jre1962
Pantsless Prognosticator
- Joined
- Apr 26, 2009
- Posts
- 6,841
Okay, gang, let’s get down to it. This is sort of a football thread, right? Right. Well then, we need to be taking a stab at picking NFL games each week. Perhaps we could make something of a contest out of it. Out prognosticate the Pretty Much Naked Guy!
If you come up short, maybe you could post a pic of yourself in your favorite team jersey (and not much else). And if you beat the mostly naked host, well, I’m open to suggestion.
Right then. Here we go:
Bears @ Saints. New Orleans a seven point favorite at home. Chicago very impressive in Week One, but the Saints are hungry, and had an extra two days to prepare. Tough week off the field for the Bears. I’ll take the Saints to cover.
Chiefs @ Lions. KC was disgraceful in week one. We’ve had a couple of folks from across the pond stop by this thread to mention “proper football.” Well, one idea I’d take from European soccer is relegation. Let’s send the Chiefs off to the UFL, or Canada. Lions a seven point favorite. They’ll cover and then some.
Jaguars @ Jets. Jags won their opener and saved Jack Del Rio’s (who I played high school baseball against) job for another week. Jets pulled one out of their ass in Week One. On paper, this should be an ass-whipping, but the game isn’t played on paper. For one thing the guys’ cleats would tear it up and make a huge mess. Big spread (10.5) and the Jets might be a little caught up in the hype. I’m smokin’ butter here, but I’ll take the Jags and the points.
Raiders @ Bills. Buffalo home and the Raiders making the cross-country trip off the short week. Bills seem to think they are legit playoff contenders. The Raiders are still owned by Al Davis, star of Night of the Living Dead. They do have a guy, Fat Bastard, who can kick 60+ yard field goals. Take the Bills and give the three points.
Arizona @ Washington
The Skins looked like an actual professional football team, possibly a good one in week one. Despite having the biggest toolbag owner in pretty much the known universe. The Cards won last week despite getting shredded by Cam Newton (I suspect there are some Auburn coeds who can relate). Rex Grossman ain’t throwing for 422. Take the Cards to cover the three.
Ravens @ Titans
There was a time when this would have been a hell of a matchup. That won’t be the case Sunday. Take the Ravens to cover (3.5) and then some.
Seahawks @ Steelers
I wouldn’t have wanted to be at Steelers practice this week. Seattle is still chasing Ted Guinn and doing it in damned ugly uniforms. The spread is nutty for an NFL game (13.5). Take it. The Steelers will be a little short on mercy this week.
Packers @ Panthers
This will be fun. Over-under of 45.5. I’d take the over and change. This will be a track meet. In the end, the defending champs will cover (10), but it could be the most fun game of the day.
Buccaneers @ Vikings
Both off tough losses last week. Vikes at home and 2.5 looks like the safe play.
Browns @ Colts
Welcome to the UFL Game of the Week. Wait…what? Sorry, they’re still in the league. The Colts have apparently replaced Payton Manning with Helen Keller. The Browns, well, I guess if you’re in Cleveland it’s better than not having a team all. They are apparently favored (by 3). Take the Colts and a fist-full of ‘ludes.
Cowboys @ 49ers
The Most Important Game In the History of the World (this week department). I was born in the shadow of Kezar Stadium (look it up). And as for the Cowboys, let’s put it this way, if it was the ‘Boys against a team of space aliens and the fate of humanity was at stake, my attitude would be, “we’ve had a nice run on this planet, maybe it’s time for something else. Go Aliens!” I would drive a stake through my good eye before I’d pick the ‘Boys in this one. Take the Niners, give the three, and God be with you.
Texans @ Miami
Texans are the sexy pic as Breakthrough Team of the Year. ‘Fins moved the rock pretty well on New England. We’ll find out if Pinocchio is a real boy. Take the Fins and the point
Chargers @ Patriots
Can anyone stop the Most Amazing Team on Earth? Brady’s a cyborg. The product of a CIA back op. Hell, Al Haynsworth (the most useless man alive) is shutting up and trying to play. Wake me up when the Super Bowl starts. Take the Pats and run to the bank with the 5.5.
Bengals @ Broncos
For all the Bronco QB talk, Cincy threw for 92 yards last week. There are high school teams running the wishbone tonight that will throw more productively. Take the Broncs and give the six. Maybe Tebow will donate it to a mission somewhere.
Eagles @ Falcons
Mike Vick back to Atlanta. I don’t think the fans will dog him though. Atlanta is favored?!?. I can’t be reading that right. Take your life savings and run to the nearest bookie. Take Philly and the points (1.5)
Rams @ Giants
The Rams got boot-stomped by Philly, worst day for a rushing D in the league last week. The Giants are in some disarray, but they have better weapons and are home. Take the Giants, give the six.
There you have it. Who wants to stump the guy with no clothes holding the football?
If you come up short, maybe you could post a pic of yourself in your favorite team jersey (and not much else). And if you beat the mostly naked host, well, I’m open to suggestion.
Right then. Here we go:
Bears @ Saints. New Orleans a seven point favorite at home. Chicago very impressive in Week One, but the Saints are hungry, and had an extra two days to prepare. Tough week off the field for the Bears. I’ll take the Saints to cover.
Chiefs @ Lions. KC was disgraceful in week one. We’ve had a couple of folks from across the pond stop by this thread to mention “proper football.” Well, one idea I’d take from European soccer is relegation. Let’s send the Chiefs off to the UFL, or Canada. Lions a seven point favorite. They’ll cover and then some.
Jaguars @ Jets. Jags won their opener and saved Jack Del Rio’s (who I played high school baseball against) job for another week. Jets pulled one out of their ass in Week One. On paper, this should be an ass-whipping, but the game isn’t played on paper. For one thing the guys’ cleats would tear it up and make a huge mess. Big spread (10.5) and the Jets might be a little caught up in the hype. I’m smokin’ butter here, but I’ll take the Jags and the points.
Raiders @ Bills. Buffalo home and the Raiders making the cross-country trip off the short week. Bills seem to think they are legit playoff contenders. The Raiders are still owned by Al Davis, star of Night of the Living Dead. They do have a guy, Fat Bastard, who can kick 60+ yard field goals. Take the Bills and give the three points.
Arizona @ Washington
The Skins looked like an actual professional football team, possibly a good one in week one. Despite having the biggest toolbag owner in pretty much the known universe. The Cards won last week despite getting shredded by Cam Newton (I suspect there are some Auburn coeds who can relate). Rex Grossman ain’t throwing for 422. Take the Cards to cover the three.
Ravens @ Titans
There was a time when this would have been a hell of a matchup. That won’t be the case Sunday. Take the Ravens to cover (3.5) and then some.
Seahawks @ Steelers
I wouldn’t have wanted to be at Steelers practice this week. Seattle is still chasing Ted Guinn and doing it in damned ugly uniforms. The spread is nutty for an NFL game (13.5). Take it. The Steelers will be a little short on mercy this week.
Packers @ Panthers
This will be fun. Over-under of 45.5. I’d take the over and change. This will be a track meet. In the end, the defending champs will cover (10), but it could be the most fun game of the day.
Buccaneers @ Vikings
Both off tough losses last week. Vikes at home and 2.5 looks like the safe play.
Browns @ Colts
Welcome to the UFL Game of the Week. Wait…what? Sorry, they’re still in the league. The Colts have apparently replaced Payton Manning with Helen Keller. The Browns, well, I guess if you’re in Cleveland it’s better than not having a team all. They are apparently favored (by 3). Take the Colts and a fist-full of ‘ludes.
Cowboys @ 49ers
The Most Important Game In the History of the World (this week department). I was born in the shadow of Kezar Stadium (look it up). And as for the Cowboys, let’s put it this way, if it was the ‘Boys against a team of space aliens and the fate of humanity was at stake, my attitude would be, “we’ve had a nice run on this planet, maybe it’s time for something else. Go Aliens!” I would drive a stake through my good eye before I’d pick the ‘Boys in this one. Take the Niners, give the three, and God be with you.
Texans @ Miami
Texans are the sexy pic as Breakthrough Team of the Year. ‘Fins moved the rock pretty well on New England. We’ll find out if Pinocchio is a real boy. Take the Fins and the point
Chargers @ Patriots
Can anyone stop the Most Amazing Team on Earth? Brady’s a cyborg. The product of a CIA back op. Hell, Al Haynsworth (the most useless man alive) is shutting up and trying to play. Wake me up when the Super Bowl starts. Take the Pats and run to the bank with the 5.5.
Bengals @ Broncos
For all the Bronco QB talk, Cincy threw for 92 yards last week. There are high school teams running the wishbone tonight that will throw more productively. Take the Broncs and give the six. Maybe Tebow will donate it to a mission somewhere.
Eagles @ Falcons
Mike Vick back to Atlanta. I don’t think the fans will dog him though. Atlanta is favored?!?. I can’t be reading that right. Take your life savings and run to the nearest bookie. Take Philly and the points (1.5)
Rams @ Giants
The Rams got boot-stomped by Philly, worst day for a rushing D in the league last week. The Giants are in some disarray, but they have better weapons and are home. Take the Giants, give the six.
There you have it. Who wants to stump the guy with no clothes holding the football?
My little man can play him some football!
