🫧Chloe's Curiosities Captivated🫦

[UnquietDreams]

Oh gosh that's so frightening!
She discarded the sane and safe part, dammit

Now I can freeze when in a situation where I should actually safeword (outside of being bound). And my introspection does tricks on me at times (not always realising I am getting numb before it's relatively bad). But lying upon a checkup? Never ever. That's stupid and reckless.

Exactly. And it fucked me up as well. Took a while before I could trust anyone in that situation.

 

[Strixaluco]

Exactly. And it fucked me up as well. Took a while before I could trust anyone in that situation.

 

[Strixaluco]

Some subs (rope bunnies, whatever) forget that trust and limits aren't one way. They need to go both ways.

 

[Chloe_Harper]

Dance pt 2
View attachment 2501017
I posted once about the correlation between dance and dynamics. Tonight, I saw this piece, and it made me pause. The photo reignited that thought process as it spoke to me.

There are a number of things that I see here. Let's start with the beauty of the human body. I think it's so hard for us to remember all the things our bodies are capable of. I remember most when I dance, or watch others dance. The amount of time it takes to learn the moves, the flexibility, the technique, the strength, the balance, etc, going through the pain, the trauma, the patience, the turmoil, the joy, etc as you learn all those things, makes those dances that much more beautiful for you. You can see that hard work in these two humans. Those years of labor it took to get to this moment. I love to just sit here and let my eyes trace the curves, the lines of the muscles, the movement of the pose, and be in awe of what our bodies are capable of.

The other thing I see here is partnership. Some might see one carrying the other, an uneven relationship. No. I mean, yes, he is carrying and lifting and holding her, but she in turn is using her muscles to keep herself from being deadweight. He is preparing for whatever the next move is, something gracefully complex. She, in turn, is prepared to trust that he will move her without dropping her whilst also preparing to do her part. There's no one person doing all of the work. It's a partnership through and through.

That's why I see this as beautiful and inspiring. Now, I'm going to put in a similar picture below, but I want to hear your thoughts on this one! View attachment 2501074
So share! Share what you see and maybe how it correlates to dynamics or relationships

 

[Chloe_Harper]

View attachment 2501903
Shel Silverstein, a wise man indeed.

 

[BrendaBear]

Dance pt 2
View attachment 2501017
I posted once about the correlation between dance and dynamics. Tonight, I saw this piece, and it made me pause. The photo reignited that thought process as it spoke to me.

There are a number of things that I see here. Let's start with the beauty of the human body. I think it's so hard for us to remember all the things our bodies are capable of. I remember most when I dance, or watch others dance. The amount of time it takes to learn the moves, the flexibility, the technique, the strength, the balance, etc, going through the pain, the trauma, the patience, the turmoil, the joy, etc as you learn all those things, makes those dances that much more beautiful for you. You can see that hard work in these two humans. Those years of labor it took to get to this moment. I love to just sit here and let my eyes trace the curves, the lines of the muscles, the movement of the pose, and be in awe of what our bodies are capable of.

The other thing I see here is partnership. Some might see one carrying the other, an uneven relationship. No. I mean, yes, he is carrying and lifting and holding her, but she in turn is using her muscles to keep herself from being deadweight. He is preparing for whatever the next move is, something gracefully complex. She, in turn, is prepared to trust that he will move her without dropping her whilst also preparing to do her part. There's no one person doing all of the work. It's a partnership through and through.

That's why I see this as beautiful and inspiring. Now, I'm going to put in a similar picture below, but I want to hear your thoughts on this one! View attachment 2501074
So share! Share what you see and maybe how it correlates to dynamics or relationships

I'm sorry Chloe... too much thinkie's for me on this one.

 

[Chloe_Harper]

I'm sorry Chloe... too much thinkie's for me on this one.

That's okay, girly. Not every pic speaks to everyone. Not everyone sees things the same I do. I just wanted to put it there in case it did speak to anyone. I have more pics for this exercise that I have a feeling will be more up your alley

 

[Chloe_Harper]

View attachment 2502182

Oh my gosh. YES! No other words necessary

 

[Chloe_Harper]

Both the pictures are gorgeous. All the things you stated about beauty, balance, strength, flexibility are so true, especially in ballet. It's a great balance of strength and grace.

Thank you I find it to be a great testament to what we can do in a relationship/dynamic as well. Pushing ourselves past our comfort zones to find new levels of bliss we didn't know possible is such an intensely wonderful feeling! But, it takes work and patience to get there

 

[TXRafe]

Dance pt 2
View attachment 2501017
I posted once about the correlation between dance and dynamics. Tonight, I saw this piece, and it made me pause. The photo reignited that thought process as it spoke to me.

There are a number of things that I see here. Let's start with the beauty of the human body. I think it's so hard for us to remember all the things our bodies are capable of. I remember most when I dance, or watch others dance. The amount of time it takes to learn the moves, the flexibility, the technique, the strength, the balance, etc, going through the pain, the trauma, the patience, the turmoil, the joy, etc as you learn all those things, makes those dances that much more beautiful for you. You can see that hard work in these two humans. Those years of labor it took to get to this moment. I love to just sit here and let my eyes trace the curves, the lines of the muscles, the movement of the pose, and be in awe of what our bodies are capable of.

The other thing I see here is partnership. Some might see one carrying the other, an uneven relationship. No. I mean, yes, he is carrying and lifting and holding her, but she in turn is using her muscles to keep herself from being deadweight. He is preparing for whatever the next move is, something gracefully complex. She, in turn, is prepared to trust that he will move her without dropping her whilst also preparing to do her part. There's no one person doing all of the work. It's a partnership through and through.

That's why I see this as beautiful and inspiring. Now, I'm going to put in a similar picture below, but I want to hear your thoughts on this one! View attachment 2501074
So share! Share what you see and maybe how it correlates to dynamics or relationships

i know very little about dance other than that it takes an enormous amount of strength, flexibility, coordination, and dedication. ive always appreciated that dance is a form of expression and at times is truly beautiful. i am not a dancer. i am a bull in a china shop. my experience with artistic dance is very limited, but i definitely grew up seeing a handful of the dance movies from the 90s, 00s. in that vein i enjoy the lack of rules in modern dance where the dancer can be truly free to express themselves. this example may seem silly, but jenna dewan is one of the best dancers i know, and this episode of lip sync battle was hilarious to me. channing tatum is a fucking moron.
Jenna Dewan - Lip Sync Battle

 

[Chloe_Harper]

i know very little about dance other than that it takes an enormous amount of strength, flexibility, coordination, and dedication. ive always appreciated that dance is a form of expression and at times is truly beautiful. i am not a dancer. i am a bull in a china shop. my experience with artistic dance is very limited, but i definitely grew up seeing a handful of the dance movies from the 90s, 00s. in that vein i enjoy the lack of rules in modern dance where the dancer can be truly free to express themselves. this example may seem silly, but jenna dewan is one of the best dancers i know, and this episode of lip sync battle was hilarious to me. channing tatum is a fucking moron.
Jenna Dewan - Lip Sync Battle

That example is actually awesome! I love her so much, and Channing Tatum is a moron. There's so much to be said about being able to express yourself in movement, serious or silly. The same can be said in relationships, and goes back to when we were talking about giggling in the middle of a scene. Not everything has to be serious to be amazing. Thank you for sharing your views from someone who isn't a dancer I love that you can still see what is so amazingly special about this art.

 

[Chloe_Harper]

View attachment 2502247

It's difficult to let people in. It's difficult to give those parts of yourself when they've been crushed beneath the feet of previous lovers. It's difficult to let someone past the walls you've so carefully built up after every trauma.

But, when you find the person that begs you to let them in, the one that you feel safe with, letting them love you is such a beautiful thing. Sure, it could still end in heartache... but what if it doesn't?

What if you let that person in, see those vulnerable parts of you, and they care for them with the tenderness you need? What if you let them love you the way you've been craving for so long?

It's the most terrifying thing, but oh so rewarding when you let it happen. So, when you find that someone who has proven themselves over and over, and they beg you let them to have those parts of them...

What will you do?

 

[cascadiabound]

View attachment 2499141

Since there's been so much discussion about subbies, and lots of great questions, I thought I would throw this in here. It's not all-encompassing, and you may find more than one speaks to who you are.

I promised I would post on this topic, and remembered I'd said stuff that pertains in the past... so, the writing below comes from a post I wrote back in 2015. For the most part it still reflects who I am. I'll add a few caveats next.

*******************************
I have never fit neatly into a single category of anything, anywhere in my entire life.

That is certainly the case for any continuum of where I might fit in the kink world as well.
The categories of these things are rather arbitrary to my mind, and are only useful to the degree it helps you to communicate with your partner what it is that YOU want with Him/Her. I find that different elements of my sub-ishness seem to be at the fore at different times. It depends on how I am feeling and who I am interacting with. These are subtleties of relationships not just how you might define yourself.

I am definitely submissive in my relationship with my Dom. He is still evolving in how he wants to be a Dom - which means I am evolving in how I am his sub.
The degree to which the D/s aspect of our relationship permeates all aspects of our lives is currently fluid. Sometimes it feels like an almost 24/7 thing... other times it is more of an aspect of our intimacy with D/s casting a shadow over other parts of our lives - sometimes this shadow is more perceivable than other times.
I like the idea of pet play and I love to be petted and cuddled - but the formal aspects of pet play are not a part of our D/s. Does this mean I am not a pet? Does this mean I am a pet, but the part of me that is a pet is unfulfilled? Does it matter? I say this is an aspect that is evolving.
I like pain mixed with pleasure. But I hesitate to characterize myself as a pain slut. But the fact that when he spanks me I get unaccountable aroused ... well... it seems my body gives me away every time. And He says I am impossible to punish because I like everything he might do to me too much. So - the only punishment He will give me is the absence of Him. I would take 100's of lashings over this. And so - perhaps I am a pain slut.
And I find I am a bit of a "Little"
In fact - I wish my Dom were more comfortable being a Daddy Dom.
But - there are lots of aspects of classic "little" behaviors that I cannot abide and is no part of me. I have no interest in age play. I want to be comforted and held, but I do not want to be infantilized. I want to be His beautiful girl - but never on a pedestal. I have little interest in the girly girl things that seem to be typical of the "little" model. Does this mean I am not a "little"? No - it means that I am my own kind of "little" and I am working this out in real life.

No categories. Everything is a continuum. Don't worry about checking boxes.
Just be who you are - allow it to be a wonderful discovery of your sexuality and what makes things tick between you and your sexual partner. What works with your current PYL will likely not work with your next PYL.

Enjoy the ride. Just be YOU.

 

[cascadiabound]

I wrote the post below way back in 2015. For the most part it still reflects who I am. I'll add a few caveats next.

*******************************
I have never fit neatly into a single category of anything, anywhere in my entire life.

That is certainly the case for any continuum of where I might fit in the kink world as well.
The categories of these things are rather arbitrary to my mind, and are only useful to the degree it helps you to communicate with your partner what it is that YOU want with Him/Her. I find that different elements of my sub-ishness seem to be at the fore at different times. It depends on how I am feeling and who I am interacting with. These are subtleties of relationships not just how you might define yourself.

I am definitely submissive in my relationship with my Dom. He is still evolving in how he wants to be a Dom - which means I am evolving in how I am his sub.

This has continued to evolve over the years - for both of us.

The degree to which the D/s aspect of our relationship permeates all aspects of our lives is currently fluid. Sometimes it feels like an almost 24/7 thing... other times it is more of an aspect of our intimacy with D/s casting a shadow over other parts of our lives - sometimes this shadow is more perceivable than other times.
I like the idea of pet play and I love to be petted and cuddled - but the formal aspects of pet play are not a part of our D/s. Does this mean I am not a pet? Does this mean I am a pet, but the part of me that is a pet is unfulfilled? Does it matter? I say this is an aspect that is evolving.

There has been a bunch of conversation here about pet play. Like most things, there are aspects of pet play that appeal to me (like a lot), and other parts that are rich fantasy fodder but not things I want to actually try or do.

I like pain mixed with pleasure. But I hesitate to characterize myself as a pain slut. But the fact that when he spanks me I get unaccountable aroused ... well... it seems my body gives me away every time. And He says I am impossible to punish because I like everything he might do to me too much. So - the only punishment He will give me is the absence of Him. I would take 100's of lashings over this. And so - perhaps I am a pain slut.

Since that time, I now have a hard limit about this. It's never okay for me to be denied him as a punishment for anything.
And I would now say that I am definitely a pain slut.

And I find I am a bit of a "Little"
In fact - I wish my Dom were more comfortable being a Daddy Dom.

My D has become very comfortable with the Dlg dynamic within the parameters that we have defined for ourselves.

But - there are lots of aspects of classic "little" behaviors that I cannot abide and is no part of me. I have no interest in age play. I want to be comforted and held, but I do not want to be infantilized. I want to be His beautiful girl - but never on a pedestal. I have little interest in the girly girl things that seem to be typical of the "little" model. Does this mean I am not a "little"? No - it means that I am my own kind of "little" and I am working this out in real life.

No categories. Everything is a continuum. Don't worry about checking boxes.
Just be who you are - allow it to be a wonderful discovery of your sexuality and what makes things tick between you and your sexual partner. What works with your current PYL will likely not work with your next PYL.

Enjoy the ride. Just be YOU.

Life is such an evolution. I love that I am not the same as I was and that my brain needs different things to learn and explore all the time.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

*big grin* You go, @cascadiabound - I'm glad to see that you're treating your relationship as a journey more than a static 'thing'. That you seem to have become more comfortable within your own skin and preferences is beautiful. That you've got someone in your life you work that well with and cares that much about you - awesome!

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

This has continued to evolve over the years - for both of us.

There has been a bunch of conversation here about pet play. Like most things, there are aspects of pet play that appeal to me (like a lot), and other parts that are rich fantasy fodder but not things I want to actually try or do.

Since that time, I now have a hard limit about this. It's never okay for me to be denied him as a punishment for anything.
And I would now say that I am definitely a pain slut.

My D has become very comfortable with the Dlg dynamic within the parameters that we have defined for ourselves.

Life is such an evolution. I love that I am not the same as I was and that my brain needs different things to learn and explore all the time.

I won't quote both of your posts, but your personal descriptions are exactly the point, everyone, at any time, has a unique relationship that they are navigating. Our tastes change, our preferences evolve, and the other member of the relationship is going through much the same situation.

My little treasure and I were talking today how neither one of us have a particular kink or fetish, yet we both want to experiment with this particular topic out of curiosity and because neither of us could imagine venturing into these waters with anyone else.

Labels are good to frame the discussion, but they stop being useful the moment the relationship evolves. And relationships should, in my opinion, always be evolving - otherwise they stagnate and die.

Thank you for such an articulate expose!

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

It's difficult to let people in. It's difficult to give those parts of yourself when they've been crushed beneath the feet of previous lovers. It's difficult to let someone past the walls you've so carefully built up after every trauma.

But, when you find the person that begs you to let them in, the one that you feel safe with, letting them love you is such a beautiful thing. Sure, it could still end in heartache... but what if it doesn't?

What if you let that person in, see those vulnerable parts of you, and they care for them with the tenderness you need? What if you let them love you the way you've been craving for so long?

It's the most terrifying thing, but oh so rewarding when you let it happen. So, when you find that someone who has proven themselves over and over, and they beg you let them to have those parts of them...

What will you do?

I cannot overstate the profound impact my little treasure has made in my life. Without exaggeration, I was existing and going through the motions of life until such a time as I would fade into obscurity. We all have our traumas, and mine have been exceedingly close and personal from a very young age. I thought I was cursed, or worse - doomed.

Then I did something I almost never do - I sent a private message to a woman. It wasn't sexual or flirty, it was to say that I saw her and the things she had said. I commiserated with her about the dismissal we were both feeling from something that had happened in a thread, and we just started talking.

Then something even wilder happened, and not to get all Pentecostal/holy roller, but it's like I was being nudged to share how I felt about her. So I did, at exactly the right time (which I actually had no idea of). And it's been incredible ever since.

Already, I couldn't imagine my life without her presence. Each day, the first person either of us communicates with is the other. The last person we converse with, is the other. Hundreds of texts back and forth each day. As many phone calls as we can squeeze in each day. Even over the distance, we try to be a part of each other's life.

My little treasure has become my best friend. She sees me for exactly who I am, with NO shame, NO guilt, NO reservations. I've literally never been this free with anyone, ever, in my life.

Was it scary? Yes. Was it nerve wracking? Yes! Was it worth it? YES!

I genuinely hope there is never a reason to ever have to act on this, so I will ask and answer a slightly different question; what did I do? Acted in boldness.

And it is one of the best things I've EVER done.

 

[Chloe_Harper]

Since that time, I now have a hard limit about this. It's never okay for me to be denied him as a punishment for anything.

This is something that has become a hard limit for me. I knew I didn't like it, but only recently realized the trauma associated with that feeling. I agree, makes it difficult to find the right "punishment" to suit us because I like so many, but I think that's just a part of the learning.

This has continued to evolve over the years - for both of us.

I love that for y'all as individuals and as a unit. I think it's so important to grow as we go, and communicate when certain things change for us. So beautiful. And thank you for sharing everything you did

Labels are good to frame the discussion, but they stop being useful the moment the relationship evolves. And relationships should, in my opinion, always be evolving - otherwise they stagnate and die.

Yes! As I've said, they are great in helping you start your journey, but you never need to stick to a single (or any) path. They just help us figure out where we want to take those first steps.

 

[Strixaluco]

View attachment 2502247

It's difficult to let people in. It's difficult to give those parts of yourself when they've been crushed beneath the feet of previous lovers. It's difficult to let someone past the walls you've so carefully built up after every trauma.

But, when you find the person that begs you to let them in, the one that you feel safe with, letting them love you is such a beautiful thing. Sure, it could still end in heartache... but what if it doesn't?

What if you let that person in, see those vulnerable parts of you, and they care for them with the tenderness you need? What if you let them love you the way you've been craving for so long?

It's the most terrifying thing, but oh so rewarding when you let it happen. So, when you find that someone who has proven themselves over and over, and they beg you let them to have those parts of them...

What will you do?

We will ultimately lose everything in our lives. Every. Single. Thing. Even life itself. It is only a matter of time.

So, the cost of loving is losing that love.

But what is the cost of not daring to love? I find it much worse. It is like avoiding mistakes by not doing anything. Not living.

 

[Strixaluco]

Oh Cas, you write so wonderfully again.

I like the idea of pet play and I love to be petted and cuddled - but the formal aspects of pet play are not a part of our D/s. Does this mean I am not a pet? Does this mean I am a pet, but the part of me that is a pet is unfulfilled? Does it matter? I say this is an aspect that is evolving.

This could have been written about me, too. I think I decided I might just call myself having a little pet flavour.

Oh and I am also physical in some senses that a cat might. You know., kisses and kicks in unexpected places, at unexpected times. Well, some might expect neck to be on the list, but I manage to take him by surprise every time

And I find I am a bit of a "Little"
In fact - I wish my Dom were more comfortable being a Daddy Dom.
But - there are lots of aspects of classic "little" behaviors that I cannot abide and is no part of me. I have no interest in age play. I want to be comforted and held, but I do not want to be infantilized. I want to be His beautiful girl - but never on a pedestal. I have little interest in the girly girl things that seem to be typical of the "little" model. Does this mean I am not a "little"? No - it means that I am my own kind of "little" and I am working this out in real life.

My D has become very comfortable with the Dlg dynamic within the parameters that we have defined for ourselves.

These too fit me rather well.

For us, it started by me already knowing I don't do age play despite being little - and it was critical for him. Otherwise he wouldn't have asked me out at all, he's not comfortable with the stereotypical aspects of littleness. What I do as a little is still evolving. And I still wish he was more comfortable with certain aspects. Like controlling some aspects of my daily life, even if he isn't there to see me. (Bedtimes!)

Since that time, I now have a hard limit about this. It's never okay for me to be denied him as a punishment for anything.

I might have learned this lesson from your posts (and others too, probably). It was easy to understand why not. To search inside and see that indeed, it is simply not ok.

But there's another aspect too. My D wouldn't even set me on the corner, because it would rob me away from him. Why would he punish himself in such a way?

(I'm much easier to punish though, as I'm the opposite of pain slut - I struggle with even discomfort. IF punishment is needed at all. It seldom is.)

 

[morelikeasong]

View attachment 2502247

It's difficult to let people in. It's difficult to give those parts of yourself when they've been crushed beneath the feet of previous lovers. It's difficult to let someone past the walls you've so carefully built up after every trauma.

But, when you find the person that begs you to let them in, the one that you feel safe with, letting them love you is such a beautiful thing. Sure, it could still end in heartache... but what if it doesn't?

What if you let that person in, see those vulnerable parts of you, and they care for them with the tenderness you need? What if you let them love you the way you've been craving for so long?

It's the most terrifying thing, but oh so rewarding when you let it happen. So, when you find that someone who has proven themselves over and over, and they beg you let them to have those parts of them...

What will you do?

I’ve been thinking about this post a lot.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever let anyone fully in. Not family, not friends, not lovers.

I’m not completely closed off. In some ways, I’m very open. Very trusting. And I’ve let some people in to see vulnerable sides of me, but never all of them. There’s not one person that I’ve ever let see all of me. Of course there are things that don’t make sense to open to some people, like I wouldn’t discuss my kink life with my family. But even the things that are appropriate for the type of relationship… I’ve always held some back. I’ve never felt like I could fully trust or depend on someone.

I wonder how common that is. I know I’m not alone in this but I’m curious if anyone here feels like they have genuinely felt the type of safety that they fully open themselves to someone. It seems unattainable to me. Like a really beautiful fantasy.

And, to some degree, I’m really working on it. I’m challenging myself to new levels of vulnerability with my body. I’m purposely making myself uncomfortable to share my feelings when I’d rather hide them away forever.
But still I feel like, to some degree, I’ll always feel like no one knows me. And it’s my own fault.
I don’t know. Maybe I’ll get there or maybe no one gets there and it’s truly just this beautiful fantasy.



… I don’t mean for this to sound depressing. I just read it back and it feels like a page I could have pulled from my preteen diary. Just feeling introspective I suppose.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

We will ultimately lose everything in our lives. Every. Single. Thing. Even life itself. It is only a matter of time.

So, the cost of loving is losing that love.

But what is the cost of not daring to love? I find it much worse. It is like avoiding mistakes by not doing anything. Not living.

Eventually? Aye, entropy wins, can't break even, can't change the game. However, the things you do have repercussions beyond their immediate time. Hug someone and they feel better later. Teach someone and they can do more later. Stop something bad and the negative results are changed, mitigated, maybe improved. Etc.

Just cuz you can't win in the long haul doesn't mean you can't make a difference.

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

I’ve been thinking about this post a lot.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever let anyone fully in. Not family, not friends, not lovers.

I’m not completely closed off. In some ways, I’m very open. Very trusting. And I’ve let some people in to see vulnerable sides of me, but never all of them. There’s not one person that I’ve ever let see all of me. Of course there are things that don’t make sense to open to some people, like I wouldn’t discuss my kink life with my family. But even the things that are appropriate for the type of relationship… I’ve always held some back. I’ve never felt like I could fully trust or depend on someone.

I wonder how common that is. I know I’m not alone in this but I’m curious if anyone here feels like they have genuinely felt the type of safety that they fully open themselves to someone. It seems unattainable to me. Like a really beautiful fantasy.

And, to some degree, I’m really working on it. I’m challenging myself to new levels of vulnerability with my body. I’m purposely making myself uncomfortable to share my feelings when I’d rather hide them away forever.
But still I feel like, to some degree, I’ll always feel like no one knows me. And it’s my own fault.
I don’t know. Maybe I’ll get there or maybe no one gets there and it’s truly just this beautiful fantasy.



… I don’t mean for this to sound depressing. I just read it back and it feels like a page I could have pulled from my preteen diary. Just feeling introspective I suppose.

First of all, you're still my favorite redhead!

But I understand 100% where you are coming from. I spent four decades hiding some part of myself from everyone, though in different ways. I didn't think anyone could accept me completely as I am. Lots of people could get most of me, but not all of me.

Then, as almost divine providence, my little treasure virtually fell into my life. For the first time in my life, I have found someone I am completely and totally my authentic self with. Have I bared every little thing to her? Not yet, but in good time, I'm sure I will. And that's the thing - I'm not afraid to.

I think each and every one of us harbor a little bit of fear and anxiety over allowing our true colors be seen. Once you open up that fully, you make yourself incredibly vulnerable, there is nothing left to hide behind or defend yourself with.

I don't think you should bare your darkest recesses to just anyone for the sake of doing so, because not everyone can handle that - depending on what you hold back.

But, if you find someone you think you can trust completely and they've never given you a reason to not trust them, I encourage you to step out to new levels of openness. It's not just physical intimacy, it's emotional, spiritual, and dare I say - a bit magical.

 

[MrMakersMark]

View attachment 2502247

It's difficult to let people in. It's difficult to give those parts of yourself when they've been crushed beneath the feet of previous lovers. It's difficult to let someone past the walls you've so carefully built up after every trauma.

But, when you find the person that begs you to let them in, the one that you feel safe with, letting them love you is such a beautiful thing. Sure, it could still end in heartache... but what if it doesn't?

What if you let that person in, see those vulnerable parts of you, and they care for them with the tenderness you need? What if you let them love you the way you've been craving for so long?

It's the most terrifying thing, but oh so rewarding when you let it happen. So, when you find that someone who has proven themselves over and over, and they beg you let them to have those parts of them...

What will you do?

Loved reading this.
A lot of it really resonated.
I won't get wordy, but the only part I'd comment on is the last bit.

No amount, or quality of time spent, will suppress the urge to push back and away if someone begs or demands to be "let in".
That happens organically, or it simply doesn't.
If you push a thing, it moves away from you.
If you force a thing, it comes apart.

 

[Chloe_Harper]

I’ve been thinking about this post a lot.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever let anyone fully in. Not family, not friends, not lovers.

Yes. I am close with certain family members, there are friends that know a lot about me, lovers that knew what my friends and family couldn't. But, there wasn't a single one of them I let fully in. Oh, let's not even mention therapy they got the pieces I chose to share, which wasn't much.

I’m not completely closed off. In some ways, I’m very open. Very trusting. And I’ve let some people in to see vulnerable sides of me, but never all of them. There’s not one person that I’ve ever let see all of me. Of course there are things that don’t make sense to open to some people, like I wouldn’t discuss my kink life with my family. But even the things that are appropriate for the type of relationship… I’ve always held some back. I’ve never felt like I could fully trust or depend on someone.

I wonder how common that is. I know I’m not alone in this but I’m curious if anyone here feels like they have genuinely felt the type of safety that they fully open themselves to someone. It seems unattainable to me. Like a really beautiful fantasy.

I've actually only become more open to being vulnerable recently. I've always been open. If someone asked me a question directly about something, I would answer. I simply never offered that information freely. There's a safety in keeping things locked up, in choosing who gets what parts of you.

And, to some degree, I’m really working on it. I’m challenging myself to new levels of vulnerability with my body. I’m purposely making myself uncomfortable to share my feelings when I’d rather hide them away forever.
But still I feel like, to some degree, I’ll always feel like no one knows me. And it’s my own fault.
I don’t know. Maybe I’ll get there or maybe no one gets there and it’s truly just this beautiful fantasy.

I love that you're actively working on it. Challenging yourself to be uncomfortable. That's so huge!
I can't speak to what you've gone through, what you're holding back, or who you're choosing to try giving these pieces to. What I can say is, if you found someone you trust, you feel utterly safe with, then keep on pushing yourself. You may surprise you both.

… I don’t mean for this to sound depressing. I just read it back and it feels like a page I could have pulled from my preteen diary. Just feeling introspective I suppose.

Um, I feel like half my posts in this thread sound like they are from my preteen diary you're good girl. And you didn't sound depressing at all.


But to answer the question of if anyone has found someone they feel safe to fully open up to... yes. It's fucking terrifying. I hate it you know, I used to cry only like 4 times a year maximum. I've cried more than that this year, and it wasn't all sad cries! I have always had this firm grip over my emotions. As soon as I felt tears coming on, I would shut it down until a more convenient time. Of course, then it would just build and build over time. I hate burdening people with my feelings or emotions. I hate asking for help. Having little/pet tendencies/qualities is the closest I get to showing someone I need them. And those people that have gotten that side of me are few and far between.

So, what the hell happened? Someone came into my life, not with having any intentions other than being silly and having a friendship. And, somehow, I began to trust him. Every promise he's made has had action to back it. He holds himself accountable. He offers me aid, reminds me he can give it, but still encourages me if I choose to handle something on my own. He never makes a promise he can't keep, and he will explain why it can't be promised right now. He sees me and hears me. He notices the shift in my energy when those bad feelings swoop in. He reminds me he is there, offering me the option to talk to him if I choose to. He only makes me say whatever it is if it was something he did. He asks me to give it all to him.

I've never had someone who wanted all of me. They have said the words, sure. But actions spoke louder when those emotional times rose up. Or, I didn't believe them because of those previous partners. Either way, it's new. A new feeling. But, it's not fantasy.

I know there are pieces of me I haven't yet given. But, I know if we come across those pieces, I'll let him pick them up, ask me about them, and I'll tell him... or it will come hurling out of me like word vomit before we get to that nicer moment... Regardless, it's possible.

Can this still end in heartbreak? Absolutely. I'm not naive. And I fear it every damned day. Do I think I've found someone I'm finally willing to risk that with? Yes. My only hesitancies come from me still clinging to holding things back. It's a me thing.