The Isolated Blurt BDSM Thread
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chy_girl
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Oh, she's going to be very put out with me and probably a little pissed when she realizes that what she understood was not actually what I meant when I said what I did.
So, can we just go ahead and fuck me with a sideways phone pole now and get it over with?
So, can we just go ahead and fuck me with a sideways phone pole now and get it over with?
ArchLady03
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I don't want to go to class today... but afterwards we get to go drinking with out hot-as-hell professor... ok it evens out 
justnoldfriend
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Welcome to the club..
*hugs*Lets hope these fucked up needy feelings fades away one sweet day.
My life would be so much easier if I've never tasted dominance. I need it now. And it's not like you could ease those cravings yourself.. *grumble*
As for my blurt..
It sucks to know WHAT you need and yet not being able to do a thing about it. You can just sit and wait and hope, that those feelings will pass. Fast. Or you might just end up feeling so needy and numb that you don't even care anymore.
Not sure whats worse.
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Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
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Sometimes we *can't* fix our fuck-ups. Sometimes, all we can do is let the affected ones know that we know we fucked up, we're very very sorry, and we'll do our best to never ever do it again... and hope for forgiveness. It sucks, but we've all done it, and we'll all likely do it again - more than once. It's a (sad) part of the human condition. {{{ Huggles }}}
ultramarineblue
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*hugs*
Welcome to the club..
Lets hope these fucked up needy feelings fades away one sweet day.
My life would be so much easier if I've never tasted dominance. I need it now. And it's not like you could ease those cravings yourself.. *grumble*
As for my blurt..
It sucks to know WHAT you need and yet not being able to do a thing about it. You can just sit and wait and hope, that those feelings will pass. Fast. Or you might just end up feeling so needy and numb that you don't even care anymore.
Not sure whats worse.
Thanks. I hope you find what you need fast.
The human condition really sucks sometimes.
FloggingMolly
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Chy~ *hugs*
blurt: I got to use the line 'no, I actually can't have kids' on an obnoxious customer today. Serves her right for prying. She left rather sharpish
blurt: I got to use the line 'no, I actually can't have kids' on an obnoxious customer today. Serves her right for prying. She left rather sharpish
DeepGreenEyes
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Lizzie_Borden
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That's the argument I use on myself when I want seconds, or don't want to go to the gym.
"Yeah, but you also don't want to be fat anymore. So what's it's gonna be?"
"Fine!" *pout*
chy_girl
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I did let them know. And now I'm scared shitless.
I turned it off. The submissive part. If something is big enough I can sometimes compartmentalize it enough to turn it off, and I did. Only I thought I could make an exception this time and be able to turn it back on when I wanted.
I managed to turn it off... but I couldn't turn it back on. I acted the way I should have, nothing in that regard was incorrect. But my head... it's harder to make your mind act the way you want, and it wasn't submissive.
Then I looked my very dear Mistress in the eyes and realized that I stole that part from them. As poor of a choice as it was to push the submissive part far, far away it was *MY* choice. But it effects them too, and I didn't give them that choice.
Now I don't know how to fix it with them or how to turn it back on. And I really don't want to lose my People. That part wasn't supposed to happen.
*teary smile*
Talk about a prime example of being your own worse enemy. And there is very little, very empty consolation in knowing that at least when I fuck up I do it right the first time. Always the over achiever, huh?
ultramarineblue
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I don't want to do what he's told me to do. It isn't because of what it is. It's that I don't want to listen. I wonder if it's me trying to figure out where the line is where I will actually be in trouble or what. I don't really know where it is.
Cattypuss
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That's the argument I use on myself when I want seconds, or don't want to go to the gym.
"Yeah, but you also don't want to be fat anymore. So what's it's gonna be?"
"Fine!" *pout*
LOL yeah, I can certainly do the pouting bit
ultramarineblue
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Bleh. Why can't some things at least be simple?
Sir_Winston54
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Complexity helps us grow. {{{Huggles anyhoo}}}
ultramarineblue
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Thank you. I just want to figure out what I want. I'm not doing so well with that.
Sir_Winston54
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I've been trying to figure out what I want to be/do when I grow up for about 60 years. Good luck.
ultramarineblue
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As far as jobs, I'm somewhat ok on that. It's just the relationship stuff I'm stuck on right now.
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rida
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Hugs ... from someone in the same boat
*snip*
*teary smile*
Talk about a prime example of being your own worse enemy. And there is very little, very empty consolation in knowing that at least when I fuck up I do it right the first time. Always the over achiever, huh?
More hugs ... from someone in the same boat
DeepGreenEyes
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I did let them know. And now I'm scared shitless.
I turned it off. The submissive part. If something is big enough I can sometimes compartmentalize it enough to turn it off, and I did. Only I thought I could make an exception this time and be able to turn it back on when I wanted.
<snip>
It strikes me that you're being awfully hard on yourself here. They want you, and you're an actual human, not a robot.
I find that even core aspects of my sexuality are cyclical. It will come back.
chy_girl
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I swear to all that is holy, there is a planet out of alignment somewhere. A subbie friend of mine and I were talking at the event last night and she's seeing the same thing cropping up on her boards, in the local kink community, and with some of her non-kink friends. Everyone has their own individual dock, but the boat is exactly the same. And the bastard just keeps floating down shit creek.Hugs ... from someone in the same boat
More hugs ... from someone in the same boat
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chy_girl
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It strikes me that you're being awfully hard on yourself here. They want you, and you're an actual human, not a robot.
I find that even core aspects of my sexuality are cyclical. It will come back.
You sound an awful lot like my Sir. Enough that it's kind of creepy sometimes. Especially when you both use the same phrasing. If you ever end up in my neck of the woods, the four of have got to get together for coffee. Seriously.
The hardest part is that I know how bitchy, defiant, and resentful my head was being. I was able to suck it up and let Mistress have her time to shine - and shine she did. But had it not been for my one subbie friend who was also there, I'd have never have made it. There were a few times when I didn't think I was going to make it.
I'm afraid the next time I'm with them that it'll be the same - the same bitchy, defiant, resentful head space. Only I won't be able to control it the next time. And they're human too. I can only expect them to forgive me so many times.
Thank you for your words of encouragement though.
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