Fake 1st Person

[VerbalAbuse]

A lot of the first-person present narrations are quite fake -- full of self-awareness that real people don’t have in the moment. The problem is that readers are now expecting a sort of performative first-person, where the narrator conveniently registers every meaningful reaction, insight, and bit of body language. Real people do no such things.

Most stories of first-person present go for a self-indulgent, hyper-aware style. The “I say with a devilish grin” thing is a symptom of that -- an attempt to make the character’s emotions clear rather than trusting the reader to infer them.

And that's hardly the only issue. Readers don't know NOT to trust the first-person present narrator. By default, the assumption should be the narrator is unreliable, if not plain dishonest and delusional. But because of how contemporary first-person present narrations are written, most readers stake their lives on the narrator's saying.

Trying to do a true first-person present -- where the MC isn’t constantly narrating their own expressions or analyzing their own emotions -- becomes a challenge. It’s going to feel different to many/most readers. It's going to appear detached, lacking emotion and depth.

 

[Erozetta]

I'm just speaking for myself here, but trauma can cause you to literally analyze *everything* in the moment. Whether it's accurate or not is up for debate, but it can be a survival response to need to be aware of the most minute of details in ourselves and the people around us at all times. The wrong expression in any given moment can be dangerous. Misreading the expression of another can be dangerous. Not analyzing in the moment, can be life threatening. For some of us, we don't know any other way to be and can't turn it off and that is our constant inner monologue.

 

[Britva415]

It’s just another manifestation of poor writing. First-person doesn’t cause this, but many writers probably choose first-person because it seems easier - without realizing that the “ease” of writing well has very little to do with what voice they choose.

In short - writing isn’t easy.

Unless you’re a natural. But these aren’t the people we’re talking about, here.

 

[NotWise]

Solve the problem by not writing in 1st person present tense.

 

[VerbalAbuse]

Solve the problem by not writing in 1st person present tense.

The other side of the street is always sunnier.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But then, do tell how to write so that the reader will invariably infer that I said it with a devilish grin and not a satanic smirk?

 

[VerbalAbuse]

But then, do tell how to write so that the reader will invariably infer that I said it with a devilish grin and not a satanic smirk?

angelic smile...

 

[ElectricBlue]

Most stories of first-person present go for a self-indulgent, hyper-aware style. The “I say with a devilish grin” thing is a symptom of that -- an attempt to make the character’s emotions clear rather than trusting the reader to infer them.

First person present tense is manageable in small doses, but when it's sustained for a whole story it gets to be too exhausting to read. Give me some time, already, slow down! And you're right, the MC ends up as some kind of hyperactive superman.

Trying to do a true first-person present -- where the MC isn’t constantly narrating their own expressions or analyzing their own emotions -- becomes a challenge. It’s going to feel different to many/most readers. It's going to appear detached, lacking emotion and depth.

As you say, it's hard to do, even harder to do well.

 

[mirafrida]

I'm always greatly entertained by commenters who assume the first-person narrator character's voice is my voice. Some readers do have a very hard time separating the two...

 

[Britva415]

the “ease” of writing well has very little to do with what voice they choose

Tense is another matter, on the other hand.

Writing narration in present tense is much harder to get right, and much harder to have a good reason to do it. Where by “good reason” I mean a reason which serves the story. A reason which answers the question “for this story, why couldn’t it just have been conventional narration in past tense?”

 

[Britva415]

Solve the problem by not writing in 1st person present tense.

Oh, they weren’t talking about their own problem.

Not their own writing problem, anyway. They were just talking about stuff other people write.

 

[mirafrida]

Trying to do a true first-person present -- where the MC isn’t constantly narrating their own expressions or analyzing their own emotions -- becomes a challenge. It’s going to feel different to many/most readers. It's going to appear detached, lacking emotion and depth.

I think it's a fine line. The point you make is well taken. But by the same token, as life flows over us, although it is true we don't narrate our emotions, or how we strive to present ourselves to the world, we still do feel them, and present them, and have awareness of them. A well-executed first-person will therefore probably need to straddle the gap - not adhering strictly to "what the narrator would say to themselves in their head" (in order to portray that the narrator is not, in fact, entirely oblivious to their own emotional state or stance toward the world) while also not digressing too far into constant, fine-grained, overly-aware self-analysis.

More broadly, though, I think you are right that a well-executed first person is going to actually put itself in the position of the narrator, with their own views, blind-spots, lapses, etc. A narrator character should indeed not have an omniscient perspective that they should not actually have, nor always be right. And yes, many readers do struggle with these things.

 

[Trionyx]

I'm always greatly entertained by commenters who assume the first-person narrator character's voice is my voice. Some readers do have a very hard time separating the two...

A few days after I published Her Take on Oral Sex - 750 Words, I received a private email assuming I am a woman and would be willing to give him a BJ. What part of ‘fiction’ don’t people understand?

 

[ronde]

A lot of the first-person present narrations are quite fake -- full of self-awareness that real people don’t have in the moment. The problem is that readers are now expecting a sort of performative first-person, where the narrator conveniently registers every meaningful reaction, insight, and bit of body language. Real people do no such things.

Most stories of first-person present go for a self-indulgent, hyper-aware style. The “I say with a devilish grin” thing is a symptom of that -- an attempt to make the character’s emotions clear rather than trusting the reader to infer them.

And that's hardly the only issue. Readers don't know NOT to trust the first-person present narrator. By default, the assumption should be the narrator is unreliable, if not plain dishonest and delusional. But because of how contemporary first-person present narrations are written, most readers stake their lives on the narrator's saying.

Trying to do a true first-person present -- where the MC isn’t constantly narrating their own expressions or analyzing their own emotions -- becomes a challenge. It’s going to feel different to many/most readers. It's going to appear detached, lacking emotion and depth.

I've never written a first person present tense story because I've never felt the story need that POV. I do write a lot in first person past tense because that's what I think most readers enjoy reading. It's like sitting down with someone over a beer and telling that person what happened at one point in their life.

My opinion is that the first person narrator in any tense should reveal their expressions and emotions. I don't know how any writer would give a character enough depth for a reader to believe them with out at least some insight into the character through the words the character uses and the thoughts that character expresses. Yes, a character can be unreliable, dishonest, and delusional, but if written well, those qualities will come out as the difference between what the character says and what the character does. It's just a matter of creating those differences as the story unfolds. I agree it's not always easy, but it is very possible.

 

[VerbalAbuse]

A few days after I published Her Take on Oral Sex - 750 Words, I received a private email assuming I am a woman and would be willing to give him a BJ. What part of ‘fiction’ don’t people understand?

wait, can you do that for me, too? please?

 

[mirafrida]

I've never written a first person present tense story because I've never felt the story need that POV. I do write a lot in first person past tense because that's what I think most readers enjoy reading. It's like sitting down with someone over a beer and telling that person what happened at one point in their life.

I was quite hesitant to do first-person present-tense for a long time. I guess 2024 was my year for it, though, because I did three pretty long pieces. For two of them, I did have specific reasons for choosing it - the third was gratuitous, I suppose.

Anyway, I (at least) thought they turned out well, so I guess it's part of the repertoire now.

 

[Bramblethorn]

A few days after I published Her Take on Oral Sex - 750 Words, I received a private email assuming I am a woman and would be willing to give him a BJ. What part of ‘fiction’ don’t people understand?

The part where they're not getting a blowjob, usually.

 

[StillStunned]

I'm just speaking for myself here, but trauma can cause you to literally analyze *everything* in the moment. Whether it's accurate or not is up for debate, but it can be a survival response to need to be aware of the most minute of details in ourselves and the people around us at all times. The wrong expression in any given moment can be dangerous. Misreading the expression of another can be dangerous. Not analyzing in the moment, can be life threatening. For some of us, we don't know any other way to be and can't turn it off and that is our constant inner monologue.

Also, a lot of Lit stories are about intense moments of very close interaction. It's not strange for the characters to be hyper-aware of how they might appear, or what other people might be feeling.

That said, the narrator should only hope or think that their expression conveys (or doesn't convey) what they're feeling. "A devilish grin" only works if the narrator is manipulative and has practised the expression and knows how people interpret it. Otherwise it's probably best to describe it as "I put on what I hoped what my most charming smile. Judging by the look she gave me, it wasn't very convincing." Or something like that.

 

[summer_reine]

A lot of the first-person present narrations are quite fake -- full of self-awareness that real people don’t have in the moment. The problem is that readers are now expecting a sort of performative first-person, where the narrator conveniently registers every meaningful reaction, insight, and bit of body language. Real people do no such things.

Most stories of first-person present go for a self-indulgent, hyper-aware style. The “I say with a devilish grin” thing is a symptom of that -- an attempt to make the character’s emotions clear rather than trusting the reader to infer them.

And that's hardly the only issue. Readers don't know NOT to trust the first-person present narrator. By default, the assumption should be the narrator is unreliable, if not plain dishonest and delusional. But because of how contemporary first-person present narrations are written, most readers stake their lives on the narrator's saying.

Trying to do a true first-person present -- where the MC isn’t constantly narrating their own expressions or analyzing their own emotions -- becomes a challenge. It’s going to feel different to many/most readers. It's going to appear detached, lacking emotion and depth.

Interesting take, I write in first person. I feel that I'm also fairly self aware. When I think about my interactions in a day it isn't so much in a self analyzing way anymore, it's more in a deciphering how my actions were interpreted and that is how I write. It would be an interesting exercise to write a story from a completely self unaware person's view. That offers a challenging method of conveying emotion while expecting the reader to interpret the story in the way I intend. Very challenging as each person experiences the world through their own perception and responds very differently to stimuli. Thank you for the inspiration.

 

[lovecraft68]

Simple answer to this.

Just write what you feel is the 'proper' first person, and don't judge what other people are doing. You are no more-or less-qualified here to tell other authors the right way to do something, you can just do what you think is right for you.

 

[StillStunned]

Simple answer to this.

Just write what you feel is the 'proper' first person, and don't judge what other people are doing. You are no more-or less-qualified here to tell other authors the right way to do something, you can just do what you think is right for you.

Alternatively, seeing as this is "A place for writers and readers to socialize and discuss the craft of writing", we can express our opinions and get feedback, perhaps find out whether we're alone in our likes and dislikes, learn ways to overcome shortcomings in our writing skills, discuss trends in style, and hopefully all become better or wiser in the process.

 

[lovecraft68]

Alternatively, seeing as this is "A place for writers and readers to socialize and discuss the craft of writing", we can express our opinions and get feedback, perhaps find out whether we're alone in our likes and dislikes, learn ways to overcome shortcomings in our writing skills, discuss trends in style, and hopefully all become better or wiser in the process.

'Most first person is fake" isn't talking about shortcomings in one's writing, its saying the majority of people are doing it wrong.

That's not discussion, its judgment with the feeling "They don't know how to do this, but I do."

See the difference? Probably not.

 

[StillStunned]

'Most first person is fake" isn't talking about shortcomings in one's writing, its saying the majority of people are doing it wrong.

That's not discussion, its judgment with the feeling "They don't know how to do this, but I do."

See the difference? Probably not.

It could have been phrased in a less confrontational manner, but at least it grabbed people's attention. The rest of the discussion has been mostly constructive.

If you want to ban every discussion that expresses a judgmental opinion, or every poster who thinks they know better than everyone else, it would be very quiet here.

Also, the OP ends with:

Trying to do a true first-person present -- where the MC isn’t constantly narrating their own expressions or analyzing their own emotions -- becomes a challenge. It’s going to feel different to many/most readers. It's going to appear detached, lacking emotion and depth.

That indicates that they concede there's a reason for "fake" first person, and therefore that the alternative is not automatically better.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

I'm jumping back and forth between two stories now.

One is first-person past, one is in a tight third-person on the protagonist. In the first-person one, my narrator is talking to a specific person. I don't reveal who the person is within the story, but I know, and what he says is (if I'm doing it right) both what he knows, and what he would tell his audience.

In the third-person story, for reasons, I have a framing device in which my protagonist tells parts of the story to another character, on stage. In effect, she's doing first-person narration within a third-person situation. I'm doing it mostly to make those parts of the story less dramatic and intense, to provide some distance. Again, if I did it correctly, she describes only what she could plausibly know and remember, and says only what she would say to her interlocutor.

OTOH, my colleague Billie in "Still Picture" has a narrator with a very distinctive voice describing what happened. That might be my favorite of her stories, including the ones Literotica never sees.

-Annie

 

[pink_silk_glove]

I'm always greatly entertained by commenters who assume the first-person narrator character's voice is my voice. Some readers do have a very hard time separating the two...

I've had a couple of comments that indicate that they believe that my first person narrative is actually me. I've also had a couple of guys in chat compliment me on a story and then be disappointed when they learn that my first person narrative was actually a fictional character.