Lil_Jenni's Adventures, Past and Present...

[dkak001]

But it's also left me feeling... uncertain. I always intended to go back to teaching when I could, but he will be making enough more money that we will not need me to work, even just to have fun money. But I've always had some measure of independence, and I'm not sure I want to not work. I'm also not sure I want to go back to teaching. I mean, I do and I don't.

Anyway, just me rambling and thinking through typing...

With the new kiddos, there's a lot going on. There's plenty of time to make those decisions. You can spend time considering what you want to do. Don't rush it. Enjoy where you're at right now.

 

[lil_jenni]

Hubby is at work because he's trying to close out cases before starting his new job in a couple weeks. It's been a long time since he's worked a Saturday, and I miss him being here. Now I'm remembering how he would work a fair number of Saturdays when he was at his old old job, which is going to be some of his new job. Maybe I should not have encouraged this...

It's probably just because I came home horny after a quick store run before he left for work. I went to the store alone and got hit on for the first time in a long time. I was wearing a loose sweat shirt and not so loose sweat pants. My hair was down and I had only light makeup and no jewelry, including no wedding ring. This guy in his mid 40s or so helped me get some cereal from a high shelf (the kind the Kiddo likes was out except on top ). He then asked me of I wanted to go to dinner. Kudos for balls, but kinda abrupt, and I was buying kids cereal. But in his defense, like I said, no wedding ring. I told him I was married, he grumbled something I didn't quite catch and walked away without another word. It was all rather odd, but it made me feel attractive which made me feel good about myself which made me feel horny... but alas, Hubby had to go off to work and the Kiddo wants me and his sisters in the same room with him, even though they're sleeping in their pack and plays (yes, we have to have two. twin A is a bit of a bully at only six months... ). So... Here I am, frustrated and alone with three children... And bring on here isn't helping...

 

[JerseyJade]

Hubby is at work because he's trying to close out cases before starting his new job in a couple weeks. It's been a long time since he's worked a Saturday, and I miss him being here. Now I'm remembering how he would work a fair number of Saturdays when he was at his old old job, which is going to be some of his new job. Maybe I should not have encouraged this...

It's probably just because I came home horny after a quick store run before he left for work. I went to the store alone and got hit on for the first time in a long time. I was wearing a loose sweat shirt and not so loose sweat pants. My hair was down and I had only light makeup and no jewelry, including no wedding ring. This guy in his mid 40s or so helped me get some cereal from a high shelf (the kind the Kiddo likes was out except on top ). He then asked me of I wanted to go to dinner. Kudos for balls, but kinda abrupt, and I was buying kids cereal. But in his defense, like I said, no wedding ring. I told him I was married, he grumbled something I didn't quite catch and walked away without another word. It was all rather odd, but it made me feel attractive which made me feel good about myself which made me feel horny... but alas, Hubby had to go off to work and the Kiddo wants me and his sisters in the same room with him, even though they're sleeping in their pack and plays (yes, we have to have two. twin A is a bit of a bully at only six months... ). So... Here I am, frustrated and alone with three children... And bring on here isn't helping...

Yeah, probably not a good idea at that. I'll try to refrain myself from talking about.... well, you know... for the moment. Just for you.

 

[lil_jenni]

Yeah, probably not a good idea at that. I'll try to refrain myself from talking about.... well, you know... for the moment. Just for you.

Thanks! Now, can you block the pictures for me?

 

[ShaneoD]

Yeah, probably not a good idea at that. I'll try to refrain myself from talking about.... well, you know... for the moment. Just for you.

To be fair the way both of you can phrase things can lead to "feelings" being shown in public even when a guy hasn't expressed his "feelings" in over a week because he was sick before that

 

[JerseyJade]

Thanks! Now, can you block the pictures for me?

Don't push it!

 

[lil_jenni]

Not in a superbowl mood, so I'm rewatching The Batman. I've kinda got a thing for Batman, which you guys might have figured out from past comments about costumes and liking it when Hubby has been Batman for Halloween. Anyway, I really like Robert Pattinson as Batman but do not care for his Bruce Wayne. But I love the love story between Batman and Selina Kyle in The Batman.

 

[lil_jenni]

Not in a superbowl mood, so I'm rewatching The Batman. I've kinda got a thing for Batman, which you guys might have figured out from past comments about costumes and liking it when Hubby has been Batman for Halloween. Anyway, I really like Robert Pattinson as Batman but do not care for his Bruce Wayne. But I love the love story between Batman and Selina Kyle in The Batman.

I guess it's in other threads that I've posted about this, as it's not in this thread. It probably predates it.

So, for a few different years, Hubby would be Braman and I would be some incarnation of Harley Quinn for Halloween. One Halloween, Batman even went all CNC on Harley... But light on the first C, if you know what I mean. In real life, of course there was consent, but in the play, well....

Anyway, like I wrote, I have a little bit of Batman thing...

Oh, I also want to say I love the animated Harley Quinn series on Max. I mean, she almost uses 'fuck' as much as I do. Well, I couldn't at work, of course, but when I wasn't, I made up for it. And now, it's 'fuck' this and 'fucking' right that all the fucking time. I fully expect one if not both the twins to say 'fuck' as their first word. See, I was better with the Kiddo when he was a baby, but I have almost no fucking filter now.

 

[dkak001]

When my oldest was a toddler and was sleeping one night I was working on a project, and it wasn't going well. I muttered "Fuck Me" under my breath two rooms away. The next morning and for days after that little shit wandered around the house saying "Fuck Me, Fuck Me, Fuck Me..."

We were relieved when that finally stopped...

 

[lil_jenni]

When my oldest was a toddler and was sleeping one night I was working on a project, and it wasn't going well. I muttered "Fuck Me" under my breath two rooms away. The next morning and for days after that little shit wandered around the house saying "Fuck Me, Fuck Me, Fuck Me..."

We were relieved when that finally stopped...

The Kiddo has (more than once) yelled out, "fuck you, you stupid cunt," when some asshole has cut us off in traffic. I have no idea where he got that, but I'm proud to say he's not gender specific in his use of cunt, just like his mama.... Oops... I guess if do know where he got it....

 

[lil_jenni]

On a different topic, it's been a bit since a Lit white knight has tired to save me from my unladylike ways and foul mouth. Do you guys think I've aged out of being savable, or have they all realized I'm a lost cause....

 

[13Fantasies]

On a different topic, it's been a bit since a Lit white knight has tired to save me from my unladylike ways and foul mouth. Do you guys think I've aged out of being savable, or have they all realized I'm a lost cause....

There are just too many damsels in distress here to save them all.

 

[dkak001]

On a different topic, it's been a bit since a Lit white knight has tired to save me from my unladylike ways and foul mouth. Do you guys think I've aged out of being savable, or have they all realized I'm a lost cause....

Perhaps we prefer our companions to have foul mouthed humor to accompany their wit?

 

[lil_jenni]

Perhaps we prefer our companions to have foul mouthed humor to accompany their wit?

How do you feel about one who suffers through Valentine's Day because even after thirteen and a half years together and three kids, she still feels uncomfortable with a ton of romantic shit, especially when she says that you shouldn't exchange gifts but knows you are going to get her one anyway even though she would rather just spend the night fucking like animals? Just curious. Asking for a friend. Etc.

 

[13Fantasies]

How do you feel about one who suffers through Valentine's Day because even after thirteen and a half years together and three kids, she still feels uncomfortable with a ton of romantic shit, especially when she says that you shouldn't exchange gifts but knows you are going to get her one anyway even though she would rather just spend the night fucking like animals? Just curious. Asking for a friend. Etc.

Sounds like a win-win all around.

 

[ShaneoD]

How do you feel about one who suffers through Valentine's Day because even after thirteen and a half years together and three kids, she still feels uncomfortable with a ton of romantic shit, especially when she says that you shouldn't exchange gifts but knows you are going to get her one anyway even though she would rather just spend the night fucking like animals? Just curious. Asking for a friend. Etc.

Does this man know he has won the lottery?

 

[dkak001]

How do you feel about one who suffers through Valentine's Day because even after thirteen and a half years together and three kids, she still feels uncomfortable with a ton of romantic shit, especially when she says that you shouldn't exchange gifts but knows you are going to get her one anyway even though she would rather just spend the night fucking like animals? Just curious. Asking for a friend. Etc.

I'd say you are who you are. We accept you for who you are, and obviously your husband does too.

Accepting a gifts gracefully is a skill like any other. Maybe even a more humbling skill than many. But you accept them not because you feel you deserve them, but because of what the gift means to the person offering it. And by extension what you mean to the person offering it.
As they say, it's not the gift itself, but the thought that counts.

Once that shit is out of the way, then fuck like animals!

 

[lil_jenni]

Sounds like a win-win all around.

Does this man know he has won the lottery?

The problem is he doesn't see it that way. And I've been told on here before that I'm a horrible person and people feel sorry for him because he wants to be romantic on Valentine's Day and I want the opposite. I'll do it for him, because he likes it, but this year I'm starting to get worried he's going all out despite the agreement we came to in the past to keep it low key and mix the romance with my more hardcore desires.

His last day at his current job is Thursday. He starts his new one on Monday. He's planned something for the whole weekend. He's even flying my mom up to watch the kids so we can go away, and he's taking me to a cabin in the mountains that we've rented before. He's up to something, and it's starting to put me on edge.

He knows I'll get all in the headspace that I don't deserve being on the receiving end of the romance and shit, so I'm hoping I'm wrong. Maybe he'll just make Friday all gushy and sappy and use me as a slave the rest of the weekend. We've done that before, and I could put up with one night of flowers and candy and tender lovemaking if I knew the next day I'd be collared and on my knees.

And you know what I hate the most? That I don't want the stuff I'm supposed to want. I wish I wasn't this fucking way. I wish I could accept it all without it making me feel like the whole world is going to come crashing down around me because a foul mouthed, nympho bitch like me doesn't deserve him.

See... No lottery won here, not when the prize is me. I'm a fucking mess sometimes.

 

[ShaneoD]

The problem is he doesn't see it that way. And I've been told on here before that I'm a horrible person and people feel sorry for him because he wants to be romantic on Valentine's Day and I want the opposite. I'll do it for him, because he likes it, but this year I'm starting to get worried he's going all out despite the agreement we came to in the past to keep it low key and mix the romance with my more hardcore desires.

His last day at his current job is Thursday. He starts his new one on Monday. He's planned something for the whole weekend. He's even flying my mom up to watch the kids so we can go away, and he's taking me to a cabin in the mountains that we've rented before. He's up to something, and it's starting to put me on edge.

He knows I'll get all in the headspace that I don't deserve being on the receiving end of the romance and shit, so I'm hoping I'm wrong. Maybe he'll just make Friday all gushy and sappy and use me as a slave the rest of the weekend. We've done that before, and I could put up with one night of flowers and candy and tender lovemaking if I knew the next day I'd be collared and on my knees.

And you know what I hate the most? That I don't want the stuff I'm supposed to want. I wish I wasn't this fucking way. I wish I could accept it all without it making me feel like the whole world is going to come crashing down around me because a foul mouthed, nympho bitch like me doesn't deserve him.

See... No lottery won here, not when the prize is me. I'm a fucking mess sometimes.

You're not a mess, you're a unique human being who knows what she likes and what she doesn't.

Who knows he might just want to give you a break and allow some time to relax and recover in between bouts of ravaging you in the cabin.

And it's normal to get anxious when you're in a situation you don't want to be in regardless of who it's with, sometimes familiarity might even make it more stressful, or he might just have installed straps on the bed and after he hands you a bouquet of roses, you'll take one in your mouth, leave the rest on the dinner table and have a weekend where you forget all about romance

 

[dkak001]

See... No lottery won here, not when the prize is me. I'm a fucking mess sometimes.

We all are.

I wish I had some real wisdom to offer. I don't. I hope you find a way to make it through without a lot of suffering/anguish.

 

[lil_jenni]

You're not a mess, you're a unique human being who knows what she likes and what she doesn't.

Who knows he might just want to give you a break and allow some time to relax and recover in between bouts of ravaging you in the cabin.

And it's normal to get anxious when you're in a situation you don't want to be in regardless of who it's with, sometimes familiarity might even make it more stressful, or he might just have installed straps on the bed and after he hands you a bouquet of roses, you'll take one in your mouth, leave the rest on the dinner table and have a weekend where you forget all about romance

Yeah, my head knows that, and I am trying to tell myself that it probably is the cae. He knows me. But the rest of me is trying to cope with the biggest panic attack I've had since I found out I was having twins.

 

[ShaneoD]

Yeah, my head knows that, and I am trying to tell myself that it probably is the cae. He knows me. But the rest of me is trying to cope with the biggest panic attack I've had since I found out I was having twins.

I'll admit to being very male and not having thought of all of the life changes that having twins has to involve, I imagine you're craving some normalcy, and your version of normalcy is completely what you want it to be. I hope he's planned a weekend you'll love, and when it comes to anxiety, the hardest part is usually getting to that moment, in the moment you'll be fine, YOU HAD TWINS FFS

(sorry for the capital letters, that was my attempt at "gassing you up" as the kids would say)

 

[lil_jenni]

I've calmed down a little, but I can feel it churning in my mind. Fuck, I want a drink.I won't, but half hour ago it was very good that there's none in the house.

 

[lil_jenni]

Sorry for being a fucking drama queen.

 

[dkak001]

Yeah, my head knows that, and I am trying to tell myself that it probably is the cae. He knows me. But the rest of me is trying to cope with the biggest panic attack I've had since I found out I was having twins.

Just step back for a minute here. You trust him, yes? Just because parts of what's coming it might be uncomfortable, doesn't mean that the whole thing will be bad. You're going to survive whatever happens, and you're probably going to have some fun during the process. Not everything good in life is 100% good, even parts of vacations and weekend getaways can suck. So take the good with the bad, have the time and enjoy that.

If you have one of those moments, just step back and mentally remind yourself this is your life. Deserving or not, you got lucky. It's OK to enjoy getting lucky. If you're completely overwhelmed, and you tell him I suspect he will understand.