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I'm bored at the airport, so here I go!


Never settling again! Not just D/s, but the sexual spectrum. I'll include more after I respond to Rafe's part, but our culture has set us up for incredible failure in so many ways when it comes to finding a long-term partner. I come from an insanely uptight religious paradigm where sex was the last thing to consider in a relationship. That's like saying to ignore if your potential mate absolutely refuses to live in the city (if you're a country person) and vice versa. It's important, ESPECIALLY as it's the physical manifestation of your shared emotional bond.

Not only that, but sexual interest is a spectrum, no different than musical, athletic, hobbies, etc. For some people, they see sexual activity as a hobby in and of itself, they read books on it, go to classes, try new options, meet with others to discuss, etc. How is that any different than model rocketry? It's not - except the puritanical influence of mainstream culture says that it's deviant, immoral (how can anything be immoral between consenting, informed adults?!), or just flatly wrong


As Toto said, Hold The Line!


I was going to say I doubt one person can do this, then realized that the differentiation here is that we all need to know our personal needs and what are personal wants. I think it's highly unlikely you'll check every single box, but if you have a (semi-rational) needs list, you should be able to satisfy that with a monogamous relationship, if that's part of your need list, or a polyamorous one if that's part of your needs list.


I've said this probably a thousand times before, but probably mostly in private - to me, I want it all. I can only really explore the full gamut of the dynamic if I have absolute trust and a steadfast bond with my sub. That extends beyond the scene. For example, to me, knowing that a kid is in deep shit and helping navigate that with my sub in her "real" life makes us emotionally connected and informs our play and dynamic, or causes us to pause and just be intimate, or talk, or whatever else is needed. It's not selfish, emotional security with a romantic/erotic/dynamic partner is part of Maslow's hierarchy.


How long have you known? AFAF


Go on....


That's a beautiful word picture!


The Abrahamic religious influence is interesting, especially since he himself had 2 wives and a concubine.

And then there's this purity obsession. If I had any clue just how incompatible my wife was to me before we were married, it never would have happened.



I think this goes back to differentiating between a need and a want. Needs should be simpler and by and large met. Wants...? There's room for negotiation


Couldn't agree more.


I would amend this thought to say people *may* grow apart


You hit the nail on the head. Know your needs vs. wants.
Be bored more 😂 I loved see you responses and insights on this conversation.
 
Nope. Just going to bite my tongue off and hold it, for once.
I mean....... you clearly wanna say something..... you took the time to tell us all you're biting your tongue..... so you clearly want us to ask...... or you're just causing undue anticipatory urges to know what was going on in that weird brain of yours for no other reason than to sew chaos. Rude.
 
I am biting my tongue so hard to not offend anybody right now that I think I might just bite through it.
all good man, i was just being silly, plus it was a great excuse to use that gif and reference for the people who got it...love back to school...rip both sam kinison and rodney dangerfield. however, if you have something to contribute to the conversation then by all means contribute. no one is right or wrong here and i think there are enough of us with strong personalities to police ourselves and remain cordial.
 
Things change my dear. I am not the same man I was nor is my partner.

Health issues, familiarity, boredom, just because you found the perfect needle today does not mean it will remain perfect tomorrow.

I believe you have unrealistic goals and expectations. I truly do hope you achieve them tho.
I didn't realize you were such Debbie downer!
 
I mean....... you clearly wanna say something..... you took the time to tell us all you're biting your tongue..... so you clearly want us to ask...... or you're just causing undue anticipatory urges to know what was going on in that weird brain of yours for no other reason than to sew chaos. Rude.
I'm still choosing to hold my tongue. I won't be baited into saying something that would offend or even hurt some of the folks on here.
 
Holy moly... @MischiefMakerAlways stole the words right out of my mouth. Well most of them. Agree with you 100%.

Okay... I've got a @crazychemgirl type question for you. I'm not posting this in Shenanigans because that's her house, and I don't want to infringe on her and two... this question is really about doms and subbies which is super prevalent here.

If you were to go out and find someone to spend your life with, would you settle for someone who was wonderful but not into the D/s thing at all, or would you hold out to find someone who can be that for you?

My answer? I'm holding out. I lived the hiding it and don't want that anymore. So.... what say you??
Hold the line... For me, it's finding that person who has curiosity and wants to grow together on the journey. Usually the rest will fall into place.
When you find the person that fills and fulfills you, you don't need more of anything but them.
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. As Horny and Txrafe pointed out, there are some people who always want more, and they are the ones who destroy the souls around them by the continued pursuit of a 'perfection' that doesn't exist. One of the interview questions is based on that. All my team members need to be their authentic selves, in order for us to deliver our outcomes. If one person shoots for perfection, the team fails. It's a hard lesson to learn, but one that I feel is sacrosanct in living a good life.
I am not a romantic. I am a realist.
I am a romantic realist 😉
I would be willing to bet once you found your perfect needle and it got tossed back onto the pile you wouldn't be able to find that needle again even though it was "perfect"
🙌🏾 I have been the "perfect" needle tossed aside, only for the poor man to realise 20 years later, that I was everything he needed but at the time he was giving in to his conditioned wants. My last ex divorced his wife because he wanted more, and then realised too late that the grown and matured version of their love was "perfect" for him. He mistook contentment for boredom as ....
i think a lot of people get bored or tired or frustrated and allow something small to derail the relationship rather than focusing on quality communication, empathy, and inward reflection.
Has said beautifully here....
people grow apart, feelings and circumstances and even needs change.
So very true and it's the choice to be vulnerable and open when things change that is often lacking. If you can't be your authentic self and have the conversation that is the greatest tragedy, especially when it ends in an unnecessary death. In 2019, I lost two male friends whom I think would be here today if they had had the conversation they were dreading with their partners.

So to end on a positive note, be your authentic self and you will find all that you are looking for. And with that will come the laughter, the tears, the joy, the companionship, the highs, the lows and best of all... The kinky toys that gets you off. 💞
 
I'm still choosing to hold my tongue. I won't be baited into saying something that would offend or even hurt some of the folks on here.
I'm sorry, who is baiting who? You're the one that brought up you had things to say but you werent gonna say them. That's like my biggest pet peeve 😂

You keep talking about biting and holding of tongues! You do know where you are, right? The last time someone talked about tongues so much, we nearly sent @TXRafe into a horny coma
(don't stare too long Rafey-bear 🤭)

So, dont then quote me as baiting you when you started this whole "im saying stuff about not saying stuff" mess 😂

I clearly need @HollyS and @Fiestykitten, they know how to handle your ass, or tongue, or whatever 😝
 
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