo are out doing father/son stuff. The twinzees are both asleep. I'm sitting on the couch with a cat curled up in my lap. Not an exciting update, but that's my life these days. And fuck... I'm almost... almost ready to let myself be happy.

But even as I write this, I'm worried something's gonna happen to fuck it up. And given my history, that something is probably me. So what do I do? I come on here and think about posting something that will be shocking and attention seeking and validating in that bad way, the way that reinforces that I'm who I'm afraid I am, not who I want to be.

But, I'm not going to do it. I'll leave it with the boring update, and consider that a compromise.

 

[ShaneoD]

Hubby and the kiddo are out doing father/son stuff. The twinzees are both asleep. I'm sitting on the couch with a cat curled up in my lap. Not an exciting update, but that's my life these days. And fuck... I'm almost... almost ready to let myself be happy.

But even as I write this, I'm worried something's gonna happen to fuck it up. And given my history, that something is probably me. So what do I do? I come on here and think about posting something that will be shocking and attention seeking and validating in that bad way, the way that reinforces that I'm who I'm afraid I am, not who I want to be.

But, I'm not going to do it. I'll leave it with the boring update, and consider that a compromise.

It's not a boring update, it made me smile, I'm glad you found yourself where you are, it's a very wholesome update. You deserve happiness

 

[dkak001]

...So what do I do? I come on here and think about posting something that will be shocking and attention seeking and validating in that bad way, the way that reinforces that I'm who I'm afraid I am, not who I want to be...

Your friends don't need shocking or validating. Just sayin'.

Everyone seeks attention in one form or another. But that's not necessarily bad. A lot of times it's just seeking social connections. When we're sitting around bored, wanting to socialize is a good way to distract yourself.

So, anyway... It's still snowing here...

 

[13Fantasies]

Hubby and the kiddo are out doing father/son stuff. The twinzees are both asleep. I'm sitting on the couch with a cat curled up in my lap. Not an exciting update, but that's my life these days. And fuck... I'm almost... almost ready to let myself be happy.

But even as I write this, I'm worried something's gonna happen to fuck it up. And given my history, that something is probably me. So what do I do? I come on here and think about posting something that will be shocking and attention seeking and validating in that bad way, the way that reinforces that I'm who I'm afraid I am, not who I want to be.

But, I'm not going to do it. I'll leave it with the boring update, and consider that a compromise.

I want you to be happy.

 

[lil_jenni]

Thanks, guys. I'm trying to be content and let that turn into happiness. But, there's always a part of me that thinks it needs to get attention from being bad, and it's sometimes counterproductive to contentment.

 

[13Fantasies]

Thanks, guys. I'm trying to be content and let that turn into happiness. But, there's always a part of me that thinks it needs to get attention from being bad, and it's sometimes counterproductive to contentment.

We're here for you. We all want you happy and content.

But when you're bad, don't forget us either.

 

[bobb_sledd]

Hubby and the kiddo are out doing father/son stuff. The twinzees are both asleep. I'm sitting on the couch with a cat curled up in my lap. Not an exciting update, but that's my life these days. And fuck... I'm almost... almost ready to let myself be happy.

But even as I write this, I'm worried something's gonna happen to fuck it up. And given my history, that something is probably me. So what do I do? I come on here and think about posting something that will be shocking and attention seeking and validating in that bad way, the way that reinforces that I'm who I'm afraid I am, not who I want to be.

But, I'm not going to do it. I'll leave it with the boring update, and consider that a compromise.

Sometimes living life in the slow lane is needed -- rejuvenating even. Save your energy for when speed naturally picks up.

 

[lil_jenni]

You are all so nice. And it helped being able to express my worries. I was able to put them aside and let myself have a wonderful, pleasant, entirely contented day.

And a fun later evening, because Hubby certainly benefited from how happy I was. Of course, he benefits when I'm down or anxious or manic or whatever, because sex with him is my happy place, but I think he really enjoyed last night because I wasn't needing to be dominated or humiliated or treated rough or any of that shit I often think I need. It was just playful and fun and me giving a lot and letting him give a lot...

Good goddess... Am I finally growing up?

 

[bobb_sledd]

You are all so nice. And it helped being able to express my worries. I was able to put them aside and let myself have a wonderful, pleasant, entirely contented day.

And a fun later evening, because Hubby certainly benefited from how happy I was. Of course, he benefits when I'm down or anxious or manic or whatever, because sex with him is my happy place, but I think he really enjoyed last night because I wasn't needing to be dominated or humiliated or treated rough or any of that shit I often think I need. It was just playful and fun and me giving a lot and letting him give a lot...

Good goddess... Am I finally growing up?

Learning has occurred.

 

[13Fantasies]

You are all so nice. And it helped being able to express my worries. I was able to put them aside and let myself have a wonderful, pleasant, entirely contented day.

And a fun later evening, because Hubby certainly benefited from how happy I was. Of course, he benefits when I'm down or anxious or manic or whatever, because sex with him is my happy place, but I think he really enjoyed last night because I wasn't needing to be dominated or humiliated or treated rough or any of that shit I often think I need. It was just playful and fun and me giving a lot and letting him give a lot...

Good goddess... Am I finally growing up?

Let's hope not entirely.

 

[lil_jenni]

Let's hope not entirely.

No, not entirely.

But I (with a little help ) kept myself from spiraling into feeling like "bad" attention is all I deserved and then needing that bad attention.

It's like I've written before. I've come to realize that Lit is the virtual and verbal version of exhibitionism, at least for me. It's the same type of validation that reaffirms that my worth is in being a slut, or at least dressing like one and talking about being one. It's my way of avoiding my fears about life by self-sabotaging and bringing me down so I can't fall. Yes, it is counterproductive, but that's me.

But... It's like I'm suddenly realizing that this really is my life. I am a mother. I mean, I've been one for years, of course, but when it was just the Kiddo, I still kinda thought about it like I was just a slut who lucked into a great husband and a great son. But these two little bitches... Fuck... I mean, I'm a fucking mother to three kids. I didn't just luck into that. I worked hard and made this life for myself, and that's what I have to show them. It's my responsibility, because I am a fucking mother. It's paradigm altering shit, if you know what I mean.

So, some growth. But I'm still me, so... still crazy and cursing. I'm trying to cut back on the first. The cursing, however... Fuck... That's more difficult to stop.

 

[dkak001]

There is a point when you realize that your parents are just people. And just like other people, they may have had their own issues.

Then there is a point when you realize you are a parent, maybe even with your very own issues too. And this a magical place to be. It is when you get to decide what you want to show your children. About you, about the world, about themselves, everything really. You can choose to teach them anything you want, about you, about the world, about themselves. You can even choose to be the person you want them to see, even if you think you aren't.

For a long time they will see you as the person who makes them food and cares for them. If you are there and present and available when they need you, that is what you will be to them. Even if you have issues you wish you didn't, you can still be Mom and be a good parent. They won't know the difference. Someday maybe they will realize you are just a person. And like other people, they may realize you had your own issues. Until then you can be just "mom".

 

[Purple_Fronds]

No, not entirely.

But I (with a little help ) kept myself from spiraling into feeling like "bad" attention is all I deserved and then needing that bad attention.

It's like I've written before. I've come to realize that Lit is the virtual and verbal version of exhibitionism, at least for me. It's the same type of validation that reaffirms that my worth is in being a slut, or at least dressing like one and talking about being one. It's my way of avoiding my fears about life by self-sabotaging and bringing me down so I can't fall. Yes, it is counterproductive, but that's me.

But... It's like I'm suddenly realizing that this really is my life. I am a mother. I mean, I've been one for years, of course, but when it was just the Kiddo, I still kinda thought about it like I was just a slut who lucked into a great husband and a great son. But these two little bitches... Fuck... I mean, I'm a fucking mother to three kids. I didn't just luck into that. I worked hard and made this life for myself, and that's what I have to show them. It's my responsibility, because I am a fucking mother. It's paradigm altering shit, if you know what I mean.

So, some growth. But I'm still me, so... still crazy and cursing. I'm trying to cut back on the first. The cursing, however... Fuck... That's more difficult to stop.

Love everything about this post and trust me your fun, slutty side will continue to help you as take of all the other parts of your life like the rock star you are!