Discussion: To-Be-Published Story about a Romance between two Mormon Missionaries

[FINLEYDIXON]

Embrace of the Messiah
Story Discussion: 22 Mar 2024. "Embrace of the Messiah" by Finley Dixon

IMPORTANT: THE FIRST SEVERAL CHAPTERS ARE IN THE COMMENTS.
I intend to use the feedback to inform the rest of the story.

Summary
A modern gay male retelling of the Joseph Smith story, inspired by my own experiences as a Mormon Missionary, and plenty of sexual fantasy.
As the two Missionaries become more intimate, their ability to find people receptive to their message increases. An inspired message of love and sex positivity in contrast to their original Mormon beliefs.

Feedback Requested
I'm interested in the readers' thoughts on:

• Overall Engagement​

  • How well does the story keep you engaged from start to finish?
  • Were there any moments where your attention waned or you skimmed? If so, where?

• Character Development​

  • How real did the characters feel?
  • Were there any actions or decisions made by the characters that felt inconsistent or unexplained?
  • How did your feelings towards the main characters change throughout the story?

• Plot and Pacing​

  • How effective was the pacing of the story? Were there parts that felt rushed or too slow?
  • Did the plot hold your interest throughout? Were there any twists or developments that felt forced or unrealistic?

• Emotional Impact​

  • What was the emotional impact of the story on you? Were there moments that particularly moved you, excited you, or frustrated you?
  • How well did the story balance tension and relief?

• Themes and Underlying Messages​

  • What themes or underlying messages did you perceive in the story?
  • How effectively do you think the story communicated its themes?
  • Were there any moments where the themes felt too overt or preachy?

• Dialogue​

  • How natural and effective did you find the dialogue between characters?
  • Were there any exchanges that stood out to you, either positively or negatively?
  • How well did the dialogue contribute to your understanding of the characters and their relationships?

• Description and Setting​

  • How vividly could you visualize the settings and scenes described in the story?
  • Was the balance between description and action/dialogue effective for you?
  • Were there any descriptions that you found particularly striking or memorable?

• Open-Ended Feedback​

  • What was your favorite aspect of the story, and why?
  • If you could change one thing about the story, what would it be and why?
  • Is there anything else about the story that stood out to you that hasn’t been covered by the above questions?

 

[AlinaX]

I admire your determination to break the rules of the forum, but it's a little self-defeating.

 

[FINLEYDIXON]

Apologies, I thought I was following the guidelines to post in this area.

 

[AlinaX]

Best thing to do is have it in Google docs and ask in the Editor's forum for beta readers. You can't have more than about three paragraphs in the Forum, and this particular branch of the Forum is a dead zone anyway.

 

[FINLEYDIXON]

Ok, that definitely would have been easier. I wasn't sure I could post to stories outside of Literotica.

 

[_Lynn_]

Embrace of the Messiah
Story Discussion: 22 Mar 2024. "Embrace of the Messiah" by Finley Dixon

IMPORTANT: THE FIRST SEVERAL CHAPTERS ARE IN THE COMMENTS.
I intend to use the feedback to inform the rest of the story.

Summary
A modern gay male retelling of the Joseph Smith story, inspired by my own experiences as a Mormon Missionary, and plenty of sexual fantasy.
As the two Missionaries become more intimate, their ability to find people receptive to their message increases. An inspired message of love and sex positivity in contrast to their original Mormon beliefs.

Feedback Requested
I'm interested in the readers' thoughts on:

• Overall Engagement​

  • How well does the story keep you engaged from start to finish?
  • Were there any moments where your attention waned or you skimmed? If so, where?

• Character Development​

  • How real did the characters feel?
  • Were there any actions or decisions made by the characters that felt inconsistent or unexplained?
  • How did your feelings towards the main characters change throughout the story?

• Plot and Pacing​

  • How effective was the pacing of the story? Were there parts that felt rushed or too slow?
  • Did the plot hold your interest throughout? Were there any twists or developments that felt forced or unrealistic?

• Emotional Impact​

  • What was the emotional impact of the story on you? Were there moments that particularly moved you, excited you, or frustrated you?
  • How well did the story balance tension and relief?

• Themes and Underlying Messages​

  • What themes or underlying messages did you perceive in the story?
  • How effectively do you think the story communicated its themes?
  • Were there any moments where the themes felt too overt or preachy?

• Dialogue​

  • How natural and effective did you find the dialogue between characters?
  • Were there any exchanges that stood out to you, either positively or negatively?
  • How well did the dialogue contribute to your understanding of the characters and their relationships?

• Description and Setting​

  • How vividly could you visualize the settings and scenes described in the story?
  • Was the balance between description and action/dialogue effective for you?
  • Were there any descriptions that you found particularly striking or memorable?

• Open-Ended Feedback​

  • What was your favorite aspect of the story, and why?
  • If you could change one thing about the story, what would it be and why?
  • Is there anything else about the story that stood out to you that hasn’t been covered by the above questions?

Full stories are not allowed on forums. If you want feedback, you have options:

After you submit the story and it posts on the site, put your request on the Story Feedback Forum.

Or you can ask on the Editor's Forum for someone to read it before you submit it.


As the mod on this forum, I will be removing your story.