The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Handley_Page]

... and you get a check from a gum chewing diner waitress.

I put in a box of straws...

but the check doesn't cover it.



I put in a new pair of loudspeakers

 

[CarolinaPeach]

but the check doesn't cover it.



I put in a new pair of loudspeakers

... and you get tinnitus.

I put in ear plugs

 

[Saxon_Hart]

... and you get tinnitus.

I put in ear plugs

But the package has an r before the ear.......


I put in a tube of KY.

 

[LWulf]

I put in a tube of KY.

You get back a youtube video of Kentucky Blue Grass.

I insert a diamond and a square coin and pull the dispenser lever.

 

[Handley_Page]

You get back a youtube video of Kentucky Blue Grass.

I insert a diamond and a square coin and pull the dispenser lever.

the coin comes out round and the diamond vanishes in a puff of smoke.



I put in a Titanium tooth

 

[Saxon_Hart]

the coin comes out round and the diamond vanishes in a puff of smoke.



I put in a Titanium tooth

And the tooth fairy gives you a wooden nickle.



I put in a yard of astro turf.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And the tooth fairy gives you a wooden nickle.



I put in a yard of astro turf.

and you get an in-ground swimming pool.

I put in an acre of land between the salt water and the sea sand...

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and you get an in-ground swimming pool.

I put in an acre of land between the salt water and the sea sand...

But the name "OK coral" just doesn't have the right ring.


I put in an aging rail road trestle.

 

[CarolinaPeach]

But the name "OK coral" just doesn't have the right ring.


I put in an aging rail road trestle.

... and you get a nickle that has been flattened by the passage of a train.

I put in a long ago summer's day.

 

[Handley_Page]

... and you get a nickle that has been flattened by the passage of a train.

I put in a long ago summer's day.

But the smile stays away.



I put in a newly-hatched duckling.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But the smile stays away.



I put in a newly-hatched duckling.

and it sure is ugly.

I put in a performance of Swan Lake...

 

[stickygirl]

and it sure is ugly.

I put in a performance of Swan Lake...

( now that I would like to see )

but the dyeing swan comes out pink

I put in an arabesque and a plie

 

[Tio_Narratore]

( now that I would like to see )

but the dyeing swan comes out pink

I put in an arabesque and a plie

and you get piles from an arab.

I put in T. E. Lawrence...

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and you get piles from an arab.

I put in T. E. Lawrence...

But the T.E. in this case stands for Tommy Erotica and he writes crappy porn.



I put in T.S. Eliot

 

[LWulf]

I put in T.S. Eliot

You get back Mr. T, and he pity's the fool who tried to trade up from T.S. Eliot.


I put in a time machine, a plug nickle and pull the handle.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

You get back Mr. T, and he pity's the fool who tried to trade up from T.S. Eliot.


I put in a time machine, a plug nickle and pull the handle.

You get the one Timex that didn't keep ticking.


I put in H.P. Lovecraft.

 

[Handley_Page]

You get the one Timex that didn't keep ticking.


I put in H.P. Lovecraft.

but Cthulu is not at home.



I put in a monocycle

 

[Saxon_Hart]

but Cthulu is not at home.



I put in a monocycle

But it's nicknamed the kissing bike and is avoided by teens everywhere.


I put in an old fashioned hootenanny.

 

[Handley_Page]

But it's nicknamed the kissing bike and is avoided by teens everywhere.


I put in an old fashioned hootenanny.

full of bagpipe music and unfathomable accents.



I put in a closed door

 

[Saxon_Hart]

full of bagpipe music and unfathomable accents.



I put in a closed door

But they get in the window anyway.



I put in a warm moist towel.

 

[steve44uk]

But they get in the window anyway.



I put in a warm moist towel.

... and you end up dry-humping it.

I put in three fingers of Scotch...

 

[Saxon_Hart]

... and you end up dry-humping it.

I put in three fingers of Scotch...

Thanks! You get my gratitude.

I put in an empty glass that smells of scotch.

 

[steve44uk]

Thanks! You get my gratitude.

I put in an empty glass that smells of scotch.

... but you suddenly realise I wasn't talking about the drink.

I put in a pained expression...

 

[Saxon_Hart]

... but you suddenly realise I wasn't talking about the drink.

I put in a pained expression...

And you get a fake clown nose to brighten your day.


I put in Marcel Marceau

 

[steve44uk]

And you get a fake clown nose to brighten your day.


I put in Marcel Marceau

... and you get a hatful of rain, 'cause no-one likes a mime.

I put in a Breton shirt...