Q from potential writer: Overcoming inhibition with 'Real vs Fantasy'

[Cagivagurl]

Hellos. So I've been around for a long time here. At least 10+ years. But only recently have started interacting with folks.

So I've recently gotten an itch to try writing something myself. Having noticed that I often want stories I read to go a different way. Or not seeing a particular kink written about very much. And then seeing the advice someone gave to another in the comments "Maybe you should write your own story then"

But I have a hang up. And I'm not sure I can properly articulate the quandary and what I'm hoping to find here (yes, I know; a great sign for someone who wants to write erotica and write it well)


The TL DR is, I find it difficult to write about any subject that might be hot in a written fantasy, but would not be 100% a-ok in the real world.


So I know some of the darker, kinky subjects in erotica-- like say reluctance/consensual non-con, or incest, or sexual slavery that takes over a person's life without the subject's input --while they can be hot in fantasies and in the written form, are very much frowned upon in the real world. And rightly so.

I've looked up some research on this, mostly to see if my tastes in stories and fantasies might be something to worry about. Apparently some of the more taboo topics that most all of us would decry, are also common fantasies a surprising number of people have had in their heads. That most people who find step-siblings getting it on in story form hot , would never ever find it alluring in reality and instead would be deeply disturbed. (Lord knows most of the plots in porn seem to be stuck step-mom and step-sister being found by the son) That a story where we know the person who isn't giving consent is saying "YES!" in their head over and over because the writer is making their dreams come true while letting us read their thoughts. I suspect one way or another, most all of us have a fantasy that we would never wish to see made real. Something about the line being "Hot trumps real in erotica."

So my issue is I find myself hesitating and freezing at the idea of writing anything that might be seen as taboo. Even just a little bit. That I can already see much of what I produce to be either very tame (because that's what we want in our erotica, tame and chaste), or produced though gritted teeth and rattled emotions of self judgement. And they every much wouldn't be the kind of stories I've enjoyed from many of you out there. Stories where the main character is reluctant, scared, and maybe being forced a touch, but is deep down loving every second of their seduction and being brought out of their shell. Of taking on questionable partners in a BDSM relationship, but knowing because its fiction that the person holding both the keys to the cuffs and the whip is probably going to be the love of the other person's life. (Or at the least will be a positive life changing experience.) Twins who suddenly find the other irresistible and team up to seduce their best friend (I blame a lot of popular media including 80s gum commercials on this twins kink being as wide spread as it is). Of complete strangers who meet each other in a public space, and share a strap-on before hardly managing to trade names (if at all). Or a person's refection walking out of a mirror to give them the night of their life, before one of them walks back into the looking glass. I'm ok talking about such topics, and I'm fine with reading about them knowing it remains a fantasy (and that this place has rules about what's 'too much' because there very much is such a thing). But writing about such,... best I can put "it" into words is... it feels like I'm condoning such actions to be made real even if there is that "don't do this in real life" disclaimer at the start.


So yeah. I would love to hear from other writers. People who have written stories with elements you'd never ever want to see recreated in the real world, but happily write about them in fiction where they're safe and spicy. Thoughts you've had. Or hang-ups you had to overcome to write about the things you think are hot. Or maybe even boundaries you've put in place. I'm not 100% sure what I'm hoping to hear or learn. Maybe just to know I'm not the only person to have thought about this. But I figured I'd at least put the topic out there among experienced creators and see what comes of it.

Thank-you to all authors for your time and all the wonderful stories you've produced over the years. (Also, sorry if this topic already is out there and I just didn't see the thread. I rarely come into the forums as a reader.)

Hi, always nice to see a new writer.
I stand firmly in @EmilyMiller corner.
If you are struggling, and have so much inner conflict over what you want to write.
I think that is the Universe talking to you.
Fantasy is fine, maybe part of the fact the fantasy is so arousing is you know how wrong it is....
I have very firm views on Non consent.
If you are drawn to writing, and want to dabble. Pick a theme, and have a go.
If you are simply looking for a way to articulate your fantasy, and it feels wrong...
Water it down, bring it back to what would be considered acceptable by society.
Cagivagurl

 

[EmilyMiller]

Hi, always nice to see a new writer.
I stand firmly in @EmilyMiller corner.
If you are struggling, and have so much inner conflict over what you want to write.
I think that is the Universe talking to you.
Fantasy is fine, maybe part of the fact the fantasy is so arousing is you know how wrong it is....
I have very firm views on Non consent.
If you are drawn to writing, and want to dabble. Pick a theme, and have a go.
If you are simply looking for a way to articulate your fantasy, and it feels wrong...
Water it down, bring it back to what would be considered acceptable by society.
Cagivagurl

Beating a dead horse I know…

Non-con is not sexy. Non-con is blowout fractures and chipped teeth and split lips and neck contusions. Non-con is utter terror and fighting for your life or - for want of another word - your soul. Non-con is years of anxiety and self-recrimination / hatred and depression. Non-con never really goes away. If you are lucky and get good help, it becomes manageable. That’s the best you can hope for.

Not sexy. Not sexy in the least. And way too prevalent.

Em

 

[Seadog777]

My advice is this.....1) How you want your story to end. 2) How you want your story to begin. 3) Then you just simply "free write". No real deep thoughts, just type out whatever comes into your mind. 4) Read what you typed, keep what you like, discard what you don't.

Before you know it, you've gotten yourself a story.

The most important thing is to write for yourself.
Don't write for anybody else or for any other reason, than that you want to.

Good luck.

 

[Sunstone769]

That's weirdly obvious advice that I still needed to hear I think. The different points of view have kind of helped me sort things some. Though from the fresh word salad created below, it doesn't seem like that. However, writing it out has helped, so please bare with me. The post is more for me, so don't feel like you have to dive in if you don't wish to. Apologies if this all seems obvious to you, I've only recently giving real thought to the creation of erotica, and thus what I consume. I only really cared that in the end everyone was happy and healthy and the sex was well written.


So I wrote my reply from before right after reading everything, then thought about it some more and had some realizations while pondering:

1: The answer to my question from my first reply; if you can have a character in a story, not in reality, who is swept up into events that include sex, who can not pull the eject handle, but are super on board with what's happening because of the all knowing writer gave the character what they really really want. If that can avoid being rape. I've come down to the answer; No, still rape sadly. Even if its everything the characters want or "feels different". Without at least a moment of agency to chose, that agency is lost. And that's where 'the line' forms. There is a lot of violation in real non-com, but it all starts with the loss of agency, its the foundation the rest of the evil is built on. If there is even a moment of agency, to "let go", and they never have a moment where they change their minds and want to take agency back, then the dynamic changes. There obviously is more to it than that in reality, but in story, maybe that's the important thing that changes it.

2: is a little more winding train of thoughts, but the TL DR conclusion is to write, then step away for a while, then re-evaluate what I've created, and decide if the swept away heroes got enough agency to keep things on the right side of the line for me. Which I think I can feel is the compromise my inhibition requires at this time. And yes, some of you literally said that. But I think I had process though it on my own some.



So to start. I don't think you are beating a dead horse Emily, I think you do have a solid point which has helped reframe things while I critically thought about the feedback I've been getting and the gut feeling that brought me here in the first place.

I want to write stories with sub/dom dynamics, where all parties want what's happening but one or more character is... Not 'afraid' afraid but... That feeling of a roller-coaster. Where you signed up for this. And it is EVERYTHING you wanted it to be during and after. But it also frightens. Not in the non-com way Emily described (which again, reasonable, and I appreciate the bluntness). I very much do NOT want to go there, and realize so many stories would if more realistic. But thanks to porn logic everything is ok in the end for so many tales because "everyone in the story did want it deep down" (which as I write that line stinks of the bs said in the real world). But I want the emotions for the character in that coaster way. Where you yell no over and over and want off the ride as you go up the hill. But you still don't use that safeword, because that fear and loss of control, its part of the experience you trust your partner(s) to give. And its what you knew would happen when you chose to sit down in that cart. Which, oh look, that agency thing. (yes I know the analogy kind of doesn't work because if your on the coaster going up the hill there is no getting off the ride which is another kind of after the fact non-con, not letting people change their mind. But I think it conveys the right... feeling? emotional experience?).

I also, reflecting on the advice everyone gave, kind of noted two things. The first, non-com is very prevalent as pointed out. I've been reading here a long time. And so many great sex scenes that I've read (or at least many of the ones I've liked, few people's tastes are the same),-- the location, the bondage, the kink elements, the descriptions, the rolling emotions, the pacing, the little details that help you see it and hear it, and that something imaginative and different--, too often I've found its attached to a story that I'm not happy with how we got there or just doesn't have enough agency. Not always, but it seems a statistical detail I've hear others echo before. And over time has kind of desensitized me by being attached to each other. Along with the additional fact most stories have that 'porn logic' I mentioned. That sugar coat put upon all the emotions and consequences to create the best positive (and impossible) outcome. Trauma that realistically should be there isn't. It is, in part, what is asked for by most readers of most erotic stories. To give a fantasy. One better than reality if just by a little bit, start to finish. But... maybe dulls the critical thought too when the fantasy is problematic. (something something post nut clarity?) And maybe that association of the great sex scenes with questionable plots have made me think in order to write hot sex scenes, that I should do the same, without giving it that critical thinking because of how the porn logic has framed it in many of those tales.

Critical thinking like "given that you've never written a sexual encounter, it'll probably be just as good or bad either way. So maybe try to keep the setup more healthy than you think it needs to be to have spice"

Its like the point of James Bond from before. He womanizes, but its written in a way that it seems everyone is ok with it. And much of the audience is/was chill with it. But over the years, we've managed to think about it, or people have pointed out in other works (ex: rap battles of history) how sugar coated some of his actions are or how its presented to the audience. And now... we'll he's not perfect now, but how Bond is written has evolved for the better I think over the years. He still womanizes, but its not as sexist or rampant (or as creepy) as in the Connery days, and its written more as the flaw the character has and not something to high-five over when he behaves immorally. The fantasy of getting the girl is still there, and its improved the overall quality. He and his world is more three dimensional, more gripping. (Though I know not everyone would agree, please don't at me. Its not a hill I care to die on just to further a point about how we can evolve in our consumption of media and how it evolves in turn)

I very much want to write stories with kink. With sub/dom dynamics. That are a little wrong (in a naughty kind of way, not a war crime kind of way) and a little dangerous and darkly seductive and reluctance to give in (but still give in). Where fate has whisked away our heroes and put them onto the erotic, yet scary, yet safe, roller-coaster of sexual events. Were all my characters are happy, healthy, well fucked in the good way, and probably found love before its over. At least as the sex is concerned; drama, conflict, loss, sorrow and a dragon burning down your village are other kinds of violations to overcome and are all fair game outside the bedroom. Or you know, wherever the orgasms happen to occur.

I've seen the advice to write what you enjoy, and its kind of the big motivator of why I want to try. And I enjoy domination, loss of control, and well written sex scenarios. But I think what the voice is saying, is to include the agency that accepts that loss of control.

I think however, that intended target does live very close to 'the line' regardless. There is a (unfair) reason the kink community has to explain why what they do is consensual to outsiders. That it is an easy line to step over as a writer when your that close to the edge and controlling every character's deepest wishes and all outcomes are infused by that porn logic, which is probably a part of why questionable setups or non-com are so prevalent. (though I'm sure the full why could fill a thousand more posts, longer than this one, but for now its enough)

It should be said, people, not all but many, enjoy role play of being taken. A robber breaking in at night having their way with them. But that play is very different from reality and comes with preplanning, agreed to hard and soft limits, a safeword, and aftercare (if done right). And that agency thing again even if everyone pretends its not really there. That maybe such also seeps into erotica, a kind of con-non-con scenario a couple would play out in their bedroom in the real world. But because idea is taking place in erotica, it can been taken further and deeper. Because reality itself is in on the roleplay and doesn't break character. A story and reality that forgets to tell the reader the safeword of that world beyond announcing the different 'tags' they'll be reading about. And I think that's why I've at least been ok with stories where "it all turned out ok", in order to read some great sex writing. But it can kind of Lull you into not giving it thought on how it should have played out.

I don't know if I want to contribute to that. Which is what I think I might be feeling.

So I want to be at that point that happens to be near the line in my writing, but do not want to cross it, buuut also am a novice who could easily trip over the line all the same. So maybe I should listen to that voice as an editor and after a rest period look at what I've created and decide where to pull things back from that line as a safety. To make sure no matter how swept away our characters might get by others, to still have enough moments of agency to keep things healthy. Or at least ok for that little voice.


Anyway, thank-you for indulging my rambling if you read all of that. Still happy to hear more thoughts if people have them, though I think I'm in a better place now thanks to you all.

 

[AlinaX]

A non-com...

When single friends Mary and Sue get drunk together one Christmas Eve, they meet a handsome young man dressed as Santa Claus. "Maybe you could wrap me up," Mary whispers seductively in one ear. "I'd love a good, hard cock for Christmas," Sue whispers in the other. They are still giggling hours later like a pair of naughty school girls as they curl up together in bed.

A shaft of golden sunlight wakes them in the morning. Mary is startled to find herself naked and very exposed, bound to the bed with scarlet ribbons, but it is the sight of Sue's huge erect cock that really makes her squirm. "Well," Sue says, "I guess we got what we asked for."

 

[StillStunned]

This thread has gone on far too long without being derailed. So:

single friends Mary and Sue

"Mary and Sue. Two normal women. But together they're unstoppable!"

 

[M_K_Babalon]

We don't write real shit here, we write fantasy.

 

[GrushaVashnadze]

.. it feels like I'm condoning such actions to be made real

No, you are not. Fiction is... fictional. Crime writers do not worry about whether they are condoning crime, or horror writers about whether they are condoning whatever gruesome events they may be depicting. Similarly, erotica/porn writers should not feel guilt-tripped. We write about our fantasies - and our readers read our stories because our fantasies resonate with them. Most of the things I write about I would not ever want to do in real life; that's why I write about them, instead of doing them.

Don't let anyone tell you that your fantasies are intrinsically "bad". Such people are confusing reality with fantasy. If, as writers, we are sensible enough to know the difference between our realities and our fantasies, then we should not fear writing our fantasies down, nor the fact that other people have different fantasies from ours.

So, go for it. You don't need anyone else's permission - except the site rules. Take the flack, if it comes. If nobody likes your stories, then you have a real-life situation to deal with - rather than the hypothetical moralising of the rest of us. But the chances are that somebody will like what you write about, because the world is full of variety. And that is to be celebrated.

 

[onehitwanda]

Beating a dead horse I know…

Non-con is not sexy. Non-con is blowout fractures and chipped teeth and split lips and neck contusions. Non-con is utter terror and fighting for your life or - for want of another word - your soul. Non-con is years of anxiety and self-recrimination / hatred and depression. Non-con never really goes away. If you are lucky and get good help, it becomes manageable. That’s the best you can hope for.

Not sexy. Not sexy in the least. And way too prevalent.

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

So to start. I don't think you are beating a dead horse Emily, I think you do have a solid point which has helped reframe things while I critically thought about the feedback I've been getting and the gut feeling that brought me here in the first place.

I want to write stories with sub/dom dynamics, where all parties want what's happening but one or more character is... Not 'afraid' afraid but... That feeling of a roller-coaster. Where you signed up for this. And it is EVERYTHING you wanted it to be during and after. But it also frightens. Not in the non-com way Emily described (which again, reasonable, and I appreciate the bluntness). I very much do NOT want to go there, and realize so many stories would if more realistic. But thanks to porn logic everything is ok in the end for so many tales because "everyone in the story did want it deep down" (which as I write that line stinks of the bs said in the real world). But I want the emotions for the character in that coaster way. Where you yell no over and over and want off the ride as you go up the hill. But you still don't use that safeword, because that fear and loss of control, its part of the experience you trust your partner(s) to give. And its what you knew would happen when you chose to sit down in that cart. Which, oh look, that agency thing. (yes I know the analogy kind of doesn't work because if your on the coaster going up the hill there is no getting off the ride which is another kind of after the fact non-con, not letting people change their mind. But I think it conveys the right... feeling? emotional experience?).

I also, reflecting on the advice everyone gave, kind of noted two things. The first, non-com is very prevalent as pointed out. I've been reading here a long time. And so many great sex scenes that I've read (or at least many of the ones I've liked, few people's tastes are the same),-- the location, the bondage, the kink elements, the descriptions, the rolling emotions, the pacing, the little details that help you see it and hear it, and that something imaginative and different--, too often I've found its attached to a story that I'm not happy with how we got there or just doesn't have enough agency. Not always, but it seems a statistical detail I've hear others echo before. And over time has kind of desensitized me by being attached to each other. Along with the additional fact most stories have that 'porn logic' I mentioned. That sugar coat put upon all the emotions and consequences to create the best positive (and impossible) outcome. Trauma that realistically should be there isn't. It is, in part, what is asked for by most readers of most erotic stories. To give a fantasy. One better than reality if just by a little bit, start to finish. But... maybe dulls the critical thought too when the fantasy is problematic. (something something post nut clarity?) And maybe that association of the great sex scenes with questionable plots have made me think in order to write hot sex scenes, that I should do the same, without giving it that critical thinking because of how the porn logic has framed it in many of those tales.

Critical thinking like "given that you've never written a sexual encounter, it'll probably be just as good or bad either way. So maybe try to keep the setup more healthy than you think it needs to be to have spice"

Its like the point of James Bond from before. He womanizes, but its written in a way that it seems everyone is ok with it. And much of the audience is/was chill with it. But over the years, we've managed to think about it, or people have pointed out in other works (ex: rap battles of history) how sugar coated some of his actions are or how its presented to the audience. And now... we'll he's not perfect now, but how Bond is written has evolved for the better I think over the years. He still womanizes, but its not as sexist or rampant (or as creepy) as in the Connery days, and its written more as the flaw the character has and not something to high-five over when he behaves immorally. The fantasy of getting the girl is still there, and its improved the overall quality. He and his world is more three dimensional, more gripping. (Though I know not everyone would agree, please don't at me. Its not a hill I care to die on just to further a point about how we can evolve in our consumption of media and how it evolves in turn)

I very much want to write stories with kink. With sub/dom dynamics. That are a little wrong (in a naughty kind of way, not a war crime kind of way) and a little dangerous and darkly seductive and reluctance to give in (but still give in). Where fate has whisked away our heroes and put them onto the erotic, yet scary, yet safe, roller-coaster of sexual events. Were all my characters are happy, healthy, well fucked in the good way, and probably found love before its over. At least as the sex is concerned; drama, conflict, loss, sorrow and a dragon burning down your village are other kinds of violations to overcome and are all fair game outside the bedroom. Or you know, wherever the orgasms happen to occur.

I've seen the advice to write what you enjoy, and its kind of the big motivator of why I want to try. And I enjoy domination, loss of control, and well written sex scenarios. But I think what the voice is saying, is to include the agency that accepts that loss of control.

I think however, that intended target does live very close to 'the line' regardless. There is a (unfair) reason the kink community has to explain why what they do is consensual to outsiders. That it is an easy line to step over as a writer when your that close to the edge and controlling every character's deepest wishes and all outcomes are infused by that porn logic, which is probably a part of why questionable setups or non-com are so prevalent. (though I'm sure the full why could fill a thousand more posts, longer than this one, but for now its enough)

It should be said, people, not all but many, enjoy role play of being taken. A robber breaking in at night having their way with them. But that play is very different from reality and comes with preplanning, agreed to hard and soft limits, a safeword, and aftercare (if done right). And that agency thing again even if everyone pretends its not really there. That maybe such also seeps into erotica, a kind of con-non-con scenario a couple would play out in their bedroom in the real world. But because idea is taking place in erotica, it can been taken further and deeper. Because reality itself is in on the roleplay and doesn't break character. A story and reality that forgets to tell the reader the safeword of that world beyond announcing the different 'tags' they'll be reading about. And I think that's why I've at least been ok with stories where "it all turned out ok", in order to read some great sex writing. But it can kind of Lull you into not giving it thought on how it should have played out.

I don't know if I want to contribute to that. Which is what I think I might be feeling.

So I want to be at that point that happens to be near the line in my writing, but do not want to cross it, buuut also am a novice who could easily trip over the line all the same. So maybe I should listen to that voice as an editor and after a rest period look at what I've created and decide where to pull things back from that line as a safety. To make sure no matter how swept away our characters might get by others, to still have enough moments of agency to keep things healthy. Or at least ok for that little voice.


Anyway, thank-you for indulging my rambling if you read all of that. Still happy to hear more thoughts if people have them, though I think I'm in a better place now thanks to you all.

Not using a safe word is providing consent.

BDSM in the real world (as opposed to people writing it with no IRL experience) is consensual.

Being restrained and fucked or denied or having impact play is not rape if you agreed to do it and know you can stop it.

Which is why it’s a bad idea to do BDSM unless you implicitly trust the other party / parties.

There is room to write creatively about someone in consensual BDSM being overwhelmed and wanting to say stop and also not at the same time. Been there IRL and have written it. That’s not non-con.

That’s not the same as - for example - being drugged and waking up hogtied. That’s not the same as being punched until you stop fighting.

BDSM is not non-con.

Em

 

[Jackie.Hikaru]

Not using a safe word is providing consent.

BDSM in the real world (as opposed to people writing it with no IRL experience) is consensual.

Being restrained and fucked or denied or having impact play is not rape if you agreed to do it and know you can stop it.

Which is why it’s a bad idea to do BDSM unless you implicitly trust the other party / parties.

There is room to write creatively about someone in consensual BDSM being overwhelmed and wanting to say stop and also not at the same time. Been there IRL and have written it. That’s not non-con.

That’s not the same as - for example - being drugged and waking up hogtied. That’s not the same as being punched until you stop fighting.

BDSM is not non-con.

Em

For me, the eroticism in BDSM, in IRL, and in stories, comes from trust.

 

[EmilyMiller]

For me, the eroticism in BDSM, in IRL, and in stories, comes from trust.

Totally

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

For me, the eroticism in BDSM, in IRL, and in stories, comes from trust.

Wow. Epiphany. I had honestly never thought of it that way. I only ever saw the power dynamic and could never get past the, what I saw as, debasement.
And for someone who has a major phobia with being restrained, that's big, huge...
Not saying I'm going shopping for a dominatrix this afternoon, but still, wow. Thanks for opening my eyes.

(I only got about five pages into 50 Shades of Gray)

 

[SimonDoom]

So I want to be at that point that happens to be near the line in my writing, but do not want to cross it, buuut also am a novice who could easily trip over the line all the same. So maybe I should listen to that voice as an editor and after a rest period look at what I've created and decide where to pull things back from that line as a safety. To make sure no matter how swept away our characters might get by others, to still have enough moments of agency to keep things healthy. Or at least ok for that little voice.

What this analysis ignores, however, is that some people find the concept of the total absence or surrender of agency to be erotically thrilling. That's a fact. They may not want it in reality, but they enjoy it as fantasy. So to fret about whether your story character has "enough" agency in a story that caters to this fantasy is completely beside the point. In the real world, without some degree of agency, the act is a crime. In a fantasy story, there is no crime.

Many people find this tough to accept. Sex without agency is horrifying to them. That's perfectly understandable, but for fantasy purposes, it's also completely beside the point. A fantasy story need not cater to the tastes or morals of the majority, or to the tastes of anybody in particular. It need not be sensitive to those with different points of view, or with bad experiences; those people can simply ignore the story.

One's particular kink may entail a particular balance between surrender and agency. If that's the case for you, then by all means figure out exactly where you want to strike your balance and write your story to meet that balance. But if deep down you enjoy total surrender, then you don't need to fret about it. Write a story about total surrender.

 

[samhasstories]

What this analysis ignores, however, is that some people find the concept of the total absence or surrender of agency to be erotically thrilling. That's a fact. They may not want it in reality, but they enjoy it as fantasy. So to fret about whether your story character has "enough" agency in a story that caters to this fantasy is completely beside the point. In the real world, without some degree of agency, the act is a crime. In a fantasy story, there is no crime.

Many people find this tough to accept. Sex without agency is horrifying to them. That's perfectly understandable, but for fantasy purposes, it's also completely beside the point. A fantasy story need not cater to the tastes or morals of the majority, or to the tastes of anybody in particular. It need not be sensitive to those with different points of view, or with bad experiences; those people can simply ignore the story.

One's particular kink may entail a particular balance between surrender and agency. If that's the case for you, then by all means figure out exactly where you want to strike your balance and write your story to meet that balance. But if deep down you enjoy total surrender, then you don't need to fret about it. Write a story about total surrender.

I think there's something to be said, too, for fiction as an outlet for these fantasies. It may not be a sufficient outlet for everyone, but if you're drawn to sexual expression that isn't socially acceptable, rather than suppress it and pretend it doesn't exist (or, worse, act on it despite its potential harms to others), reading and/or writing about it can offer a way to process it without the outward consequences.

I'm not personally interested in non-con or incest or most of the other taboos. I'm pretty basic. But I do have sexual fantasies that don't involve my wife. I don't want to act on those, because I love my wife and would never want to hurt her by cheating on her. Erotica gives me an outlet for those fantasies, an outlet that I think is harmless. I think it's same idea for the more taboo stuff - acting on it in reality would be a problem, but suppressing it doesn't process the desire. So, write about it. Act it out in a fantasy world where no one gets hurt.

At the risk of giving this hobby more credence then it deserves, I think writing erotica can be therapeutic.

 

[SimonDoom]

I think there's something to be said, too, for fiction as an outlet for these fantasies. It may not be a sufficient outlet for everyone, but if you're drawn to sexual expression that isn't socially acceptable, rather than suppress it, pretend it doesn't exist (or, worse, act on it despite its potential harms to others), reading and/or writing about it can offer a way to process it without the outward consequences.

I'm not personally interested in non-con or incest or most of the other taboos. I'm pretty basic. But I do have sexual fantasies that don't involve my wife. I don't want to act on those, because I love my wife and would never want to hurt her by cheating on her. Erotica gives me an outlet for those fantasies, an outlet that I think is harmless. I think it's same idea for the more taboo stuff - acting on it in reality would be a problem, but suppressing it doesn't process the desire. So, write about it. Act it out in a fantasy world where no one gets hurt.

I think your example is a good one of erotica as a kind of "safety valve." By writing and reading erotica about sex with other women you may process and release these feelings in a healthy way rather than bottle them up. The stories provide a feeling of catharsis. Stories that feature other kinks and taboos may serve the same function.

I think too often when people urge writing "responsible erotica" they forget this function of erotica, and of art generally. Art doesn't have to be "responsible" in this sense. It can be subversive and transgressive, because subversive and transgressive art DOES serve a valuable function of expressing feelings that lie inside us whether we are comfortable about them being there or not.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

At the risk of giving this hobby more credence then it deserves, I think writing erotica can be therapeutic.

Ok, I wasn't going to bring this up but you nailed it. I've been fighting or dealing with dysphoria since I was six. Shame, self hate, all that shit. Years of therapy, counseling, all of it. The past five years since I started writing and posting here have given me an outlet like none other. So many of my fantasies and dreams, thing I could never act on and will probably never have the chance to experience have flowed out into the pages of my stories.

Therapeutic, HELL YEAH!!!