If ever I despair of my abilities as a writer…

[djrip]

"Purple helmeted warrior? WTF?" - a young NTH trying to decipher the sacred texts

Lots of heaving.

 

[EmilyMiller]

What! 1899 CXCLD!?

It was just getting good! Deep Space?

It’s dodo like

 

[onehitwanda]

Oh, the wall of Fabio-ish novels in the back of my grandma's house that I used to browse on the DL, yes I remember it well.

Good old Mills and Boon.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Good old Mills and Boon.

That was more a nurse’s forbidden love for her Doctor Boss, or Holiday of longing where a woman suddenly widowed becomes embroiled with a Spanish flamenco dancer whilst holidaying in Barthelona!

 

[Zootonius]

Erotica is pretentious. Porn is honest.

Em

Had to think about this a bit. I'll counter that erotica has a plot. Porn, if it has a plot, is solely to tie sex scenes together.

@EmilyMiller's stories have a plot, ergo Emily writes erotica.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Had to think about this a bit. I'll counter that erotica has a plot. Porn, if it has a plot, is solely to tie sex scenes together.

@EmilyMiller's stories have a plot, ergo Emily writes erotica.

That’s fighting talk!

Next you’ll be calling me an author!

Em

 

[djrip]

Had to think about this a bit. I'll counter that erotica has a plot. Porn, if it has a plot, is solely to tie sex scenes together.

@EmilyMiller's stories have a plot, ergo Emily writes erotica.

Now where does smut fit in to this?

 

[EmilyMiller]

Now where does smut fit in to this?

It’s in my published works and draft folder mostly.

Em

 

[Zootonius]

That’s fighting talk!

Next you’ll be calling me an author!

Em

Now authors ARE pretentious. I have my limits.

 

[Zootonius]

Now where does smut fit in to this?

I'd like to think smut is in a superposition, neither and both, porn and erotica.

isn't smut part of quantum theory?

 

[EmilyMiller]

I'd like to think smut is in a superposition, neither and both, porn and erotica.

isn't smut part of quantum theory?

Schrödinger's porn.

Em

 

[Zootonius]

Schrödinger's porn.

Em

Will that be the title of your next story? Um, sorry, smut?

 

[EmilyMiller]

Will that be the title of your next story? Um, sorry, smut?

No.

Unless some urgent urge occurs, it will be one of A Good Woman, Desire. or Coffee with Dylan Ch. 02.

Em

 

[NoTalentHack]

No.

Unless some urgent urge occurs, it will be one of A Good Woman, Desire. or Coffee with Dylan Ch. 02.

Em

Some Urgent Urge Occurs would be a fun title.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Some Urgent Urge Occurs would be a fun title.

And in keeping with my canon thematically.

Em

 

[Wifetheif]

There is a great podcast put out by some of the guys behind Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax called "342 Pages We'll Never Get Back" where they tear apart atrocious books. They took their name from the page count of "Ready Player One" the first book they covered by Ernest Cline. That book was insanely popular when it was released and is now viewed quite differently by the SAME critics who praised it to the heavens. Whenever I question my own writing choices I tune in to an episode. My God! The things that get published by legitimate publishers! The single worst bit of dialogue they have come across is "It was music to my dick!" by E.L. James in "The Mister." Yes even when compared to the shittiest writers in English who have ever soiled a page, E.L. James is the shittiest of the shittiest!

 

[Emilymcplugger]

There is a great podcast put out by some of the guys behind Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax called "342 Pages We'll Never Get Back" where they tear apart atrocious books. They took their name from the page count of "Ready Player One" the first book they covered by Ernest Cline. That book was insanely popular when it was released and is now viewed quite differently by the SAME critics who praised it to the heavens. Whenever I question my own writing choices I tune in to an episode. My God! The things that get published by legitimate publishers! The single worst bit of dialogue they have come across is "It was music to my dick!" by E.L. James in "The Mister." Yes even when compared to the shittiest writers in English who have ever soiled a page, E.L. James is the shittiest of the shittiest!

Aye, she is shit.

She makes Edward Bulwer-Lytton (creator of “it was a dark and stormy night”) seem like Ernest “frickin” Hemingway.

Whilst some use language like they are a sculptor using marble she clearly prefers a trowel.

 

[onehitwanda]

Aye, she is shit.

She makes Edward Bulwer-Lytton (creator of “it was a dark and stormy night”) seem like Ernest “frickin” Hemingway.

Whilst some use language like they are a sculptor using marble she clearly prefers a trowel.

It could be worse, it could be the Right Honourable Nadine Dorries MP:

https://twitter.com/x/status/1490602362880376837

"She had held his face in her hands and looked deep into his eyes as her own sent him a thousand messages of seduction... with the boldness and skill of a woman ten years her senior, she had guided his hands over her virginal body."

 

[Emilymcplugger]

It could be worse, it could be the Right Honourable Nadine Dorries MP:

https://twitter.com/x/status/1490602362880376837

Well, it didn’t stir my loins or straighten my spaghetti, I’ll tell you that much.

Still better than “it was music to my dick” though. That is like if ChatGPT was asked to write filth and then dropped down 20 flights of stairs.

 

[EmilyMiller]

It could be worse, it could be the Right Honourable Nadine Dorries MP:

https://twitter.com/x/status/1490602362880376837

I don’t know any US politicians who write porn. Though at least one is very fond of aging pornstars; allegedly.

Em

 

[onehitwanda]

I don’t know any US politicians who write porn. Though at least one is very fond of aging pornstars; allegedly.

Em

All I'll say about my adopted homeland is that one of our national pastimes is dogging, and that we had actual protests against a law banning face sitting.

This is a picture from an actual protest in front of Westminster.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

All I'll say about my adopted homeland is that one of our national pastimes is dogging, and that we had actual protests against a law banning face sitting.

This is a picture from an actual protest in front of Westminster.

I must have missed that protest, I’d have happily volunteered.

Although speaking of Dogging I always now just think of Car Share

 

[onehitwanda]

All I'll say about my adopted homeland is that one of our national pastimes is dogging, and that we had actual protests against a law banning face sitting.

This is a picture from an actual protest in front of Westminster.

Technically the face sitting ban was part of a wider ban on some forms of pornographic content... but yeah. It went down well. As did this bloke!

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Technically the face sitting ban was part of a wider ban on some forms of pornographic content... but yeah. It went down well. As did this bloke!

Her: Don’t open your mouth.
Him: Even if i don’t everyone’s taking pictures.
Her: No, I mean LITERALLY don’t open your mouth NOW!

 

[onehitwanda]