What do all of you in sexless marriages do for sex? What alternatives?

[LMWM321]

My pussy mouth made him cum quick. So yea, this is what I do for not having sex at home.

To the several guys who are complaining about their marriage being sexless, then finding relief by having sex with other men...

Did your wife know when you married her that you are bi-sexual? Finding this out after marrying someone could be quite unsettling and disorienting to a partner. Might that have contributed in some way to your marriage becoming sexless?

To be very clear - I am not judging people for their sexual orientation. Doing so would be like blaming someone for their eye or hair color. ..It is what it is and should be respected. However, people should be honest about it in their relationships.

Thoughts?

 

[Bisexguy70]

To the several guys who are complaining about their marriage being sexless, then finding relief by having sex with other men...

Did your wife know when you married her that you are bi-sexual? Finding this out after marrying someone could be quite unsettling and disorienting to a partner. Might that have contributed in some way to your marriage becoming sexless?

To be very clear - I am not judging people for their sexual orientation. Doing so would be like blaming someone for their eye or hair color. ..It is what it is and should be respected. However, people should be honest about it in their relationships.

Thoughts?

Shes aware, not crazy about it. And I wasnt bi when we first got married. So please dont judge on things you dont have full knowledge of.

 

[LMWM321]

Shes aware, not crazy about it. And I wasnt bi when we first got married. So please dont judge on things you dont have full knowledge of.

As I said, I'm not judging. I see nothing wrong with being bi-sexual. Or Gay, or Trans, etc..

 

[Britva415]

To the several guys who are complaining about their marriage being sexless, then finding relief by having sex with other men...

Did your wife know when you married her that you are bi-sexual? Finding this out after marrying someone could be quite unsettling and disorienting to a partner. Might that have contributed in some way to your marriage becoming sexless?

To be very clear - I am not judging people for their sexual orientation. Doing so would be like blaming someone for their eye or hair color. ..It is what it is and should be respected. However, people should be honest about it in their relationships.

Thoughts?

It kind of swings both ways (no pun intended). You might as well ask, “when you married, did you know your spouse was asexual?”

 

[LookN2Talk]

It kind of swings both ways (no pun intended). You might as well ask, “when you married, did you know your spouse was asexual?”

I have to laugh. That is perfect.

I am thankful I am not in this situation though we did go through it for a few years.

Very sad to hear so many going through it. Wish I had a perfect solution.

 

[tristantrotsky]

Im staying in a hotel so I posted on Doublelist. Its rare but I had 2 men follow through. The first guy we had mutual oral. We 69 until we came. He had a decent body and I enjoyed groping his ass as I sucked him.
Then I had this dom man who asked if I was a sissy. He came by, i dressed in my naughty slut attire, stuck my new mini vibe in my ass. I had it going when he entered the room. He sat down, I got on my knees and pleased him. The best part was when he flogged my ass as I sucked him off. He was spewing out demeaning verbal names for me as He flogged me. My pussy mouth made him cum quick. So yea, this is what I do for not having sex at home.

Sounds like a very satisfying sex-life to me....

 

[Sweetdreams71]

It's sad that we have to come here to get that verses from our partners. Tried to discuss again with my sexless marriage wife about I understand she has no desire understand painful intercourse due to menopause but I still have my needs finally she said just go take care of them and ended the conversation. Not sure where that leaves me

She probably means it, so you should discuss. Say to her..."you said to go take care of my needs, I want to know what that looks like to you?"
And if she shakes her head, then tell her what you are going to do, cause you have thought about it.

 

[Sweetdreams71]

Right now it continues to be I, me and myself but I am also feeling like the lack of intimacy is bringing dark clouds over our emotional connection as well. Oh well..

As a women the emotional connection for me went before the sexual. I started to lose respect for my husband due to many different life events, when that happened, I didn't want to sleep with him anymore. I went through alot of emotions and didn't communicate or when I did it, it wasn't received. So I stopped communicating, and I believe his respect for me left as well.

We have worked through alot, but it's a daily challenge.

Women have emotional needs that a man needs to fill before she is truly "intimate". A man needs to be intimate to meet his emotional needs.

 

[Britva415]

She probably means it, so you should discuss. Say to her..."you said to go take care of my needs, I want to know what that looks like to you?"
And if she shakes her head, then tell her what you are going to do, cause you have thought about it.

Wow! Imagine using grown-up words!

All sarcasm aside, yes to this. People have to be willing to just say the things. If they dare to do so and then find that their partner is not willing to talk, that's a much bigger problem than the sex desert, and if a person isn't willing to DTMFA over unwillingness to have sex, one would think that they'd become even more motivated to DTMFA over unwillingness to communicate like a grown-up.

That's how it works for me, and that's how I have gotten what I want: Extramarital passes. In my case, there's nothing to be done about the marital sex situation (it's not going to happen), so, the only other options are celibacy (hard no), breaking up (not what we want), or extramarital (with permission).

If I were to break up, it wouldn't be over the sex. It would be over the toxic stonewalling of a spouse refusing to deal with it as a couple. That's not something you do to a loved one.

A sexless (with the spouse) marriage is one thing. A loveless and abusively neglectful one is a whole 'nother thing.

(I'm referring to the communication, not the sex, when I talk about "neglect." Nobody owes someone sex. And nobody owes them a relationship back. So both people need to work on making it work, sex or no sex between them. Permissive extramarital sex would solve a hell of a lot of these painful, stuck situations.)

 

[TemptationTango]

Not sure if I will go down this path and have never tried but it feels a bit like chasing a unicorn. Dating itself is hard enough but to your point it's probably more luck than persistence.

You seem to be one of those few who made it out of the pit (a la batman style )

Right now it continues to be I, me and myself but I am also feeling like the lack of intimacy is bringing dark clouds over our emotional connection as well. Oh well..

I do feel extremely fortunate, and I owe it all to her for taking the initiative. We agreed to once a month, but that has been impossible to maintain due to time, distance and real life getting in the way. It helps the psyche to know, " It's gonna happen" and we both keep the anticipation level high.

You're spot on, lack of intimacy breeds a "roomate" status. It's a detriment to the relationship in many ways. I compare it to a cancer, where it changes you slowly. One day you wake up and nothing in the relationship is the same. It has morphed to make it all a ho-hum groundhog day. Failure becomes normal for both, a shit sandwich for sure.

 

[Surferdude1891]

Talk on lit, travel for work and take every opportunity that comes my way.

 

[LMWM321]

As a women the emotional connection for me went before the sexual. I started to lose respect for my husband due to many different life events, when that happened, I didn't want to sleep with him anymore. I went through alot of emotions and didn't communicate or when I did it, it wasn't received. So I stopped communicating, and I believe his respect for me left as well.

We have worked through alot, but it's a daily challenge.

Women have emotional needs that a man needs to fill before she is truly "intimate". A man needs to be intimate to meet his emotional needs.

100% ..As said earlier in the thread, men are quick to blame menopause for a marriage becoming sexless. ..But the joy of sex may have gone missing for her long before that or maybe was never there to begin with. Menopause becomes the quitting point because sex with an impatient and inconsiderate partner can become quite uncomfortable, even painful.

Basically, if the marriage isn't healthy, it needs to be healed before the sex life can be. And for many, that may not be possible.

 

[Sol41]

There was a 5 year period where we didnt have sex at all. I had a really bad anal fissure and bled off and on for those 5 years, naturally too scarred to even want to try again.
During that time I came to terms with the fact that he just had to fap sometimes. It was a little weird at first because of my own societal expectations Ive been raised with but it really doesnt mean anything. It kept him sane and us happy and functional untill I managed to recover physically and emotionally.

 

[MyHappyPlace]

Some of us just manage. Reality is a bitch, but it needs to be handled. For those that don’t believe that that’s possible, you haven’t walked a mile in our shoes. Outside of and in addition to sexless marriages, many if not all of us men here are dynamic individuals who have lives with responsibilities, ailing parents, children of college age with significant tuition bills, soul-sucking relatives and yards to clean and appliances to manage.

Over time, the fact that we are not sexually satisfied, sort of blends into the plethora of other shit that we are not satisfied with. Shit happens.

Thanks for perfectly capturing my thoughts

 

[TemptationTango]

Interesting article. Its a struggle to not consider one a selfish prick by just thinking about the touch of another, much less doing something about it. Mentally, I am in a much better place now and don't resent my wife anymore.
Its a long road, but how can I take something away from our marriage that is already gone? How do we not hate ourselves for not falling on the sword? I had to let some guilt go, and the reality that I could not fix the situation we were in. Once you do that, it does get easier.

 

[Uncut1969]

I have my Lit friends and story’s to stroke to ! Hopefully find a fwb close by! Maybe go in chat room and fantasy chat ! Love that everyone in a freak like me and no judgment like I would get from my wife! Thank you guys

 

[HampshireBoy]

As a women the emotional connection for me went before the sexual. I started to lose respect for my husband due to many different life events, when that happened, I didn't want to sleep with him anymore. I went through alot of emotions and didn't communicate or when I did it, it wasn't received. So I stopped communicating, and I believe his respect for me left as well.

We have worked through alot, but it's a daily challenge.

Women have emotional needs that a man needs to fill before she is truly "intimate". A man needs to be intimate to meet his emotional needs.

I've highlighted your last sentence in bold because so many of us men forget this. I know that when my first wife and I finally talked she told me that she needed to feel loved and cherished in order to want to have sex, whereas we both realised I needed cuddles, loving touches and sex to feeled loved and cherished. We never did solve that conundrum, mainly because we had both fallen out of love and we couldn't rekindle it.

The situation is different with my current wife, she is post menopause. We both definitely feel loved and cherished but she has lost physical desire.

 

[Dalton59]

As a women the emotional connection for me went before the sexual. I started to lose respect for my husband due to many different life events, when that happened, I didn't want to sleep with him anymore. I went through alot of emotions and didn't communicate or when I did it, it wasn't received. So I stopped communicating, and I believe his respect for me left as well.

We have worked through alot, but it's a daily challenge.

Women have emotional needs that a man needs to fill before she is truly "intimate". A man needs to be intimate to meet his emotional needs.

 

[Smoothshavendad]

This post is so relatable it is scary. Wishing you luck in your journey.

 

[lovedoublepenetration]

Have been I'm a sexless marriage. I have always had very high libido. Have always fucked other cocks. Have always been a gangbang dp slut.

 

[Darty20]

I asked last night and this morning, nothing doing either time. Just bought my first cock rings, put them on under my clothes this morning when I got dressed. When my wife went out, immediately undressed and reading stories on Lit. Such an intense feeling stroking woth a ring on, wish I'd discovered rings before. Doesn't replace sex with the woman I love though.

Sounds Hot tho

 

[Darty20]

Well i tried again this morning and momma wouldnt play. So i come lit to chat, threads, whereby.. What ever to get it done sometimes

Same here

 

[Darty20]

If anybody wants to message me to talk about what I went through feel free. If it helps someone out even better!

Always up for a chat

 

[uboat1]

JO almost every day!

 

[LMWM321]

I had a friend say to me one time 'women have sex when they feel good, men have sex to feel good'. Very very true!

An interesting notion.

I remember how after the horror on 9/11, my wife was surprised that two nights later, I wanted to have sex. Although we were both equally devastated by what took place, I wanted sex to help distract from the oppressive sadness and she found sex impossible because of it. It took several weeks before we were back on track sexually.