New to writing and looking for feedback

[SandyWhitlock]

Hello everyone! I am new to this site and new to writing. I am doing this for fun and not expecting to become such a great writer but I still would like it to be well written enough for some people to enjoy it.

I started posting my first story. The first 5 parts I posted together. I didn't want my submissions to be too short but now I'm wondering if it is too long. It also has a lot going on in it. I kind of wish you could have stories in multiple categories.

I know I made a mistake with my tags. I had thought I put all the appropriate tags but I was annoyed with myself when I saw I didn't. My story overall has MF MM and MMF. I left out the tags where it would indicate it would have mm and mmf in it. I've already put a submission to change it but it hasn't gone through. I can unserstand people getting pissed thinking it's one thing but then it's also another thing that might have made them stay away from it. I don't want to come off as deceptive.

The other parts I put out are in smaller groups.


The most recent part, which is only one part, I published is getting the lowest votes and got a comment saying I made a shitty story from a gay one to a loving wives one.

I'm looking for any insights you are willing to comment on. Is it a down right shitty story? Is my grammar too horrible to enjoy the story? Going forward when I post a multiple part story should I post one at a time no matter the length? Should I stick to one subject/kink/category instead of incorporating multiple ones? Also anything you can think of.

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=5606381&page=submissions

Thank you so much!

 

[AlinaX]

Never really saw the point of having multiple chapters grouped like that, unless it was an old story being republished.

In this case, you have three published stories, the first only a page and a half (short by Lit standards, but typical for me) and the others much less than a page (hmm...) -

- in three different categories (hmm... again). It's not unknown to switch categories, but to go from NonCon to EC to Loving Wives is plain weird.

Any male-male contact outside of Gay Male is a minefield. (Sigh.) Loving Wives is guaranteed to deliver a lot of hateful feedback - you really shouldn't venture into there without an asbestos suit.

And all that's without reading a thing you wrote... sorry.

 

[SandyWhitlock]

Thank you for taking the time to have a look.

I guess I should have made all the parts I had as one? I had originally wrote it to put on wattpad but that is a much younger audience. The attention span is probably 2000 words a chapter. Also a much different format. You can write a lot in the description of the story and all your sections are put into one book.

I wish I would have put it all in Group Sex category because it's ultimatey a threesome story. However not every part has a threesome. I'm not delusional to think I'm making some great literary work but the little feedback I've gotten from the loving wives makes me never want to put a story in that section ever again. Like I'm sure there's much worse out there. That's the part I've gotten any feed back with people reaching out to me.

Well I got one nice feedback message so not all bad. Lol.

 

[NotWise]

I agree with most of what AlinaX said. I read the first half or so of the first story and skipped around through the rest.

I thought your informal, story-telling narrative style was easy to read, and that should help draw readers into your story.

But more about your narrative. It skipped back and forth between past and present tense. That can be done for effect and I thought at first that you might be doing it intentionally. Then you changed tense in the middle of a sentence, and I changed my mind. You should stick to one tense -- usually past. Don't confuse your readers.

And still more about your narrative. You use it a lot -- especially at the beginning of the story. It's easier to write narrative than it is to write dialog, and how you balance those is probably a matter of style. That said, I think most readers would like the hear the character's voice a little more often. Dialog helps develop your characters.

I found the story hard to follow. It does have a lot of elements in it, and you seem to jump from one idea to another without taking the time to develop a story or the characters. One example is your early telling of the three-way between Matt, Clara and Alyssa. It didn't serve an erotic purpose, and it did little to develop your characters. To me it was a distraction.

Choosing a category can be tough -- especially when your story isn't focused -- and it's tougher since there's no bisexual category here. This How-To by Tx Tall Tales is the bible on category selection. It's an important read.

 

[JackBellend41]

Hi Sandy,

I like this story a lot and enjoyed all three interactions between characters. The sex was hot and you describe it very well.

After finishing, I had three things I thought could improve and Notwise checked them all off. Keep to one tense, explain more through dialogue and the stuff about the past threesome looked far out of character and a little confusing.

Great job, I look forward to seeing more of your writing.

Jack

 

[SandyWhitlock]

Thank you so much for the compliment and helpful critiques. I think I had one thing in mind and went in a different direcrion as I was writing. Next time I will take more time to think what I really want in the story so it isn't all over the place.

I will also work on the tense that I use and be consistent with it.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Thank you so much for the compliment and helpful critiques. I think I had one thing in mind and went in a different direcrion as I was writing. Next time I will take more time to think what I really want in the story so it isn't all over the place.

I will also work on the tense that I use and be consistent with it.

It's sometimes inevitable that you will have to change categories within a series. (It would be ideal to stay within one if possible.) I've had to deal with that at times.

I'm not sure you have to break down the parts into smaller parts and put that in the title. Yes, sometimes you may want section headers with the text. I used to do that but not much recently. So for example, you really don't have to mention parts 1-5, especially since they're not numbered within the text and the Literotica software automatically calls it a three-part series. Did I explain that well enough?

 

[NotWise]

Thank you for taking the time to have a look.

I guess I should have made all the parts I had as one? I had originally wrote it to put on wattpad but that is a much younger audience. The attention span is probably 2000 words a chapter. Also a much different format. You can write a lot in the description of the story and all your sections are put into one book.

I wish I would have put it all in Group Sex category because it's ultimatey a threesome story. However not every part has a threesome. I'm not delusional to think I'm making some great literary work but the little feedback I've gotten from the loving wives makes me never want to put a story in that section ever again. Like I'm sure there's much worse out there. That's the part I've gotten any feed back with people reaching out to me.

Well I got one nice feedback message so not all bad. Lol.

For Lit, your entire story could be posted as a single chapter and it wouldn't be long. Lit readers have unusual expectations. Your titled parts within the chapters would simply be replaced with scene breaks. I use three consecutive asterisks on a line by themselves for a scene break, other people use different methods.

Here's one of those odd details that you might never think a reader would notice. In the first and third chapters, your parts were titled in all caps. That made them stand out. In the second chapter the titles for the parts were not all caps, and they were hard to find. The inconsistency by itself got my attention.

I've titled chapters within some of my longer pieces and in some cases I still will, but one of the most respected authors on Lit reviewed one of my stories and discouraged me from doing anything but numbering them.

I like your idea that it could have gone to Group. Do you intend to write more of the story? If so, then it might be a good idea to have the first three moved to Group. Your story will retain it's original votes and comments, but when you post the next part, the earlier parts will have a new set of readers. If you don't intend to add more to the story, then just leave it as it is and move on.

And about LW. I read the comments as of this afternoon. They let you off lightly. No one wants you to die. Don't worry about them, no new writer anticipates what happens there, and it happens to everyone.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I'm not sure there is an ideal length for a chapter in a series. I tend to have it as a particular event on a single day. I will probably do that differently in my next series because there will be scenes too short for their own chapter.

 

[Emirus]

Personally I think 7k/9k words (2/3 Lit pages) is about right for most readers but it depends on the story. Sometimes you can tell the story in less and to stretch it out would ruin it. Sometimes you can’t stop the words pouring out and to make it shorter would ruin it. There’s no perfect length for a story.

I wrote a story as one and then decided, for a reason I can’t remember, to split it into five one page chapters because it was five scenes. It was a terrible decision as was shown by the reader response. I deleted it and resubmitted it as one story, as originally written, and it’s my highest scoring at 4.86.

Sometimes we make bad decisions but, in most cases, they can be rectified.

*

 

[SandyWhitlock]

Thank you everyone for your comments. Great suggestions and I will definitely will remember them going forward.

I had read somehwhere that people reading online had short attention spans so don't make chapters too long.

Obviously that was terrible advice. **

 

[ElectricBlue]

Thank you everyone for your comments. Great suggestions and I will definitely will remember them going forward.

I had read somehwhere that people reading online had short attention spans so don't make chapters too long.

Obviously that was terrible advice. **

Different audiences, for sure. There are so many readers on Lit - some like short and never read long, and vice versa, so don't feel there is a perfect story length. There are some sweet spots for story and chapter length which can be useful as a guide, but not as a rule.