Widows and widowers 2

[Helpme01]

It’s been awhile since checking in. I thought I would share a discussion I had with WIDS in my real life.

A common theme was that the house they built or renovated together meant so much to them, they could feel their partners presence. Consequently, they did not want to leave it very often. This was in contrast to my feeling as initially I wanted to sell and move. I did not for financial reasons.

In your case did you want to stay in your house or want to move after your partners passing? How about now?

I did sell the house and move! Between spouse and then my mom it was just to much staying there

 

[someplace]

I wouldn't mind moving but am in a situation where my mortgage for my house is so low that to even rent a tiny apartment in something that wasn't sketchy would be at least twice what I pay now. I'm okay with staying as is for now and traveling instead. Eventually (I figure another 10 years or so) I'll move in with one of my daughters. When my husband died, they argued over who would get to have me live with them. Kind of nice to be fought over but I wasn't ready to be thrust into boisterous households full of kids and animals. I already did that. Plan B is to sell my house and spend a couple months a year living with each of my 4 children and spend the rest of the time traveling. I don't know. As far as being attached to the house because of my deceased spouse, the memories are in my head and heart and all the photos and videos I have. The structure doesn't matter and he would want me to keep on living.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I wouldn't mind moving but am in a situation where my mortgage for my house is so low that to even rent a tiny apartment in something that wasn't sketchy would be at least twice what I pay now. I'm okay with staying as is for now and traveling instead. Eventually (I figure another 10 years or so) I'll move in with one of my daughters. When my husband died, they argued over who would get to have me live with them. Kind of nice to be fought over but I wasn't ready to be thrust into boisterous households full of kids and animals. I already did that. Plan B is to sell my house and spend a couple months a year living with each of my 4 children and spend the rest of the time traveling. I don't know. As far as being attached to the house because of my deceased spouse, the memories are in my head and heart and all the photos and videos I have. The structure doesn't matter and he would want me to keep on living.

I’m in a similar situation. The mortgage is lower than any place I could rent. So I will not move right away. And it’s the pictures and videos that are more important to me. Your plan to travel and stay short times with the children is i nice idea. I have to give that some thought.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Just checking in to see how everyone is coping. I’m going on 3 years in July. So, the triggers are approaching. In anticipation I am doing more frequent grief counseling and activities to keep me busy. And then there is life in general keeping me occupied.

I am preparing for the time I move. It feels good to clean out stuff!

Take care.

 

[Strixaluco]

I'm struggling to count years already. I can also forget the date when it's time.

But there was something lately that got me crying for his sake, and that's extremely rare. Something that reminded of hid good side.

 

[Noor]

Just checking in to see how everyone is coping. I’m going on 3 years in July. So, the triggers are approaching. In anticipation I am doing more frequent grief counseling and activities to keep me busy. And then there is life in general keeping me occupied.

I am preparing for the time I move. It feels good to clean out stuff!

Take care.

11 yrs here and July is always rough, so many people in my life have died between July 3-11, I’ve cone to dread that date.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

11 yrs here and July is always rough, so many people in my life have died between July 3-11, I’ve cone to dread that date.

I’m sorry.

 

[Noor]

I’m sorry.

Thank you. Sorry we share that, it does easier to deal with time.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I'm struggling to count years already. I can also forget the date when it's time.

But there was something lately that got me crying for his sake, and that's extremely rare. Something that reminded of hid good side.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Thank you. Sorry we share that, it does easier to deal with time.

 

[thør]

11 yrs here and July is always rough, so many people in my life have died between July 3-11, I’ve cone to dread that date.

While it might seem a bit morbid, I think that you should celebrate that time, for the memory of people lost. We should celebrate the people who have made our lives full.

 

[Noor]

While it might seem a bit morbid, I think that you should celebrate that time, for the memory of people lost. We should celebrate the people who have made our lives full.

I am happy for the time I got to spend with them.

 

[UtilityCurve]

11 yrs here and July is always rough, so many people in my life have died between July 3-11, I’ve cone to dread that date.

NOV will be 12 for me, Noor. This one's gonna be scary because I will be alone for the first time in 40 years: My (our) daughter is going off to college in AUG.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

NOV will be 12 for me, Noor. This one's gonna be scary because I will be alone for the first time in 40 years: My (our) daughter is going off to college in AUG.

Sending hugs. We get it and are here to support each other.

 

[Erosfan]

It's been a little over four years since my wife passed. We talked about RVing for the last of her time here. She ultimately said this was her dream home, and she didn't want to leave it. We stayed, and she passed quietly, in that house. I stayed for a year, and sold it and moved on. It was a good decision on my part.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story.

 

[Strixaluco]

It's been a little over four years since my wife passed. We talked about RVing for the last of her time here. She ultimately said this was her dream home, and she didn't want to leave it. We stayed, and she passed quietly, in that house. I stayed for a year, and sold it and moved on. It was a good decision on my part.

I'm sorry for you loss.

And happy that you can be content with your decision.

 

[Erosfan]

I'm sorry for you loss.

And happy that you can be content with your decision.

Thank you.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

Today is "International Widows Day"...
(June 23rd)
I lost my husband July 6th,2021...

I know he would of wanted me happy, and to find someone special...

Exactly 1 year ago, Lonestar79 asked me a question on a thread, and here we are, today... Amazing!!!
I believe in fate, in the stars aligning..
(Agnostic)

I'm sure he was meant to enter my life on this day, for me

/

 

[Strixaluco]

I had the first private date with my current partner 364 days after my late husband died.

The next day I drove back to the countryside and played the part of a grieving widow, pretending I still care... It was a bizarre feeling.

For my late husband it was a cruel idea that he couldn't be my last, but he knew the realities - I was just 42. Now... Knowing I wasn't his only one even while it lasted, it feels kinda right that he didn't get to be my last one.

 

[MaturemanAJ]

To all of you that have responded on this thread it fills my soul that there are people like you on literotica.
I am not in your situation but have friends that are and it helps to get perspective on what they are dealing with.
My spouse and I talk about it and both of us a convinced we wouldn't remarry.
We both would probably end up in just friends status or maybe fwb status.
We are in our mid and late 60's so sex isn't the main topic of our relationship anymore but we are both still sexual and able just not like we were in our younger years.
Myself I would probably try and find a senior community that was nudity comfortable. My spouse would be the opposite as she has never had the comfort level I do.
We are getting to the point that we each have our own friends that we spend time with. Mine are all younger and I am starting to feel like an outsider due to the 10 and 20 year age gaps I hang out with.
If anyone has experience with communities like I mentioned I would love to chat.
Again great topic and beautiful people on this thread.

 

[Strixaluco]

To all of you that have responded on this thread it fills my soul that there are people like you on literotica.
I am not in your situation but have friends that are and it helps to get perspective on what they are dealing with.
My spouse and I talk about it and both of us a convinced we wouldn't remarry.
We both would probably end up in just friends status or maybe fwb status.
We are in our mid and late 60's so sex isn't the main topic of our relationship anymore but we are both still sexual and able just not like we were in our younger years.
Myself I would probably try and find a senior community that was nudity comfortable. My spouse would be the opposite as she has never had the comfort level I do.
We are getting to the point that we each have our own friends that we spend time with. Mine are all younger and I am starting to feel like an outsider due to the 10 and 20 year age gaps I hang out with.
If anyone has experience with communities like I mentioned I would love to chat.
Again great topic and beautiful people on this thread.

I think there are better threads for finding that kind of community.

 

[oldguymem]

Well this is the thread for me, my wife died the end of May. About 2 years ago it was a stroke or seizure. We thought it was maybe Parkinson's because she was slowly losing the ability to walk without a walker to help with balance. We moved last year to an apartment complex for retired people. She slowly got worse until she had a cough that would not go away The ER found fluid in her lungs and then found her lung would not reinflate. They went in with a camera and found a tumor on the outside of a lung. Already stage 4 and so weak no possibility to treat. The suspicion was from her liver. 50 years and damn I miss her

 

[Strixaluco]

Well this is the thread for me, my wife died the end of May. About 2 years ago it was a stroke or seizure. We thought it was maybe Parkinson's because she was slowly losing the ability to walk without a walker to help with balance. We moved last year to an apartment complex for retired people. She slowly got worse until she had a cough that would not go away The ER found fluid in her lungs and then found her lung would not reinflate. They went in with a camera and found a tumor on the outside of a lung. Already stage 4 and so weak no possibility to treat. The suspicion was from her liver. 50 years and damn I miss her

I'm so sorry for your loss

The one thing that helped me the most (learned from another widow) was to arrange so that I always had something to wait for. What that something is, depends on you. For me it could be a lengthy phone call with a friend from afar, both going on a walk as we spoke. Or a meeting with fellow widows. Or going out dancing. Usually something social in my case, but it could also be just a relaxing bath, a hobby, a trip or whatever - anything that you'll look forward to, big or small. And at least early on I needed something weekly, whereas years later it could be many weeks ahead - even that depends on you.

It won't make the grief go away, but it helps you to go on and get through the tough times. As feelings cannot be pushed away, the only way to is allow them to come and go. Trying to avoid them only makes them linger for longer.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Well this is the thread for me, my wife died the end of May. About 2 years ago it was a stroke or seizure. We thought it was maybe Parkinson's because she was slowly losing the ability to walk without a walker to help with balance. We moved last year to an apartment complex for retired people. She slowly got worse until she had a cough that would not go away The ER found fluid in her lungs and then found her lung would not reinflate. They went in with a camera and found a tumor on the outside of a lung. Already stage 4 and so weak no possibility to treat. The suspicion was from her liver. 50 years and damn I miss her

I’m sorry for your loss. I started this thread after my wife died (3years this month) from a rare cancer. I found some books on grief that helped me get through the first 2 years. I also joined a local group of widows and widowers which would get together and do things such as dinner out on the weekends. The one book that helped me was “The sixth stage of grief”. I found a mission or purpose which was to help other widows and widowers stay active and mainly to listen to them.

I also learned a valuable lesson in grief:
Pace- each of us grieves at our own pace and don’t let anyone say you need to move on.
Space- sometimes we just need time away from others. Once I had a meeting planned and in the morning I realized I couldn’t handle it. So I canceled it.
Grace- always give yourself grace as we all grieve differently. And give others grace as our society doesn’t know what to say or do for those ġrieving.

We are here to support you.