the marks of a slave

[desertslave]

True.
I experienced that at the beginning, when we admitted to ourselves and accepted the "unbalance" as the "new balance": I stopped resenting many things and I became overall happier, and the same was for him.

But now that the unbalanced "new balance" too has been thrown out of sync by elements we have no control over, I'm resenting the unbalance all over again. With a vengeance. And is cutting deeply inside my soul and my love for Hubby.

We need to find a new "new balance". But it is subordinate to him finding first his own balance.

So in the meantime I keep up the facade, I polish my acting skills, and try to keep alive both my soul and my love for Hubby.

This can be SO hard, and caused by so many things. When my knees went to shit ('scuse my language) I gradually became limited in things I could do. Master had to step in for me at times, and the proverbial kneeling went right out the window. Making the adjustments in my asking for help were incredibly hard. He was willing to give it to me, but I was being obtuse and stubborn. Then we fell into a pattern where he "did" for me in ways that weren't necessary anymore, but we were both used to it. He clued in first, of course, so I had to catch up and realize that I could, indeed, re-assume certain things that I wasn't mindful about any longer. Another transition. <sigh>

Health issues, work schedules, family issues, they can all intrude and throw us off kilter. The only thing I can offer is to pay attention to the changes, and to try your best (both sides) to recognize what the changes mean, and what needs to be done to accommodate them. I think that the hardest part, sometimes, is being gracious about both the changes and the subsequent adjustments.

All through my deterioration and recovery I wanted to kneel, dammit! Sometimes I was too busy sulking about my disability to realize that Master had lost something, too. And I was too chicken to push myself and fully embrace my new knees to the fullest because I was way too conditioned to expect a very non-fun kind of pain from them. It's taken me three damn years to believe in them, but I do, I do, I do! It's funny how such a simple action, done at the right time, can restore balance to the universe.

If I had it to do over again, I would have asked Master to help us find a substitute action for the kneeling. I think that, by the time we realized what had been lost, we were too mired in coping with the results to give it much thought. I have a feeling that this can be symbolic of many other situations and circumstances.

 

[rida]

I understand how this can happen. I wish I knew an easy answer, but I don't.

It takes two to tango. And it's awfully hard to keep up the facade for months at a time without looking elsewhere for the dance connection you crave.

Thank you.

But honestly? It is wearing me down so much that I'm actually losing any desire to dance ...

*snip*

If I had it to do over again, I would have asked Master to help us find a substitute action for the kneeling. I think that, by the time we realized what had been lost, we were too mired in coping with the results to give it much thought. I have a feeling that this can be symbolic of many other situations and circumstances.

Thank you!

The above bolded part is so true.

But it is so hard indeed to be able to step back and reassess when it seems that there are too many balls that needs juggling in the present.

 

[eastern sun]

I'm struck by the circumstances faced by old slaves. When your body ages - you've served faithfully for many years - but he wants, desires, the benefits of a younger body. One of my earliest fears was that I would give him my best - and he would move on when I was no longer able to give him what he wanted any more.

He does not really want the older woman that I am.

But the human in us recognizes the value in an investment. Recognizes loyalty. Faithfulness. Recognizes sacrifice and service. The human in us creates bonds that are not based only on our physical capabilities, beauty, etc.

Thank God.

But it's a chilling moment.

And, I'll admit, I'm prone to jealousy, regardless of being slave.

 

[desertslave]

I resemble that "old slave" remark!

Thing is, I have an "old Master" too. Things even out. We support each other, though the ways have changed according to circumstances. He has vision problems--we adjust. I have joint problems--we adjust again. Somewhere along the way what started as a kink-based relationship became a full-fledged loving commitment with a BDSM overlay, if that makes sense. Master might just jump in here and say things differently, but the way I see it is that we have M/s as the framework in which we've worked on fitting in the other parts of our lives.

We've had our share of identity crises: who am I now that xyz has happened? I can't kneel, he can't swing our favorite flogger as easily as he used to, my kids are at ages where there are different demands on my time and attention (more freedom but big life issues like college and cars), etc.

I'm honestly not sure if it's the M/s or the love that glues us together at this point, but it works. When we do stumble (which we do, big and little) we seem to find our way back because one of us (usually me LOL) breaks down and starts to talk. We forget about the talking, too long, sometimes. Silly us.

 

[eastern sun]

We forget about the talking, too long, sometimes. Silly us.

What do you forget to talk about?

 

[desertslave]

What do you forget to talk about?

Oh dear, that's a tricky one! We tend to start getting too complacent or just caught up in other things and start letting the little details that make us 'US' slip. One of us will notice but not say anything, at first. It goes from acute to chronic and either we (one or the other) sulk, shut down or otherwise become generally disagreeable. If we could remember, sooner, to just say a nice 'hey you, let's fix this' instead, it would solve a lot of trouble. We've done this a few times, now, in different ways. Slow learners, I guess.

 

[eastern sun]

Oh dear, that's a tricky one! We tend to start getting too complacent or just caught up in other things and start letting the little details that make us 'US' slip. One of us will notice but not say anything, at first. It goes from acute to chronic and either we (one or the other) sulk, shut down or otherwise become generally disagreeable. If we could remember, sooner, to just say a nice 'hey you, let's fix this' instead, it would solve a lot of trouble. We've done this a few times, now, in different ways. Slow learners, I guess.

This is a common experience in most relationships, I think. Do you find that the M/s framework includes an expectation that you (as slave) need to take the first step to put things back on track?

If so, I'm curious what you rely on . . . protocol, i.e. ritualized gestures? Sexual service? Favorite pastimes? Serious conversation? Do you loosen your identity as slave, or move more deeply into it?

If not, do you find that you are able to let your own resentments go, when he takes ownership again?

I'm always curious whether other slaves' resentments are lessened or deepened by the non-negotiable "life" moments.

 

[desertslave]

This is a common experience in most relationships, I think. Do you find that the M/s framework includes an expectation that you (as slave) need to take the first step to put things back on track?

If so, I'm curious what you rely on . . . protocol, i.e. ritualized gestures? Sexual service? Favorite pastimes? Serious conversation? Do you loosen your identity as slave, or move more deeply into it?

If not, do you find that you are able to let your own resentments go, when he takes ownership again?

I'm always curious whether other slaves' resentments are lessened or deepened by the non-negotiable "life" moments.

I think the efforts towards realignment are about even, between us, but I have a bad habit of a) being obtuse to his signals because I'm too busy wallowing and b) getting stuck inside my own head too much so I cook up meltdowns.

Master, of course, doesn't melt down (that sounds snarky, but I really mean it), but if I manage to pay attention soon enough, I can pick up on his signals. Once we get past the meltdown stage and start talking again, it's almost like a magic reset button, many times. We make time to talk things over, pretty calmly, and start making efforts to resolve the problems.

Once I'm 'taken in hand' again, I respond with a profound sense of relief. I don't know any other way to describe it.

 

[eastern sun]

I think the efforts towards realignment are about even, between us, but I have a bad habit of a) being obtuse to his signals because I'm too busy wallowing and b) getting stuck inside my own head too much so I cook up meltdowns.

Master, of course, doesn't melt down (that sounds snarky, but I really mean it), but if I manage to pay attention soon enough, I can pick up on his signals. Once we get past the meltdown stage and start talking again, it's almost like a magic reset button, many times. We make time to talk things over, pretty calmly, and start making efforts to resolve the problems.

Once I'm 'taken in hand' again, I respond with a profound sense of relief. I don't know any other way to describe it.

We've always been pretty even on the meltdowns.

But I've been working on that. Diligently. I've got to the point where I am more likely to be brusque - in that frank honest kind of way which doesn't take into account the impact of what I'm saying - than wait until a full-out meltdown.

He says I hurt his feelings.

(He's going to read this . . . but I'm going to say it anyway . . . )

I have spent our life together learning how to accept his meltdowns as the best he can do in that moment. He still can't stand mine and gets defensive and angry whenever I'm visibly upset.

Apparently, I use these circumstances to fortify my feelings of superiority.

 

[Netzach]

I would like the benefits of a younger body today! I'll even trade up 10 years for one that works.

I'm also the person who countenances meltdowns, because I am the less mentally delicate one, officially. You know what? I've started pointing out the double standard. Admittedly, being the D, I have more leeway to do this, but it's not met as poorly as I thought it would be. It's met thoughtfully.

"If I were the person to say to you whatever how would you react?"

"You know when you throw a box of cereal across the room I just let it ride, so how come you're taking it 100 percent personally when I throw a box of kleenex across the room, maybe it's NOT about you" (even if it is)

It's one thing to be supportive, and it's another to be held hostage to someone else's psychic junk. I don't believe M wants me to be.

 

[eastern sun]

It's one thing to be supportive, and it's another to be held hostage to someone else's psychic junk. I don't believe M wants me to be.

I've looked carefully at that one, and can confidently say that I am as hard to put up with as he is.

However, there is a legacy of hostage-taking in our family. We're working pretty hard to make sure we aren't sugar-coating bad behavior with the romance of M/s.

 

[diana_ds]

diana, portuguese sub

Hello everyone

Saying hi as a newface here,
hope to get fun reading all your posts and make new friends.

kiss&hugz
di

 

[Rainbow_dash]

How about being branded?

as a MLP we are expected to get an ass tattoo, but that's more our symbol than a slave mark.

 

[eastern sun]

Hello everyone

Saying hi as a newface here,
hope to get fun reading all your posts and make new friends.

kiss&hugz
di

Welcome. I look forward to getting to know you.

 

[eastern sun]

How about being branded?

as a MLP we are expected to get an ass tattoo, but that's more our symbol than a slave mark.

I have been marveling at the timing of your appearance today! My family and I were just discussing the growing adult My Little Pony scene at the dinner table last night. I hadn't been aware of it, but my teenagers filled me in (though they're missing most of the details - innocents that they are).

Will you get the same tattoo as your namesake? What happens when two different people want the same name?

 

[Rainbow_dash]

I have been marveling at the timing of your appearance today! My family and I were just discussing the growing adult My Little Pony scene at the dinner table last night. I hadn't been aware of it, but my teenagers filled me in (though they're missing most of the details - innocents that they are).

Will you get the same tattoo as your namesake? What happens when two different people want the same name?

Yes, i will get the tattoo, I've never run into another yet, but it's bound to happen. then it's hot dashhie on dashie action!

 

[sweepthefloor]

Your particular brand of sexy does not sag with the time. It is firmer than any body.

 

[eastern sun]

Your particular brand of sexy does not sag with the time. It is firmer than any body.

Thanks. You remind me that I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Maybe that's inevitable. But it bores me, too.

 

[sweepthefloor]

It’s alight to sit on the pity-pot sometimes, flush the toilet and watch the poor-me circle the drain hole and disappear. I do it all the time, and then I laugh like a maniac.

 

[lilmisscontrary]

Love This Thread

I have found this thread to be so insightful and informative. Thank you to everyone who has posted. I clicked on this thread today out of sheer curiosity and spent many hours just reading. This is one of the most fascinating threads I have ever had the pleasure of reading. As a newbie to the forums I felt that I just had to comment to show my respect and appreciation for such a diverse and beautiful group of people. There is so much insight and wisdom from the regular posters on this thread. Thank you

 

[eastern sun]

I have found this thread to be so insightful and informative. Thank you to everyone who has posted. I clicked on this thread today out of sheer curiosity and spent many hours just reading. This is one of the most fascinating threads I have ever had the pleasure of reading. As a newbie to the forums I felt that I just had to comment to show my respect and appreciation for such a diverse and beautiful group of people. There is so much insight and wisdom from the regular posters on this thread. Thank you

Thank you. There is wisdom on these boards.

 

[eastern sun]

"Petty defiance makes my dick soft." He said it with contempt.

 

[Netzach]

"Petty defiance makes my dick soft." He said it with contempt.

Ha that's awesome.

I am empathizing with myself lately, don't mind me.

 

[eastern sun]

It's taken me a long time to realize that my desire to take control of a situation is rooted in my aggressiveness. Which means - in any situation - when I first let go of the need to be in control. . . in those first few moments. . . I'm practically drowning in my own aggressive energy.

I have always been a good girl. But it doesn't take much to make me bite.

 

[eastern sun]

aggression -

• hostile or violent behavior or attitudes toward another; readiness to attack or confront
• the action of attacking without provocation, esp. in beginning a quarrel or war
• forceful and sometimes overly assertive pursuit of one's aims and interests

Ok. That makes sense.