Swinging Time Machine

[nice90sguy]

Catherine the Great

Seconded, especially after watching Jeanne Moreau 's version of her tying up Peter O'Toole (perfect pornstar name) and making him kiss her feet.

 

[HordHolm]

Hmm... one that I missed:

Antoine-Charles-Louis Lassalle. A French Hussar general under Napoleon (I promise, I don't really have a thing for cavalry generals). The Hussars were already noted for their flamboyant derring-do, but Lassalle upped this more than a notch. Noted for sneaking through enemy lines to sleep with the opposition's wives, as well as an all-round rake, gambler, wit and really good-dresser (but all Hussars were so that doesn't really count*). Claimed that any Hussar who wasn't dead by 30 was a blackguard. Died at the age of 34 at the Battle of Wagram (1809), so he was a blackguard - and we need a couple or more at this event - but Napoleon, and the army as a whole, considered him to be the Dude.

* Funny side story - during the awful Peninsular War in Spain (1808 - 1813) a unit of French Hussars was sent off to forage for food and fodder for the starving army. So what they actually came back with was two hundred yards of silk brocade from somewhere, because "it looked really good." Think the Cat out of Red Dwarf.

 

[Euphony]

I'm choosing to focus on female participants as males are more dime a dozen at such affairs.

Madame Cheng – commanded the largest pirate army ever (300+ ships) this is a woman who knows how to navigate thorny situations and complex bureaucracy. Sexual prowess is often the stuff of pop culture and not really based on first hand accounts. I trust in deeds and a woman who got so much shit done likely gets shit done in all areas of life, including and maybe even especially the bedroom.

Anne Bonny - rising to the top of the ranks in both patriarchal times and an even more patriarchal profession, I trust if/when shit goes sideways, she's handling it. Add in significant experience in dealing with the fallout of male sexual aggression and you've got an ass kicker of the highest order.

Same era group play often devolves into clusterfucks so adding in multi-eras and multi-cultural participants only ups the degree of difficulty.

I'm prioritizing head cavers over purported attractiveness. They'll keep this always a breath away from catastrophe on the rails and their innate self-confidence lends itself to plenty of quality play in any events that occur.

 

[Euphony]

Debating the male portion of the proceedings does provoke an interesting thought exercise. Are noted lotharios helped or hindered by their plus abilities in their era?

Essentially, were they so good in their time as to become historical/legendary that they are simultaneously purpose built exactly for the particulars of their era and less fluid/able to change to a different script should it present itself?

Casanova slaying in his time may mean he's a purpose built tool for the job and so not as multi-tasking as you might need in this extreme sexual pairings scenario.

Navigating an insular royal court of very like minded (or even related ) may not lend itself directly to the skills necessary to navigate this once in human history sexual free for all.

So many thoughts...

 

[onehitwanda]

Funny side story - during the awful Peninsular War in Spain (1808 - 1813) a unit of French Hussars was sent off to forage for food and fodder for the starving army. So what they actually came back with was two hundred yards of silk brocade from somewhere, because "it looked really good."

I mean... I'm not even surprised.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

I hate to be a negative Nelly but I wouldn’t want to invite anyone if I didn’t have a clue what they looked like.

We only have vague estimates of what Cleopatra and various others may look like and there’s that wonderful joke in Hudson Hawk (a wonderful Joke in Hudson Hawk, Really? Yes, really) where the Mona Lisa smiles and her teeth are horrible.

So this would put me right off anyone pre-20th century.

That said, if it was the last century top of the list would be Louise Brooks (one of the hottest women of all time) and Tamara De Lempicka, one of the hottest artists of all time.

That’s all I can think of right now. It’s a tricky thing to think of as I never have it much thought.

 

[Euphony]

I hate to be a negative Nelly but I wouldn’t want to invite anyone if I didn’t have a clue what they looked like.

I'm of a mind that sheer volume and spectrum of bodies on display will have me more in a buffet experiential state than a 9 course meal.

Variety and spice is what's going to help me push through the high tolerance I'll likely build over the course of hours and hours of sexy fun time.

Pretty people often don't have to work for it in the bedroom so they end up with rather boring scripts.

Give me a shake up artist or two.

Hell, I was thinking of a Caveman station. (obviously set apart from the main staging area so no accidental stumble ins)

No hang ups. No language. It'd be a fascinating, near primal experience able to unlock those doors that need unlocking and is best done by someone (or thing?) that has little to no inbuilt social hang ups, notions, or graces to worry with.

Plenty of yummy vegan offerings, enough to fill anyone's appetite but for those that want/need a red meat offering, come over to the corner and have your hair pulled for a bit.

 

[djrip]

Hell, I was thinking of a Caveman station. (obviously set apart from the main staging area so no accidental stumble ins)

No hang ups. No language. It'd be a fascinating, near primal experience able to unlock those doors that need unlocking and is best done by someone (or thing?) that has little to no inbuilt social hang ups, notions, or graces to worry with.

Interesting thought... I'm not so sure cavefolk would be free of hangups. Might be more like, "you can't have sex without smearing your feet in lard under a gibbous moon first! You'll make the honey turn rancid and we'll have bad weather for a month!"

 

[onehitwanda]

Interesting thought... I'm not so sure cavefolk would be free of hangups. Might be more like, "you can't have sex without smearing your feet in lard under a gibbous moon first! You'll make the honey turn rancid and we'll have bad weather for a month!"

This is... oddly specific.

And I don't remember this from Clan of the Cave Bear. Is there more Neanderthal fanfiction that I haven't read?

 

[Bramblethorn]

Some left-field candidates:

1. Emilie du Chatelet. She may not have been the best looker out there but if smart is sexy then she was about the sexiest woman of the 18th century, and she could hold her own with a sword in her hand, too (fnarr). She was good enough for Voltaire, so she'd be good enough for us, and that creative mind could well have some very kinky practices up her sleeve.

In that case, gotta invite Julie d'Aubigny/La Maupin. Iconic thirsty sword disaster bisexual.

 

[djrip]

This is... oddly specific.

And I don't remember this from Clan of the Cave Bear. Is there more Neanderthal fanfiction that I haven't read?

Just spitballin'!

 

[Euphony]

This is... oddly specific.

And I don't remember this from Clan of the Cave Bear. Is there more Neanderthal fanfiction that I haven't read?

Less fanfic, more picture books.

Cave paintings, really.

 

[Euphony]

Just spitballin'!

My idea so the line forms behind me thank you very much.

https://i.ibb.co/TKQMGsd/MV5-BZDE4-OTg1-MDUt-Yj-Bh-MS00-MDE3-LWI1-Nj-Ut-ZWIw-MDg4-Mm-Yw-ODdh-Xk-Ey-Xk-Fqc-Gde-QXVy-NTM3-MDMy.jpg

 

[Rob_Royale]

Terrific ideas. I'd read it.

 

[NoTalentHack]

Lucrezia Borgia. I like to live dangerously.

 

[HordHolm]

Lucrezia Borgia. I like to live dangerously.

Oooh, good choice. Sweet girl, apparently, educated and great company, with an added frisson of not really knowing if those stories were really true.

 

[Rustyoznail]

I'm surprised no one's mentioned Mata Hari. There's pictures, EMcP.

Plus, I'd be interested in learning her side of the story. So much of her life would have been labelled as "Top Secret".