Possible No Fetishes

[live4thebj]

Do you believe it is possible a person has absolutely no fetishes? I will go into detail so expect a detailed hopefully not too long post.

I been with my fiance going on 14 years this September. In the beginning we had sex often and it was quite enjoyable.

She is not a sexual person but she did just enough to make it enjoyable for me and put effort into giving me head knowing how much I love blowjobs.

For several years now her sex drive just went away. She is going to be 49 this year in August. I was expecting when she turned 40 that she would become this sex maniac based on things I heard and read of this happening to woman and that did not happen.

She also has an issue that her pussy does not get wet and it is tight…and I mean it is really tight. Without lube I am not making entry. When I do make entry it literally feels like someone grabbing hold of my cock and squeezing it as hard as they can and I can barely pump in and out.

We talked to doctors and etc. and still getting nowhere.

Yesterday evening I caught her in a good mood and had a very nice open conversation about sex, her lack of drive, and so on.

One of the things I asked her is there anything that turns her on? And I mean anything. Whether that is watching guys ride bulls (that did it for my ex-wife). Some food she eats (again I know this had an affect on woman). She swears she does not have a fetish.

Then she said back in the day she would masturbate a lot. I then asked, okay so when you masturbate what do you picture in your mind. Turns out it is very vanilla; basically the same stuff I done to her many times over. Eat her pussy and fuck her. What she sees in her head is just that but the man has no face.

I even offered we try to find some porn that is like that and not the over the top shit. But she declined.

She even mentioned maybe it is time I get some on the side and i refuse to do that. I am not going to risk a 14 year relationship for some side pussy and/or mouth. Sorry but not worth it. I rather jerk off till I die then risk our relationship.

Anyone can relate to this?

 

[Shaglus_Ziegler]

Tough situation. Gotta be some way to open her up! Good luck.

 

[AlexBailey]

You might find something worthwhile in the podcast in this link. They talk a lot about the physiology and varied effects of menopause and ways to mitigate some of them.

This link is to the Spotify podcast “Science VS” episode about menopause. The host is a bit goofy but all of the science is backed up with available footnotes.

 

[live4thebj]

You might find something worthwhile in the podcast in this link. They talk a lot about the physiology and varied effects of menopause and ways to mitigate some of them.

This link is to the Spotify podcast “Science VS” episode about menopause. The host is a bit goofy but all of the science is backed up with available footnotes.

Thank you.

 

[Chernosoth]

I see fetishes as luxuries, especially the fetishes that require expensive gear, an elaborate way to flaunt wealth.

 

[live4thebj]

I see fetishes as luxuries, especially the fetishes that require expensive gear, an elaborate way to flaunt wealth.

Fetish can be many things. Guys find feet sexy. That is a fetish. I know someone that is aroused seeing a woman in fishnets. That is a fetish. It’s not always being bondage and stuff.

 

[AlexBailey]

Fetish can be many things. Guys find feet sexy. That is a fetish. I know someone that is aroused seeing a woman in fishnets. That is a fetish. It’s not always being bondage and stuff.

Jewelry, shoes, clothes, cars, boats, planes, pets, houses….

@Chernosoth, certainly you include those things as items that many people fetishize?

I’d also add piety and religious adherence for many people.

 

[Chernosoth]

I made an overgeneralization.
If fetishes have always been part of the human species, then fetishism is a survival trait. But being so focused on feet that sex is not possible without foot worship would be more likely to exclude the fetishist from the gene pool. Fetishes may have evolved as a limit on population growth, or as part of a more complex system of survival traits.
There may be fetishes starting with neurological connections, such as cross wiring of the sex and feet centers of the brain. More fetishes look like plain positive conditioning and marketing, such as TV ads seen in early teen years. Now there are fetish gear businesses eager to exploit that conditioning, and customers eager to find social comfort by buying fetish gear and joining fetish clubs.

 

[y=mx+b]

Yes.

I believe that for some sexual intercourse is all that is wanted and the pressure to be a certain way or act out in a certain way that does not feel normal creates a lot of stress and insecurity of not meeting expectations.

To throw myself out there--I'm not all that interested in getting blowjobs. And there are women out there that put a lot of work in their blowjob game. And I really don't care. It's not that I don't like them or that they don't feel good or that I find them a turn off in anyway. It's that for me getting my dick sucked is just... meh.

 

[AlexBailey]

Now there are fetish gear businesses eager to exploit that conditioning, and customers eager to find social comfort by buying fetish gear and joining fetish clubs.

Do you include the fetishistic interests of some sports fans in your judgement?

Is that guy who always wears the licensed merchandise of his favorite sports team a fetishist? How about the people who center their lives around baseball, football, or basketball? How about those talking head morons on ESPN who know everything about the team roster and statistics?

Most pro teams are owned by rich people who get richer everyday by charging big margins for everyday goods simply because they have the right logo.

Is it okay to feed that part of the economy but not one that caters to more personal pleasures?

 

[live4thebj]

Yes.

I believe that for some sexual intercourse is all that is wanted and the pressure to be a certain way or act out in a certain way that does not feel normal creates a lot of stress and insecurity of not meeting expectations.

To throw myself out there--I'm not all that interested in getting blowjobs. And there are women out there that put a lot of work in their blowjob game. And I really don't care. It's not that I don't like them or that they don't feel good or that I find them a turn off in anyway. It's that for me getting my dick sucked is just... meh.

Nothing personal but whenever I hear that I am confident to say then you haven’t gotten a really good blowjob.

 

[live4thebj]

Do you include the fetishistic interests of some sports fans in your judgement?

Is that guy who always wears the licensed merchandise of his favorite sports team a fetishist? How about the people who center their lives around baseball, football, or basketball? How about those talking head morons on ESPN who know everything about the team roster and statistics?

Most pro teams are owned by rich people who get richer everyday by charging big margins for everyday goods simply because they have the right logo.

Is it okay to feed that part of the economy but not one that caters to more personal pleasures?

Well this went in a totally different direction.

 

[Chernosoth]

Do you include the fetishistic interests of some sports fans in your judgement?

Is that guy who always wears the licensed merchandise of his favorite sports team a fetishist? How about the people who center their lives around baseball, football, or basketball? How about those talking head morons on ESPN who know everything about the team roster and statistics?

Most pro teams are owned by rich people who get richer everyday by charging big margins for everyday goods simply because they have the right logo.

Is it okay to feed that part of the economy but not one that caters to more personal pleasures?

Many people are sports fanatics for team loyalty and social comfort, the same principle that applies to political partisanship, church membership, hobby club membership, etc.
There is a definition of fetish as an object with magical or spiritual power. That could apply to televisions, computers, and smartphones. Entertainment centers, the furniture built for TVs, were set up as shrines. Now the phones get most of the power.

 

[y=mx+b]

Nothing personal but whenever I hear that I am confident to say then you haven’t gotten a really good blowjob.

You are also bias in that you live for blowjobs.

I've friends who are avid golfers. Live for the sport. And they are always like "maybe you just haven't gone to the right golf course" and I'm always like... "Nah. I've absolutely have no interest in the sport."

 

[LoveOlderLove]

I would say as a younger male it's not that I don't have kinks i just don't know what they are yet. Think it comes down to if your willing to explore and find out what you like. Don't think it's a kink but I'm really attracted to older woman would love for them to teach me and then find what I like and don't like

 

[LoneMilf]

Then she said back in the day she would masturbate a lot. I then asked, okay so when you masturbate what do you picture in your mind. Turns out it is very vanilla; basically the same stuff I done to her many times over. Eat her pussy and fuck her. What she sees in her head is just that but the man has no face.

I even offered we try to find some porn that is like that and not the over the top shit. But she declined.

I get the feeling you might be thinking about this the wrong way..

I'm a very sexual person, but I also don't think I have any fetishes - that is, things that always contribute to arousal. For some women (maybe many), it isn't about what you do, but the setting, the mood, the way it is done.

It might be worth it to think a little more about how you can create a good setting for sex rather than what actions it would include. How to make her feel confident, secure, loved? If those things are in place, sex is a lot more likely to happen

 

[StrongMaster7]

I would strongly suggest you see another doctor. If your wife's vagina is so tight as to not allow penetration at all, there could be a medical issue. Good luck.

 

[Belegon]

How to make her feel confident, secure, loved? If those things are in place, sex is a lot more likely to happen

THIS! Over the last 20 years or so, I have become a huge believer in the idea that there are things in some people, and more often in my experience, in some women... that get in the way of other things in their emotional or mental makeup getting through. this can be a single thing or a combination of many. but the more of those possible blockages you remove the better. listen and observe. then work on what you find. If you discover she is constantly worried about the dishes in the sink, make sure that you remove this as a distraction. DON'T walk by a dirty dish in the sink, even if you have zero connection to how it got dirty or who put it there. Clean it, put it away. Continue this process. Find the things that affect her mood, or even simply distract her. Eliminate them as possible blockages... it sounds simple, but in my experience it works! it very possibly doesn't work for everyone, but it's worth the investment IMHO. How many sinks of dirty dishes would you be willing to wash in direct trade for an awesome sexual experience??? For me, thats a lot of fucking dishes! But if I view it this way, it's much easier to motivate myself to do those little chores.

 

[live4thebj]

I get the feeling you might be thinking about this the wrong way..

I'm a very sexual person, but I also don't think I have any fetishes - that is, things that always contribute to arousal. For some women (maybe many), it isn't about what you do, but the setting, the mood, the way it is done.

It might be worth it to think a little more about how you can create a good setting for sex rather than what actions it would include. How to make her feel confident, secure, loved? If those things are in place, sex is a lot more likely to happen

I am open to suggestions. She is a tough egg to crack and we been together for 14 years. But I am still trying. Note she is not the flowers and candles romance type.

 

[live4thebj]

THIS! Over the last 20 years or so, I have become a huge believer in the idea that there are things in some people, and more often in my experience, in some women... that get in the way of other things in their emotional or mental makeup getting through. this can be a single thing or a combination of many. but the more of those possible blockages you remove the better. listen and observe. then work on what you find. If you discover she is constantly worried about the dishes in the sink, make sure that you remove this as a distraction. DON'T walk by a dirty dish in the sink, even if you have zero connection to how it got dirty or who put it there. Clean it, put it away. Continue this process. Find the things that affect her mood, or even simply distract her. Eliminate them as possible blockages... it sounds simple, but in my experience it works! it very possibly doesn't work for everyone, but it's worth the investment IMHO. How many sinks of dirty dishes would you be willing to wash in direct trade for an awesome sexual experience??? For me, thats a lot of fucking dishes! But if I view it this way, it's much easier to motivate myself to do those little chores.

Actually I do the dishes 98% of the time. I see it like this. For the most part I sick at cooking so she doesn’t all the time. If not I pay for take out. But when the meal is over I do the dishes. It’s only fair. Anyone that thinks otherwise is a maleshoviness or however it is spelled.

 

[live4thebj]

I would strongly suggest you see another doctor. If your wife's vagina is so tight as to not allow penetration at all, there could be a medical issue. Good luck.

Agreed. She is going to ask the doctor again.

 

[live4thebj]

I would say as a younger male it's not that I don't have kinks i just don't know what they are yet. Think it comes down to if you’re willing to explore and find out what you like. Don't think it's a kink but I'm really attracted to older woman would love for them to teach me and then find what I like and don't like

Older woman are the best. After my divorce and before her I dated or fucked 95% moms. Other 5% were young woman with daddy issues. But they too were fun.

 

[LoveOlderLove]

Older woman are the best. After my divorce and before her I dated or fucked 95% moms. Other 5% were young woman with daddy issues. But they too were fun.

Hope to have an experience or multiple with older woman soon!

 

[live4thebj]

Hope to have an experience or multiple with older woman soon!

Online dating is the way to go. Just lower your standards. I did and also hooked up with hot ones too.

 

[LoveOlderLove]

Online dating is the way to go. Just lower your standards. I did and also hooked up with hot ones too.

I'll definitely look into it. Only use a few and not often. But hopefully they are good ones