Omg! Now what?

[Jw_Jp]

Hello all! I am new to the Lit. Community but a long time reader.
I am looking for some advice. I know it's the web and all but my wife and I do not have anyone that we can talk to about this. Anyway, for years we have done pillow talk about having group sex. Never imagined it would happen. My question is this; We soft swung with a couple. My wife wants to keep exploring this lifestyle. I am good with everything, but what now? We have been talking but what should we be talking about? We know to establish rules, are there procedural rules? Standard rules?
I know it sounds like I'm freaking out and your right, I kinda am. We have been married for 33 years, met in 7th grade. Started dating the day we met. We have 3 children and 3 grandchildren. I love my wife more than life itself and I want her to have all that she wants.
Sorry if I am not making much sense, I am still processing and not wanting to make any mistakes that would jeopardize our relationship. So in a nutshell, what should our next steps be?
Thank you in advance and please be nice, I am a husband that wants his wife to have all the experiences of life that she wants.

 

[jomar]

Welcome to the GB, where advice questions are answered with a variety of creative and informative responses. So saddle up.

 

[Jw_Jp]

Lol. Saddle up huh? Did I mention we are new to this type of play? We have only been with each other for 39 years, that's a long time. We have trouble falling asleep if we are not in the same bed. I could go on but I think you get the point. So many questions and feelings in my head. Uggggg

 

[slt4dd]

I think the biggest thing you're already doing....talking. The more communication about wants, desires, expectations will ensure, to the extent it;s possible, what you both want out of this. Maybe more importantly what you don't. Delving into this the more in tune you are with each other the better.

Since it seems you want to explore more there are places out there groups, meet ups, clubs, etc. where you can go and feel it out. Participate or not. If you want to you can DM me about it. I do come at this from the single female perspective who has participated in some of this activity.

Good luck! It can be a lot of fun.

 

[Lifestyle66]

Forget the groups, clubs, etc for now. Those could be a little intense for newbies.

Do a web search for "swingers" or "lifestyle". You'll find several web site for those looking to connect. Check out those sites and read some of the other profiles there, then set up your own couple profile and include your wife in this search. There are sometimes groups listed on those sites and try attending a few social meetups in bars or restaurants to meet other face-to-face without committment. You can then discuss what you two are looking for and what you're thinking in safety. You might send out some e-mails to other profiles which you both like, but if you make contact that way, do NOT give out your home address or complete names until you've met them in person elsewhere.

Try to find another couple you both agree might work, then coordinate with them for a private time together.

Go slow, and talk it through, because once you've done it, there's always going to be that image in your minds about each other, which you'll never forget! For good or bad!

Try reading my story "Lifestyle Ch.04 - Mentors" and "Lifestyle Ch.05 - Newbies" for just such a discussion and how I envisioned a good way to start.

EDIT: Never start trying this type of activity with anyone you know, not friends, neighbors, co-workers, or people you meet in local stores. Once you do it, those people will be in your life as a constant reminder, and you might want to forget them!

 

[Jw_Jp]

Forget the groups, clubs, etc for now. Those could be a little intense for newbies.

Do a web search for "swingers" or "lifestyle". You'll find several web site for those looking to connect. Check out those sites and read some of the other profiles there, then set up your own couple profile and include your wife in this search. There are sometimes groups listed on those sites and try attending a few social meetups in bars or restaurants to meet other face-to-face without committment. You can then discuss what you two are looking for and what you're thinking in safety. You might send out some e-mails to other profiles which you both like, but if you make contact that way, do NOT give out your home address or complete names until you've met them in person elsewhere.

Try to find another couple you both agree might work, then coordinate with them for a private time together.

Go slow, and talk it through, because once you've done it, there's always going to be that image in your minds about each other, which you'll never forget! For good or bad!

Try reading my story "Lifestyle Ch.04 - Mentors" and "Lifestyle Ch.05 - Newbies" for just such a discussion and how I envisioned a good way to start.

EDIT: Never start trying this type of activity with anyone you know, not friends, neighbors, co-workers, or people you meet in local stores. Once you do it, those people will be in your life as a constant reminder, and you might want to forget them!

When we had our experience last week, I was surprised at how beautiful it all was. The look of pure, raw, uninhibited lust that was in the eyes of my wife, I want that for her again. I kept thinking, "shouldn't I be jealous?" The couple are friends of ours and I couldn't believe how there was no jealously. Watching his wife lick my wife's pussy as she sucked his cock, WOW!! Is that normal? Been told my whole life it ain't. Been told I would be jealous and want a divorce. Quite the contrary is happening. I love her more.

 

[Lifestyle66]

When we had our experience last week, I was surprised at how beautiful it all was. The look of pure, raw, uninhibited lust that was in the eyes of my wife, I want that for her again. I kept thinking, "shouldn't I be jealous?" The couple are friends of ours and I couldn't believe how there was no jealously. Watching his wife lick my wife's pussy as she sucked his cock, WOW!! Is that normal? Been told my whole life it ain't. Been told I would be jealous and want a divorce. Quite the contrary is happening. I love her more.

Ahhh. So, you two have tried it. That's different.

I don't recommend going with someone you know for the first time because, as you said you "should be jealous". And that can happen. If you DID get jealous, there's no getting away from those friends being reminders in the future, and that causes strains. Now the only issue will be if either or both of the other couple wants more and one of you doesn't.

What happens if you're at a party sometime in the future and the other couple is there, and one of them gets a little amorous or aggressive?

EDIT: What happens if the other husband calls your wife and asks her to get together one-on-one without you?

You two need to discuss that possibility and how you both intend to handle it.

There's no need for jealousy in a long, committed marriage, as long as you both feel the same way about it and each other. EDIT: But friends can complicate things if everyone is not on the same page!

EDIT 2: Try reading my story "Lifestyle Ch.08/09: Clubs/Parties" for the issues of wives wanting more and feeling lustful, and the husbands seeing things get a little out of control.

 

[FL30]

Hello all! I am new to the Lit. Community but a long time reader.
I am looking for some advice. I know it's the web and all but my wife and I do not have anyone that we can talk to about this. Anyway, for years we have done pillow talk about having group sex. Never imagined it would happen. My question is this; We soft swung with a couple. My wife wants to keep exploring this lifestyle. I am good with everything, but what now? We have been talking but what should we be talking about? We know to establish rules, are there procedural rules? Standard rules?
I know it sounds like I'm freaking out and your right, I kinda am. We have been married for 33 years, met in 7th grade. Started dating the day we met. We have 3 children and 3 grandchildren. I love my wife more than life itself and I want her to have all that she wants.
Sorry if I am not making much sense, I am still processing and not wanting to make any mistakes that would jeopardize our relationship. So in a nutshell, what should our next steps be?
Thank you in advance and please be nice, I am a husband that wants his wife to have all the experiences of life that she wants.

It's whatever you want to do. There are no "rules" except the ones that the BOTH of you make. Every couple is different, every person is different.

But now that you've started, it's just like a damn busting, it's gonna be difficult to stop it.

 

[Saint_Ann]

Get a good lawyer.

 

[Noor]

Lol. Saddle up huh? Did I mention we are new to this type of play? We have only been with each other for 39 years, that's a long time. We have trouble falling asleep if we are not in the same bed. I could go on but I think you get the point. So many questions and feelings in my head. Uggggg

He meant that the general board is like the wild west on lit and there are other boards more suited for your questions.
Here you may get a reasonable answer or you get anything.

 

[Stewart_Pidd]

This is the General Board, not the Geriatric Board bro.

Stew

 

[JaxRhapsody]

When we had our experience last week, I was surprised at how beautiful it all was. The look of pure, raw, uninhibited lust that was in the eyes of my wife, I want that for her again. I kept thinking, "shouldn't I be jealous?" The couple are friends of ours and I couldn't believe how there was no jealously. Watching his wife lick my wife's pussy as she sucked his cock, WOW!! Is that normal? Been told my whole life it ain't. Been told I would be jealous and want a divorce. Quite the contrary is happening. I love her more.

If you're certain of and have faith in your marriage and wife, then there's nothing to be jealous of. Sexualwise you can potentially do anything he can do.

 

[patient1]

This is the General Board, not the Geriatric Board bro.

Stew

So I gotta leave now, bro?

 

[gunhilltrain]

It's whatever you want to do. There are no "rules" except the ones that the BOTH of you make. Every couple is different, every person is different.

But now that you've started, it's just like a damn busting, it's gonna be difficult to stop it.

You mean dam busting, I assume. During World War II, the the British Royal Air Force blew up German dams to cause flooding.

 

[lovecraft68]

I'll chime in to avoid the clubs and websites etc. There are some good people willing to help, but there's also a lot of people looking to take advantage of people new to the lifestyle and will be pushy, use pressure and all but force you into things you're not ready for.

 

[FL30]

You mean dam busting, I assume. During World War II, the the British Royal Air Force blew up German dams to cause flooding.

Either, or, or maybe even both. You never know.

 

[ImiGirrst]

I know it sounds like I'm freaking out and your right, I kinda am. We have been married for 33 years, met in 7th grade. Started dating the day we met. We have 3 children and 3 grandchildren. I love my wife more than life itself and I want her to have all that she wants.
Sorry if I am not making much sense, I am still processing and not wanting to make any mistakes that would jeopardize our relationship. So in a nutshell, what should our next steps be?
Thank you in advance and please be nice, I am a husband that wants his wife to have all the experiences of life that she wants.

It's okay to be a bit worried, so was my ex, when I said I wanted to open our marriage. Truly, my circumstance was very similar, In that I was CURIOUS AS HELL about other partners. I had to wing woman my husband first (now ex), find him a lover so he would know what it was like, and that it wasn't a pre-cursor to me leaving. It was curiosity, plain and simple. And once I had my experiences, I settled on keeping one lover and was content enough to be at home.

Those relationship, created at year 14, last all the way to year 28. But he did leave me for another woman. And my lover's first words were "this is not your fault." And my ex's long time lover was just as pissed as I was when he walked out - the morning he did, he had a date with her! So I know it had nothing to do with having another person - he certainly could have had her, without tearing our lives apart.

So here's take away. If she's going to leave, she will leave whether you are swinging or not. If she's going to stay, she will whether you are swinging or not.

PS: Show us her tits or fuck off…(GB Welcome

Yup, you're still a guest until you get a request to show dick or tits.

Get a good lawyer.

Ignore this post.

When we had our experience last week, I was surprised at how beautiful it all was. The look of pure, raw, uninhibited lust that was in the eyes of my wife, I want that for her again. I kept thinking, "shouldn't I be jealous?" The couple are friends of ours and I couldn't believe how there was no jealously. Watching his wife lick my wife's pussy as she sucked his cock, WOW!! Is that normal? Been told my whole life it ain't. Been told I would be jealous and want a divorce. Quite the contrary is happening. I love her more.

Yes, it's normal! (Although some contend that Normal is just a setting on a dryer)

The reason is that you are confident in your partnership. Being told it's not is having others baggage being put on you. Let's face it, there are many who would totally feel this way. And by convince you, and others, of this 'divorce' dynamic, the perpetrator has more control over their partner - so that way the perpetrator doesn't have to make the extra effort to show that they are sub-par in some form or fashion. It just a way of using the myth to keep their status quo - because they are freakin lazy!

In fact, reunion sex can approach NRE heights. I am currently seeing a physician, so I believe without laying my hands on it that there was a paper with study results on it. Higher sex drive, more sperm, more intensity.

So that's part of the reason you love her more. Because you two have talked about it, and you are reveling in it together.

It was Lit friend who introduced me to my ex's long time lover who he ditched (who is STILL a great and dear friend of mine) is still a great friend of mine and important in my life. Anyway, he gave me a book called Ethical Nonmonagmy

 

[live4thebj]

Hello all! I am new to the Lit. Community but a long time reader.
I am looking for some advice. I know it's the web and all but my wife and I do not have anyone that we can talk to about this. Anyway, for years we have done pillow talk about having group sex. Never imagined it would happen. My question is this; We soft swung with a couple. My wife wants to keep exploring this lifestyle. I am good with everything, but what now? We have been talking but what should we be talking about? We know to establish rules, are there procedural rules? Standard rules?
I know it sounds like I'm freaking out and your right, I kinda am. We have been married for 33 years, met in 7th grade. Started dating the day we met. We have 3 children and 3 grandchildren. I love my wife more than life itself and I want her to have all that she wants.
Sorry if I am not making much sense, I am still processing and not wanting to make any mistakes that would jeopardize our relationship. So in a nutshell, what should our next steps be?
Thank you in advance and please be nice, I am a husband that wants his wife to have all the experiences of life that she wants.

Look swinging isn’t for everyone. I know this first hand. Figure out what you can handle and what you can’t. Sometimes there are rules yes you can get gang bang but they all need to be strangers is one example. Also after 33 years of marriage I seriously doubt this will affect your marriage in a negative way.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Either, or, or maybe even both. You never know.

Translate, "Those damn English planes!" into German.