Depression. It's a silent killer.

[Wetkitty09]

I recognise this in myself (don't worry WSG, I don't masquerade as a woman, you haven't had an online affair with me). I shrink up inside myself and hide away, I realise the selfishness of that behaviour and how it can affect people close to me, but sometimes diving into a mental bunker is all I can do to survive. It can take a long time to come back out from under the cloud and it is not always possible to rebuild and rekindle.

Anyway, that was a happy pair of posts to start the day!

Putting yourself in a bunker is an apt description. I’m thankful for those of my friends that have hung on and not taken personal my need to isolate.

Be safe out there
Love you.

 

[Robbie527]

Putting yourself in a bunker is an apt description. I’m thankful for those of my friends that have hung on and not taken personal my need to isolate.

Be safe out there
Love you.

Sometimes though it just feels safer to isolate. You can not discuss everything that happens in your life with friends and so avoidance becomes the default.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I tend to isolate during my depressions... I've learned it's better than revealing how I truly feel..

 

[Bassytian]

I can relate, it feels as though no one cares. And then sometimes it feels like you will push people away if you open up to them as well. Then of course there are those who prefer to suffer alone, I've experienced all three.

Got an appointment with the doc tomorrow morning, I haven't seen him in over a month due to the holidays and then weather issues down here in the South. I'm okay, but I do want his thoughts on a few things.

Keep up the good fight everyone, don't let the bastard (depression) win! Each of us has a little warrior inside of us, find them and feed them, they will fight for you when you can't!

 

[Wetkitty09]

I also isolate myself during depression. I often get impatient when I’m interrupted. I’ve found isolation is better than having to be falsely polite to someone whom, I feel is, imposing themselves on me.
I can be quite cranky and I have a serious case of resting bitch face. Yet I swallow anything that I might say that would be impolite and it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.


Be safe out there.
Love you.

 

[Bassytian]

I isolate no matter how I’m feeling. The doc and I talked about this but it’s probably related to schizoid personality disorder, which I was diagnosed with a few years ago. In a nutshell, I have a lack of interest, as well as an inability, in forming connections with others. It has gotten “worse” with age. I used to want friends, romance, sex, etc. Now, the thought of living and dying alone sounds fucking blissful to me. All I want is my self esteem back.

In isolation, I don’t have to live up to the social/emotional demands of others. When I’m depressed, I don’t have to pretend that I’m okay. And when I’m not, I can enjoy the solitary lifestyle I have come to love.

 

[EerieDoll]

I’m diagnosed with severe depression and haven’t been suicidal for a very long time. However since having to leave my abusive, cheating ex Daddy that I wanted to marry and thought we would be together forever….it definitely has effected me. Then with the extra complicated dangerous layers of my situation I thought I would never find myself in. It’s very difficult.

When I finally found the strength to leave I felt like the chain on me was broken, I came up out the cold dark abyss of the sea. Took a huge breath and was grateful to be able to finally breathe. But unfortunately the chain never broke. I’m still being dragged down to the cold depths of the sea. Fighting for my freedom and peace.

Sometimes I just want to fall asleep and not wake up. It was so bad to the point where I lost so much weight, would just want to sleep, drinking heavily and would isolate myself. I just want to feel safe again and move on with my life but some people just won’t let you. They want to watch you drown while smiling as you stuggle. I don’t want depression to over take me. But I am tired somedays. I am tired of trying to stay afloat.

 

[forgotmyantidepressants]

Had an invasive medical procedure so I'm feeling sad and a little violated even though that's silly. Excited to hole up at home.

 

[Wetkitty09]

I’m diagnosed with severe depression and haven’t been suicidal for a very long time. However since having to leave my abusive, cheating ex Daddy that I wanted to marry and thought we would be together forever….it definitely has effected me. Then with the extra complicated dangerous layers of my situation I thought I would never find myself in. It’s very difficult.

When I finally found the strength to leave I felt like the chain on me was broken, I came up out the cold dark abyss of the sea. Took a huge breath and was grateful to be able to finally breathe. But unfortunately the chain never broke. I’m still being dragged down to the cold depths of the sea. Fighting for my freedom and peace.

Sometimes I just want to fall asleep and not wake up. It was so bad to the point where I lost so much weight, would just want to sleep, drinking heavily and would isolate myself. I just want to feel safe again and move on with my life but some people just won’t let you. They want to watch you drown while smiling as you stuggle. I don’t want depression to over take me. But I am tired somedays. I am tired of trying to stay afloat.

We’re here if you want to talk.

 

[forgotmyantidepressants]

They want to watch you drown while smiling as you stuggle

They say the best revenge is a life well lived...

Easier than done, though.

 

[Wetkitty09]

Had an invasive medical procedure so I'm feeling sad and a little violated even though that's silly. Excited to hole up at home.

It’s not silly. The medical profession doesn’t really take our mental health into account when they do their procedures. It keeps some of us from getting the healthcare we need.

 

[EerieDoll]

We’re here if you want to talk.

Thank you I appreciate that. Same to you and everyone else. We are not alone

 

[EerieDoll]

They say the best revenge is a life well lived...

Easier than done, though.

I totally understand what you’re saying.

 

[Wetkitty09]

Today is a travel day for me. I’m going west to Seattle area then south the next day to my daughter’s in OR. My grandson’s birthday is Sunday.
My grandchildren are one of the things that bring me joy so I try to be with them as much as possible.
Be safe out there.
Love you.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

Today is a travel day for me. I’m going west to Seattle area then south the next day to my daughter’s in OR. My grandson’s birthday is Sunday.
My grandchildren are one of the things that bring me joy so I try to be with them as much as possible.
Be safe out there.
Love you.

Safe travels.. I'm in Oregon, it's a nice winter we're having for a change... No snow where I'm at, at least

 

[Bassytian]

Bumping this thread.

So the Doc wants me to peel back the layers of issues from my childhood, as he and I agree that's the source of a lot of my problems. Not going into any explicit details, but the main source is the near endless bullying/exclusion I endured in school. Today at work, doing my monotonous job (which I spend doing a lot of thinking while my body moves on its own), I thought about it and remembered things I hadn't thought of in years. Eventually, I thought "hoo-boy, no wonder I have massive self-esteem issues..". At some point that I don't remember, I came to the conclusion that since no one in school liked me, then it must be because I'm some kind defective, less-than-human, freak.

While I have stopped saying things like that about myself, the damage has been done. I'm willing to do the hard work to repair as much of the damage as possible, as soon as I figure out where the hell to start.

 

[Wetkitty09]

Safe travels.. I'm in Oregon, it's a nice winter we're having for a change... No snow where I'm at, at least

Morning. I’m in OR and the weather is cold but sunny. It’s frosty this morning.
I took some back roads to get here yesterday. Ones that I have been driving since I was a new driver. Lots of memories coming up.
I hope you have a good day.
Be safe out there.

 

[Wetkitty09]

Morning. I hope you’re having as good a day as possible.
Be safe out there.
Love you.

 

[Robbie527]

Morning. I’m in OR and the weather is cold but sunny. It’s frosty this morning.
I took some back roads to get here yesterday. Ones that I have been driving since I was a new driver. Lots of memories coming up.
I hope you have a good day.
Be safe out there.

Good or bad memories?

 

[Mewalkabout]

Good afternoon to all. I hope everyone is having a good mental day! If not, don't forget you matter and the sun will shine again

 

[Mewalkabout]

I was reading the most recent posts and it makes me feel less alone that I'm not the only one who isolates from people. I didn't realize I did it untill time past and I realized I had done it. I am trying to be better but after so long i feel awkward trying to connect to new people in public. Im just rambling, thanks for listening

 

[Wetkitty09]

Good or bad memories?

Mostly just everyday memories. Not good but not bad.

 

[Wetkitty09]

Morning all. I hope you’re having the best day you can.
Stay safe out there.
Love you.

 

[kinkincguy]

Morning all. I hope you’re having the best day you can.
Stay safe out there.
Love you.

Same

 

[Robbie527]

Mostly just everyday memories. Not good but not bad.

I understand. I dream every night about the past. Some Army and some work related. Even where the dream is fairly mundane though I often wake up feeling uneasy. Some of the people have died and some of the places no longer exit through re-development etc. I sometimes feel as though some force is out there taking handfuls of my past and destroying it.