Vampire with sinful imagination sought to co-operate on writing Erotic Horry story

[TheRedChamber]

I should warn you, though, that to behold her once is to fall forever.

She sounds ideal. Not to worry, we'll communicate mainly over forum messages.

 

[onehitwanda]

Why do I always sleep through the fun threads.

 

[SeraphNocturne]

50/50 but you get to do the Sci-Fi/Fantasy Conventions. Those places are meat markets.

Well… that was almost too easy. I’m not entirely convinced you aren’t a hunter—are you sure this isn’t a personals advert? I mean, I’m all for willing thralls… but if you’re trying to interview this vampire, I’ll need a bit more incentive.

…45/55. What’s your blood type? Final offer.

 

[EmilyMiller]

First of all, let me say this is no a personal ad. I'm not one of those weirdos who hang around on Internet forums trying to get vampires to come and bit them. I'm a serious author. You can check out my work here.

But there are some things I can't write about if I haven't experienced. I've got a ton of hot, sexy vampire stories outlined just waiting to be made real, but I need the input of a dark, brooding, passionate vampire to help me realize the details. For example, what does it feel like to be held at bay by a cross? Is it more effective if they have those little figures of Jesus on the front or will the simple two crossed bits of wood do? What about Celtic Crosses - I hear they were mostly decrative. Sorry, I should stress that I'm not religious. I know that makes you nervous.

Oh, and what about different blood types? Do you have a preference. I've heard that AB tastes like strawberries - is that true? And when you get down to it, just what sweet music do the children of the night make? I've sat in the hills for hours till 3am and all I hear is howling. More than anything I want to know how to describe the screeming void that comes from being a nightmare shade caught halftway between the waking world and the depth of hell. That's not something you can write about unless you've lived it.

Well - not lived it. You know what I mean. Unlived it.

One of my plots involve succubi, but I'm not sure - natural allies or is there bad blood between you? Get it? Blood. Yeah, I have a range of different vampires stories from the scary to the goofy. I've got this one where Arnold Swagernegger gets turned into a vampire and he's going round saying 'Your Necks' to everyone. It's hilarious.

I'm looking for someone highly articulate. I'll be honest, in my previous collaboration with a zombie, I found they just wouldn't pull their weight. My manuscripts kept coming back covered in drool and brains. Ideally I'd be looking for someone say of an 19th century Romantic bent. Maybe someone who hung around with Lord Byron and ran into the nosteratu on one of his infamous hell-benders. Or maybe an aristocratic lady of the court of the Sun King who fell to the Moon Lord, someone hanging around the literary salons of Paris circa the French Revolution (not entirely sure how I'd feel about a guiloutinee). But, hey, even if you were a victim of Jack the Ripper and an illiterate sex worker (that's what we call harlots now), we could still make it work. You could pass on your knowledge of the mean streets of Victorian London through recorded dictophone messages and I could transcribe them for posterity.

As you can tell from above I do have a thing for the older vampires. More recent turnees acceptable to, but I do need to pay attention to your age when you were turned. I was exchanging messages recently with this one vampire and we were getting along but then she let it slip that she'd been turned at a Bay City Rollers concert in 1972 - I was like, damn girl, just how old are you for all eternity? Not my scene, man.

I'm currently based in NYC, so if you were in Eastern Europe the timezones would match up nicely. It'd be my early evening when it was your blackest night. We'd get a lot done. That said, if you've immigrated here, that's cool as well. I'll work around you. I do need to stress I'm looking for a tradional European vampire. I don't mean to sound racist, but if your one of those weird Chinese hopping vampires, this isn't going to work.

As noted I'm serious writer. I want to stress this is an invitation to collabortate, not an invitation to come over and suck all my blood out. (Let's take that aspect slowly - joking, joking). I just want to write the best damn vampire story I can. I just want to hold a mirror up to life.

Sorry. Was that insenstive? Talkign about mirrors. See this is why I need a co-author.

Anyway, that's me. Looking forward to hearing from you.

TheRedChamber.

P.S. I've gone with the spelling 'vampire' here, but I'm not wedded to it. If you prefer 'vampyre' it's a quick find and replace in all my Word documents.
P.P.S. Must be female, over 5 ft 7 and a C or D cup. Fiery red-heads join the front of the queue.

My attorney will be in touch regarding this blatant copyright infringement.

I exercise my sole and indivisible right to all satirical threads relating to AH OPs seeking female authors for collaborations / mutual masturbation (delete as applicable).

I hope you have deep pockets!

Em

 

[TheRedChamber]

Well… that was almost too easy. I’m not entirely convinced you aren’t a hunter—are you sure this isn’t a personals advert? I mean, I’m all for willing thralls… but if you’re trying to interview this vampire, I’ll need a bit more incentive.

…45/55. What’s your blood type? Final offer.

Actually I'm a bit suspicious myself now. That guy looking for women writers the other day got nothing, but vampires? Suddenly there are tons of them. That's not right surely? I'm going to end up beating them off with a stake...er...stick in a minute.

 

[SeraphNocturne]

Actually I'm a bit suspicious myself now. That guy looking for women writers the other day got nothing, but vampires? Suddenly there are tons of them. That's not right surely? I'm going to end up beating them off with a stake...er...stick in a minute.

If you know anything about vampires, you’d know covens are not uncommon… and most undead women would be happy to suck you dry, but only if you ask politely.

 

[TheRedChamber]

My attorney will be in touch regarding this blatant copyright infringement.

I exercise my sole and indivisible right to all satirical threads relating to AH OPs seeking female authors for collaborations / mutual masturbation (delete as applicable).

I hope you have deep pockets!

Em

Well, hey, that thread I was mocking was up for a whole 5 hours18 minutes without you posting anything. You're slipping. If you'd been doing your job properly I wouldn't have had to step in.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Well, hey, that thread I was mocking was up for a whole 5 hours18 minutes without you posting anything. You're slipping. If you'd been doing your job properly I wouldn't have had to step in.

Copyright is copyright and your amateur attempt at defense will be swept away by my legal team.

See you in court .

Em

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Copyright is copyright and your amateur attempt at defense will be swept away by my legal team.

See you in court .

Em

Night Court, I presume?

 

[gunhilltrain]

My tall, blonde, voluptuous, pale-skinned French friend, Clarimonde, is a young (a mere 200 years or so) woman of extraordinary beauty, and attired with royal magnificence. She is radiant, and radiates light rather than receiving it, all sparkling with prismatic colours, and surrounded with such a penumbra as one beholds in gazing at the sun.

I should warn you, though, that to behold her once is to fall forever.

Something similar could be said about Medusa, although in a somewhat different direction. By the way, Freud's interpretation of her is one instance where he is really slinging some BS.

 

[gunhilltrain]

My tall, blonde, voluptuous, pale-skinned French friend, Clarimonde, is a young (a mere 200 years or so) woman of extraordinary beauty, and attired with royal magnificence. She is radiant, and radiates light rather than receiving it, all sparkling with prismatic colours, and surrounded with such a penumbra as one beholds in gazing at the sun.

I should warn you, though, that to behold her once is to fall forever.

Why do I always write about fairly ordinary (on the surface, anyway) women from places like Maspeth?