TheRedChamber
Apprentice
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2014
- Posts
- 1,724
The game is simple...
It's Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure except instead of travelling through time to find historical figures for our history report, we're travelling to find guests for the most banging gang bang ever. Some rules:
1) No hard cut-off date, but limited to those people who lived largely before the age of moving film and so we don't necessarily have a realistic mental image of (sorry Marilyn)
2) Figures of dubious historical existance are allowed but not outright mythical ones. The Queen of Sheba is okay, Aphrodite is not, Queen Guinevere is borderline.
3) It's true, history has not always been kind to people, especially strong independent women - but if there are rumours that sound like they'd make someone a good invitee, they are not to be questioned.
4) Also allowed to include people you definitely wouldn't pick.
5) It's assumed that guests are given access to a shower and modern dentistry before the party starts. (Edit: And an STD clinic and vitamin supplements)
6) Star Trek Universal Translators for all. Language is no issue.
I'll get us started with some easy choices:
ON THE LIST:
1) Cleopatra - needs no explanation.
2) The Six Wives of Henry the Eighth - At least three of them were goers. Anne of Cleeves, but for a different reasons, she spent four months married to Henry and didn't realize the marriage hadn't been consumated - even if she just watches, girl needs an education fast. Possibly swap out pious Catherine of Aragon for an extra Boleyn sister. Extra party game +10 points for every non-cannonical male heir bred after the ladies are returned to their own timeline, +50 points if once the timelines have sorted themselves out, the current monarch is non-white.
3) Mary Tudor - while Henry VIII himself isn't invited to this party, his sister most definitely is. She married the French king Louis XII - who died a month later from 'exhaustion in the bedroom' - Mary was apparently keen to get back to marry her true love who Henry had promised was a-ok if old Louis popped off first (likely as he was 50s to her 20s) so set about the task with gusto. Ignore all those boring old historians who say it was gout, they're just bitter they don't have a hot young wife fucking them to death.
4) Solomon's Wife - There have been a lot of lusty love songs written over the millenia. We're all amateur scribblers of filth ourselves. Regardless, you get your wank bank poems in the freaking bible then your muse gets an invite. It's that simple.
NOT ON THE LIST:
1) Marie Antoinette - knew how to party, but we don't want the greedy tart eating all the cake.
2) Marquis du Sade - you just know this guy isn't going to respect boundaries.
3) Helen of Troy - liable to start a fight. (oh, wait! already breaking my mythical rule, but not invited anyway)
4) Lord Byron - mad, bad and dangerous to know - none of those are good things.
5) Henry VIII - see above
It's Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure except instead of travelling through time to find historical figures for our history report, we're travelling to find guests for the most banging gang bang ever. Some rules:
1) No hard cut-off date, but limited to those people who lived largely before the age of moving film and so we don't necessarily have a realistic mental image of (sorry Marilyn)
2) Figures of dubious historical existance are allowed but not outright mythical ones. The Queen of Sheba is okay, Aphrodite is not, Queen Guinevere is borderline.
3) It's true, history has not always been kind to people, especially strong independent women - but if there are rumours that sound like they'd make someone a good invitee, they are not to be questioned.
4) Also allowed to include people you definitely wouldn't pick.
5) It's assumed that guests are given access to a shower and modern dentistry before the party starts. (Edit: And an STD clinic and vitamin supplements)
6) Star Trek Universal Translators for all. Language is no issue.
I'll get us started with some easy choices:
ON THE LIST:
1) Cleopatra - needs no explanation.
2) The Six Wives of Henry the Eighth - At least three of them were goers. Anne of Cleeves, but for a different reasons, she spent four months married to Henry and didn't realize the marriage hadn't been consumated - even if she just watches, girl needs an education fast. Possibly swap out pious Catherine of Aragon for an extra Boleyn sister. Extra party game +10 points for every non-cannonical male heir bred after the ladies are returned to their own timeline, +50 points if once the timelines have sorted themselves out, the current monarch is non-white.
3) Mary Tudor - while Henry VIII himself isn't invited to this party, his sister most definitely is. She married the French king Louis XII - who died a month later from 'exhaustion in the bedroom' - Mary was apparently keen to get back to marry her true love who Henry had promised was a-ok if old Louis popped off first (likely as he was 50s to her 20s) so set about the task with gusto. Ignore all those boring old historians who say it was gout, they're just bitter they don't have a hot young wife fucking them to death.
4) Solomon's Wife - There have been a lot of lusty love songs written over the millenia. We're all amateur scribblers of filth ourselves. Regardless, you get your wank bank poems in the freaking bible then your muse gets an invite. It's that simple.
NOT ON THE LIST:
1) Marie Antoinette - knew how to party, but we don't want the greedy tart eating all the cake.
2) Marquis du Sade - you just know this guy isn't going to respect boundaries.
3) Helen of Troy - liable to start a fight. (oh, wait! already breaking my mythical rule, but not invited anyway)
4) Lord Byron - mad, bad and dangerous to know - none of those are good things.
5) Henry VIII - see above
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