Let's tickle the funny bones :)

[italianGod]

I used to have a blog of all the funny stuff that happens in life and was considering putting it into a book, cuz people just need to laugh more. Here's one of the stories ...and as unbelievable as it is...it's true:

You know those blonde jokes? Well you'd think they're made up, but I had a friend who had a sister that moved to her town. My friend gave her specific directions to her off road home and told her, "Now make sure that you pick a landmark so next time you come here, you'll know where to turn."

The next time she invited her sister out, she waited and waited and waited. Finally, she called her sister's house and when the sister answered she said, "Where are you?"

"I gave up, cuz I couldn't find where to turn."

"I told you to pick a landmark."

"I did, dammit, but it wasn't there anymore."

"Landmarks don't move"

"Well it wasn't there."

Frustrated, the sister said, "What landmark was it?"

"It was a cow and it wasn't there by the fence anymore."


Yep, a true blonde. lol

Thanks a lot for your funny contributions
And please post more from your blog here

 

[italianGod]

HIGH Thoughts

 

[Unquoted]

A woman walks in to a pharmacy and asks the man behind the counter "Do you have anything that will cure hiccups?".
The pharmacist vaults over the counter, flips up her skirt, pulls down her panties, and plants a long kiss on her crotch.
When he's done he winks at her and says "That there is the most effective cure for hiccups you'll ever see.".
The startled woman says "Oh thank you.". Then she smiles and says "My husband is out in the car hiccuping his head off, I'll go get him.".

 

[italianGod]

https://twitter.com/TechnicallyRon/status/972973068267212800?s=20
Truely the milinials rocks

Why are Kate's fingers are all of same length ?

 

[italianGod]

A woman walks in to a pharmacy and asks the man behind the counter "Do you have anything that will cure hiccups?".
The pharmacist vaults over the counter, flips up her skirt, pulls down her panties, and plants a long kiss on her crotch.
When he's done he winks at her and says "That there is the most effective cure for hiccups you'll ever see.".
The startled woman says "Oh thank you.". Then she smiles and says "My husband is out in the car hiccuping his head off, I'll go get him.".

LOL that's a lovely one !
thank you for stopping by and please post more

 

[italianGod]

3 shots to tickle your funny bones on a sunny CA afternoon

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you."

 

[Unquoted]

Brenda, the owner of a pharmacy, stops by just before lunch to see how the pharmacist's new assistant is doing.
She sees a man leaning against the building, and as she opens the door she hears him repeating "Oh no, no, no.",
"Oh God, don't even think it.". She goes in and asks Tom, the new assistant, "What's wrong with that poor man?".
Tom replies " Mr. Jacobs has had a very bad cough for the last 4 days.", "So I had him drink 3 glasses of Sal Hepatica.".
Brenda exclaims "TOM! That isn't cough medicine! It's a fast acting laxative!".
Tom grins and says "I know, but look just look at him. That poor bastard is afraid to cough now.".

 

[italianGod]

Brenda, the owner of a pharmacy, stops by just before lunch to see how the pharmacist's new assistant is doing.
She sees a man leaning against the building, and as she opens the door she hears him repeating "Oh no, no, no.",
"Oh God, don't even think it.". She goes in and asks Tom, the new assistant, "What's wrong with that poor man?".
Tom replies " Mr. Jacobs has had a very bad cough for the last 4 days.", "So I had him drink 3 glasses of Sal Hepatica.".
Brenda exclaims "TOM! That isn't cough medicine! It's a fast acting laxative!".
Tom grins and says "I know, but look just look at him. That poor bastard is afraid to cough now.".

LOL... is he still alive ?

 

[italianGod]

After a excitingly hot 69 position with his girlfriend , Jerry remembered he had a dentist Appointment

He was afraid the dentist would smell pussy on his breath! So he brushed his teeth several times Gargled ½ a liter of Listerine and used dental floss as well
As he arrived at the dentist he sucked on two strong mints, His turn came up and the dentist said take a seat. Feeling Confident & relaxed Jerry opened his mouth wide. The dentist got close enough and said, “ Man did you have a 69 before you came here “ Jerry said “Does my breath smell like pussy”? the dentist replied “No your Forehead smells like shit”

 

[Unquoted]

After a excitingly hot 69 position with his girlfriend , Jerry remembered he had a dentist Appointment

He was afraid the dentist would smell pussy on his breath! So he brushed his teeth several times Gargled ½ a liter of Listerine and used dental floss as well
As he arrived at the dentist he sucked on two strong mints, His turn came up and the dentist said take a seat. Feeling Confident & relaxed Jerry opened his mouth wide. The dentist got close enough and said, “ Man did you have a 69 before you came here “ Jerry said “Does my breath smell like pussy”? the dentist replied “No your Forehead smells like shit”

Not the punchline I was expecting. Struck me just right too, almost spilled my coffee.

 

[italianGod]

Not the punchline I was expecting. Struck me just right too, almost spilled my coffee.

LOL
Glad to know it tickled some of your funny bones.... and hope the coffee was not too hot

 

[italianGod]

A wife goes on a trip for work.
When she returns, she finds a pair of panties in her dresser that do not belong to her.
Furious, she questions her husband.
The husband says, “I have no idea where they came from I don’t do the laundry!”
So, the wife goes to the maid and questions her.
Indignant, the maid replies, “Madam, how should I know? These panties don’t belong to me. I don’t even wear panties just ask your husband!”

 

[italianGod]

Three construction workers were sitting at the top of a very high building they were working on. the discussion moved to how manly each was. Roy stood up dropped his pants, and his penis fell 3 stories! “Let’s see you beat that boys!” yelled roy. At that, jim dropped his pants, and his penis fell down four stories! “Take that roy!” Said jim with a laugh. Then both jim and roy looked down the way at bob who was moving his hips and making all sorts of weird moves. “What in the hell are you doing bob?” asked roy. Bob replied, “dodgin traffic boys, dodgin traffic!”

 

[Unquoted]

4 year old Bobby and his dad were walking home from the public swimming pool when they saw two dogs having sex in a neighbor's yard.
Bobby asks his dad "Daddy, are those doggies fighting?". Dad replies "No, son, they are just making puppies.".
That night Bobby wakes from a bad dream and goes to his parent's bedroom to snuggle between them until he isn't scared.
When he opens the door he sees his dad bouncing up and down on top of his mom. He says "Daddy, what are you doing to mommy?".
Dad rolls off of his wife and she pulls the blanket up over their nakedness. Dad says "We were making you a little brother or sister.".
Mom says "Wouldn't you love having a brother or sister to play with?". Bobby thinks for a few minutes, then looks at his dad and says
"Daddy, could you turn mommy over?". "I would really really love to have a puppy to play with.".

 

[italianGod]

4 year old Bobby and his dad were walking home from the public swimming pool when they saw two dogs having sex in a neighbor's yard.
Bobby asks his dad "Daddy, are those doggies fighting?". Dad replies "No, son, they are just making puppies.".
That night Bobby wakes from a bad dream and goes to his parent's bedroom to snuggle between them until he isn't scared.
When he opens the door he sees his dad bouncing up and down on top of his mom. He says "Daddy, what are you doing to mommy?".
Dad rolls off of his wife and she pulls the blanket up over their nakedness. Dad says "We were making you a little brother or sister.".
Mom says "Wouldn't you love having a brother or sister to play with?". Bobby thinks for a few minutes, then looks at his dad and says
"Daddy, could you turn mommy over?". "I would really really love to have a puppy to play with.".

LMAO

 

[italianGod]

A woman and baby are in the doctors office. The doc is concerned about the babys weight, “Is he bottle fed or breast fed? The woman replies, “Breast fed.” The doc gets her to strip down to her waist so he can examine her breasts. He pinches her n***es and s**s and rubs both b***s for a while … “No wonder the baby is underweight, you have no milk.” Woman replies, “I know, Im his granny … but Im glad I came!”

 

[italianGod]

Wedding Night Sex

The CEO proudly said that he did "it" 7 times with his wife on his wedding night many years back.

The General Manager next to him said he did it 6 times before going to sleep on 1st night.

All turned towards a fresher Clerk & asked how many times did he do it on his wedding night.

The Clerk replied: Only once Sir!

The CEO laughed n asked WHY?

The Clerk replied: My wife wasn't used to it Sir!

Pindrop silence.

 

[italianGod]

John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. “Louise,” he moaned, “tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?”
“Even worse,” she said, her voice oozing scorn. “You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.”
“He’s an asshole,” John said. “Piss on him.”
“You did,” came the reply. “And he fired you.”
“Well, screw him!” said John.
“I did. You’re back at work on Monday.”

 

[italianGod]

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.

Her mom calmly said, “That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair.” …. the girl smiled.

At dinner, she told her sister, “My monkey has grown hair.”

Her sister smiled and said, “That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas.”

 

[Unquoted]

John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. “Louise,” he moaned, “tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?”
“Even worse,” she said, her voice oozing scorn. “You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.”
“He’s an asshole,” John said. “Piss on him.”
“You did,” came the reply. “And he fired you.”
“Well, screw him!” said John.
“I did. You’re back at work on Monday.”

Thanks for sharing this one. It was the favorite joke of one of my uncles.

 

[Unquoted]

Just after her 40th birthday Alice meets Henry at a party thrown by one of her friends. The two of them spend the entire night
sitting on the back patio talking. Three days later Henry calls Alice and asks her out to dinner. Again They spend all night talking.
A week later they start dating. After two months they decide to get married. On their wedding night Alice tells Henry
"Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin.". Henry is shocked. He stares at her for a long time before asking
"A virgin? How can you be a virgin? You've been married and divorced four times.". Alice says "Let me explain".
"My first husband was a gynecologist, all he wanted to do was look at it.".
"My second husband was a psychiatrist, all he wanted to do was talk about it.".
"My third husband was a photographer, all he wanted to do was take pictures of it.".
"My fourth husband was a food critic, all he wanted to do was eat it.".

 

[italianGod]

Just after her 40th birthday Alice meets Henry at a party thrown by one of her friends. The two of them spend the entire night
sitting on the back patio talking. Three days later Henry calls Alice and asks her out to dinner. Again They spend all night talking.
A week later they start dating. After two months they decide to get married. On their wedding night Alice tells Henry
"Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin.". Henry is shocked. He stares at her for a long time before asking
"A virgin? How can you be a virgin? You've been married and divorced four times.". Alice says "Let me explain".
"My first husband was a gynecologist, all he wanted to do was look at it.".
"My second husband was a psychiatrist, all he wanted to do was talk about it.".
"My third husband was a photographer, all he wanted to do was take pictures of it.".
"My fourth husband was a food critic, all he wanted to do was eat it.".

 

[italianGod]

Just after her 40th birthday Alice meets Henry at a party thrown by one of her friends. The two of them spend the entire night
sitting on the back patio talking. Three days later Henry calls Alice and asks her out to dinner. Again They spend all night talking.
A week later they start dating. After two months they decide to get married. On their wedding night Alice tells Henry
"Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin.". Henry is shocked. He stares at her for a long time before asking
"A virgin? How can you be a virgin? You've been married and divorced four times.". Alice says "Let me explain".
"My first husband was a gynecologist, all he wanted to do was look at it.".
"My second husband was a psychiatrist, all he wanted to do was talk about it.".
"My third husband was a photographer, all he wanted to do was take pictures of it.".
"My fourth husband was a food critic, all he wanted to do was eat it.".

Thanks for sharing this one. It was the favorite joke of one of my uncles.

Aww....that's so sweet Thank you !

 

[italianGod]

My girlfriend and I were making love when she looked up at me and
said, “Make love to me like in the movies.” So I turned her over on all
fours, stuck it in her ass, pulled out, flipped her back over and came all
over her face and hair. I never saw her again after that night. I guess we
don’t watch the same movies.

 

[italianGod]

Two cowboys are out on the range one starry night talking about their favorite sex positions. One says, “Ever have rodeo sex?”

“Ain’t heard of that one, ” says the other cowboy. “What is it?”

“Well, you get the girl down on all fours, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup her breasts, whisper in her ear, ‘Boy, these feel just like your sister’s!’ and see how long you can hang on.”