🫧Chloe's Curiosities Captivated🫦

[Sammysub07]

Okay so here I am playing catch up. Hopefully no one comes at me for this lengthy one! haha Love you @Chloe_Harper

In my dynamic, we do zero age play. However, I am her Daddy Dom in that she needs someone to be her stalwart and source of strength. She wants to feel protected and adored, similar to how a father cares for his daughter, but with absolutely none of that role crossover. My little wants to feel safe to be cuddled, secure in my arms, and as part of her submissiveness, she has a sense of smallness - not in a demeaning way, but physically and dynamically.

So where she uses the honorific "Daddy," she is not my daughter, she is my little to protect and care for.

Daddy! I couldn't have said this any better do describe this aspect of who we are to one another.

For the purpose of explaining for anyone who is interested, I'll write on why I choose to be this version of little. I absolutely have no need to for age regression. But a similar behavioral aspect in age regression is wanting to feel smaller, cared for, protected, and cuddled. When a younger little has a bad day or has a hard time expressing themselves, what are they usually looking for? Their caregiver to snuggle them, wrap them in their embrace, let them toss the might of their world to the side, and tell them everything will be okay. To let them feel all of their emotions in that moment before their caregiver encourages them to learn, grow, rise above, and be the very best version of themselves. This is what I need as in my little space.

I've gone for so long 11+ years of being there for everyone and very rarely have anyone there to care for my emotions, to ask how I'm doing, and ask what I need to get through my bad days. When I feel this need its usually when I'm mentally in a headspace where I'm overwhelmed, I've just done everything for everyone and I have nothing left to give myself, or I'm very deep in feeling my emotions. I'm usually a very headstrong person and can handle a lot, but sometimes, I just can't. So I found myself craving the role in one of its smallest facets, of a little. Thats when I need my caregiver, my Daddy. I need to curl up in his lap. I need to be snuggled tightly for a lengthy amount of time and just be allowed to be in my emotions.

Thank you, MTK for being this for me!

That's kind of the the problem with labeling things. There is such a variety of kink. And here are spaces (luckily not this one) where that would spawn endless arguments over this meaning or that term, and "you aren't using that word correctly" (or how I use it), some playful and some very, very serious. Hell, things as broad as "BDSM" vs "kink" have generated pages and pages of flame wars. Everything has its "geek rage," I suppose.

You know, I think of this often. The labeling and the flame wars under the all encompassing umbrella of Kink/BDSM. I think and wonder if it would help the community to see labels, names, and types of kinks/bondage as more of a general sexual schema. Our brains are constantly creating little roadmaps; or schemas, to shorten the thought process when interpreting information to navigate the information around them. I think if people in the community looked at their needs, wants, and desires with general schemas and then allowed these to grow, flourish, and mature in their experiences, relationships, and/or dynamics; we'd maybe see less arbitrary arguments and maybe more people entering the community because maybe they don't see a label the fit under.

Caregiver/little is the broadest term possible

I couldn't agree more. It can also be applied just as broad to someone's preferences.

I would shut down any behavior that was being purely argumentative. I like dialogue, not anyone talking at anyone.

And this is why your space is so lovely and dialogue is so wonderful! xoxo

I want to have a partner and friend outside of the bedroom. But even then, part of the dynamic is there because I will always protect my sub. I will push her to be the best version of herself. I will do everything I can to provide her what she needs. But in the day to day - she is my partner and equal (not insinuating she isn't equal in the dynamic, but I think what I mean is clear).

I don't think it's entirely possible when a dynamic fulfills the role of relationship as well for the dynamic not to carry over into the relationship outside of play time. Every part of who a person is is woven into every fiber of them. There's no absolute way to turn off parts of your self in play or out of play. So naturally all parts of a person crossover.

The only way for this to be possible, IMO is to have a dynamic that is purely just scene based play, but nothing beyond that.

As a rope bunny, I could totally think of ways to make that kinky. No pony play required.

haha Of course you would. It's not uncommon to find this when the wearer is wearing a bit gag harness, and the restraints are attached to each side of the bit gag. I could see you enjoying a bit gag!

For me, for us, part of that dynamic is always there, if only right beneath the surface, but it in no way the foundation of the relationship in the "normal" parts of life; in this, we are a balance of equality with our own strengths and weaknesses.

I like feeling that dynamic right below the surface. It's a little grounding for me. I feel it most wearing my day collar necklace. A bit of our dynamic just below the surface.

So, since that is my perception of what life in love is for me, I love seeing you all share about how it is for you.

I love seeing you here in Chloe's space absorbing everything that you see from everyone. Wondering what may or may not apply to you when you find that right person for you. Your brain is creating little road maps; schemas about what you may or may not like.

Yes! I do and and say things as a Dom that I would NEVER contemplate with my beloved. But the freedom to explore tones, behaviors, emotions, etc. in a scene, where my sub is fully consenting, of course, and then do the best part - after care. Where we bask in the trust, afterglow, and affection of one another as a reminder and solidification of our devotion to one another. Scenes make space for a place that wouldn't otherwise exist in "normal" entanglements.

Wonderfully put, Sir. Swoon

But where do you get someone to hold up that board thingy and slap it when you start? And who yells “cut”?

*** I’ll see myself out…, but I will still be giggling as I go ***

OMG!! Brenda you just made me laugh hysterically! That, dear, is for the film industry. Something real dynamics and relationships are not.

 

[Chloe_Harper]

I just want to say thank you to everyone who has participated in the dialogue we've had going about dynamics, and y'alls personal experiences. These have all been insightful and meaningful posts that have all come from very real and personal places. View attachment 2500115
No matter how you identify (not label) yourself, one thing we all agree on (as well should), you should find someone who makes you feel safe to explore those parts of you.

No matter what you call each other, no matter if it's a loving commitment or a scheduled play partner, whether you tie the binds or are the one bound, whether you wear little ears or costumes or are just you, whether you giggle or brat or curl up on their lap...

What it all boils down to is finding the someone(s) you feel safe enough with to be those parts of you.
View attachment 2500134
The person(s) that recharges you. The one who can give you everything you crave, even the things you didn't realize you needed. The one you can give those parts of yourself to and know they will be handled not only with care, but also returned to you looking better, shinier, fuller. View attachment 2500143
The one you feel safe to take control of or be controlled by. Because, without that trust, no control should be given or taken. Without that trust, you can't be sure that they'll use their safeword when it is needed, by either side. View attachment 2500151
The safety should be felt in every gentle caress or biting smack. The safety should be seen in the depths of their eyes or the crook of their smirk. The safety is the basis that everything else should be built upon.

So be safe. Feel safe. If they are your safe place, then you can fly through any storm as you navigate who you are and what you need.

 

[BrendaBear]

I want to throw this out there, and hear what y’all think. Many years ago, I saw a man lead a woman into a 7-11. I had never before (or since) seen such a blatant show of D/s in public. I have replayed, in my mind, every aspect of the 5 minutes I observed them over the last 3 decades since. But here is what I want to hear your thoughts on…

Keep in mind, I am not into pain…. that I know of. That man had a flogger, hanging from his belt. Just thinking about that sight, to this day, makes me squirm. Why??? I couldn’t care less about a spanking… well, unless it is a good funny… but sexually? Does nothing for me. But… that flogger…. Oh my.

Until very recently, I always imagined my being tied to an x brace or something… but now I am wondering… what if he ordered me to come over and present myself and he was going to use a flogger on me….(squirming again)…

Please… give me your thoughts…

 

[TXRafe]

I want to throw this out there, and hear what y’all think. Many years ago, I saw a man lead a woman into a 7-11. I had never before (or since) seen such a blatant show of D/s in public. I have replayed, in my mind, every aspect of the 5 minutes I observed them over the last 3 decades since. But here is what I want to hear your thoughts on…

Keep in mind, I am not into pain…. that I know of. That man had a flogger, hanging from his belt. Just thinking about that sight, to this day, makes me squirm. Why??? I couldn’t care less about a spanking… well, unless it is a good funny… but sexually? Does nothing for me. But… that flogger…. Oh my.

Until very recently, I always imagined my being tied to an x brace or something… but now I am wondering… what if he ordered me to come over and present myself and he was going to use a flogger on me….(squirming again)…

Please… give me your thoughts…

the x cross is also called a st andrews cross, just in case you hadnt heard it. you can thank "how to build a sex room" on netflix. which for anyone, if you havent watched it yet, is a fun, funny, informative show that can lead to a lot of conversation with your partner, if you watch it together. its hosted by this cute little 50 something year old british lady and she is absolutely amazing. a dirty mary poppins. i highly recommend it. back to your question brenda, i think it serves to stimulate your brain to the possibilities of being taken and dominated in the ways you crave. there is absolutely nothing wrong with being stimulated mentally by things you would never want to experience physically. sex is as much, if not more, a mental exercise and act as it is a physical one.

 

[cascadiabound]

Just want to say I've been off line all day and have just been reading a bit to catch up and really appreciate all the sharing and nuanced dialogue. When I have a chance to say more I'll pop back in and add my 2 bits for whatever it's worth.

Huge thanks to @Chloe_Harper for hosting and creating a safe space, and for everyone who has asked questions and offered their own perspectives. It's lovely, rare and wonderful.

 

[Chloe_Harper]

@BrendaBear just to add to what @TXRafe is saying, a flogger can also look like a provider of pain. It offers the mental stimulation that excites you, while physically it offers more pleasure. Idk if that matters, other than having that connecting bridge between that fantasy to reality.

 

[BrendaBear]

the x cross is also called a st andrews cross, just in case you hadnt heard it. you can thank "how to build a sex room" on netflix. which for anyone, if you havent watched it yet, is a fun, funny, informative show that can lead to a lot of conversation with your partner, if you watch it together. its hosted by this cute little 50 something year old british lady and she is absolutely amazing. a dirty mary poppins. i highly recommend it. back to your question brenda, i think it serves to stimulate your brain to the possibilities of being taken and dominated in the ways you crave. there is absolutely nothing wrong with being stimulated mentally by things you would never want to experience physically. sex is as much, if not more, a mental exercise and act as it is a physical one.

Thanks Rafe.

I am well aware of a St Andrews Cross, but since I seem to be the most rope bunny here, I assumed others may not know that name.

I don’t think this is one I don’t really want to experience… I do have lots of things that totally turn me on but have zero interest in experiencing… this is one I think I need to. Which is weird to me, but very true.

And alas, I don’t have netflix.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

I want to throw this out there, and hear what y’all think. Many years ago, I saw a man lead a woman into a 7-11. I had never before (or since) seen such a blatant show of D/s in public. I have replayed, in my mind, every aspect of the 5 minutes I observed them over the last 3 decades since. But here is what I want to hear your thoughts on…

Keep in mind, I am not into pain…. that I know of. That man had a flogger, hanging from his belt. Just thinking about that sight, to this day, makes me squirm. Why??? I couldn’t care less about a spanking… well, unless it is a good funny… but sexually? Does nothing for me. But… that flogger…. Oh my.

Until very recently, I always imagined my being tied to an x brace or something… but now I am wondering… what if he ordered me to come over and present myself and he was going to use a flogger on me….(squirming again)…

Please… give me your thoughts…

There’s a world of difference in several of the roles you’re touching on there, IMO. Her following him - presumably on a leash? - is one, a partnership declaration and/or assault and challenge to their surroundings. His carrying a flogger publicly like that is another but (still IMO) more personal. Another is your St. Andrew’s cross fantasy, or your willing obedience - I leave examining the underlying reasons as an exercise for yourself.

Also, for many-not-all there can be sensations - perhaps even strong sensations- which are pleasant or enrapturing but which could be called painful or torturous in other situations. These don’t have to be sexual, even - for some an over hot shower hurts so good, or the blissful reaction from a deep tissue massage, or the ache from strenuous exercise. There’s more to pain than the sensation, context can matter a lot, too. Super-sour candy or blazing hot sauce can be similar.

Hope this helps

 

[Lord Pmann]

I’ve heard that @Lord Pmann is into pony play!

Geez. These rumours follow me around everywhere. I fuck a pony one time and people say “he’s into pony play”. I was hardly into it.

 

[TXRafe]

Geez. These rumours follow me around everywhere. I fuck a pony one time and people say “he’s into pony play”. I was hardly into it.

https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExcjhtYXk4eHMwdTV2Y3puNGltbnE5b3N4enA2bXFzeGZweXZjMGE2eCZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/l0HlFDXZ6YnpLAZ6E/giphy.gif

 

[BrendaBear]

Geez. These rumours follow me around everywhere. I fuck a pony one time and people say “he’s into pony play”. I was hardly into it.

https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExNzUzMTk1eGp1dXdreTlqMWlyYTZmM3hvY3o3azZlYmo5M2o0ZXU5cCZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/2SOHyvInlOHyVgU8ww/giphy.gif

 

[Lord Pmann]

https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExcjhtYXk4eHMwdTV2Y3puNGltbnE5b3N4enA2bXFzeGZweXZjMGE2eCZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/l0HlFDXZ6YnpLAZ6E/giphy.gif

Everybody loves a cowboy until they find out what “riding into the sunset” really means.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExcjhtYXk4eHMwdTV2Y3puNGltbnE5b3N4enA2bXFzeGZweXZjMGE2eCZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/l0HlFDXZ6YnpLAZ6E/giphy.gif

Kinky is using a feather, perverse is using the whole chicken.

 

[BrendaBear]

https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExcjhtYXk4eHMwdTV2Y3puNGltbnE5b3N4enA2bXFzeGZweXZjMGE2eCZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/l0HlFDXZ6YnpLAZ6E/giphy.gif

OMG! Years ago… decades ago, I got to be good friends with a co worker who seemed so typical straight, vanilla, etc… and one day he said this back to me “wow, that’s kinky, even for me”… I about died from laughing so hard. I had never heard that before (haven’t heard it much since either), thanks for dredging up a wonderfully memory for me.

 

[BrendaBear]

Kinky is using a feather, perverse is using the whole chicken.

Okay, equally appropriate here too….
https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExNzUzMTk1eGp1dXdreTlqMWlyYTZmM3hvY3o3azZlYmo5M2o0ZXU5cCZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/2SOHyvInlOHyVgU8ww/giphy.gif

 

[Chloe_Harper]

Just want to say I've been off line all day and have just been reading a bit to catch up and really appreciate all the sharing and nuanced dialogue. When I have a chance to say more I'll pop back in and add my 2 bits for whatever it's worth.

Your 2 bits is worth tons!!! I always look forward to your contributions and insights!

Huge thanks to @Chloe_Harper for hosting and creating a safe space, and for everyone who has asked questions and offered their own perspectives. It's lovely, rare and wonderful.

I'm just glad so many people feel safe enough and open enough to share.

 

[Nightbird]

Greetings And Salutations everyone..

 

[UsuallyPresent]

Greetings And Salutations everyone..

Greasing and salubriations!

 

[Nightbird]

Greasing and salubriations!

Hello how are you?

 

[UsuallyPresent]

Hello how are you?

About to crash for the night, I fear - however there are many good folk hereabouts. I leave you in good hands. Not literally - figuratively, but you know what I mean. I hope. I think? Nah, 'hope' is closer....

 

[Nightbird]

About to crash for the night, I fear - however there are many good folk hereabouts. I leave you in good hands. Not literally - figuratively, but you know what I mean. I hope. I think? Nah, 'hope' is closer....

Goodnight sleep well..

 

[UnquietDreams]

I think a Scene Dom actually makes a lot of sense for a lot of people. There's a lot that can into a dynamic, and it can feel draining to be on all the time. Certain dynamics, it's not for a scene, just ready to Dom at a moment's notice. I would say the latter is more common for littles, princesses, brats and pets. Rope bunnies, slaves, servants, dolls, bimbos, subs (with no other labels) it's easier to plan, to separate those heavier aspects into scenework. And yea, I love conversations like this!

I have a friend who is dominant in all aspects of her life. She is also adroit at taking control in almost any situation, with charm along with frightening levels of competency and organization. If she was in politics, she would be terrifying. (Instead she is a professional Dominatrix, specializing in extreme impact play and emotional degradation, with a massive client list, heh). It isn't a role she plays, it is who she is.

I am almost the opposite. I am very laid back, and while I spent years in corporate management, I am absolutely a "consensus leader." Other than very specific venues such as sports (and, apparently, The Music Challenge thread) and being protective, I am very amiable -- not usually aggressive or driven. So finding out at a young age that, with certain people, I enjoyed being quite dominant in the bedroom was very odd, almost disturbing. It was almost the antithesis of my personality, and it scared me. I was in high school, pre-Internet, without any community to guide me or even a vocabulary to hang things onto, just the understanding that with "The Girl Who Liked to Get Tied Up," I was very assertive, commanding, and even forceful, first with making out, then further, because she loved and responded to it. It took me many years to put words like "Dom," and "rigger" to what came naturally to me, partly because I didn't need to be that way if my partner wasn't into that, partly because of preconceived notions of "S&M" and the like. I wasn't into spanking (well, rarely, but that is another topic) or whips and chains, so obviously I wasn't really kinky.

Over the years, with a lot of experimentation (a lot, heh), I am comfortable with what I am. I fall under the description of a "pleasure dom," and that was part of the problem originally -- having a very limited view of what a dom was and could be. I didn't like inflicting pain for the most part, I was not able to get into degradation, I loved being supportive and caring, and almost loved aftercare more than the act itself, and all of it being tied up with my partner trusting me. Being a Gen Xer, that didn't fit the idea back then. It does now. I want to help my partner find what they love, what they need, pushing them when needed, but carefully. I don't use honorifics (though certain people calling me "sir" in the act is stirring, and for some reason "yes, Chef" is arousing, but "daddy" is a literal erection killer), and if I don't call a partner by name, I will usually use a personalized nickname or title. But outside of the metaphoric bedroom, I want to support those I care for, to make things easier for them, but I have no need or urge to tell them what to do or how to live their lives. I have known people with those more encompassing relationships, and understand the dynamic and attraction, but I have different needs and fulfill different needs. Cook for you? Yes. Tell you what to eat and when? Oh, stars and garters, no. I can barely do that for myself...

 

[UnquietDreams]

The one you feel safe to take control of or be controlled by. Because, without that trust, no control should be given or taken. Without that trust, you can't be sure that they'll use their safeword when it is needed, by either side.

Oh, this is so true. I had a very fun relationship with a woman who was very much a rope bunny. But one night, while I was rigging for her, she lied during several condition and safety check (I check a lot), because she was getting off on the sensation. She eventually lost feeling in her arm and refused to tell me. When I found out, it scared the ever living fuck out of me -- it could have been nerve or tissue damage. And after that, since I couldn't trust her, even though there was no physical damage, there was a lot of mental and emotional on my part. It had to end, regardless of everything else. And then it took a while for that to heal, for me to trust anyone enough to get into the right headspace again.

Trust is everything.

 

[Strixaluco]

artly because of preconceived notions of "S&M" and the like.

I suspect there are very many of us who have been mislead by that. Having it easy to dismiss S&M - and not knowing about the other parts of BDSM. The view upon this whole field used to be quite simplified and limited.

Over the years, with a lot of experimentation (a lot, heh), I am comfortable with what I am. I fall under the description of a "pleasure dom," and that was part of the problem originally -- having a very limited view of what a dom was and could be. I didn't like inflicting pain for the most part, I was not able to get into degradation, I loved being supportive and caring, and almost loved aftercare more than the act itself, and all of it being tied up with my partner trusting me. Being a Gen Xer, that didn't fit the idea back then. It does now. I want to help my partner find what they love, what they need, pushing them when needed, but carefully. I don't use honorifics (though certain people calling me "sir" in the act is stirring, and for some reason "yes, Chef" is arousing, but "daddy" is a literal erection killer), and if I don't call a partner by name, I will usually use a personalized nickname or title. But outside of the metaphoric bedroom, I want to support those I care for, to make things easier for them, but I have no need or urge to tell them what to do or how to live their lives. I have known people with those more encompassing relationships, and understand the dynamic and attraction, but I have different needs and fulfill different needs. Cook for you? Yes. Tell you what to eat and when? Oh, stars and garters, no. I can barely do that for myself...

This sounded so utterly familiar that I had to stop to compare to see the differences to my partner (whom I call as a in a role, and when needing anonymous way to refer to him, but not really to his face). And in the end it is... the need for control. My partner isn't seemingly dominating mostly... But I think he has the need for predictability and control of his closest surroundings. Like I have the need to not have to take care of stuff, he has the need to have something(someone) in his life that obeys him. Not that he wants to mold me into something, oh not at all. I'm still not a doll without will.

But he doesn't tell me what to eat, either

 

[Strixaluco]

Oh, this is so true. I had a very fun relationship with a woman who was very much a rope bunny. But one night, while I was rigging for her, she lied during several condition and safety check (I check a lot), because she was getting off on the sensation. She eventually lost feeling in her arm and refused to tell me. When I found out, it scared the ever living fuck out of me -- it could have been nerve or tissue damage. And after that, since I couldn't trust her, even though there was no physical damage, there was a lot of mental and emotional on my part. It had to end, regardless of everything else. And then it took a while for that to heal, for me to trust anyone enough to get into the right headspace again.

Trust is everything.

Oh gosh that's so frightening!
She discarded the sane and safe part, dammit

Now I can freeze when in a situation where I should actually safeword (outside of being bound). And my introspection does tricks on me at times (not always realising I am getting numb before it's relatively bad). But lying upon a checkup? Never ever. That's stupid and reckless.