The unappreciated limerick

[TarnishedPenny]

OK, this might have gone in the Poets’ section, but so few acknowledge limericks as good poetry, so I’m planting it here rather than risking their ire.

I will admit a personal fondness for limericks. There is nothing pretentious about them and they are perhaps the least ponderous form of writing in existence. Well done, they’re funny. What’s not to like?

I’ll lead off with my all-time favourite:

The limerick form is complex,
Its content is mostly just sex,
With burgeons of virgins
And masculine urgins
And crackling erotic effects.

And another, just because it tickles my sense of humour:

A dozen, a gross and a score,
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more.

What’s your favourite?

 

[Rustyoznail]

I think this was from "The Benny Hill Show"

"There once was a girl from Nantucket.
Who crossed the sea in a bucket,
And when she got there
They asked for a fare
So she pulled up her dress and said:
“I'm sure I've got some change here somewhere.”

Boom boom...

 

[Bubo_bubo]

A Dutch one.
Er was eens een vrouwtje uit Naarden
Ja die had een hele behaarde
Alleen een huzaar
Die kwam er op klaar
Die had het geleerd op de paarden

And
Er was eens een man in Timboektoe
Die zei tegen z'n vrouw doe je broek toe
Je stinkt uit je kut
Je verpest heel de hut
Ik ga naar de hoer op de hoek toe.

(the rhyme makes funny).

 

[oggbashan]

There was a young sailor from Brighton,
Who remarked to his girl, You've a tight one,
She replied, "Oh my soul,
You're in the wrong hole,
There's plenty of room in the right one!"

The limerick's callous and crude,
Its morals distressingly lewd;
It's not worth the reading
By persons of breeding -
It's designed for us vulgar and rude.

 

[lovecraft68]

I don't think this is a limerick, but its from my last work, a dirty take on a children's prayer.

Now I lay me down to sleep,
Dreams of Hannah taking it deep,
May she ride me all through the night,
and wake me with head in the morning light.

I'll one again point out the ultimate irony that my parents, after being hell raisers and a dysfunctional mess for years found religion and have been hard core Pentecost since I was 14

Obviously it didn't take with me.

 

[oggbashan]

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

A pansy who lived in Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room.
They argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, with which, and to whom.

 

[oggbashan]

The good folk of the Authors' Hangout
Are sexy and perverted, no doubt.
But ask them to rhyme?
They haven't the time.
Prove me wrong. Let's find out.

 

[SimonDoom]

The limerick gets no respect.
It's oft-used for comic effect.
But if TP's words are true,
It's not getting its due,
So what of it can we expect?

 

[SimonDoom]

I delight in the Author's Hangout.
It's my favorite erotic redoubt.
But I'd be in trouble-
Times two! Oh my! Double!
If ever my family found out.

 

[AlinaX]

I never make fun of a rhyme
To do so would be a true crime
A good one will make
(And make no mistake)
A virgin lass unguard her hym-

- okay, that's just stupid.

 

[SimonDoom]

A limerick, sonnet, and ode,
Sauntered on, down the poetry road.
The ode found an urn,
The sonnet, a turn,
Leaving lim'rick in solit'ry mode.

 

[MrPixel]

There was a young fellow from Trent,
Who ran into a wall so he's bent.
The ladies all giggle and laugh
At the odd shape of his staff,
But they find the sensations godsent!

 

[Phantom300]

Closing the door and lock,
I decided to stroke my cock.
But I had nowhere to cum,
Once I was done,
So I sighed and took off my sock.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

There was a young sailor named Bates
Who did the fandango on skates
A fall on his cutless
Rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates

 

[Smuttyandfun]

There was a young man from Belgrave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said I admit
I'm a bit of a shit
But think of the money I save

 

[Bubo_bubo]

The good folk of the Authors' Hangout
Are sexy and perverted, no doubt.
But ask them to rhyme?
They haven't the time.
Prove me wrong. Let's find out.

 

[Phantom300]

On a date with busty Lucielle
Whose tits I was determined to feel.
She said if you please
You can give them a squeeze
And find out yourself they are real.

 

[Comshaw]

There was a young lady from Greeling,
Who professed to lack sexual feeling,
Till a fella name Horus, touched her clitoris
and she had to be scraped off the ceiling.

There was a young lady from Sequim,
who insisted on keeping it trim,
A fella named Dick,
gave it a long lick
And she instantly had quivering quim!

Comshaw

 

[AlinaX]

There once was a man in a frock
Who had a most troublesome cock
It came with a blast
That had men aghast
And left many maids quite in shock

There was a young lass from Belgrade
Who swore she was never afraid
To horror and gore
She sighed, "What a bore!"
But screamed every time she was laid

 

[Bubo_bubo]

There once was a virgin quite handy
Who fell afoul of a moralless dandy
He did feel her up
but just got a handjob
There stil is a virgin quite handy

 

[SamScribble]

A plumber who came from Dundee
Took a young lass by the sea
Said the lass (who was stunning):
'I think someone's coming.'
Said the plumber (still plumbing): 'It's me!'

 

[Smuttyandfun]

There was a young lass named Mary
Whose bush was sadly quite hairy
No one dared lick her
Or ever tried to dick her
Too afraid of their thing being buried

 

[jehoram]

And there's an old classic:

There was a young man from Nantucket
With a cock so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
"If my nose was a cunt I could fuck it!"

 

[Smuttyandfun]

There once was a woman named Jill
Who swallowed an exploding pill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And her tits in a tree in Brazil

 

[Candy_Kane54]

A flea and a fly in a flue
Were trapped so what could they do?
Said the fly, "Let's flee!"
Said the flea, "Let's fly!"
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.