Women of Lit: A Safe Place To Share

[stickygirl]

Happy (UK) Mothers Day. It's a spring-like day so we'll go for a walk, cook a meal together and have hugs

 

[Strixaluco]

Happy (UK) Mothers Day. It's a spring-like day so we'll go for a walk, cook a meal together and have hugs

You have it now already?

I know these days vary from country to country, but somehow I was unaware you have it in March.

 

[EvaLane]

Still kind of processing a friendship blowing up yesterday, someone I’ve known in real life for over a decade.

It started with a miscommunication over text. He crossed a boundary we’d already talked about (again), and I called him on it. He got defensive and pulled the whole “I guess I’ll just myself then” thing and then told me to fuck off.

I told him he couldn’t talk to people like that, but that I’d be around. Left it there. A week went by before he messaged me saying he was still upset about the way I spoke to him, but he was ready to forget it and move on.

Normally, I’d let it go. I already know what’s right and what’s not. But something about how he said it rubbed me the wrong way. He’s nearly 35. I’m almost 30. This isn’t how adults should be handling conflict - especially not friends.

I told him it wasn’t okay to speak to me like that and I couldn’t just sweep it under the rug without real acknowledgment. He spiraled again. I didn’t engage. I told him I wouldn’t be gaslit or worn down, and wished him well.

He blocked me.

It’s just so surreal. This kind of emotional manipulation is way too familiar. Men like this feel entitled to your time, your body, your energy, and if you set a boundary, suddenly you’re cruel. A bitch.

I think about younger women going through this for the first time, the guilt they feel. That gut-deep urge to save someone who wouldn’t even look back if you were on fire.

The friendship’s done. I still hope he finds some healing because whatever broke inside him didn’t start with me, or any other woman that he blames for his pain.

 

[Strixaluco]

Still kind of processing a friendship blowing up yesterday, someone I’ve known in real life for over a decade.

Sounds like nasty business.

 

[genzsub]

Happy (UK) Mothers Day. It's a spring-like day so we'll go for a walk, cook a meal together and have hugs

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms, even if you're not in the UK! There should be more than one Mother's Day anyway!

 

[KatieDoes]

[content removed by moderator]

Credit where credit is due, @Bellinah 's post: Women on here? helped give me a push.

Since so many of us ladies on here have had absolutely horrid experiences with men on this site, alone, I thought we should be able to comfortably share these things with one another. Call it online group therapy.

To that end, responses from men are not welcome in this thread; no, you're not as witty as your testosterone tells you.

Please feel free to tell us how you've been shocked, hurt, angered, or otherwise disrespected without worrying about if said jackass is reading your post. Fuck 'em. This is for us to get the weight off our minds and find relief/fellowship through our shared experiences.

There are thousands upon thousands of thread on this site where men are centered. This one is not for you.

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

Aaaargh! Got a dick pic in my PMs today.

Guys, read a gal's profile before doing this shit. Don't send one unless she asks, and don't make it your first message to her. And for goodness sake, learn how to take an attractive dick pic. If you're not shaved, trim it up a bit so it doesn't look like a baby bird in a nest! Fuck! Dude, I wouldn't let you fuck my neighbor's dog with that dick!

Men reading this don't need to reply. This thread is not for you. Keep your head down, your dick in your pants, and go find another thread.

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

Something my therapist once said: "You're not healing to be able to handle trauma, pain, anxiety, depression. You're used to those. You're healing to be able to handle joy and to accept happiness back into your life."

 

[Strixaluco]

Something my therapist once said: "You're not healing to be able to handle trauma, pain, anxiety, depression. You're used to those. You're healing to be able to handle joy and to accept happiness back into your life."

That's a good way of putting it, and reminds me of this. Anyone feeling like being chronically depressed - or perhaps even being depressed often, could benefit of watching this. It doesn't tell just what dysthymia is and how it's formed, but also what should be done to cure it.

For the record - I would probably not fill the diagnostic criteria right now, as I've been happy since meeting my partner, but still I recognised I've had and probably still have some of those issues and need to work with it. I suspect that being autistic makes me vulnerable for the mechanism of dysthymia. I also think that growing up as a woman does, culturally, constitute a risk for it.

 

[Little__one__]

I hope no one minds if I jump in here too

The amount of dick pics that are sent on here through DMs or in real life (had an incident last week with a client emailing me one) never ceases to amaze me. Or sliding into a DM and expecting me to call them "Daddy" or "Sir" straight away. It's a huuugggeee nope for me

 

[stickygirl]

I hope no one minds if I jump in here too

The amount of dick pics that are sent on here through DMs or in real life (had an incident last week with a client emailing me one) never ceases to amaze me. Or sliding into a DM and expecting me to call them "Daddy" or "Sir" straight away. It's a huuugggeee nope for me

Sorry to hear and a bit surprising given that you're not a newb at Lit. Looking at your postings I can see you have an interest in sub/dom. I have little knowledge of the rules in that world and I suspect the men posting dicks have even less: they see a woman who wants to Sub and assumes they enjoy abuse too .
Think of it this way - for every dick pic there's a wanker attached.

 

[stickygirl]

Since I'm here, I had an interesting discussion with an older friend of mine. She's 50 and has two almost grown up sons she's brought up mostly by herself, she is a successful management consultant and quite well paid.
I mentioned how unfair the bias against women is and how angry it makes me. I saw a reference recently about the Matilda Effect that highlights the way discoveries and achievements by women are often stolen by men. My friend sighed and said 'Yes, that's true. But that's how the world is and if you want to get on, then you have to work around men. Let men take the credit for a change you suggest, if it means the change is beneficial to everyone.'
I wanted to disagree with her, but all I could do is repeat 'But it's so unfair.' I think I need to realigned my life aims from wanting to reinvent the system to making the best of the way it is.

 

[Strixaluco]

Or sliding into a DM and expecting me to call them "Daddy" or "Sir" straight away. It's a huuugggeee nope for me

Sigh.... Wannabe doms. There are plenty of those, not too many of actually decent doms. Many of the wannabes know close to nothing about what being an actually good dom consists of. Like the responsibility.

Yes, it's an enormous red flag.

Oh and welcome.

 

[Strixaluco]

if you want to get on, then you have to work around men.

To a degree, for now.

In Finland, actually even in my city, there's a now retired politician who absolutely did NOT do that. Not as an engineer, not as a politician, not as a writer. And she's done plenty. I admire her.

The world doesn't change on its own to the direction we want, it is changed on purpose. Male allies are hugely important to make changes, but even they don't see most of the issues unless we make them see.

 

[cheekygirl75]

I think I need to realigned my life aims from wanting to reinvent the system to making the best of the way it is.

I think that's valid... we shouldn't have to fight all the time to change things, though I'm grateful for those that do. But sometimes you just need to make some parts of your life easier, especially when other parts are out of your control and complicated. So I'm glad for those who are continuing to fight for change and I'll join when I can, but we need to take care of ourselves too.

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

Sorry to hear and a bit surprising given that you're not a newb at Lit. Looking at your postings I can see you have an interest in sub/dom. I have little knowledge of the rules in that world and I suspect the men posting dicks have even less: they see a woman who wants to Sub and assumes they enjoy abuse too .
Think of it this way - for every dick pic there's a wanker attached.

It’s likely that their only exposure to D/s is porn, and most of it is wholly unrelated to real life dynamics.
———
Wankers attached

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

But that's how the world is and if you want to get on, then you have to work around men.

Today it’s not just about men and women, it’s about powerful and powerless. I watched an IG reel from a kink-positive researcher this morning. This woman has a PhD for god's sake, and a huge online presence! Apparently, COSMOPOLITAN took a recent YT video she posted and stole the content for an article.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I would like add one thing in general comment. Respect. People should respect one another. Someone's space is their own, be kind,

This is the most ironic post. I think it’s well-intended, but seriously. Read the room. Read the OP. Follow your own advice.

 

[Little__one__]

Sorry to hear and a bit surprising given that you're not a newb at Lit. Looking at your postings I can see you have an interest in sub/dom. I have little knowledge of the rules in that world and I suspect the men posting dicks have even less: they see a woman who wants to Sub and assumes they enjoy abuse too .
Think of it this way - for every dick pic there's a wanker attached.

Wanker attached

Sigh.... Wannabe doms. There are plenty of those, not too many of actually decent doms. Many of the wannabes know close to nothing about what being an actually good dom consists of. Like the responsibility.

Yes, it's an enormous red flag.

Oh and welcome.

So many wannabe doms and yes massive red flags

 

[Little__one__]

I saw this on FB and straight away thought of this post. Imagine some of the messages we could read out

 

[Strixaluco]

I saw this on FB and straight away thought of this post. Imagine some of the messages we could read out

What I'd like to see is what the mothers tell their sons after it...

 

[Little__one__]

Ooohhh yes! I would also like to see that

 

[velona]

That's a good way of putting it, and reminds me of this. Anyone feeling like being chronically depressed - or perhaps even being depressed often, could benefit of watching this. It doesn't tell just what dysthymia is and how it's formed, but also what should be done to cure it.

For the record - I would probably not fill the diagnostic criteria right now, as I've been happy since meeting my partner, but still I recognised I've had and probably still have some of those issues and need to work with it. I suspect that being autistic makes me vulnerable for the mechanism of dysthymia. I also think that growing up as a woman does, culturally, constitute a risk for it.

I don’t comment a lot but I want to thank you for posting this, I saw it on a different thread last week, watched it twice and cannot express how much I have been thinking about it.

 

[lil_jenni]

Something my therapist once said: "You're not healing to be able to handle trauma, pain, anxiety, depression. You're used to those. You're healing to be able to handle joy and to accept happiness back into your life."

Fuck yeah! That's a big struggle for me, allowing myself to feel happy without then sabotaging myself.

 

[Strixaluco]

Fuck yeah! That's a big struggle for me, allowing myself to feel happy without then sabotaging myself.

The video is ALL about that.