Reflections on Gentleman Doms

[Mrtenant]

Through actions and communication this is earned... not a given.

Like any relationship, of course. Not a given.

I have this thing, where relationships are a mixture of different roles.

Initially, we all start as acquaintances, then friends, possibly lovers, then possibly more. Just because we moved to some other stage does not mean the other roles still do not exist. Its all them at once.

It keeps me grounded and centered to be much of the things my partner needs from me because I value all those roles for what they are. If I'm doing it right, my partner learns this and reciprocates.

 

[lil_jenni]

The fact that you "have never needed a safeword" is a little disconcerting. Do you still have one in place in case your submissive chooses to use it?

I agree. I have never needed to use our safe word with my Hubby, but we have one just in case.

 

[Neanderthal247]

I just feel so many guys want to label themselves a DOM, but very few live up to it.


You can still be a good man and manly guy, but not everyone can be a Dom.

 

[cascadiabound]

I just feel so many guys want to label themselves a DOM, but very few live up to it.


You can still be a good man and manly guy, but not everyone can be a Dom.

And not all men who are sexually dominant meet the stereotype of a "manly man"

of course my MrT does. Grinnnns

 

[Neanderthal247]

And not all men who are sexually dominant meet the stereotype of a "manly man"

of course my MrT does. Grinnnns

100% true, no arguments here

 

[Endless_Night]

I'm gonna throw this out there. Curious how this thread is something about Gentleman Doms and there is now this big dialogue debate over many things that are not G- Doms.

Not trying to be a buzzkill here, (okay, maybe I am) but perhaps we circle the conversation back around to me, the Gentleman Dom?

Manners. Plain and simple. Incorporate your domination into good manners sprinkled with some romance and some chivalry. Nothing wrong with that.

Can you do it and still be a bad boy biker type, gangster? Certainly. Humorous, crude, joking scoundrel of a gentleman Dom? But of course.

Point is, people are much more complex than any one label. Many of us seem to have learned and figured out a few things, many are still learning, some will never learn. I like to think I am always still learning. Because I am.

Also point is, and not least, is take care of your partner. It's not so hard. Be taken care of by your partner.

Be excellent to one another.

It was my t-shirt post, wasn't it?


But yes, a return to the original topic of conversation would be great.

 

[MiaBabe23]

I'm gonna throw this out there. Curious how this thread is something about Gentleman Doms and there is now this big dialogue debate over many things that are not G- Doms.

Not trying to be a buzzkill here, (okay, maybe I am) but perhaps we circle the conversation back around to me, the Gentleman Dom?

Manners. Plain and simple. Incorporate your domination into good manners sprinkled with some romance and some chivalry. Nothing wrong with that.

Can you do it and still be a bad boy biker type, gangster? Certainly. Humorous, crude, joking scoundrel of a gentleman Dom? But of course.

Point is, people are much more complex than any one label. Many of us seem to have learned and figured out a few things, many are still learning, some will never learn. I like to think I am always still learning. Because I am.

Also point is, and not least, is take care of your partner. It's not so hard. Be taken care of by your partner.

Be excellent to one another.

I think the majority of the points have been very relevant - just as people are complex, as you rightly point out, so are d/s dynamics
Part of exploring what something is sometimes includes considering what it’s not, and I’ve found the discussion very helpful

 

[Neanderthal247]

A Gentleman Dom is never so lost in his passion that it could be a problem That‘s why I never needed a safeword. And I never heard a no. If I heard a safeword or a no, I would know I had done something wrong

I don't mean to derail the thread, but I don't believe a thing you claim about yourself

 

[cascadiabound]

It was my t-shirt post, wasn't it?

But yes, a return to the original topic of conversation would be great.

 

[cascadiabound]

You’re not engaging in good play if you don’t have a safe word… just putting that out there.

I want to echo this... you really never know when your sub might get overwhelmed and need to signal a reset. It's not always crazy, obviously dangerous activities.

I remember essentially having a panic attack the first time I was placed in a posture collar. I expected to be fine and then suddenly I wasn't.

Having a safe word meant that he immediately knew I wasn't kidding, I wasn't playing, I needed out.

 

[cascadiabound]

I'm gonna throw this out there. Curious how this thread is something about Gentleman Doms and there is now this big dialogue debate over many things that are not G- Doms.

Let's circle the conversation back around to me, the Gentleman Dom.

Also point is, and not least, is take care of your partner. It's not so hard. Be taken care of by your partner.

Be excellent to one another.

FYP darling

 

[7inchglory]

I want to echo this... you really never know when your sub might get overwhelmed and need to signal a reset. It's not always crazy, obviously dangerous activities.

I remember essentially having a panic attack the first time I was placed in a posture collar. I expected to be fine and then suddenly I wasn't.

Having a safe word meant that he immediately knew I wasn't kidding, I wasn't playing, I needed out.

I think it goes beyond safe words in some cases. One of my subs is comfortable with me now, but in the moment it's hard for her to verbalize words, even if we've gone over safe words before. Building that emotional connection for a while, before play can help you understand their 'tells' that they might be uncomfortable.

I play out most scenarios in the bedroom before we get into it, and ease her into it slowly, and will pause before it's something we haven't done before.

 

[cascadiabound]

I think it goes beyond safe words in some cases. One of my subs is comfortable with me now, but in the moment it's hard for her to verbalize words, even if we've gone over safe words before. Building that emotional connection for a while, before play can help you understand their 'tells' that they might be uncomfortable.

I play out most scenarios in the bedroom before we get into it, and ease her into it slowly, and will pause before it's something we haven't done before.

Absolutely. If you are paying attention and know your sexual partner well, likely you will see signs of distress/uncertainty long before a submissive is likely to safe word. Many subs consider it a point of pride to NOT safeword. Which is why many many conversations need to happen again and again as play evolves, interests evolve, stakes escalate.

 

[YourGentleDom]

I'm gonna throw this out there. Curious how this thread is something about Gentleman Doms and there is now this big dialogue debate over many things that are not G- Doms.

Not trying to be a buzzkill here, (okay, maybe I am) but perhaps we circle the conversation back around to me, the Gentleman Dom?

Manners. Plain and simple. Incorporate your domination into good manners sprinkled with some romance and some chivalry. Nothing wrong with that.

Can you do it and still be a bad boy biker type, gangster? Certainly. Humorous, crude, joking scoundrel of a gentleman Dom? But of course.

Point is, people are much more complex than any one label. Many of us seem to have learned and figured out a few things, many are still learning, some will never learn. I like to think I am always still learning. Because I am.

Also point is, and not least, is take care of your partner. It's not so hard. Be taken care of by your partner.

Be excellent to one another.

That’s exactly the point. Thanks a lot! So, shall we talk about gentleman doms or something else?
What woman would use a safeword when being sweetly tortured with the tongue?
If you're well in tune with each other, have explored each other's dirty dreams and fantasies, nonverbal signals are enough. And in gentle or sensual play, a safeword isn't necessary.

 

[YourGentleDom]

@cascadiabound
@Cat
@MiaBabe23
@barefootgirl69
and all the highly esteemed others who feel addressed

How many times have you used or heard a safeword?
And is moaning something like "Pineapple" more of a turn-on or a turn-off?

 

[MiaBabe23]

@cascadiabound
@Cat
@MiaBabe23
@barefootgirl69
and all the highly esteemed others who feel addressed

How many times have you used or heard a safeword?
And is moaning something like "Pineapple" more of a turn-on or a turn-off?

I’m not gonna discuss personal experience like that, other than to say that of course a system was agreed, I always felt safe and respect was always shown. I wouldn’t hesitate to serve him again, would willingly do so
And I hope anyone I’ve dommed would say the same

I’d ask you - why are all your comments and questions followed by a winking face?

 

[barefootgirl69]

@cascadiabound
@Cat
@MiaBabe23
@barefootgirl69
and all the highly esteemed others who feel addressed

How many times have you used or heard a safeword?
And is moaning something like "Pineapple" more of a turn-on or a turn-off?

*sighs*

You are missing the point. If there's no safeword in place, there's nothing going to happen. Whether it's used or not is irrelevant.

You're the kind of self proclaimed dom I'd avoid, since you aren't going to take my safety seriously. I'm not speaking of sexual aspects, either. A safeword can be used in any situation where I don't feel comfortable.

 

[YourGentleDom]

You’re not engaging in good play if you don’t have a safe word… just putting that out there.

A Gentleman Dom is about control with respect, dominance with consideration - a game that is both intense and safe. An experienced Dom knows their sub’s limits, reads nonverbal signals, and creates an atmosphere where true surrender is possible without fear.

I would never use a collar for the first time in bed (just like cascadiabound had a panic attack) because you would have already worn it in public many times before.

 

[YourGentleDom]

I'm not speaking of sexual aspects, either. A safeword can be used in any situation where I don't feel comfortable.

And you never talk before what you like or not?

 

[Mrtenant]

That’s exactly the point. Thanks a lot! So, shall we talk about gentleman doms or something else?
What woman would use a safeword when being sweetly tortured with the tongue?
If you're well in tune with each other, have explored each other's dirty dreams and fantasies, nonverbal signals are enough. And in gentle or sensual play, a safeword isn't necessary.

Okay, ima spit out a word salad-

Safeword may not be necessary, but shows caring when when it is available and also demonstrates to each other a point of trust and honor. Both parties know, we really do care and are thoughtful. Just to have it, deepens the connection much like a warm cocoon enveloping both partners away from the outside world. A thing all their own. It's a magic spell word between us both, we know, will always work for us and only us. It's not just the mechanics of the safeword, but it's very presence that deepen the intimacy. Offer it in a ceremony, and watch it takes on a life of its own.

Whew. Yea I'm weird. But fuck it.

Edit: I think a couple is missing out on some level of intimacy if they don't have one. We've even used a safeword in arguments before. It is not trivial.

 

[barefootgirl69]

And you never talk before what you like or not?

Of course. But, I'd be stupid to think I'd never need it. People are human and imperfect (except for you, apparently) and things happen. Better safe than sorry.

 

[YourGentleDom]

Of course. But, I'd be stupid to think I'd never need it. People are human and imperfect (except for you, apparently) and things happen. Better safe than sorry.

I am sorry, maybe you just haven’t met a Gentleman Dom yet - because he senses beforehand whether something might make you uncomfortable or not

 

[MiaBabe23]

A Gentleman Dom is about control with respect, dominance with consideration - a game that is both intense and safe. An experienced Dom knows their sub’s limits, reads nonverbal signals, and creates an atmosphere where true surrender is possible without fear.

But really all d/s play is about control with respect, and if it isn’t, it’s abuse
So I’m not sure what point you’re making? The more you say, the more I think you’re blending all types of d/s - which is fine - but I’m not clear what it is you’re trying to say

 

[YourGentleDom]

But really all d/s play is about control with respect, and if it isn’t, it’s abuse
So I’m not sure what point you’re making? The more you say, the more I think you’re blending all types of d/s - which is fine - but I’m not clear what it is you’re trying to say

I’m just saying that in gentle and intuitive play, a safeword won’t be necessary if you know the boundaries and can read nonverbal signals - just like you read and understand your partner’s

 

[lil_jenni]

I am sorry, maybe you just haven’t met a Gentleman Dom yet - because he senses beforehand whether something might make you uncomfortable or not

Holy fuck. What a load of bullshit.