New Poetry Recommendations

[Du Lac]

Sunday Reviews Part II

Sorry guys..got home and hit the hay.. so I had to finish this morning....

Next a Kabuki of rhetoric that stuns us!

Mou oshimai da Tathagata

Quote:
In my palm
my offering
melts,
gone with a breath
like a dream of you

This is a dreamy open love poem that as Jim says sways in the ancient form. I loved it! Peaceful, floating. Tath.. no worries on the kid comment! Children are the wise ones... they teach on a greater level and are open honest and closer to the divine essence..

An Allemande:
Verbotan Sabina_Tolchovsky

Filled with desire passion and fire. I really liked this stanza:
Tie me,
spank me,
slip it in slow and hot
Please,
touch me in all those dark, secret and trembling spots.

Chicken dancing into the poetry lime light is :
Zen Fun Bill Dada

A whitty two liner that made me smile and giggle. I love the short spurts from this poet! Look for more!

Finally one I found dark, light, filled with truth...
a minuet of living in addiction..
For T JPX

While the form is a little confusing I still loved this work.. the honesty here is strong and a light is revealed on the curse of addiction...and always seeking more in the clouds and rain......
ty
Du Lac

Thank you all for the slam dance of reads.. sorry late with the final reviews.. but a girl has to sleep when she is working two jobs lol... hope you all have a poetic day!

Du Lac

 

[Reltne]

Don't miss this one!

A new poet, Ronnie Wachuka, has posted two works on the New Poems forum today. His first is a tribute to his late wife Jean and, strictly as a poem, may falter a little in structure. It is his second offering, Widows Night At The Hall, that I recommend that you do not miss. I mention this because it is a long piece and written in paragraph form, two things that I know may put a lot of people off, but trust me, this is a good piece, my pick of the litter.
I guess this might be classified as prose-poetry (prosetry?).
Whatever you call it, it is well written and I find it emotionally moving. Hopefully, you need not be as old as I to be moved and to enjoy and recognize the quality in this piece.

 

[flyguy69]

review

And I would direct readers to Thanks a Lot, Galileo by Steve Porter. It is a magnificent poetic exploration of theology and rationalism; beautifully phrased and cleverly imaged.

Steve consistently writes strong poems, and this is one of his best.

 

[duckiesmut]

Monday's reviews...

which freedom?
by echoes_s

Your voice whispers quiet
whirling wisps of wonder
as i hide

I love the use of langauge and the way the poet plays with words to make them dance on the tongue. My one question is the end. Something about the last three lines unsettles me.

I cry a soft whimper
not knowing whether
it be in victory or in defeat.

I'm not sure if the solution would be deleting the second 'in' in the third line, or if I should just shut my big mouth and say that I loved the poem as a whole.

Too late
also by echoes_s

Read this. The beginning of the second stanza....just go read it. Stunning use of language.

Thanks a lot, Galileo
by steve porter

This one has already been noted, but it is more than worth a second mention.

Why, even those bishops decreed
that, indeed, our loss of faith
in this bewildered state
in which we live,
is a direct derivative,
a corollary coronary,
of an exhausted heart.

I think that speaks for itself, don't you?

Nomads
by Dustystar

There is no where but to wander
in this most comfortable middle place.

What a wonderful ending. Sometimes I find myself sad at the end when it's weaker than the rest of the poem. This, I loved.

Patience
by Fflow

I liked the tone and flow (pun semi-intended) of this, but "just desserts" rang false to me. Otherwise, I enjoyed it, beginning to end.

America The Bootyful
by seannelson

I almost didn't read this because of the title. I'm thankful I changed my mind.

The Union shall not perish; It'll join the Wal-Mart team

Clever, funny, well-timed. It wrenched more than a laugh out of me.

***
As always, these are just my thoughts. Please feel free to add on (as others already have).

 

[WickedEve]

I'm catching up on the new poems from the past week and I found one that I'm pretty sure wasn't mentioned on the 23rd:
For the High School Students
by Softouch911 ©
to happen and has brushed against him
in the booth laughing
until he is as tight as a six-foot penis
& sees her sweater is full of lust
then remembers those are breasts

This poem does (in my opinion) need some work, but it is worth a read. It has very fun moments in it.

 

[Trent_Dutch]

New Poem Reviews Tuesday 1st March Part 1

There are 35 new poems today on this Tuesday the first of March, the first day of spring, and St. David’s Day… so if you know any Welshman, give them your best. Before I begin with the reviews, I must warn you, I just dropped an ashtray on my foot, just after hoovering/vacuuming my study, so I’m a little crabby today (the ashtray/foot-dirty floor thing could just be a metaphor for a lot of things though)… I will try to be as positive as I can with the reviews, but criticism must be expected today (as it should everyday). So, if I say something you don’t concur with please take a moment to remember that others are entitled to opinions, even if you don’t agree with them, that’s what makes the world such an interesting place… If you don’t agree with my views here, do something constructive about it, or shut up and put your fevered little ego to bed… thank you.

And now to the reviews….

First up is 'If You Feel a Need!' by Uncle Pervey. I’m sure this poem is trying to be witty and clever in some way, unfortunately, I must be missing the point. The poem seems to say to me that people tell you to confess, but these people are assholes (and should be ignored) and instead we should confess. Like I say, I may be missing some irony or twist here (perhaps the use of ‘your Lord’ and not ‘the Lord’ is trying to promote a personal spirituality, rather than the mass market spirituality espoused by most to others… also, the author is perhaps guilty of what he is railing against). Aside from thematic considerations there are also a few grammatical errors (the pluralisation of ‘encourages’, the misspelling of ‘hypocrits(sic)’ in the second stanza, and the use of ‘confessing’ and not ‘confession’ in the third stanza seem to irk me somewhat). Saying this however, there are one or two good observations here, and the poem shows some promise.

'She' by me_akron uses an interesting rhyming scheme very well, maintaining the rhyme from start to finish (even though being British I tend to pronounce ‘vase’ as varz and not vayse, I was able to compromise my reading). The poem keeps a good pace and, with the complete rhyme, feels quite accomplished. However, I feel the poem suffers a little from being slightly generic and somewhat staid, and it lacks any real exposition.

Another contribution from me_akron comes in the form of 'The end'. Yet again, it maintains a constant structure throughout (with the quatrameter lines followed by the two shorter sharper lines, and the constant rhyme scheme) which is quite satisfying. It deals with an existence of solitude rather well. I also enjoy the family tree metaphor immensely.

‘no one to call and nowhere to be
the grown end
of a family tree’

'Caesura' by jthserra felt a little awkward at first reading, with the line breaks and caesurae that didn’t seem to gel well with me. However, after reading to the end and then reading again I began to see something not evident at first. It feels very ‘jazz’ influenced to me, and if you read it like you would a musician would read and play his music (with the poetic caesurae reflecting the musicians caesurae) I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. It’s a very rhythmic poem, with the voice almost mimicking that of the saxophone mentioned in the poem, and the author has captured this very well. Very good in my opinion. However, I know the poet is using the poetic caesurae to match the musical caesurae, but poetic caesurae are usually natural breaks, not dependent on meter or foot, and the overuse of the technique does leave the poem feeling slightly awkward, and somewhat frantic (perhaps like the music it is trying to communicate). Saying that though, all truly worthy things have to be awkward, they have to tug and nag at you a little, that way we don’t forget or dismiss them…. (I would really like to quote something here, but I would be unable to replicate the line structure etc. as I don’t know about the nbsp thingy, so instead I would just say go read the poem, it deserves it and its only a click away).

'Psyche' by Remec is an interesting and enjoyable piece. It conveys some good imagery, and has some pleasant use of language. However, I do have some criticism. Some may cry ‘subtletly’ and bathe in the wonderful words and pictures of the poem, but it seems quite vague to myself. After reading several times I’m still a little unsure of the setting/theme of the poem and have absolutely no idea of the meaning that the author is trying to get across, even though I’m sure that there is one in there somewhere (although this could be the fault of the reader and not the author).

‘Soft beauty,
elegant, if marred,
thumps its way
through sweet, flower-strewn grass…’


Well, thats it for the first batch of reviews. The next part should be ready for your perusal within the next 2-3 hours. In the meantime, get out there and read and comment on some poems...

 

[Trent_Dutch]

New Poem reviews Tuesday 1st of March, part 2

Ok folks…. The next instalment of the reviews for Tuesday the 1st of March.

'A Tree Grows in Hades' by seanellson is a good read. To some, this level of vitriol is not really appealing, but to myself, it goes down rather easily. Yes, the poem is a little rambling…. Yes, the poem contains no visible structure… and Yes, there is no consideration for rhyme or poetic meter. But, I still like this poem. It asks a number of questions, makes some rather shrewd observations and contains some clever use of language. It concerns itself with the modern affliction, and deals with the subject more than satisfactorily. It’s a good example of the power that modern free form, almost prosaic, poetry can achieve. I especially enjoyed the last fifth or so of the poem, a part of which I shall quote below.

‘Who am I?
An angel so hardened I would eat infant sushi if I thought it good for my complexion, bathe in dolphin blood if I thought it good for my health or chop off my hand if I thought it good for my soul.’

'Blind Hands' by Catastrophe is a rather well worded poem. It conveys the feelings of diffidence and anxiety about oneself very well indeed, using some clever remarks. It suffers slightly from a lack of consistency in structure etc, but it is a good read nonetheless.

‘Those tiny hairs
and silver stretchmarks
are details you’ve never seen
outside of moonlight.’

'Bound' by Sophia Jane is a short, but quite heady poem. It manages to say quite a lot in a few words, although it suffers from a little too much generic imagery.

'Six Points About Me' by Angeline is another recommended read. It seems a rather personal poem, and I know little about the author, but the poem maintains a good flow and pace and uses some interesting imagery and language (The opening and closing lines about the pendant are especially good). It also conveys the subject (Familial ties and expectations) rather well, and coming back to the title after reading the poem has kept me chuckling all the while I’ve been writing this.

‘I never wear it.
The chain is too short,
the pendant would lay
against the hollow
of my neck’

'Eyeing the Wallpaper After a Walk' by DeepAsleep is my final recommendation of the day. I disagree with a few of the comments already made on the poem, in that I find the opening half of the poem to be the most powerful and ‘poetic’. I find the poem trails off a little, shortly after the middle point, where the change in rhythm disrupts the flow. Saying that though, the last two stanzas, and their theme of introspection, are rather adept. I shall quote here the first stanza in its entirety, the rhythm of which is rather agreeable to this most humble reviewer…

‘Flowers dot these walls
ringing with roses and sweet green leaves
a room where dreams have yet to free themselves
from clutching ivy and the vices that lie
within momentary lapses of judgement’

Well, that’s it from me for another week. I hope you all get out there and make your own voices heard, whether through poetry or (preferably constructive) comments on others efforts.

And so, until next Tuesday, I bid you fond adieu….

 

[Tathagata]

Wed March 2nd

Keep an eye on this poet
ravenspeak

I stumbled upon this this morning the call
and then read the other 3 offering.
all show promise, some nice images, and a very interesting mind

Give a read and vote

 

[jthserra]

Wednesday, Wednesday...

Wasn't that the Mamas and the Papas? Or was it Rainy Days and Wednesdays? Well, something like that.

Thirty-seven new poems today brought an odd assortment of sensations and proclivities, with maggots, phlegm and vomit all tossed in. If there's anything that will incite a libido, it's maggots and phlegm... well...

During last year's Survivor contest, I took a perverse pleasure in writing some of the more disgusting erotic stories here at lit. Well, Fflow has stepped up with an erotic poem that brings a whole new meaning to erotica. Be sure to read Man-paste , but make sure you wash your hands when you're finished. Here's a taste (if you excuse the pun):

"Dysentery flies like burning love,
An azure ooze dribbles: plop.

Lickety ooze, anyways."

PS. Schadenfreude is pleasure derived from the misfortune of others...



Seannelson regurgitates with his Messialcohol but soars to Insanity Heights with some interesting phrasing:

"Daylight fades:
our organs fall away.
I was meant to be a sunbeam
from the craggiest of clouds,"


Several poets had multiple submissions. Ravenspeak follows Fflow and Insanity Heights with an insanity of her own... nicely titled flow . I took some extra chlorestoral pills after reading this swirling poem of dissolution:

"...like this when
arteries contract
veins expand
and the current
twirls and swirls
into backwater..."

Damn! Check out her (or his?) The Call and gone . The short lines are nicely enjambed, that, while at times feels a bit choppy, does make a fast paced, almost frenetic poem. Wear your crash helmets with these.


Another prolific poet today was 4degrees presenting a total of 7 poems. With the short lines and fast pace, the poems were similar to Ravenspeak's, but with even a sharper edge. My favorite took me to the depths of deBase+ment :

"in a flash i
feel the cement
raw on my knees
and then the sequel
of my palms"

Sequel? or is it squeal? or is 4degrees teasing us... oh yeah, it's a tease, it's got to be.

Make sure you also read Pheromones and yeah -- well... . Yeah -- well, don't take my word for it, read them yourselves.


Flyguy69 brings us a look through a woman's eyes as he discusses Her Request :

"Write

me in latex or lace,
and pull the verse tight
about my breasts; make me
inhale sharply
as I read."



In an earlier poetry lifetime I was called jthspell-check, so I stumbled on Du-Lac's first line. In my defense, I was going to the dictionary looking up the word "obtuned" only to find I couldn't find it. I think "obtunded" is correct, it does fit her Hollow Angel . Take a peek:

"Tossed obtuned reflexes,
Straining life, shallow breathing
Hollow angel barking fallacies.

Snow edged potentials
buried deep within"



My Erotic Tale's birthday salute: Happy Birthday Dr. Suess plays a bit on the Suessian Rhyme.



And last, but certainly not least, is my favorite poem of the day. Syndra Lynn beautifully spreads her wings with Out of My Chrysalis. This neatly trimmed poem would make Gandhi proud:

"shining
on frail, damp wings
amethyst moon
rises

coming into knowing
as the blindfold cloud
falls...".

A wonderful soaring poem -- read, vote, comment and remember it.


Those are the poems that caught my attention today. Read all the New Poems and find a jewel of your own.

Everyone have a nice evening, and... let's be poetic out there.


jim : )

 

[Rybka]

New Poems of Thursday March 3, 2005 (part 1)

There are 30 new submissions on this first Thursday of March, and I have one non-erotic "spinner" from the past.

For today's spinaroony I bring a poem from June of last year.

First spin luck! It took only one spin to find this poem by Wicked Eve. I am told by the poet that the surface level is all there is. Frost said something like, "Anything beyond the sound of the words belongs to you." Well, I can go a lot deeper, especially with the last two lines. I wonder if the subconscious makes poets say things they don't know they mean? Anybody got thoughts on that? Think about it and read:

Final Decree of Divorce

-

One page devoted to herein,
depositions and defendant.

We are declared
bona fide and domiciled

here on paper,
from Courthouse Square,
before Paenic, Esquire.

There is no reward,
but award of divorce
a vinculo matrimonii.

And in the end
it is further adjudged,
ordered, decreed...

and I grow weary of reading.

We are now stricken from the docket
and filed among the ended causes.


d dixon 06-08-04 3:15

-

Now on to some of the poems I found most interesting today. (Note the emphasis on "I".)

Of the 30 poems listed today, more than half were posted by one author.
such fecundity requires mention if only for pertinacity.

A member since August of last year, 4degrees has just begun submitting and has 25 "new" submissions since yesterday, 18 of them today. Even for a well known poet inundation is not a good marketing strategy. Quantity deletes quality. (tip to 4degrees: As the old showman said, "Always leave them wanting more!" - Uncle Pervey et al please take note.)

Most of today's poems are structured in a predominantly one or two words per line style, some more "minimal" with connectors cut, rather than "list", others with just very short lines. There are some good phrases and interesting word choices in them, but I find the quality variable within the works. Some might seem stronger and less choppy (the "read" flow more smoothly) to my eye if the lines were longer. However, When a poet chooses an unusual visual style he usually does so for a reason. It may be that the broken thought continuums cause pause and enhance the simplicity of the writer's intents. - What is the opposite of enjambment?

A line from one of his poems sums up my reaction to 4degrees' work, "taste is relavant". Pick one or two of these submissions and go see if his work is relavant (Sic) to you and leaves a good taste on your poetry tongue.

self-dissection
proximity
method
laden
quickie
he's like, wow
palliate
untitled 2
sovereignty
attrition
southern discomfort
deconstruction
4°
abcess
necessary
creature comforted

4degrees also has two erotic poems in more standard format.
warm is comfy more than hot-erotic. This poem shows the author's like for alliteration and his sense of style. I would like to see an altered final line. The other erotic poem, induced reprieve, is of the "fuck and forgive" sort.

*****
When I started to read all of the above poems there were only nine, and a total of just 15 new poems. I fear that at the moment I suffer surfeit of sameness. I must go purge my palate. - I will pull a MaCarthur and take a general break. Stand down and stand by. . . more to follow.

 

[Rybka]

New Poems of Thursday March 3, 2005 (part 2)

Here are a few more of today's poems that I found of interest. (Again, note the emphasis on "I".)

She's Stubborn. Yes, Angeline is, and so's her poem. It demands to be read several times, more slowly and perceptively each go. Then the truth of its lines

. . .
this falling awakened
like a poem oft read
and slowly understood
. . .

fulfill themselves. This is true Angeline and far better than an initial scan might indicate to a hasty eye.
~ Well Done! ~ (today's pick)

*****

logophile, for his second Lit. poem presents LogoPhilia. Why a word lover uses such ordinary words to construct an image of a penis (that's my guess) is something you will have to go and decide for yourself.

*****

I had already written most of this one when today's list doubled in length.
Rebel by Blackie Malone is an erotic first submission by a Lit. member of a little over a month. This poem is a rather basic piece with a leaning towards S&M and domination. There is nothing wrong with this poem, it is as good as most of the other submissions of the day, but there is nothing extraordinary about it either. It is a competent piece by a first time author. Go read it if the subject matter appeals to you and give some encouragement to a new contributor. (Not that he needs it. Blackie apparently already has his own fan club. )

*****

I am sure there are other poems out there today that you will want to mention after you read them. So please go read and then come back and do just that. (I purposefully left out a good one, just to make you go and look for it. Can you find it? )

 

[Trent_Dutch]

Just wanted to point out that Blackie is a girl.
Out of curiosity, any idea of what could have made it a more extraordinary poem?

This is only my opinion, but.... 'Rebel' is an OK poem... it suffers somewhat from a lack of flow, possibly caused by the lack of consistency in the structure and meter... I know it is a free form poem, with no strict meter and structure, but the rhtyhm and flow of any poem are important. As an example, the lines....

'my mind has only thoughts of you,
Of claiming you,
I will punish you,'

I note the structure and the repeated use of 'you', but the repetition of 'of' and some unnecesarry language slow the poem down here in a point when it is building/gathering pace. Also, the mismatch in meter with the 9/8 syllable split kinda irks me. Perhaps paring down the lines of this section to....

'My mind... only thoughts of you,
Claiming you,
Punishing you,'

..... would keep a better flow. Also, when the rhyme repeats with the second group of lines ending in 'you' comes round, the overly long third line....

'your wetness deceives you'

..... again breaks the poems flow, causing it to falter a little.

In addition, some of the language and imagery are quite stale... the bruising of lips, feasting on breasts etc... Im not really a fan of the type of language I see as rhetoric.

Hope this helps.

Edit... I've just remembered theres a recent thread on the forums, Oldies but Goodies where WickedEve is posting some old pieces in poetry... including a good piece on Form... it handles what I was aiming at above in a much more eloquent fashion, with more examples etc.

 

[DeepAsleep]

Getcher Fresh Reviews!

Friday, 3/4/05

Review time for this guy, again. I haven't read any of the new poems, as of the writing of this introduction, but I'll be reading along with you, if you're starting at the top and working your way down.

The first of the day is In Faintest Ink by jthserra. The drawing accompanying this is, obviously, a shadowy, hazy lazy reference to a vagina, as is most of the poem. Some of the words here, I liked, and some of the phrasing, I didn't. I get the feeling that grammar was ignored in favor of feeling, or that some effect that was intended to be transmitted by the wording was lost somewhere along the way. Still, it's an ode to the labial beast that'd probably make Georgia O'Keefe sit up and grab her genital mirror for a long, introspective look. I would tinker with the phrasing and tighten the bolts on this one before I called it excellent. Oh! And the drawing is kind of casual, whereas the words ring formal and if that's intentional, then without editing out some of the grammarical speedbumps, this'll never jibe, even as juxtaposition. Just my thought. Go check this out and contemplate your pudenda.

The next poem, Sunset, by Jessy19 is a simple piece that I almost disregarded. Another 'illustrated' poem, this one contains a simple little colorburst photo of a sunset and is done in a way I've never thought about doing a poem. Containing just several simple statements, this poem is not flashy, nor is it any chromed pop piece. It misses elegant by a narrow margin, because the complete use of statements doesn't flow together, but this is a problem of words chosen, not format. I think that this is a worthwhile poem. Go read about a sunset seen through a window.

Here, we have a piece, Bat Country: Ode to HST by harley23 that gives off a distinct 'swing and a miss' feel that I can't get over. I'm not the biggest fan of this poem, but it has its moments. Read for yourself, you bastard. ALWAYS COMING TO ME FOR YOUR REVIEWS! I CAN'T TAKE THIS PRESSURE, FORM YOUR OWN OPINIONS! OH, THE AGONY! ALAS! ALACK! ....Heh.

My Erotic Tale gets her erotic little tail into the mix with far far away And the piece is as short as it is to the point. Simplicity keeps coming back, today, and this kid don't mind at all. Check this poem out. There's feeling in it, though I'm not certain if the cartoony feel of the characters doesn't detract somewhat from the overall effect. You don't have to put a penguin in a tuxedo - it's already ready already, know what I mean?

Lindiana, a mostly unknown poet to me, is next with Broken and while it's difficult to read because it's superimposed over a picture whose colors match the font used to scribe the poem, it's worth sorting out. I didn't take much away from this, in the way of emotional involvement, which means I suck. You run along, now, and read this poem and try not to suck as much as me.

Socks! By t1hInganHom WHOO, BUDDY. I enjoyed this poem. It's nigh rollicking good fun.

Perhaps I should too mention
that the elder sock,
despite its threadbare, stubborn nature,
sure has seen a lot.

This is the only place where I felt the poem stumbled, but it's nothing that can't be worked with. Read this ode to tootsie covers with your feet wrapped in cotton, or I'll make you wear a cocksock.

Ah, Solitude. The underlying message of this poem sounds like, "Nobody knows me! Nobody likes me! I am the Lord of Darkness, I am the Enigma!.....please, won't someone fuck me?" TwistaFate does not rock my poetic world with this piece. But they might rock yours! Go rock out with your sock out!

...damn the socks stuck in my head.

wesleyann, whom I've never read before, kicks my poetic groin with Rest. I'll admit that I was a touch nonplussed by the disclaimer found at the beginning of this "(not a suicide poem)" and I went into this with a heavy heart that was soon lightened by the amount I enjoyed the poem. This is a neat one, you poetry whores. Go spread your legs for it, you painted hussies! On a more critical note, some of the lines in this don't need to be capitalized and there was at least one instance where I looked for a period I could not find. Weild thy poetic wrench and tighten thee up this ungainly beast!... Or, you know, just tweak it. Whatever sinks your battleship.

Devotion at a Distance by Nico1415 is a formulaic piece that suffers a bit from the format. I feel like a pretty decent poet tried to box themselves in, here, and wound up with a piece that's ill-served by their claustrophobia. Or some other metaphor that means this dude strangled himself with his layout. I DARE YOU TO READ THIS AND CALL ME A LIAR, YOU... WHATEVER YOU ARE!

caramella1977 submitted Sheets and I wasn't sure of her intent. The emotions here are conflicted - the way she talks about the smell of sex as "stench" in one line and "sweet" in another being one example of outright conflict, while I picked up a general sense of distaste from other parts of this that were at odds with the feelings I got from later bits. A strange piece, this is definitely worth a read. So, read it.

redrosesx put forth Sudden Desires and I'm gonna slide safe onto third base with, "No Comment." Go read it and find out why.

Nightfall In Winter by SnoopyTheBeagle.................

Bah.

Stretched Flagellate by sensuall...I distrust people's picks for user names, a lot, did you know that? I approach it the same way I once heard someone talking about people with words as names, like Grace... "You can't trust people like that, yano? Like if you go out with a girl named Chastity, she'll cheat on you with a girl named Faith." ...Nothing to do with reviewing, but everything to do with an unintentional bias I took to a poem whose subject matter I'm not kinky enough to get into. Useless personal anecdotes aside, this is a strange glimpse into the world of domination. The word 'stench' creeps up again, leaving me wondering if the woman was beaten hard enough to soil herself (if only for a quick sophomoric moment)... I don't go for beatings, given or received, when it comes to sex, but this poet's passion is arousing and that's good enough for me. Not the best I've read, but worth looking at.

DottieWom puts out Colors of the Wind and it's within me to make a bad Pocahontas joke, but I'm suppressing it like I was Burking a cellmate. I smell promise in this poet that will flourish when she stops trying so hard to be a poet. Leave encouraging comments on this submission, or I'll kneecap your sorry ass.

Thassall. No mo' poem. Up you go - on yer bike! Trot off and be happy, 'r somethin'.

 

[Syndra Lynn]

Friday, 3/4/05

The first of the day is In Faintest Ink by jthserra. The drawing accompanying this is, obviously, a shadowy, hazy lazy reference to a vagina, as is most of the poem. Some of the words here, I liked, and some of the phrasing, I didn't. I get the feeling that grammar was ignored in favor of feeling, or that some effect that was intended to be transmitted by the wording was lost somewhere along the way. Still, it's an ode to the labial beast that'd probably make Georgia O'Keefe sit up and grab her genital mirror for a long, introspective look. I would tinker with the phrasing and tighten the bolts on this one before I called it excellent. Oh! And the drawing is kind of casual, whereas the words ring formal and if that's intentional, then without editing out some of the grammarical speedbumps, this'll never jibe, even as juxtaposition. Just my thought. Go check this out and contemplate your pudenda.

DA~You have consistently done a terrific job on reviews, far more in depth and insightful than mine have ever been. But in the case of this poem, I beg to disagree, not only on your assesment of the poem, but of the illustration as well. Goddess knows, Jim's work stands on its own and needs not my opinion to support it, but I love Faintest Ink and wanted to say so, for the record.

I don't see "a shadowy, hazy lazy reference to a vagina," when I look at the drawing. Rather I see a sillhouette of a woman's torso from neck to knee. Subtle strokes define curve of breast, rear and thigh.

curve defined in line
by fingertips, indentations
in shadows-lit by touch

Fresh phrases drawing concise word pictures.

The second stanza made me catch my breath as the heated desire of this woman is expressed completely and beautifully with sparse language. I feel like a voyeur here and wish to be in the poem.

The last stanza brings us to the mention of the vagina that your review promised.

moist forms merging
into a motion drawn
of the faintest hint

Simply beautiful. Wonderful work, Jim. thank you for this lovely erotic read.

Syn

 

[My Erotic Tale]

NEW POEMS REVIEWS
for Saturday 5, 2005

Hello ~

After a morning of some wonderful crappie fishing
I find comfort in a relaxing read. Here are some
poems from the New Poems List, that I will spot
light for all poems are great from their different
perspectives.

(Please post any poem that you find excellent,
please post all replies (thank yous) on the thread ...
to keep the New Poems Reviews thread clear ...)

and here are the poems that moved me today...

what ...nobody wrote any poetry ????
there are none <grin>

we'll see what the day brings ...hehehe

An Epitaph by lindiana with Daddy, a dedication to her father with some touching lines. The repetition towards the end only strengthened the emotions and feelings of the poet and the love for her father. The Illustration draws the reader deeper into this persons creation.

thats all the poems for Saturday, I assume Saturday was fishing day and all the poems are listed on Sunday <grin>

 

[logophile]

logophile, for his second Lit. poem presents LogoPhilia. Why a word lover uses such ordinary words to construct an image of a penis (that's my guess) is something you will have to go and decide for yourself.

Hello everyone...
My first time in this forum and I'm so happy to have been invited. I just wanted to pop in and mention that I'm not a Him... definitely a Her!

There is a little story behind the poem LogoPhilia. It's not my best work, nor was it intended to be. A few months ago there was a thread in the AH about how to write erotic fiction so as to turn on women, specifically. We discussed that women generally didn't want to know cupsize, cock size, number of strokes, etc. We also covered the fact that lots of women don't like euphamisms for anatomy or sexual experiences. I posted a list of words that get me hot, and that I subsequently use in my writing and was encouraged (several times) to post the list as an erotic poem. I changed the format only slightly from my original list to make it hourglass shape, since the original question was about what turns on women.

Thanks again for mentioning my new poem and inviting me over to take peek at this forum. G'night everyone!

 

[Du Lac]

Sunday's reviews...

Having just rolled out of bed, with fog brain from a hard nights work... I came to lit to do the reviews ...Well we have been busy haven't we folks!!! I was blessed to find a message of assistance from my friend ART today.. and since I have learned lessons in life... don't look a gift horse in the mouth.. I said yes.. so I am taking the top and he is enjoying the bottom........hmmmmmmmmm! so here we go...

Lets see what the theme will be today!!!

An oak of a poem.. the center filled with mystical strength of truth that slams us into reality of our limitations of living.......

To watch a day die My Erotic Tale

A wonderful thought provoking message Art...I know the story behind the work and that makes it stronger for me. We rush thru life too fast and forget that life can be gone with a whisper... great job! loved this:
I bumped into a Praying Mantis
and we shared a moment of silence,
then I walked away.

Love the animal connections..and the visuals..
thank you for the journey!
Du~

An Aristocrat Flowering Pear was found in:

Magick words Sandra Lynn

I like the short stanzas of this work. Strengthens the message of the poem. Young minds, older minds.. just plain old minds all need to see where the use of words or language can develop into personality... ty for the write..
du!

A whispering Willow:
Its the little things that kill seannelson

While I think breaking this poem up into stanzas will give it more power, I do appreciate the dynamism of the moments described. This is a thinking poem, that makes us stop and realize it is the small things that make up life and living... do we see it or are we too busy running towards tomorrow?
Nice images with a strong message..
Du~

okay I need to run will finish up later tonight... in the meantime.. my friend Art will post his reviews also...

swinging from a limb.. and feeling the breeze..
Du~

 

[My Erotic Tale]

Du's reviews

NEW POEMS REVIEWS
for Sunday 06, 2005
Du's Reviews (relief effort)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Keeping in with Du's daily theme ...
we BRANCH out with friendly LIMBS
from the family TREE of poetry as I
help th DU do the reviews

If one leaf falls then not much is said
but if they all fall they can cover some ground!

I want to 'thank' all the reviewers for their
time and talent and their eyes sight from a
different perspective. This reviewing takes
a lot of time and is done for the shear passion
for poetry. We are a melting pot of poetic soup
blending and interacting, some are the base and
others the spice some are just plain wettness
(is that like water logged <grin>)
But we are all here for the one
thing that draws us like a magnet ... poetry

so lets have some ...hehehe here we go

(Please post any poem that you find excellent,
please post all replies (thank yous) on the thread ...
to keep the New Poems Reviews thread clear ...)

and here are the poems that moved me today...Sunday 6, 2003
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maple leaf beauty
Yours

clip~ But I would be yours . . . completely.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a short and sweet devotion of love
by Honey123

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Does a leaf hate the wind?

Farewell to Bradley
by tn_greeneyez

clip~
No goodbye
No farewell
This is my way
To wish you well.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Farewell but not, greeneyez aren't blue
but a wishing one well while going away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Does a leaf not hate the wind?

Kurt Blowbrain by seannelson

clip~
With that, and the help of a friendly shot-gun, Kurt Blowbrain bought a ticket to cloud-art-heaven.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
I sense a controversial duel emotions here
a deep write which is hard to grasp since it
bites into the realm of Drugs, which is always
a downer. seans usual wit twists into this read.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Japanesse red maple <grin>

Erotic Poem
A Seduction in the Dark

by LadyJeanne

clip~
Our trembling bodies softly stilled; heart
beats lazy in the hush.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

This poem is inspirational, I find good erotic
poetry not easily written or read but this
read was smoothe as silken skin and soft
as a trailing finger, very very good poetry.
I like a Ryhming poem that reads well and
a topic that's juicy <grin>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Strong as 'TEAK'

No Less a Mother by ~hellbaby~

clip~
A child learns from sights and sounds around him
His actions mirror what he's taught and sees at home
He is the best reflection on parenting skill there is
So cast your downward glances and whisper what you wish
You are living proof
A mother is no less a mother be her not a wife
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Where I am sure the grammar police would have
a hay day with this poem, I feel the passion and the
emotions boil in this rant, freeverse
(I'm learning) <grin>

also the poet tried to use Italics as did I in my
poem ...the lucky ones!!! and the words italic
show,,, is on mine ...what is the correct
way to do this on a submission????
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GROUND BRUSHING WILLOW~

For Limfi by lindiana

clip~
Whispers
Hot kisses
Skin on Skin beyond
The closed bedroom door
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
I like the structure and style of this poem
the building of words in each stanza...
witty word play poem~
superduperlikealotalicious~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
thanks for the journeys...
thanks Du for the great review (to watch a day die)
~that day just had to be vented in poetry~

thanks to all the reviewers for their wonderful
minds eye sharing of thought and time.

"We all become guppies caught up in the current
sometimes, but when still waters prevail ...
lets write poetry!" <grin>

 

[Du Lac]

Sunday Reviews Part III

Okay going out on a limb here.. and setting roots into the moments of reading..

For my next pick>>>> an evergreen tall and timeless..

Decades JAZZMANN

Wonderful opening..
quote:
She came in with the new wave -
From the heart of darkness
To my shore.
I didn’t feel it then…
As I feel it now
The salt breezes and the cold.

I could feel and see this moment. The taste of salt air on my tongue.... the naive soul now wise. Excellent work here. I do feel that this poem could be condensed some to have a direct power to it, but the essence is wonderful and has many brillant movements...
ty for the read..
Du~

Overshadowing Joshua's Tree...

A Mother's Wish turtledove

This is a touching tribute to motherhood. Honest emotions of joyful hope and faith in the best of life for her child. All the while told in simplistic terms. Lovely!
thank you for the read..

A japanese maple swaying in the moonlight..

Dance Lesson LadyJeanne
Wonderful contrast of lesson learning.. this is a song, I can hear it song with a haunting beautiful female voice. I loved the imagines here and this part is wonderful...
Quote:
You were teaching me to trust
on that roughly polished floor
in that casino bar.

"Just look in my eyes and follow me."

I tried, I did,
and there was all this spinning and dipping...
and your eyes subtly guiding...

Life lessons on a smooth worn floor..

A truth tree... like the math puzzles.. this one spreads roots in the area of truth..

Maybe some nightshade steveporter

Strong and powerfully written.. mystery laced..
Quote:
The perfect amount is a good cure
for junk sickness, but too much,
like heroin, or like the truth
for that matter, can be fatal.

Truth.. painful and revealing.. good writing
du~

A Bonsai of past love..

Immortally Yours wanton vixxxen

Wonderful images.. and alluring words..
quote;
As children of this October’s reign
in birth both tricks and treats will gift
to her the treats so long awaited
to me the tricks of love ill fated
Costumed all as Destiny

A wonderful metaphor here.. I felt the pain and the love that is immortal..

A winter chapped crabtree..

Do Not Disturb Tumbleupstairs

I did not fully understand this poem.. but it does not matter really. I felt disturbed and lonely. I felt the need to cleanse to be seen.. to be alone and not alone. So even though I do not "get" it.. I liked it..It made me feel so much...
Du~

A Palm Tree in a desert....

More neonurotic

My poem of the day....
So much to say.. first simple, just like intimate desires should be. Spiritual for it speaks so strong of more than a physical question... Powerful, in the union of the genders strengthening each other... Stunning in all its simplicity.
thank you for the inspiration...
Du~

There you go all... a forest of poems to delight the senses! Thank you all for the reads.. as usual I learned so much!!!

Art my dear friend thank you so much for the help. You display perfectly what we are here for... to work together in order for all to gain..... ty....

Write, breathe and thank a Tree for the air you breath today!
Du~

 

[WickedEve]

Current reviewers:

Sunday: Du Lac
Monday: duckiesmut
Tuesday: Trent_Dutch
Wednesday: jthserra
Thursday: Rybka
Friday: DeepAsleep
Saturday: My Erotic Tale

 

[My Erotic Tale]

Current reviewers:

Sunday: Du Lac
Monday: duckiesmut
Tuesday: Trent_Dutch
Wednesday: jthserra
Thursday: Rybka
Friday: DeepAsleep
Saturday: My Erotic Tale

duckiesmut posted on the thread...
to keep the review thread clear ...
that they were ill and needed assitance doing
Mondays reviews,

I read them all and I will let democracy rule, two poems
had a staggering amount of comments and those two poems
are ...

NEW POEMS REVIEWS
for Monday 07, 2005
duckiesmut's Reviews (relief effort)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some Days by Angeline

clip~
Some days were wild dances,
a variegated festival of senses
where the ferris wheel creaked
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There is so much to like about this poem, a jolt
back to ferris wheels, balloons and craker jacks
there is nothing this poem lacks <grin>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
cock tease by sarahhh

clip~
“Sorry, where might I have been?” he mutters
“The Woodstock Poetry Festival,” the pussy purrs
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
this poem is a must see, the visuals really
put you into the poem. I 'see' a greatness
in this Literary Art and poetic creation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

all the other poems had basiclly three to none comments
thanks twelveOone, SYN, blue, saldne, and those who read
all poems and commented, ..there are a few more but these two
were obviously the peoples choice for Monday 07, 2005

get well soon duckie~

 

[WickedEve]

VilleSonnet: Grasshopper's song
by My Erotic Tale ©

(VilleSonnet, an idea sparked by The_Fool and Angeline (grasshopper))

Grasshopper's song

I sat and listened to the grasshopper,
not far from me I heard her chirping song.
It filled me with peace as if I belonged.
Her tranquil melody rang a heart throbber.

Want to know the thrill of a villesonnet? Then go read one.

 

[Trent_Dutch]

I'm afraid I'm going have to make apologies and inform you that I'm going to be unable to do the Tuesday New Poems reviews for today. I'm really bogged down with things I'm having to do (looking for a new job, trying to buy a car, sorting out my return to education later this year and generally trying to find a direction... desperately trying). I'm only getting enough free time to myself to eat dinner, watch the news and drink a beer... and maybe do one review.....

'Why Whine' by masters16 is a short free form piece that seems to be complaining about other people complaining (I don't know if this is an intended irony, but it certainly got me laughing... I could also critcise some of the spelling, but I would hate to complain about a poem about complaining). Possible thematic faux-pas aside however, the poem succeeds in conveying a message of vitriol and anger. The lines have a good feel of 'spat' words, almost thrown out at the reader, with a sharp voice throughout. I especially like the last line (being stressed as I am and wishing to shout that at pretty much everyone I've met this week). I think that with some revisions to the poem (possibly shorter lines, sharper words, to create a stabbing voice) that it could be very good....

Ok, thats it for me... This was just the first poem I came to that interested me (aside from Fflows haiku, but I said to myself just one review... and I wanted to make it a good review, and I always feel that you shouldn't say to much about haikus, so I decided to stick with a lengthier poem....). I will try to get back onto the review case next Tuesday, if I can find the time... So once again, my apologies about today, and on a broader note I would like to apologise for my tardy performance since I started the reviews... sorry.

 

[sophia jane]

While I don't feel at all qualified to offer any kind of review, I wanted to make sure a few poems that I thought were wonderful got mentioned. Forgive me for not putting in links, but I'm lazy. Salde's "Snafu" was my favorite because it spoke to me on a very personal level. Also great today were "No" by echoes_s and "Tellus Kissed" by DuLac. Just my two cents for today.

Sophia Jane

 

[Du Lac]

help with reviews...

I got some help the other day on the reviews.. so I will also walk the walk and help out today.. so many that need to be mentioned..

First a great read:
A Plea for the dead Tathagata

Seat them at holiday tables
and pour them the finest whiskeys,
afford them absent pleasures.

Talk with them,listen,
and learn their ragged lessons.

A strong and subtle poem. Very visual and alluring! Another thinking mans mention...

Next a painful memory... honesty beautifully written:

Snafu Saldne
It’s all I’m used to,
And you know
How much I want
To let go,
To trust
And believe,
But your kindness
Keeps hurting me.

The simple wording here helps with the directness I feel the strength is in the simple honesty of this work. Thank you for the read!

Powerful simplicity in the next work...
No echoes_s

Yet you came
heralding greatness,
some significant
endowment you
gallantly wished
to casually
bestow me


Strong and Pointed writing.. Powerful like the title.. nice work
also by the same poet and a good read is Deep

Lump Sums: The Insurance Man Cometh Lady Clarrisa
"Oh what a big boy!" she said, passing his drink,
"Shall I sit on your lap? And let's have a think
About your proposed investment lump sum
Would it help if I turned and wiggled my bum?"

So filled with funny witty joyful giggles of romping around.. a fun read!

Coffee is different neonurotic

Home brewed, french-pressed is best.
It's cheating to pour from the pot
before the coffee is done.

Nothing is worse than a first cup
that is too strong with a second
a little weaker, until you are sipping
just colored water.

So wait.

This outstanding look at something we so take for granted and is so drenched within our American lifestyle is witty and clever. I so.. love how Neo sees through the small things in life and writes about it.. Zen Master!
A must read for the beauty of both the visuals and the writing by neo is
Sasebo

Next I suggest:

Love's Melancholic Sadness Savannah Skye

Will his love sustain my needs?
Help fulfill my soul's destiny
Only time's lament will tell
As she whispers into my ear
My future's past untold

You take what we all go thru in some form or place in our life and put it right out there... I love the honesty here, the questions the lack of answers..

So that is my list of must reads.. and hope you have a great day!
du lac~