Safety: Passing Out During BDSM/Breathe Play

[submissivehippie]

Just a heads up, this is a long one, but I think it’s a very important conversation to have considering how common it is.

Preface: Over the weekend I celebrated my 19th birthday at a coworker’s lake house. My BF/Dom and I were in the upstairs bedroom getting freaky, and he was standing at the edge of the bed railing me. He started choking me right as he was about to cum, and I passed out. He started freaking out because I wasn’t breathing, and he had no idea what to do. Fortunately he was able to get my coworker (for context we’re lifeguards), and I was resuscitated before paramedics even arrive. That being said, there’s nothing worse than waking up naked in a pool of your own vomit. We’re all pretty shaken up by the experience, and I don’t think either of us will do breath play again. I hope I can use what I learned to help others.

Passing during sex, particularly when orgasming is common, however it can be dangerous. Some people may have a medical condition which can cause this to happen, in which case it’s important to give your partner a heads up.

If Your Partner Passes Out Without Warning or for Longer than 30 seconds

1. Loosen any restraints, particularly those around the neck.

2. Check for responsiveness by lightly hitting their cheek and asking if they are okay

3. If they are unresponsive, check for pulse and listen for breathing

4. If they are unresponsive but breathing, roll them onto their side into recovery position.

5. If they are not breathing, begin mouth to mouth resuscitation: tilt their head back, pull the chin down, and pinch their nose. Use your mouth to form a seal over their’s and deliver two rescue breaths. Let go of the nose and make sure chest rises. Repeat process by giving two breaths every five seconds until they are breathing on their own.

6. If they have no pulse and are not breathing, place them prone on a solid surface. Place one hand on top of another in the center of their chest and begin giving compressions (2 inches deep) it helps if you count “1-100, 2-100, etc.” then give two breaths after every 30 compressions.

Important Note: CPR is nothing like how it looks in the movies. Chest compressions will break the rib cage, and often the victim will vomit.

7. If they are still unresponsive after 2 minutes call Emergency Services

I’d definitely try to avoid using chokers/collars that are too tight, and go for gags that have holes for breathing. ALWAYS have a safe word when engaging in any form of BDSM.

If you have anything to add on/experience with this topic please share! I’d definitely recommend checking the Red Cross website for resources.

 

[KimGordon67]

There have been one or two other threads on this. The general consensus is that anyone engaging in breath play should do some freaking research first (with a fairly common side order of 'this is too dangerous and should never happen' - not a camp I'm in, but I'm very much a fan of the slow and cautious approach to anything in the d/s realm).

 

[RoperTrace]

. .

 

[submissivehippie]

There have been one or two other threads on this. The general consensus is that anyone engaging in breath play should do some freaking research first (with a fairly common side order of 'this is too dangerous and should never happen' - not a camp I'm in, but I'm very much a fan of the slow and cautious approach to anything in the d/s realm).

I think Rope Tracer did an excellent job adding on to what I have to say. Sex (especially BDSM) can put a lot of stress on your body, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, however theres always that risk that something will go wrong. There are some people that completely pass out when they orgasm, and not everyone knows how to handle that situation. I don’t think I can stress enough the importance of First Aid within this community.

I just turned 19. I’m fresh out of highschool, and I nearly died. The fact that breathe play specifically chocking has become common even outside of the BDSM community is honestly concerning. Especially considering how popular it is with Teenagers/Young Adults. My partner and I didn’t know about RACK/PRICK until after this incident, and we had to learn the hard way. That’s why I think this conversation is so so important!

 

[RoperTrace]

. .

 

[twister947]

Thanks for this thread; I cringe every time I see a picture posted here with something (anything!) around someone's neck, or a gag that obstructs the airway.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Probably worth a read: https://www.jaywiseman.com/SEX_BDSM_Breath_Closing_Argument.html

Jay Wiseman is an experienced paramedic and BDSM educator; he makes a pretty strong argument that breath play is inherently dangerous.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Didn't breath play, choking contribute to David Carradine's death? I'd heard he was pretty experienced with that.

Well, breath play is always high risk. Playing alone raises the stakes a lot. Not being a spring chicken anymore doesn’t help either.

 

[Primalex]

5. If they are not breathing, begin mouth to mouth resuscitation:

6. If they have no pulse and are not breathing,l vomit.

7. If they are still unresponsive after 2 minutes call Emergency Services

Yeah, well...no, wrong order. At this point it's about saving a life, not saving the own face.

 

[Bramblethorn]

If Your Partner Passes Out Without Warning or for Longer than 30 seconds

1. Loosen any restraints, particularly those around the neck.

2. Check for responsiveness by lightly hitting their cheek and asking if they are okay

3. If they are unresponsive, check for pulse and listen for breathing

4. If they are unresponsive but breathing, roll them onto their side into recovery position.

5. If they are not breathing, begin mouth to mouth resuscitation: tilt their head back, pull the chin down, and pinch their nose. Use your mouth to form a seal over their’s and deliver two rescue breaths. Let go of the nose and make sure chest rises. Repeat process by giving two breaths every five seconds until they are breathing on their own.

6. If they have no pulse and are not breathing, place them prone on a solid surface. Place one hand on top of another in the center of their chest and begin giving compressions (2 inches deep) it helps if you count “1-100, 2-100, etc.” then give two breaths after every 30 compressions.

Important Note: CPR is nothing like how it looks in the movies. Chest compressions will break the rib cage, and often the victim will vomit.

7. If they are still unresponsive after 2 minutes call Emergency Services

What is the source for this advice? I'm uncomfortable giving medical advice here - I'm not a doctor and it's been a while since I refreshed my first-aid cert - but I don't think this matches current best practice. Here are some recent guides for USA, Australia, and UK:

https://www.redcross.org/take-a-class/cpr/performing-cpr/cpr-steps
https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/how-to-perform-cpr
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/first-aid/ + https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/first-aid/cpr/

Three important points:

#1 - As Primalex indicated, and as supported by all three of those guides, one should call Emergency Services BEFORE beginning resuscitation. (The US Red Cross and Australian guides say to do this immediately after checking whether the patient is responsive, before checking breathing; NHS says to do it if the patient is not breathing normally.)

If there's another person present, one person calls emergency while the other starts resuscitation; if it's just you, put your phone on speaker.

The main object of CPR isn't to get the patient's heart/breathing started again. Sometimes that does happen, and if it does, great! But that's only when you're lucky. Usually what you're doing with CPR is buying time, keeping oxygenated blood flowing to the patient's brain and holding off brain death until professional help arrives with better training and equipment. Even if they do spontaneously wake up and start breathing again, it's important to get checked out.

So, at the point where they're unresponsive and non-breathing, an ambulance needs to be part of the picture. The sooner you call, the sooner that ambulance will arrive.

If you feel uncomfortable with the idea of EMTs knowing you've been doing BDSM, that discomfort should be factored into the "do we want to do breath-play?" decision-making, not the "when shit hits the fan, do we call for help" decision.

#2 - By my understanding, the advice to give a period of mouth-to-mouth (aka EAR) before beginning CPR is out of date. Per all three guides above, current best practice for a non-breathing patient is to start CPR as soon as the airway has been cleared.

(There is some disagreement over whether to alternate compressions with mouth-to-mouth or just deliver CPR. NHS recommends that people should only alternate compressions and mouth-to-mouth if they're trained in that and feel confident doing so, otherwise should just stick to compressions; the other two recommend alternating. But all three advise starting compressions FIRST.)

#3 - That advice doesn't mention automated external defibrillators (AEDs). If there's an AED nearby and if there is a spare person to fetch it, you should be sending them for it after/while calling emergency, and then using it when available.

I know we have some people here who are much better qualified to speak on this. I've asked one of them to check this post and I'll take this down/edit as appropriate if any of them feel I've misspoken here. But the bottom line is, anybody doing breath play should at the minimum be seeking out professional, up-to-date first-aid training, not relying on a how-to from this board.

First-aid guidelines change as knowledge improves and new tech like AEDs becomes available. Even if the advice given here is good at the time of posting, there's no guarantee it will remain current.

 

[submissivehippie]

CUT restraints and call 911. Stay on the line with them. You never wait.
And you NEVER wait 30 seconds. Time out 30 seconds. See how long it is?
Nope.
Prone? NO… SUPINE. On the floor, or another hard surface.
New CPR guidelines also forgo rescue breathing and concentrate on compressions.

He has no business choking you if he can’t help you. That’s not a responsible Dom.
You’re lucky to be alive.

Thanks for catching my error! I wrote it in a bit of a haste, but I meant Supine. I’m currently a Red Cross Lifeguard/WSI and I’m currently towards becoming a licensed CPR instructor. Another mistake Bramblethorn caught was I initially said to give rescue breaths before chest compressions. This is only true in situations such as drowning (which I’m used to dealing with) or if you don’t know how long the patient has been without air.

Something interesting I learned during a safety conference I attended is the reason they removed rescue breathing from the standard guidelines is because they found people were a lot less willing to perform CPR if it involved mouth to mouth contact.

That being said, rescue breathing is important, especially in cases when the person has a pulse but no breathing. That’s how my co worker was able to resuscitate me. If possible use a barrier mask to prevent fluid exchange.

My bf and I are young and relatively new to BDSM. Choking is so common that we did it as highschoolers which is honestly a terrifying thing to think about.