The Progression of an Affair

[John_Vandermeer]

I admit I have not read many extramarital affair stories, but it seems many hue to a handful of the same tropes and dynamics. Among them:

A clear pursuer and pursued.
A clear transition point from plausibly deniable innocence to indefensible infidelity.
Guilt and second thoughts from at least one party.
A dramatic, often tragic, but in some rare cases HEA ending.

Many of those patterns may be the inevitable result of main characters with different sexual interest, compatibility, and maturity. Have you ever written or read an affair story where the drive is balanced, the progression smooth, the emotions uncomplicated, and the ending a more quiet ride into the sunset? Though at first glance it may seem paradoxical, upon closer inspection it seems something like that can still be just as erotically titillating and emotionally heart wrenching if not more.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I suppose my big question is what do you do with the betrayed spouse?

What you describe sounds like a perfectly fine romance story, so what do you gain from making it an affair? Other than the extra emotions of guilt, fear of discovering, some confrontation with the betrayed spouse, etc? Sure, you could write it as the couple realising they aren't well suited and really ought to split, and doing so pretty amicably - but what does that add to the story?

 

[John_Vandermeer]

I suppose my big question is what do you do with the betrayed spouse?

What you describe sounds like a perfectly fine romance story, so what do you gain from making it an affair? Other than the extra emotions of guilt, fear of discovering, some confrontation with the betrayed spouse, etc? Sure, you could write it as the couple realising they aren't well suited and really ought to split, and doing so pretty amicably - but what does that add to the story?

Good points. Perhaps it is a matter of degree. Why does it have to be all or nothing? The story can be a kinky, since illicit, romance by being an affair, and have a degree of fear, uncertainty, and doubt without the betrayed spouse(s) making an appearance at all.

 

[ronde]

I would add one more dynamic to your list, that being the wondering by one spouse about what happened to the other spouse. People who marry usually feel at least something for their partner in the marriage. If the marriage splits because of an affair, it's unlikely both spouses would just forget the other existed. The range of emotions would run from just asking former in-laws or friends to stalking to the old "if I can't have him/her, nobody can".

A few possible situations come to mind that will make it easier to resolve the dilemma of the betrayed spouse.

1. Does the other spouse even know about the affair? Depending upon the length of the affair, they might not have a clue. A few nights when one spouse is away for some reason are pretty easy to hide. There have been men who have had two families in different cities for years.
2. Does the other spouse care? Extramarital affairs happen for a reason and that reason is usually the cheating spouse isn't getting what he/she needs at home. That's not necessarily sex.
3. Did the other spouse encourage the affair? That's not unheard of and happens for a variety of reasons, like staying together for appearances or because splitting would have some impact on both parties finances.

In these scenarios, the betrayed spouse doesn't need to be mentioned at all other than as an explanation for why he/she isn't in the story.

 

[John_Vandermeer]

I would add one more dynamic to your list, that being the wondering by one spouse about what happened to the other spouse. People who marry usually feel at least something for their partner in the marriage. If the marriage splits because of an affair, it's unlikely both spouses would just forget the other existed. The range of emotions would run from just asking former in-laws or friends to stalking to the old "if I can't have him/her, nobody can".

A few possible situations come to mind that will make it easier to resolve the dilemma of the betrayed spouse.

1. Does the other spouse even know about the affair? Depending upon the length of the affair, they might not have a clue. A few nights when one spouse is away for some reason are pretty easy to hide. There have been men who have had two families in different cities for years.
2. Does the other spouse care? Extramarital affairs happen for a reason and that reason is usually the cheating spouse isn't getting what he/she needs at home. That's not necessarily sex.
3. Did the other spouse encourage the affair? That's not unheard of and happens for a variety of reasons, like staying together for appearances or because splitting would have some impact on both parties finances.

In these scenarios, the betrayed spouse doesn't need to be mentioned at all other than as an explanation for why he/she isn't in the story.

All correct, and if it is an affair between two married people, one betrayed spouse can be written out for one set if reasons—say 1 and 2– and the other for another set—say 2 and 3. Probably reason 2 is pretty universal among people who have an affair.

 

[SyleusSnow]

Have you ever written or read an affair story where the drive is balanced, the progression smooth, the emotions uncomplicated, and the ending a more quiet ride into the sunset? Though at first glance it may seem paradoxical, upon closer inspection it seems something like that can still be just as erotically titillating and emotionally heart wrenching if not more.

Well, things need to happen in stories. If it was all smooth sailing they'd be pretty boring. With cheating stories there has to be at least a little temptation, giving in and angst.

My story On the Side portrays a married older man deeply in love with his wife giving in to a younger woman... with the wife's reluctant then later enthusiastic approval with a HEA ending. Along the way there's drama, of course, but it's a pretty smooth ride. It's a shameless (older) male fantasy but not completely unbelievable. It's my most popular story.

 

[John_Vandermeer]

Well, things need to happen in stories. If it was all smooth sailing they'd be pretty boring. With cheating stories there has to be at least a little temptation, giving in and angst.

My story On the Side portrays a married older man deeply in love with his wife giving in to a younger woman... with the wife's reluctant then later enthusiastic approval with a HEA ending. Along the way there's drama, of course, but it's a pretty smooth ride. It's a shameless (older) male fantasy but not completely unbelievable. It's my most popular story.

I agree temptation has to be there. And uncertainty. But that is true of all romances.

 

[Britva415]

Have you ever written or read an affair story where the drive is balanced, the progression smooth, the emotions uncomplicated, and the ending a more quiet ride into the sunset? Though at first glance it may seem paradoxical, upon closer inspection it seems something like that can still be just as erotically titillating and emotional

It would be for me.

 

[Britva415]

I suppose my big question is what do you do with the betrayed spouse?

What you describe sounds like a perfectly fine romance story, so what do you gain from making it an affair? Other than the extra emotions of guilt, fear of discovering, some confrontation with the betrayed spouse, etc? Sure, you could write it as the couple realising they aren't well suited and really ought to split, and doing so pretty amicably - but what does that add to the story?

Such a story could be entirely about the experience of the affair. It doesn't have to be "about" the spouse or even include the spouse as an on-screen part at all. There's nothing which requires the marriage conflict to be exposed or resolved.

The experience of an extramarital affair is different from the experience of "just a romance story," and a completely valid subject for storytelling. It's not an add-on to a completely different kind of story.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Such a story could be entirely about the experience of the affair. It doesn't have to be "about" the spouse or even include the spouse as an on-screen part at all. There's nothing which requires the marriage conflict to be exposed or resolved.

The experience of an extramarital affair is different from the experience of "just a romance story," and a completely valid subject for storytelling. It's not an add-on to a completely different kind of story.

All true. though the existence of the spouse(s) has to be mentioned or the reader won't know it is an affair at all. Which instantly reveals a conflict.

Showing just one side's view of proceedings could certainly be interesting, but I think would be hard to do without leaving readers feeling short-changed.

Call me unimaginative, but an affair that has a happy 'ride into the sunset' ending needs to deal with the encumbrance of the spouse somehow, whether it's a convenient death, or it's 100 years ago and they can literally leave the spouse behind and expect never to be found. Or a character finally admitting to themselves that their partner with lots of 'having to work late' etc is in fact married, and deciding they're not going to be the 'other' any more. Maybe I just have narrow views of what sorts of endings I find happy.

 

[HordHolm]

Way back in the late 70s/early 80s there was a BBC light comedy series called Butterflies written by Carla Lane. The main character is a SAHM who genuinely loves her family (husband and two mostly grown sons) but has an affair nonetheless. The whole thing is very well dealt with, and looks at the motivations of all concerned - FMC, husband, lover - with real empathy. The main thing that comes across is that nobody is interested in hurting anybody else, and that the comfortable lives they all live (the husband is a dentist IIRC, and the lover is a wealthy businessman) are still messy and at least partly unfulfilled. And on the flip side, they all genuinely care, to a certain level, about everyone else (I can't remember whether the husband actually knows about the lover, or merely suspects, but he is tolerant to a degree, and accepting of his wife's emotional journey).

I suppose my point here is that it's possible to have an extramarital story without it descending into inevitable pain, divorce, revenge, etc, etc.

 

[Voboy]

I admit I have not read many extramarital affair stories, but it seems many hue to a handful of the same tropes and dynamics. Among them:

A clear pursuer and pursued.
A clear transition point from plausibly deniable innocence to indefensible infidelity.
Guilt and second thoughts from at least one party.
A dramatic, often tragic, but in some rare cases HEA ending.

Many of those patterns may be the inevitable result of main characters with different sexual interest, compatibility, and maturity. Have you ever written or read an affair story where the drive is balanced, the progression smooth, the emotions uncomplicated, and the ending a more quiet ride into the sunset? Though at first glance it may seem paradoxical, upon closer inspection it seems something like that can still be just as erotically titillating and emotionally heart wrenching if not more.

Lit is full of stories like this. I've written more than a few.

Most of my stories involve infidelity, since I think it's an interesting dynamic to tell a story about. Some of them involve guilt by one or more participants, but not all; for me, it depends on whether that emotion is right for that character. For me, it's not as simple as a plot arc being inherently titillating or not. I try to write realistic characters who behave in ways that are true to their nature. When I can do that, and make them fuck, I think the story is titillating regardless of the way it resolves.

I read for characters, not really for plot tropes, and I write similarly. I get that not everyone is like that, but it does mean that I put a caveat on your premise: yes, there are often similar tropes that arise, but only when they are true to the characters in the tale.

 

[John_Vandermeer]

Such a story could be entirely about the experience of the affair. It doesn't have to be "about" the spouse or even include the spouse as an on-screen part at all. There's nothing which requires the marriage conflict to be exposed or resolved.

The experience of an extramarital affair is different from the experience of "just a romance story," and a completely valid subject for storytelling. It's not an add-on to a completely different kind of story.

Totally bullseye

 

[John_Vandermeer]

Lit is full of stories like this. I've written more than a few.

Most of my stories involve infidelity, since I think it's an interesting dynamic to tell a story about. Some of them involve guilt by one or more participants, but not all; for me, it depends on whether that emotion is right for that character. For me, it's not as simple as a plot arc being inherently titillating or not. I try to write realistic characters who behave in ways that are true to their nature. When I can do that, and make them fuck, I think the story is titillating regardless of the way it resolves.

I read for characters, not really for plot tropes, and I write similarly. I get that not everyone is like that, but it does mean that I put a caveat on your premise: yes, there are often similar tropes that arise, but only when they are true to the characters in the tale.

I’ll check out your stories.

 

[John_Vandermeer]

Way back in the late 70s/early 80s there was a BBC light comedy series called Butterflies written by Carla Lane. The main character is a SAHM who genuinely loves her family (husband and two mostly grown sons) but has an affair nonetheless. The whole thing is very well dealt with, and looks at the motivations of all concerned - FMC, husband, lover - with real empathy. The main thing that comes across is that nobody is interested in hurting anybody else, and that the comfortable lives they all live (the husband is a dentist IIRC, and the lover is a wealthy businessman) are still messy and at least partly unfulfilled. And on the flip side, they all genuinely care, to a certain level, about everyone else (I can't remember whether the husband actually knows about the lover, or merely suspects, but he is tolerant to a degree, and accepting of his wife's emotional journey).

I suppose my point here is that it's possible to have an extramarital story without it descending into inevitable pain, divorce, revenge, etc, etc.

Sounds like a perfect example.

 

[Britva415]

Showing just one side's view of proceedings could certainly be interesting, but I think would be hard to do without leaving readers feeling short-changed

I mean, given how ubiquitously first-person point of view is employed around here, I think one might only be able to go so-far along those lines already.

 

[Nicenashguy615]

I wrote one of these stories and I gave the parties some rationale to why they were doing it so the reader wouldn’t hate them. My story wasn’t so much two hearts innocently colliding rather two people in need who searched each other out.

I chose to focus very little on the spouses who were being cheated on. The story built a bit around the ‘why’ so those excluded spouses weren’t necessarily bad in any way, just excluded.

My hope was to build a story that’s relatable to readers. Many people have had affairs and those who haven’t probably have a friend who has so they hopefully aren’t judgy and just get into the new growing romance.

 

[Lifestyle66]

I think your four-point summary of the extra-marital affair is rather simplistic. There are plenty of deviations to those in the Loving Wives category. I've written some, such as "His Vixen", where the couple are both in their second marriage with each other, having been in disastrous first marriages. The husband gives his wife the opportunity to "get it out of her system".

In my story "What Were You Thinking?", the swinger husband discovers his swinger wife deceived him in going off with a lover for a weekend, thus breaking their rules.

In "Raging Hormones", the wife was trying to appease her husband by undergoing hormone therapy to address her declining libido, but her extreme reactions to the hormones has her having flings with a local stud because her husband can't keep up with her needs.

And in "The Cougar's New Toy", we find a complicated story of a 19-year-old guy being seduced by the 40-ish year-old wife of his friend (an older neighbor and close friend of the family). It turns out the husband is complicit in giving his wife a one-week-per-year time to give her high sex drive relief.

There are plenty of variation on those "standard tropes". That's where my warped mind likes to go off exploring!

EDIT: When you say in your points "clear", I think you're oversimplifying the "affair", because there are many ways to depict the "affair, based on whose POV and whether it's malicious or semi-consensual.

 

[Britva415]

My hope was to build a story that’s relatable to readers. Many people have had affairs and those who haven’t probably have a friend who has so they hopefully aren’t judgy and just get into the new growing romance.

Some of those are going to be the most judgy of all.

 

[NoTalentHack]

I mean, you’re basically talking about the very typical Hallmark movie romantic comedy plot, just with married people instead of boyfriend/fiancé stuff. FMC finds something in *location* (usually a small town) with *person she shouldn’t want* and breaks things off with *person viewer is supposed to root against*. Usually this means that the second male lead is set up to be somewhere between "disinterested jerk" and "moustache-twirlingly evil," with a few rare exceptions. There's actually a story in LW whose name escapes me at the moment, detailing what happens to the "bad" boyfriend after getting dumped at the altar; I seem to remember it being fairly entertaining.

That's the problem with trying to sell an affair as good or even morally neutral. If you provide very little detail, people will mentally fill it in for themselves; this can mean they view your characters in a sympathetic manner or not based on their own personal prejudices. If you provide a lot of detail that makes it "justifiable," it's very easy to go, "wait, why didn't he/she just leave their partner if it was this awful?" And there will be some people for whom no bad behavior justifies infidelity. That's not just true here, but pretty much anywhere you go online.

 

[Lifestyle66]

I mean, you’re basically talking about the very typical Hallmark movie romantic comedy plot, just with married people instead of boyfriend/fiancé stuff. FMC finds something in *location* (usually a small town) with *person she shouldn’t want* and breaks things off with *person viewer is supposed to root against*. Usually this means that the second male lead is set up to be somewhere between "disinterested jerk" and "moustache-twirlingly evil," with a few rare exceptions. There's actually a story in LW whose name escapes me at the moment, detailing what happens to the "bad" boyfriend after getting dumped at the altar; I seem to remember it being fairly entertaining.

That's the problem with trying to sell an affair as good or even morally neutral. If you provide very little detail, people will mentally fill it in for themselves; this can mean they view your characters in a sympathetic manner or not based on their own personal prejudices. If you provide a lot of detail that makes it "justifiable," it's very easy to go, "wait, why didn't he/she just leave their partner if it was this awful?" And there will be some people for whom no bad behavior justifies infidelity. That's not just true here, but pretty much anywhere you go online.

I just finished reading your latest Loving Wives story yesterday about the impact of the wife's affair.

That has to be one of the BEST stories of any category I've ever read!

To those of you who disparage the LW audience as a bunch of trolls and who never read anything in Loving Wives, you really should read "3BR, 2BA, 1 Story"! And take you times reading through the 185 comments. The story is only two days old, it's rated 4.54, and the usual haters are applauding it, even though there's no violence or hatred.

 

[Audiflex]

I admit I have not read many extramarital affair stories, but it seems many hue to a handful of the same tropes and dynamics. Among them:

A clear pursuer and pursued.
A clear transition point from plausibly deniable innocence to indefensible infidelity.
Guilt and second thoughts from at least one party.
A dramatic, often tragic, but in some rare cases HEA ending.

Many of those patterns may be the inevitable result of main characters with different sexual interest, compatibility, and maturity. Have you ever written or read an affair story where the drive is balanced, the progression smooth, the emotions uncomplicated, and the ending a more quiet ride into the sunset? Though at first glance it may seem paradoxical, upon closer inspection it seems something like that can still be just as erotically titillating and emotionally heart wrenching if not more.

You’re right, most affair stories do lean heavily on those tropes, but a quieter, more balanced take could be fascinating. Imagine a story where the attraction feels mutual and inevitable, the lines blur gradually, and the emotional weight comes from the quiet realism of it all. No big dramatic blow-ups, just two people navigating something messy but deeply human. It could be even more poignant because it feels so relatable. And yeah, the erotic tension could still be off the charts if the connection feels authentic. Sounds like a refreshing twist on the genre!

 

[Voboy]

Imagine a story where the attraction feels mutual and inevitable, the lines blur gradually, and the emotional weight comes from the quiet realism of it all. No big dramatic blow-ups, just two people navigating something messy but deeply human. It could be even more poignant because it feels so relatable. And yeah, the erotic tension could still be off the charts if the connection feels authentic. Sounds like a refreshing twist on the genre!

There are a thousand stories like that on this site. I wrote one just recently, for the holiday contest.

 

[Audiflex]

There are a thousand stories like that on this site. I wrote one just recently, for the holiday contest.

That's awesome!

 

[Belegon]

I would add one more dynamic to your list, that being the wondering by one spouse about what happened to the other spouse. People who marry usually feel at least something for their partner in the marriage. If the marriage splits because of an affair, it's unlikely both spouses would just forget the other existed. The range of emotions would run from just asking former in-laws or friends to stalking to the old "if I can't have him/her, nobody can".

A few possible situations come to mind that will make it easier to resolve the dilemma of the betrayed spouse.

1. Does the other spouse even know about the affair? Depending upon the length of the affair, they might not have a clue. A few nights when one spouse is away for some reason are pretty easy to hide. There have been men who have had two families in different cities for years.
2. Does the other spouse care? Extramarital affairs happen for a reason and that reason is usually the cheating spouse isn't getting what he/she needs at home. That's not necessarily sex.
3. Did the other spouse encourage the affair? That's not unheard of and happens for a variety of reasons, like staying together for appearances or because splitting would have some impact on both parties finances.

In these scenarios, the betrayed spouse doesn't need to be mentioned at all other than as an explanation for why he/she isn't in the story.

I am quite literally living number three. My spouse, to whom I am still married, has unequivocally let me know that our relationship is, capital letters OVER! But she has not filed for divorce and says she does not intend to because she is worried it will affect my medical insurance. For those who don't know, I have stage 4 cancer. The only part of #3 I'm not living is the encouragement of an affair. My spouse and I are living in separate homes, she doesn't talk to me and although I am currently persuing another relationship, I do not FEEL like I am having an affair. I'm not sure how she's going to feel about it. I do know that I don't particularly care what her opinion is at the moment. She's on my insurance, I'm not on hers, so I don't think that divorce would lead to a denial of coverage for ME. In the meantime, having her and her daughter on my insurance is kind of no big deal. The cost difference is maybe ten or twenty dollars a month. I'll pay tribute to the ten good years we had together before we started drifting apart at that rate. I don't want any bad blood between us.