Depression. It's a silent killer.

[Bassytian]

Some days, I can just *feel* my depression in my body. It's so heavy.

I've been so depressed that I could barely move for that reason! I also felt pain in my head, neck, shoulders, and down to the middle of my back. If you get depressed badly enough, it affects your body!

Going to see the doc in the morning, I have a report based on the exercise he wanted me to do.

 

[ccs29745]

I've been so depressed that I could barely move for that reason! I also felt pain in my head, neck, shoulders, and down to the middle of my back. If you get depressed badly enough, it affects your body!

Going to see the doc in the morning, I have a report based on the exercise he wanted me to do.

Let us know what the doc says.

 

[Bassytian]

Will do!

 

[Wetkitty09]

Morning. Early activity is required of me today.
Have the best day you can.
Be safe out there.
Love you.

 

[ccs29745]

Morning. Early activity is required of me today.
Have the best day you can.
Be safe out there.
Love you.

You too ma'am. Have a great day!

 

[Wonderer67]

I just scrolled thru.

Haven’t been here in a while. Thought I’d share a few pics. Beauty helps me battle depression, anxiety and ptsd.

https://imgur.com/a/yud5W5a

Damn telephone wires for in the way.

https://imgur.com/a/G42HSh5

And cats also help!

https://imgur.com/a/GDaWvSp

 

[Bassytian]

And cats also help!

Yes they do! And so does nature.

 

[Bassytian]

So, the subject of today's visit was "finding balance". While we did touch on my past, we mostly talked about how I can find a balance between my intense desire for solitude and my human nature that desires connection. You see, schizoid personality disorder, in a nutshell, is "extreme introversion", or as the doc said, "introversion on steroids". I can't relate to others who have the disorder, we're all unique, but the way it feels for me is that my two "extremes" are in constant conflict with each other.

One extreme is that I cut myself off from the rest of society and barely speak to anyone again, and the other is getting married, having kids, and being around someone all the time. Now, that is not a diss at those of you who are married, have children, or both. But for me personally, I would not be happy with that lifestyle. The thought of being around someone all the time with little to no alone time is maddening. On the other hand, I cannot say that complete isolation would make me happy either, thus the need to find some kind of balance.

With all of that said, marriage, dating, and even hooking up are very likely out of the question. I've never been desirable and even if I were to jump into the "dating game", I am woefully outmatched and cannot compete with other men. Imagine an unarmed civilian taking part in the Battle of Normandy, or any recent armed conflict, I'm the civilian who has no business being there: that is where I stand with dating.

But if I'm being brutally honest, I cannot remember the last time I felt any kind of genuine sexual or emotional attraction to anyone. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm not somewhere on the asexual spectrum. I used to enjoy porn but I've lost interest in even that. As I've said in other posts, the stories that I write and post on this site are just about the only things that sexually arouse me anymore. Whether or not that is some kind of asexuality or a symptom of depression is debatable, I don't have an answer to that yet.

So, it looks like a good place to start looking for balance will be in establishing a genuine platonic friendship or two, I believe I can work with that.

 

[ccs29745]

One never knows. Found my wife by accident, I wasn't even looking. Hopefully you'll find some good friendships and who knows, maybe one closer enough to meet for coffee or something.

 

[Wetkitty09]

I just scrolled thru.

Haven’t been here in a while. Thought I’d share a few pics. Beauty helps me battle depression, anxiety and ptsd.

https://imgur.com/a/yud5W5a

Damn telephone wires for in the way.

https://imgur.com/a/G42HSh5

And cats also help!

https://imgur.com/a/GDaWvSp

These are all wonderful. Especially the kitty. My animals are a balm to my depression and also one of the responsibilities that gets me out of bed.
Be safe out there.
Love you.

 

[Wonderer67]

So, the subject of today's visit was "finding balance". While we did touch on my past, we mostly talked about how I can find a balance between my intense desire for solitude and my human nature that desires connection. You see, schizoid personality disorder, in a nutshell, is "extreme introversion", or as the doc said, "introversion on steroids". I can't relate to others who have the disorder, we're all unique, but the way it feels for me is that my two "extremes" are in constant conflict with each other.

….

So, it looks like a good place to start looking for balance will be in establishing a genuine platonic friendship or two, I believe I can work with that.

Balance is hard to achieve but worthwhile.

Just an idea - think of non-traditional ways to find balance. as CCS mentioned, you never know when a friend or a lover will show up. And it doesn’t even need to be one way or the other. FWBs or couples who live separately are pretty real things and may allow for the best of both worlds - your need for solitude as well as the human desire for connection.

I am probably talking out of turn. I’m also a hopeless optimist somehow.

But a genuine platonic friendship or two is a great way to start. I am wishing you the best with that!! I am glad you’re on this journey.

 

[Bassytian]

Balance is hard to achieve but worthwhile.

Just an idea - think of non-traditional ways to find balance. as CCS mentioned, you never know when a friend or a lover will show up. And it doesn’t even need to be one way or the other. FWBs or couples who live separately are pretty real things and may allow for the best of both worlds - your need for solitude as well as the human desire for connection.

I am probably talking out of turn. I’m also a hopeless optimist somehow.

But a genuine platonic friendship or two is a great way to start. I am wishing you the best with that!! I am glad you’re on this journey.

Thanks. No, I don't think you're speaking out of turn at all. You and CCS are correct, life tends to throw curveballs from WAY out of left field. When depression doesn't have its fangs in my heart and mind, I also try to be optimistic, even when evidence to the contrary is right in my face.

But yes, thank you for your encouragement. I'll keep you all up to date.

 

[Wetkitty09]

It’s Friday. For me that doesn’t mean much but for others it’s the last day in hell for a couple days at least.
Be safe out there.
Love you.

 

[forgotmyantidepressants]

So, the subject of today's visit was "finding balance". While we did touch on my past, we mostly talked about how I can find a balance between my intense desire for solitude and my human nature that desires connection. You see, schizoid personality disorder, in a nutshell, is "extreme introversion", or as the doc said, "introversion on steroids". I can't relate to others who have the disorder, we're all unique, but the way it feels for me is that my two "extremes" are in constant conflict with each other.

One extreme is that I cut myself off from the rest of society and barely speak to anyone again, and the other is getting married, having kids, and being around someone all the time. Now, that is not a diss at those of you who are married, have children, or both. But for me personally, I would not be happy with that lifestyle. The thought of being around someone all the time with little to no alone time is maddening. On the other hand, I cannot say that complete isolation would make me happy either, thus the need to find some kind of balance.

With all of that said, marriage, dating, and even hooking up are very likely out of the question. I've never been desirable and even if I were to jump into the "dating game", I am woefully outmatched and cannot compete with other men. Imagine an unarmed civilian taking part in the Battle of Normandy, or any recent armed conflict, I'm the civilian who has no business being there: that is where I stand with dating.

But if I'm being brutally honest, I cannot remember the last time I felt any kind of genuine sexual or emotional attraction to anyone. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm not somewhere on the asexual spectrum. I used to enjoy porn but I've lost interest in even that. As I've said in other posts, the stories that I write and post on this site are just about the only things that sexually arouse me anymore. Whether or not that is some kind of asexuality or a symptom of depression is debatable, I don't have an answer to that yet.

So, it looks like a good place to start looking for balance will be in establishing a genuine platonic friendship or two, I believe I can work with that.

I think platonic friendships are criminally underrated, even just casual ones. Being around people who don't need anything from you is so incredibly freeing.

 

[ccs29745]

It’s Friday. For me that doesn’t mean much but for others it’s the last day in hell for a couple days at least.
Be safe out there.
Love you.

Its my Saturday and Sunday tomorrow is my Monday. Have a good safe day ma'am.

 

[Bassytian]

I think platonic friendships are criminally underrated, even just casual ones. Being around people who don't need anything from you is so incredibly freeing.

Absolutely! I haven't had many true friendships, but many of the friends I had absolutely could not go a day without either calling or texting, or wanting to hang out. I hate to sound unappreciative but that much demand on my time and energy is exhausting. I don't see how anyone who isn't some kind of neurodivergent could stand it either.

 

[Wetkitty09]

I have had many platonic relationships in the past. It all seems to go great until one of us gets into a relationship with someone else. Then that someone else gets pissy and doesn’t believe the relationship is platonic. It’s disheartening.
Be safe out there.
Love you

 

[ccs29745]

I'm in open relationship and wife and I talk about those we a are talking to. We hide nothing pretty much. You'll always be safe talking to me and others on here.

 

[EvaLane]

Good morning everyone

Feeling a bit lost and dissociative today, instead of fighting it I’m going to lean into it. It’s a blessing to have the ability and freedom to have a brainless day, so I’ll focus on that and be thankful.

I hope everyone is doing ok with the Sunday Scaries and if you’re already onto Monday, my deepest condolences

 

[Wetkitty09]

Spent the day in bed yesterday due to side effects of flu and Covid shots. They always lay me out so I was prepared for it.
I’m still tired and sore but I think I can function today.
Be safe out there.
Love you.

 

[ccs29745]

Good morning everyone

Feeling a bit lost and dissociative today, instead of fighting it I’m going to lean into it. It’s a blessing to have the ability and freedom to have a brainless day, so I’ll focus on that and be thankful.

I hope everyone is doing ok with the Sunday Scaries and if you’re already onto Monday, my deepest condolences

A day to give brain a break sounds nice, not sure I've had one of those in a while. Enjoy your day!

 

[ccs29745]

Spent the day in bed yesterday due to side effects of flu and Covid shots. They always lay me out so I was prepared for it.
I’m still tired and sore but I think I can function today.
Be safe out there.
Love you.

Hope you're feeling better kiddo.

 

[Bassytian]

My brain shuts off naturally at work, it's the only way I can deal with working in retail. And with this weekend being Superbowl Weekend, dear GOD I'm glad I work 1st shift! I hope most people will be too hungover in the morning to crowd the store.

 

[Wetkitty09]

Morning. Just heard my grandson call me granma. That lifts my spirits.
Have the best day you can.
Be safe out there.
Love you.

 

[smtst5]

This Friday is my dad’s birthday. It is also the anniversary of my mom’s passing. December, January and February have been rough this year much more then in the past. I’ve been in a dark place for most of the past three months. Usually I can pull myself out of it. This year I’m struggling to. I stopped drinking but that has isolated me even more. My health benefits offers 6 free sessions with a therapist. I signed up for them but when I read through the bios for each therapist, I decided to not go through with it. I just need to get past this Friday.