Psychology of "selective" bicurious men

[Stevieg05]

I've never mentioned this to anyone, but I'm actually a little bicurious. I have no interest in anal, but sucking cock is something I've fantasized about. And I could see myself doing that, in the right circumstances. Now, before you all start sending me dickpics, I have to specify that I only feel attracted to a small subset of men or transsexuals. I have no interest whatsoever in those outside that subset.

Now the curious part (pun intended), and also the reason I start this thread, is that I find it hard to identify what particular characteristics this subset have in common. It's definitely not big cocks, on the contrary. At first I thought it might be female features, but that is not entirely true either, I may not like hairy chests but I don't mind a muscled one for instance. It's not a particular hairstyle, or body type, then again perhaps a bit more the athletic type. As you may notice, already trying to describe my preference here is difficult, and I instantly doubt every statement again.

So my question is mainly whether there are any publications about this kind of "selective" bisexuality and the psychology around it. Or maybe some of you more experienced may recognize this and can provide their point of view. Maybe there are different types and I'm just one of those without realizing, or maybe my preference is just unique and hard to explain? So any insights more than appreciated.

PS: If anyone feels the need to pm me, please go easy on me. And just don't do it if you would find it difficult to accept rejection, I can't force myself to find you attractive after all.

 

[Stevieg05]

Lol similar story here would love to chat more about it ,

 

[CuriousGuyVa]

The topic isn't about acceptance, it's about understanding. I totally accept who I am, but unlike my attraction to females, I find it hard to understand my attraction to males.

Let me put that differently, I guess that I find maybe 95% of females attractive. The other 5% would be seriously disfigured, or ladies displaying a clear lack of hygiene. Of course within that 95% I still find some more attractive than others. The thing is I can usually explain why: I prefer redheads to blondes or brunettes, I prefer firm, round, medium-sized boobs to huge melons or tiny ones, I prefer a nicely trimmed pussy to a shaven one or a wild bush.

A wild guess would be that I find 50% of transgenders attractive, and it's clear that this attraction roughly correlates with having a more feminine appearance (albeit with a cock), the facial expression in particular.

With males I maybe find only 5% attractive. But the thing is that here I don't see any obvious patterns what this 5% of men have in common. It's not feminine traits, it's not a particularly big penis, I just can't identify what these guys have in common.

OP... good posts and you ask some interesting questions that probably have more than a few nodding in agreement to you

 

[Sunnyade]

My preference is for slightly feminine gay guys. I've always felt that it is driven by my taste for women with a more athletic body type.

 

[JiminNC]

Very interesting post. You are very generous in your attractions. Good for you! I wish I could be so generous.

I find 5 to 10% of women attractive but then I live in the US in Texas and the women here are very unappealing. Lots of obesity and very few skinny women which is my preference.

I find nearly all men physically repulsive except for the few who are androgynous looking.

Physically repulsive? Yow!

 

[Escierto]

Physically repulsive? Yow!

Let me be clear. What I meant was in the sense of having sexual relations with them.

 

[Edey]

Now the curious part (pun intended), and also the reason I start this thread, is that I find it hard to identify what particular characteristics this subset have in common. It's definitely not big cocks, on the contrary. At first I thought it might be female features, but that is not entirely true either, I may not like hairy chests but I don't mind a muscled one for instance.

I feel for you so much!

You wouldn't believe me if I told you the amount of attacks I survived for having a very particular taste in men. The gay community hated me for being an oddity.
- 99% of my gay friends have a daddy kink and... I don't have it. All I can think is my father, and he was very obnoxious, always feeling the need to boss me around and I hate it. I prefer my peers.
- 90% of my gay friends love body hair and I don't, I love smooth bodies, feminine males, I've been mercilessly shamed for it and called "half-gay".
- 99% of my gay friends love big dicks and I don't. As I love to top, I'm just not interested in having a big dick around. I love small, cute dicks.
- I'm total top. Oh, God!.
You would not believe the number of "vers missionaries" that shamed me for "keeping with patriarchal roles"... And trying to force me to bottom - either by shaming - either patronizing advice about "how much I lose because of not bottoming". I heard all possible advice through 15 years of my bisexual life.
Only for that, I'm constantly criticized. I'm so exhausted... It's really difficult.

So please, better brace yourself for some unpleasant comments in the future, bro. I just want to warn you that it's hard for "different" types of bi/bi-curious guys, out there. For some reason, we trigger a lot of people and it's very unpleasant and…frankly sad And our community supposed to be the one most inclusive

 

[Edey]

Are you looking for the opportunity? You might surprise yourself. Back when she was dating, my girlfriend was able to talk guys into allowing her to fuck them.

But that's also okay not want to bottom.
It can be very stressful for a person who is a part of LBGTQ+ community, (and I constantly experience it myself) to be under constant pressure to do so.
Through 15 years, I wasn't accepted as total top almost in no community. I was shamed, attacked and verbally abused for simply saying
"No, thank you, it's not for me".
"Great, but did you try this....?"
And it starts...Here we go 456 time again and again the same pressure.(Everybody is absolutely sure they will be the one who say something eye-opening and change my attidude)

The pressure to bottom in gay community is IMMENSE. Unbelieveably immense.
I was trying diff. approach, really, I was polite, didn't work. I tried to explain my reasons. Didn't work. Tried to ignore. Didn't work.

It's really traumatizing, to the point I now live somewhat isolated from the gay community only for that reason. I feel like I'm pushed out and rejected by them, because of my preference. It's a big issue for me.

 

[Gaybriel]

"No, thank you, it's not for me".

But did you try... using lube?

 

[Edey]

But did you try... using lube?

Nah, what's that ?

 

[AlexBailey]

But that's also okay not want to bottom.
It can be very stressful for a person who is a part of LBGTQ+ community, (and I constantly experience it myself) to be under constant pressure to do so.
Through 15 years, I wasn't accepted as total top almost in no community. I was shamed, attacked and verbally abused for simply saying
"No, thank you, it's not for me".
"Great, but did you try this....?"
And it starts...Here we go 456 time again and again the same pressure.(Everybody is absolutely sure they will be the one who say something eye-opening and change my attidude)

The pressure to bottom in gay community is IMMENSE. Unbelieveably immense.
I was trying diff. approach, really, I was polite, didn't work. I tried to explain my reasons. Didn't work. Tried to ignore. Didn't work.

It's really traumatizing, to the point I now live somewhat isolated from the gay community only for that reason. I feel like I'm pushed out and rejected by them, because of my preference. It's a big issue for me.

I feel it, though I’m an outlier of a different sort.

My attractions are all over the place but definitely not universal among any group. I’m probably most attracted to tomboys - lots of lesbians, and femme guys… and some big beautiful men - and women….

As a CD who’s not very femme, the only “group” I feel I belong to are kinky poly / pan queer / non-binary. Is that even a category?

 

[Edey]

I feel it, though I’m an outlier of a different sort.

My attractions are all over the place

Well, I hope there are many of us outliers, because only then can we create a critical mass of diversity, and the pressure to be 'into this' or 'into that' that we often feel.... would subside

We all can be unique

 

[Jeph77]

There's another thread on this website that I like. It's do you think being bi is a curse or not. The diversity of people and sex is what makes being bi enjoyable. Maybe in time there will be so many of us no one will care any more. And people will accept alternative sexuality or rather not think of it as alternative at all.

I guess the ancient classical period was like that.

 

[mpeters]

My type, apparently, outside of any particular look, seems to be in one of two categories:

Men and Women alike with no interest in me

And

Men who claim interest but then suddenly disappear when it’s time to meet up, or close to it.

Anything happening on the realistic sex android front lately? Lol

 

[Far1957mer]

I may be in the boat! I’m 70, MWM, average cock and not great shape, but not overweight. In the last 7 years, for whatever reason, I have lost interest in sex with my wife. Some of it might age, some might be from some ED from Parkinson’s, not full blown Parkinson’s but some. I can still masturbate when watching gay porn and always eat my cum. I have always been curious as long as I can remember, but most guys don’t appeal to me. Some cocks do, but not large ones. I feel that it would have to be someone like me, someone I could hang out with and sometimes be suck buds. But at my age, I feel that it will remain just something I wish would happen.

Wish you were closer! I'd be your suck bud!

 

[nostuff]

I feel for you so much!

You wouldn't believe me if I told you the amount of attacks I survived for having a very particular taste in men. The gay community hated me for being an oddity.
- 99% of my gay friends have a daddy kink and... I don't have it. All I can think is my father, and he was very obnoxious, always feeling the need to boss me around and I hate it. I prefer my peers.
- 90% of my gay friends love body hair and I don't, I love smooth bodies, feminine males, I've been mercilessly shamed for it and called "half-gay".
- 99% of my gay friends love big dicks and I don't. As I love to top, I'm just not interested in having a big dick around. I love small, cute dicks.
- I'm total top. Oh, God!.
You would not believe the number of "vers missionaries" that shamed me for "keeping with patriarchal roles"... And trying to force me to bottom - either by shaming - either patronizing advice about "how much I lose because of not bottoming". I heard all possible advice through 15 years of my bisexual life.
Only for that, I'm constantly criticized. I'm so exhausted... It's really difficult.

So please, better brace yourself for some unpleasant comments in the future, bro. I just want to warn you that it's hard for "different" types of bi/bi-curious guys, out there. For some reason, we trigger a lot of people and it's very unpleasant and…frankly sad And our community supposed to be the one most inclusive

I struggle to understand the rejection you describe; you sound like the perfect lover. Or at least, the kind of lover I would like to find, meaning another bi man whom I could suck to full hardness before letting him take me doggy style.

OK, I don't consider myself feminine. Other than that, what's not to like?

 

[2tallpaul]

Very interesting post. You are very generous in your attractions. Good for you! I wish I could be so generous.

I find 5 to 10% of women attractive but then I live in the US in Texas and the women here are very unappealing. Lots of obesity and very few skinny women which is my preference.

I find nearly all men physically repulsive except for the few who are androgynous looking.

I grew up androgynous appearing without trying. I was a runner, biking and swimming. Six foot, slender and always seemed to date a woman who turned out bi. This is what led me down the rabbit hole was FMF relationships started to include a husband or two. I wasn't attracted to men but give me a cock and I'm done. As I have transitioned where I could hide behind Covid for a year, I have more girlfriends now then ever before. Women that question their sexuality love sex with a transgender and the men love the disconnect after sex. For me, it's the best of both worlds, I'm a pleaser and very oral.

I do hear the complaints that men are not good orally on women and they love how i do it. I feel like a marriage counselor at times. I like myself but show me a cock and I'll go for the ride. Maybe a book, "transgender Tips for Men", as women confide way too much.

 

[Escierto]

I grew up androgynous appearing without trying. I was a runner, biking and swimming. Six foot, slender and always seemed to date a woman who turned out bi. This is what led me down the rabbit hole was FMF relationships started to include a husband or two. I wasn't attracted to men but give me a cock and I'm done. As I have transitioned where I could hide behind Covid for a year, I have more girlfriends now then ever before. Women that question their sexuality love sex with a transgender and the men love the disconnect after sex. For me, it's the best of both worlds, I'm a pleaser and very oral.

I do hear the complaints that men are not good orally on women and they love how i do it. I feel like a marriage counselor at times. I like myself but show me a cock and I'll go for the ride. Maybe a book, "transgender Tips for Men", as women confide way too much.

Women definitely like to talk but only if they feel safe in doing so.

Many men are terrible at oral sex with women. For me, it was my very favorite activity! I thought that I would be a natural sucking cock but there was definitely a learning curve!

Are you still not attracted to men? I completely understand it - I don’t know why any woman would have sex with a man!

Many transgender women are lesbians! My girlfriend always wanted a straight man so apparently I fill the bill.

 

[cdstefi]

I've never mentioned this to anyone, but I'm actually a little bicurious. I have no interest in anal, but sucking cock is something I've fantasized about. And I could see myself doing that, in the right circumstances. Now, before you all start sending me dickpics, I have to specify that I only feel attracted to a small subset of men or transsexuals. I have no interest whatsoever in those outside that subset.

Now the curious part (pun intended), and also the reason I start this thread, is that I find it hard to identify what particular characteristics this subset have in common. It's definitely not big cocks, on the contrary. At first I thought it might be female features, but that is not entirely true either, I may not like hairy chests but I don't mind a muscled one for instance. It's not a particular hairstyle, or body type, then again perhaps a bit more the athletic type. As you may notice, already trying to describe my preference here is difficult, and I instantly doubt every statement again.

So my question is mainly whether there are any publications about this kind of "selective" bisexuality and the psychology around it. Or maybe some of you more experienced may recognize this and can provide their point of view. Maybe there are different types and I'm just one of those without realizing, or maybe my preference is just unique and hard to explain? So any insights more than appreciated.

PS: If anyone feels the need to pm me, please go easy on me. And just don't do it if you would find it difficult to accept rejection, I can't force myself to find you attractive after all.

I think for guys with bi leanings but who aren't full on gay, what we find attractive is a bit like that old one about art vs porn: we can't exactly define it but know it when we see it.

I can't just limit it to physically masc vs fem types of men because I can find either attractive if there's something that gets me about their personality, how they interact. I need a vibe of realism and common sense and plain old decency and kindness.

The thing that makes male sexuality appealing (its immediacy and directness) often also makes it repellent.

Also cocks are weird. Can't say if I'd go with somebody I found attractive in every other way but who had a grotesque penis.

 

[wetsawdust]

I think for guys with bi leanings but who aren't full on gay, what we find attractive is a bit like that old one about art vs porn: we can't exactly define it but know it when we see it.

I can't just limit it to physically masc vs fem types of men because I can find either attractive if there's something that gets me about their personality, how they interact. I need a vibe of realism and common sense and plain old decency and kindness.

The thing that makes male sexuality appealing (its immediacy and directness) often also makes it repellent.

Also cocks are weird. Can't say if I'd go with somebody I found attractive in every other way but who had a grotesque penis.

I'm going to give an answer for each line. I know you didn't ask, but as someone who is VERY new at same sex attraction, the answer I am giving you now will likely change in a week. I'M SO EXHAUSTED FROM BEING IN MY OWN BRAIN.

1- Yes. We know it when we see it. I can see a lovely woman and want to fuck her AND be her at the same time. Sometimes it's the cute twink-y college boy. Sometimes it's that obnoxiously fit and superficial couple in their 40's who try so hard to look like they are trying to not look like they're swingers.

2- You can be the most creature on earth, but if you look like you know it, it's an instant buzzkill. I love the ones who are super shy yet confident in who they are and fuck you if you don't like it, and oh, by the way I am the cutest goddamn thing you're gonna see today.

3- Yes. Guys are gross. Fuck. But they can also be painfully sexy.

4- Grotesque? Damn, the whole concept of these dangly ass bits being a focal point of lust is something that is so far beyond my comprehension, it's easier to just tune out and enjoy it.

 

[sarahlacycd1]

I've never mentioned this to anyone, but I'm actually a little bicurious. I have no interest in anal, but sucking cock is something I've fantasized about. And I could see myself doing that, in the right circumstances. Now, before you all start sending me dickpics, I have to specify that I only feel attracted to a small subset of men or transsexuals. I have no interest whatsoever in those outside that subset.

Now the curious part (pun intended), and also the reason I start this thread, is that I find it hard to identify what particular characteristics this subset have in common. It's definitely not big cocks, on the contrary. At first I thought it might be female features, but that is not entirely true either, I may not like hairy chests but I don't mind a muscled one for instance. It's not a particular hairstyle, or body type, then again perhaps a bit more the athletic type. As you may notice, already trying to describe my preference here is difficult, and I instantly doubt every statement again.

So my question is mainly whether there are any publications about this kind of "selective" bisexuality and the psychology around it. Or maybe some of you more experienced may recognize this and can provide their point of view. Maybe there are different types and I'm just one of those without realizing, or maybe my preference is just unique and hard to explain? So any insights more than appreciated.

PS: If anyone feels the need to pm me, please go easy on me. And just don't do it if you would find it difficult to accept rejection, I can't force myself to find you attractive after all.

I am in a similar situation and find the psychology of my own thoughts a total mystery. As a life long closet dresser I have always remained attracted to women. Whether I was dressed or not my go-to publications were girly mags and I lost many gallons of fluid just looking at the pictures of women dressed in a similar way to me wondering what and how they were feeling being so sexily clad. With the advent of the internet and freely available porn my tastes were still much the same but now there was the added sight of other cross dressers and I felt an attraction to seeing another man in lingerie and always wondering if he felt as horny as I did during my dress up sessions. It was as if I was searching for a kindred spirit.
It is not until my early sixties that I expanded my own dress ups to include make-up and a dress which somehow made me appear (to myself) so much more feminine. That in turn from out of the blue gave me a massive urge to orally pleasure another male whilst I was fully dressed. It was somehow a completion of my dressing desire and transformation into a woman, (not that I ever want to be a woman in reality.) The object of my fantasy is preferably another dresser but often drifted to it just being a man or more realistically just a cock.
So now having spent a life time with strictly hetero yearnings I am now re-aligning my thoughts to bisexual. When in male mode I have no such inclinations and although not homophobic I do not find the male form particularly attractive. Flip the coin and put me in a dress and I would be on my hands and knees slurping like the whore I wish to be.
I can't even begin to explain my feelings or wonder whether it is just me who feels this way with such dual and oppossing sexual inclinations. Either way it remains an enigma to me but thankfully although unexplainable it is quite enjoyable all the same.