Emotional Aspect of Sexual Pleasure and Orgasms

[pink_silk_glove]

This topic has a lot to do with non-con stories but certainly not limited to.

I know that for me personally, I cannot enjoy sex unless I'm in a state of comfort. I think that most girls are this way. In fact I think that all women are, just depending to what degree. I know that no matter how attractive a man may be, if he does or says something kinda creepy, it's a turn off. It's the discomfort that turns me off. Intimacy requires some level of trust. This doesn't mean that I need to know you super well, but I at least need to feel some sense of comfort or trust.

I mean, I do understand the 'rape fantasy' even if I don't really share it. It's the idea that no matter how much you say no, they guy still has to have you. It's like the ultimate objectification. Yes, there may be those of you who say "if you're into that, you're sick" but then how many are into fucking their own Mom? I could go around telling the incest crowd how sick they are but I don't. I'm not here to judge kinks. No, personally I don't have a rape fantasy, but you might be surprised at a bit of darkness in the roots of some of my hottest turn-ons, but that's another matter. My point is that I'm not judging people for their kinks.

Where is this leading? Well there are a couple of things, but let's start with pseudo-rape. "I told him no but he forced himself on me. However, then he was such a good lay that I liked it anyway!" As far as I'm concerned it's a fucking lie. It doesn't matter how good the guy is, how attractive, how skilled. If I'm not comfortable with him there is no bloody way in hell that I'm going to enjoy it. It's like being on an Alaskan cruise and being seasick through it all. It doesn't matter how beautiful the glacier scenery is, there's just no way that you can enjoy it. No matter what pleasurable sensations he may be giving my parts, intimacy and pleasure (and orgasms) require an emotional involvement and I just can't have that without some level of comfort and trust. If I say no and then he forces himself on me, there is zero trust. Therefore there is no way that I could enjoy this let alone climax. These stories are just fucking stupid to me. I'm not saying that people who write them or like them are wrong. I just can't possibly believe any of it.

So is this really just a fantasy dream that you want or do you actually think that women's pleasure works this way?

Even more than rape and pseudo-rape stories, there are tons of stories where a guy does his thing and the woman just magically cums at some point. I guess he's just that good. (shrug) The worst is "I'm not cumming until you do!" As if she can just flick the switch for him. Or sometimes you hear "Cum for me, it's okay." As if she needs permission and no one has ever given her that before. (puh-lease!) Do guys really believe that that's how it works? For me, if a guy urges or encourages me to climax, that's a guarantee that I won't climax. Why? Because you're putting me under pressure, which makes me uncomfortable, which makes me enjoy it less. To orgasm, a girl needs to let herself go. In order to let herself go, she needs to be comfortable. You can't be comfortable if you don't trust the situation or if you're put under pressure. For me, an orgasm is hardly purely physical, and I'm sure that for most women this is at least similar.

Now I know that there is also 'cum on command' type of scenes and people do this in real life, but there are also certain women who have learned to control their own orgasms (or at least the timing of them) given enough stimulation (and I would assume comfort), so there is a plausibility in that and that's not what this is about. These stories are a separate thing (unless in all of your stories you magically find one of these girls : P).

There are several myths about the female orgasm that we may or may not end up discussing here but I'd like to focus on this part first.

So my question is first to the girls (because I know that not all women are the same and we all have different turn-ons and such) how much does this resonate with you? I know that some of us climax or cum much easier than others. How much is physical and how much is mental/emotional and is there anything that you require from a guy to get there?

And to the guys, is it really all physical for you? How much of it is emotional? And further for the guys a hypothetical scenario: (assuming you are straight) if you were strapped down and a man began fellating you and you were really turned off, would you still cum? Would you be able to get hard even? Or would the pleasure arise regardless?

 

[cdstefi]

No way I'd be able to get hard if I wasn't turned on or something was skeeving me out.

I've always only had sex with women I at the very least liked and felt a connection with, but have only stuck with the ones I've genuinely loved (three at last count and my current wife's the keeper).

I get that for a lot of guys it's physical sensation or something psychological like dominance or submission that gets them hard, but I'm definitely a connection person; if I'm feeling it then that's when I'm hard for it.

 

[OverconfidentSarcasm]

Where is this leading? Well there are a couple of things, but let's start with pseudo-rape. "I told him no but he forced himself on me. However, then he was such a good lay that I liked it anyway!" As far as I'm concerned it's a fucking lie. It doesn't matter how good the guy is, how attractive, how skilled. If I'm not comfortable with him there is no bloody way in hell that I'm going to enjoy it. It's like being on an Alaskan cruise and being seasick through it all. It doesn't matter how beautiful the glacier scenery is, there's just no way that you can enjoy it. No matter what pleasurable sensations he may be giving my parts, intimacy and pleasure (and orgasms) require an emotional involvement and I just can't have that without some level of comfort and trust. If I say no and then he forces himself on me, there is zero trust. Therefore there is no way that I could enjoy this let alone climax. These stories are just fucking stupid to me. I'm not saying that people who write them or like them are wrong. I just can't possibly believe any of it.

So is this really just a fantasy dream that you want or do you actually think that women's pleasure works this way?

Even more than rape and pseudo-rape stories, there are tons of stories where a guy does his thing and the woman just magically cums at some point. I guess he's just that good.

I wouldn't necessarily call it a lie. And many victims DO "just magically cum" at some point.

I worked quite a few rape cases during my career and, in most cases, at some point, the victims shamefully admit that they did experience an orgasm during their assault. I'd say it happens in about 60% of the cases I worked on, with boys/men experiencing it more often than girls/women, but the girls/women still experience it in about half the cases. In all of those cases, the fact that they had a climax while being violated really messes them up.

The problem is that many people simply don't realize that arousal is not necessary for the nerve endings in our genitalia to do their thing. As insensitive as it sounds, I like to put it as simple as possible when talking about this:

I can masturbate to a tree if I try long enough. It doesn't mean that I'm into plants. It doesn't mean that I enjoyed myself while doing it. I don't even have to be hard for it to happen. It just means that the nerve endings in my dick have been sufficiently stimulated to send signals up my spine. It's a process that's completely detached from my brain and that I have no control over, whatsoever.

This just gets enforced when the victim realizes that they can not fight back and decides to surrender. That's the part where "he was such a good lay" comes into play, because, if the victim surrenders, the rapist can allow themselves to be less forceful, making the experince... "better" for the victim.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

And to the guys, is it really all physical for you? How much of it is emotional? And further for the guys a hypothetical scenario: (assuming you are straight) if you were strapped down and a man began fellating you and you were really turned off, would you still cum? Would you be able to get hard even? Or would the pleasure arise regardless?

I'll reply to this part here only, although I am curious to hear the thoughts of the female authors who write non-con because I think there are quite a few of them.

It's not all physical, not even close. For me personally, the mental part is the most important. Yet emotions aren't necessarily a part of it. Sure, if it's someone I like/love/have an emotional connection with, then yes, emotions can play a part, but I can feel sexual satisfaction without this emotional aspect without a problem.
About the creepy part of your question, it's impossible to say with utmost certainty of course, but I believe I wouldn't be able to get hard even as there is nothing about men that attracts me. I believe I would feel out of my mind angry and violated.

 

[mrs_mackenzie]

So is this really just a fantasy dream that you want or do you actually think that women's pleasure works this way?

I think we're back in the territory of fantasy v reality again.

Fantasy: a hot guy, a stranger or someone I know, decides he has to have me, no matter how much I protest, overwhelms me with his force, takes me... yeah, it's hot. But it's hot because it's a fantasy, and in the fantasy it's all sexy and it doesn't really hurt when he grabs me and he's good in bed and after he's done he leaps out of bed and vacuums the whole house.

Reality: It's a massive turn-off if a guy isn't respectful about sex from start to finish.

Why is my brain like this? Who knows. But this is just one example of hundreds of something that someone might fantasize about but not actually wish to do in reality.

 

[AlinaX]

I think context and expectations have a lot to do with it. If you go into a situation where you want to feel safe, and indeed you mostly do feel safe and more or less in control of what happens to you, then it can be traumatic to find yourself no longer in control, and frightening even to anticipate a loss of control.

But in contexts where you recognise that you're not completely in control, where there is an element of risk, e.g., prison, certain types of sex work, hanging out with gang members, then there's less of a traumatic response to what is still essentially rape. This is not an excuse for rape, but it is perhaps a way for danger to be sometimes an aphrodisiac rather than an emotional pickaxe.

The fantasy of it, of course, lets you imagine and enjoy scenarios without actually losing control. So much of what we desire from sex is to lose control in a safe context. To switch off the human side of ourself and become the unthinking animal. Safely.

 

[ronde]

Sex has never been just sex for me. Without a pretty strong emotional content in the relationship, it's not even as good as jacking off. I once read the line, "jacking off in a woman", somewhere, and that's an apt description of sex without emotion.

It's just as important to me that my partner have an orgasm as it is that I have one. In fact, it's more usual that I'll hold off until she starts over the edge. For me, that's the ultimate in sex - making love to a woman I really like if not love and feeling her lose control of her body when she has the orgasm.

I can honestly say I've never been with a woman who was ready to hop into bed with just anybody unless she was getting paid. It always took a lot of time getting to know each other and then discovering that there was something between us. I think that's for several reasons. Women have a lot more at stake with sex because men don't risk getting pregnant and even with today's birth control, there is a small risk. Women are also generally smaller than men and relatively easily overpowered. They need to trust the man not to do something they don't want to do. Women also tend toward emotions over logic, so just because she's been wined and dined doesn't mean she owes anything to the guy if she doesn't truly like him.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Sex is easier if you are comfortable with a person. I've written a lot of non-con and out and out rape, and I have hard time letting any woman enjoy that. It isn't realistic to me from personal experience. I know that women climaxing in rape happens and that it makes even more humiliating to them. I'm told that one point in Denver, there was a man known as the Gentleman Rapist, who thought (wrongly) that being nice and considerate to the woman when you made her do things wouldn't make it as distasteful to them. He used a gun to frighten them, and held it the whole time. He'd munch on them a bit to get them wet, ask if preferred if he used a condom, and not rough them up, but there was the damn gun always pointing at them.

I thought maybe he believed if he was nice they wouldn't report it. I'm sure some didn't. But he was a serial rapist back in the 60 or 70. I don't know if he was every caught.

 

[Deadbed1968]

I never really understood the whole CNC kink. Why would you want to act out something that traumatizes so many people. Being aggressive is one thing, and something I can understand and enjoy, but pretending to be taken against your will, or pretending to take someone against theirs is another thing entirely. I know I would never be able to get any enjoyment out of this. The fact that most women have to deal with sexual assault of either themselves or someone they know puts a huge damper on any erotic aspect of rape fantasy.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Guilt, embarrassment, fear, anticipation are all emotions that can trigger erotic responses just as much as feeling appreciated, comfortable, or seeing how your partner is reacting. They're ones that BDSM scenes often play with, but I imagine rape could have the same effect.

There's good stories to be told about people who didn't 'enjoy' being raped at all but found it sexually exciting, feel guilty about it, etc. Probably even been told on Lit, though I have no idea how I'd find them among the rapist fantasies I don't want to read.

To me, if a woman is comfortable-enough to be around a man in private, it doesn't surprise me if she goes ahead and has sex with him - you're hardly any more vulnerable. Also, and this may be me betraying my age, before it was easy to acquire vibrators on the High Street (or internet), let alone magic wands, many women had the problem that they couldn't give themselves orgasms or even much sexual pleasure. Men might be a bit useless but with luck they'd provide at least some pleasure.

Doing some moaning and groaning and helping set a sexual scene often helps people to come - though needing to be quiet and having to suppress those can have the same effect. My body certainly doesn't respond to orders! Getting into a good headspace can help - good sensory associations like seeing a film or good TV show, or having a good meal or a massage. But equally, knowing you're doing something filthy like snatching 5 minutes between work meetings, can work too.

It's possible for women to physically orgasm even with shit sex (and rape), or to have all the feelings of an orgasm but technically the relevant muscles don't bother. I think the same can happen for men, though the physical stuff tends to happen along no matter what?

 

[OverconfidentSarcasm]

I thought maybe he believed if he was nice they wouldn't report it. I'm sure some didn't. But he was a serial rapist back in the 60 or 70. I don't know if he was every caught.

I think I know who you're talking about. Though, the one I think you mean was active during the early eighties, was caught, spent thirty years in prison, and was then convicted of another rape just two years after his release.

 

[MillieDynamite]

That'd be him, I think.

I think I know who you're talking about. Though, the one I think you mean was active during the early eighties, was caught, spent thirty years in prison, and was then convicted of another rape just two years after his release.

 

[MillieDynamite]

A person's kink is very personal, it doesn't have to make sense to anyone else. Kink often defies logic. I don't Sadism and Masochism at all, but some people are built that way.

I never really understood the whole CNC kink. Why would you want to act out something that traumatizes so many people. Being aggressive is one thing, and something I can understand and enjoy, but pretending to be taken against your will, or pretending to take someone against theirs is another thing entirely. I know I would never be able to get any enjoyment out of this. The fact that most women have to deal with sexual assault of either themselves or someone they know puts a huge damper on any erotic aspect of rape fantasy.

 

[Deadbed1968]

A person's kink is very personal, it doesn't have to make sense to anyone else. Kink often defies logic. I don't Sadism and Masochism at all, but some people are built that way.

Absolutely! It is a very personal thing. Just because I don’t get it, doesn’t make it wrong. Anything that happens between consenting adults is strictly their own business.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Most of the rape stories I wrote ended up with the victim turning the tables and attacker coming off the worser for picking the wrong girl. It was trauma therapy writing and probably couldn't survive from submission to posting.

Absolutely! It is a very personal thing. Just because I don’t get it, doesn’t make it wrong. Anything that happens between consenting adults is strictly their own business.

 

[subdudeme13]

I think we're back in the territory of fantasy v reality again.

Fantasy: a hot guy, a stranger or someone I know, decides he has to have me, no matter how much I protest, overwhelms me with his force, takes me... yeah, it's hot. But it's hot because it's a fantasy, and in the fantasy it's all sexy and it doesn't really hurt when he grabs me and he's good in bed and after he's done he leaps out of bed and vacuums the whole house.

Reality: It's a massive turn-off if a guy isn't respectful about sex from start to finish.

Why is my brain like this? Who knows. But this is just one example of hundreds of something that someone might fantasize about but not actually wish to do in reality.

Laughing at vacuums the whole house. Never came to mind actually, not that I wouldn't.

 

[KeithD]

Different strokes for different folks. If it wasn't that way, plotlines would be singular and would get to be awfully dull awfully fast.

In my world the rape game and actual rape are two different sex acts. And we've pretty much beaten this topic to death here.

 

[BobbyBrandt]

I have known women, including an ex-wife who shared my desire for loving intimacy but literally demanded at times that they be taken and used, relinquishing all control to someone that they trusted. A couple of these women admitted to cheating on their partner when they couldn't, or wouldn't agree to take complete control when the woman wanted them to.

As they explained it to me, sometimes they needed to feel so desired and wanted by their partner that their primal arousal could only be satisfied by complete surrender. They wanted to feel "owned". There was nothing involved other than raw, animalistic sex with no foreplay and frequently in unusual locations where comfort was unimportant. They achieved orgasms often, but not every time, and stated that they didn't care one way or the other. Loving, intimate, and tender sex typically followed soon after.

My ex-wife called it her "caveman" sex, and I've mentioned it in a few of my stories.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Where is this leading? Well there are a couple of things, but let's start with pseudo-rape. "I told him no but he forced himself on me. However, then he was such a good lay that I liked it anyway!" As far as I'm concerned it's a fucking lie. It doesn't matter how good the guy is, how attractive, how skilled. If I'm not comfortable with him there is no bloody way in hell that I'm going to enjoy it. It's like being on an Alaskan cruise and being seasick through it all. It doesn't matter how beautiful the glacier scenery is, there's just no way that you can enjoy it. No matter what pleasurable sensations he may be giving my parts, intimacy and pleasure (and orgasms) require an emotional involvement and I just can't have that without some level of comfort and trust. If I say no and then he forces himself on me, there is zero trust. Therefore there is no way that I could enjoy this let alone climax. These stories are just fucking stupid to me. I'm not saying that people who write them or like them are wrong. I just can't possibly believe any of it.

This isn't something unique to Literotica stories, but its popularity here probably has a lot to do with site policies and authors' understanding of them.

Literotica has a rule that NC stories where the victim derives no pleasure from the act will generally not be accepted. Some authors understand this to mean "NC requires that the victim have an orgasm", which is not quite what it says, but it's what they think it says. Then other about-to-be authors read those stories and are encouraged in the idea that this is the way to write NC.

 

[MillieDynamite]

It actually says the victim must get something out of the act. I interpret that might be vengeance.

This isn't something unique to Literotica stories, but its popularity here probably has a lot to do with site policies and authors' understanding of them.

Literotica has a rule that NC stories where the victim derives no pleasure from the act will generally not be accepted. Some authors understand this to mean "NC requires that the victim have an orgasm", which is not quite what it says, but it's what they think it says. Then other about-to-be authors read those stories and are encouraged in the idea that this is the way to write NC.

 

[Bramblethorn]

It actually says the victim must get something out of the act. I interpret that might be vengeance.

Yeah - to be clear, I think authors who interpret it as "victim must orgasm" are misunderstanding the rule, but if so it's a common and influential misunderstanding.

 

[intim8]

Yeah - to be clear, I think authors who interpret it as "victim must orgasm" are misunderstanding the rule, but if so it's a common and influential misunderstanding.

A lot of authors probably have a hard time imagining anything else a woman might get out ot it.

 

[TheRedChamber]

It actually says the victim must get something out of the act. I interpret that might be vengeance.

Yeah - to be clear, I think authors who interpret it as "victim must orgasm" are misunderstanding the rule, but if so it's a common and influential misunderstanding.

The exact wording is:

Ravishment/non-consent fantasies in which the “victim” receives no thrill or enjoyment from the acts, or is seriously and/or permanently physically harmed/abused/maimed/killed.

If I language lawyer for a second, I don't think the wording supports vengeance stories (although they do seem to get published). It's not the act that they're enjoying, it's the aftermath (even if they turn the tables and get vengence during, I don't think it quite fits)

Obviously, you can be 'thrilled' without orgasming but the way its worded doesn't seem to allow a lot of wiggle room for anything other than sexual pleasure.

What are people thinking are some other potential scenarios for this category (whether they meet the rules or not)?

 

[Cagivagurl]

This topic has a lot to do with non-con stories but certainly not limited to.

I know that for me personally, I cannot enjoy sex unless I'm in a state of comfort. I think that most girls are this way. In fact I think that all women are, just depending to what degree. I know that no matter how attractive a man may be, if he does or says something kinda creepy, it's a turn off. It's the discomfort that turns me off. Intimacy requires some level of trust. This doesn't mean that I need to know you super well, but I at least need to feel some sense of comfort or trust.

I mean, I do understand the 'rape fantasy' even if I don't really share it. It's the idea that no matter how much you say no, they guy still has to have you. It's like the ultimate objectification. Yes, there may be those of you who say "if you're into that, you're sick" but then how many are into fucking their own Mom? I could go around telling the incest crowd how sick they are but I don't. I'm not here to judge kinks. No, personally I don't have a rape fantasy, but you might be surprised at a bit of darkness in the roots of some of my hottest turn-ons, but that's another matter. My point is that I'm not judging people for their kinks.

Where is this leading? Well there are a couple of things, but let's start with pseudo-rape. "I told him no but he forced himself on me. However, then he was such a good lay that I liked it anyway!" As far as I'm concerned it's a fucking lie. It doesn't matter how good the guy is, how attractive, how skilled. If I'm not comfortable with him there is no bloody way in hell that I'm going to enjoy it. It's like being on an Alaskan cruise and being seasick through it all. It doesn't matter how beautiful the glacier scenery is, there's just no way that you can enjoy it. No matter what pleasurable sensations he may be giving my parts, intimacy and pleasure (and orgasms) require an emotional involvement and I just can't have that without some level of comfort and trust. If I say no and then he forces himself on me, there is zero trust. Therefore there is no way that I could enjoy this let alone climax. These stories are just fucking stupid to me. I'm not saying that people who write them or like them are wrong. I just can't possibly believe any of it.

So is this really just a fantasy dream that you want or do you actually think that women's pleasure works this way?

Even more than rape and pseudo-rape stories, there are tons of stories where a guy does his thing and the woman just magically cums at some point. I guess he's just that good. (shrug) The worst is "I'm not cumming until you do!" As if she can just flick the switch for him. Or sometimes you hear "Cum for me, it's okay." As if she needs permission and no one has ever given her that before. (puh-lease!) Do guys really believe that that's how it works? For me, if a guy urges or encourages me to climax, that's a guarantee that I won't climax. Why? Because you're putting me under pressure, which makes me uncomfortable, which makes me enjoy it less. To orgasm, a girl needs to let herself go. In order to let herself go, she needs to be comfortable. You can't be comfortable if you don't trust the situation or if you're put under pressure. For me, an orgasm is hardly purely physical, and I'm sure that for most women this is at least similar.

Now I know that there is also 'cum on command' type of scenes and people do this in real life, but there are also certain women who have learned to control their own orgasms (or at least the timing of them) given enough stimulation (and I would assume comfort), so there is a plausibility in that and that's not what this is about. These stories are a separate thing (unless in all of your stories you magically find one of these girls : P).

There are several myths about the female orgasm that we may or may not end up discussing here but I'd like to focus on this part first.

So my question is first to the girls (because I know that not all women are the same and we all have different turn-ons and such) how much does this resonate with you? I know that some of us climax or cum much easier than others. How much is physical and how much is mental/emotional and is there anything that you require from a guy to get there?

And to the guys, is it really all physical for you? How much of it is emotional? And further for the guys a hypothetical scenario: (assuming you are straight) if you were strapped down and a man began fellating you and you were really turned off, would you still cum? Would you be able to get hard even? Or would the pleasure arise regardless?

I promised myself I wouldn't enter this discussion.
I tried I really did.
However here I am...

Firstly, rape is not a sexual crime. It is all about physical domination. Taking something you've been denied.
Secondly, orgasm is as much mental as physical.
For women to orgasm they must be in a comfortable environment. Saying no... Means that the person is not prepared to enter into whatever is proposed.
No means no. You can't fuck her into submission. You can't make her orgasm.
If she is truly afraid for her personal safety. There's no way orgasm could happen. The rapist may be the most talented lover in the world. It would make no difference. The physical triggers might be ticked, but the brain wouldn't engage.

Personally, I'm sick of the tired old trope populated by men. She doesn't really mean no. Just do it....
Then hide behind we're only talking fantasy here. It's our freedom of speech to write what we want.
... Yeah, enjoy your fantasy...
For normal everyday people that's fine.
Unfortunately the world is populated by people with mental disabilities, who also have those fantasies.
Every time they read or see their fantasy eroticised, it empowers them to think it's OK.
For my mind, if that only affects 2% of the population. It's too many...
1 rape is to many...The truth is.
Women do not orgasm from rape... End of story...
Yes, that is my opinion only. Do I have facts to substantiate it...
About as many as the other side of this argument....
The above is my understanding from talking to a lot of victims... Yes, I volunteer at a bettered women's shelter.
Women who have suffered rape... Actual real rape, and I can promise you.
There were no orgasms...
There were broken bones and cuts, abrasions, missing teeth, eyes dislodged, stab wounds....
All real...
Rape... gentlemen is not sexy...

Cagivagurl

 

[SimonDoom]

PSG, I appreciate your invitation to male authors to offer their perspectives. I'll offer mine.

No, I would not enjoy sexual activity in the situation you describe, and I probably would not come. Agency, consent, and emotional involvement are vital for me in a real-world sexual encounter.

And, to flip roles, when I'm with a woman, I derive no pleasure from the concept of overcoming her will. I want her to be totally, intellectually, emotionally committed to what's to come. That's what's sexy to me. BDSM activity is fun to me, because it involves my partner submitting, with full awareness and consent, to an activity. Non-con is a turnoff, because if her mind isn't into it, then I'm not going to be as into it. But the idea of an intelligent, strong woman, offering her wrists to me to be tied, knowing exactly what she's getting into and wanting it as much as I want it -- that's sexy.

But not everybody's like this. Women and men alike grow up feeling guilty and conflicted about their sexual desires. The essence of the non-con fantasy (I think) is precisely that you can enjoy sex without being in any way responsible for it. You can totally surrender yourself to it and to your partner, and the sex will happen whether you want it to or not, and therefore you cannot be blamed or feel guilty for it. For a fleeting fantasy moment, you can enjoy the full pleasure of sex without the guilt that comes with responsibility.

I'm not going to begrudge anyone the desire for that fleeting fantasy moment.

Does this mean people want rape in the real world? Of course not. But I think this is why people--men and women--indulge in the fantasy of it. It's why I take a very liberal attitude toward accepting the fantasy even though it doesn't mean anything to me and it obviously has little to do with the real world, where nonconsensual sex is often awful and traumatic.