Cuckold research

[dixonjay999]

I have been fortunate to correspond with many people on Lit and elsewhere and IRL on the topic of being a hot wife or cuckold. I am thinking of publishing a new piece primarily on my anecdotal observations about the cuckold's perspective. I have gathered a lot of content just from discussion with you all, but I would like to ask a few questions specifically in order to get your feedback. Please feel free to post here or PM me. For this purpose I think of a hot wife/cuckold relationship as simply being one in which her side of the marriage is open but his is not. And I am directing these questions at actual cuckolds as well as aspiring cuckolds. The input of actual or aspiring hit wives is also welcome.

What led you to the role of cuckold? Is it something that you were drawn to right away or did it take a long time to build in your mind/heart? Did you initiate? Your wife initiate? Or perhaps some event (such as cheating) kicked it off?

I took my wife's virginity at 27 years old. She grew up in a strict Christian household and had planned to wait until marriage until I came a long. I had many sexual partners, including her two roommates that she practically watched or heard the entire encounters with them.

We got married and I thought it was only fair she get to experience other sexual encounter with men like I had women. It came from a place of love for my wife and wanting it to be fair she has experiences with other men.

I brought it up several times to her and then it finally happened in a random way. PM if you want those details.

Was there ever a point at which reciprocity (i.e. both sides of the marriage open) was a consideration? If not why did you never consider pursuing other women? If it was a consideration what led you to leave that behind and embrace being a cuckold?

I have experienced other women on occasion, but it's less often. It's usually in a swap partners type of role, but really wanting to see her with other men was the motivation behind it. She also enjoys seeing me with other women on occasion. She is bisexuality so 3somes are sometimes on the table.

I was surprised by how much I truly loved watching her enjoying herself in different ways with different men. It was a huge turnon.

Did your wife's attitude or approach to your personal interactions change in any way after she started cuckolding you?

During a session she began using light humiliation towards me that I found super hot. She would say things like "look how good and thoroughly I'm being fucked by another man while you watch," or "you could never fuck me this good" or "his body is sexier than yours and his dick is so much bigger" or listening to her tell him her pussy now belonged to him so he could cum in her."

I don't mind when the partner orders me around a bit and let's me know my wife is currently his fucktoy, etc. As long as lines aren't crossed and it's just part of the fantasy.

Do you and your wife have any rules associated with her sexual activities with other men? How have they evolved over time? What is the purpose of those rules?

Only rule I have is to be included, in particular for first time encounters. She has only slept with other men without my presence a handful of times and they were always people I knew and while she was on business trips.

Do you engage in fetish play? Do you want to? How has that evolved over time?

We are into BDSM with my wife being Mistress and I'm her sub. We started here before cuckholding ever came into play. We tend to switch when with others. It's during BDSM sessions I learned I enjoy humiliation.

The first time she purchased male thong panties it was kind of a joke for a BDSM scene. However, we both liked them. She liked the way they looked on me and it gave her easy access to spanking me. And I loved the way the way they felt on my cock. The material is so soft and erotic. Having her fingernails run across my cock over them is so arousing. Since we both liked theexperience, we continued it. However, it isn't about being effeminate.

Are her lovers purely sex partners or does she have a greater connection to them? Can you tell me anything about those relationships?

The lovers are only for sexual play, and usually it's a one time thing. Occasionally, we've had a regular but that would only be 4 5 times.  Dating and emotional relationships are not allowed. Going out for drinks before hotel/home to play is for comfort and loosening things up. But I'm there too. It'd not a date. We hang out, have drinks, learn a bit about each other, etc to loosen the mood and make sure all are comfortable and onboard.

Is she in control in her extra-marital sexual relationships or is she more submissive with the other men?

She is usually submissive with the other men and dominant with me. I also switch to dominant with other women vs sub to her.

What is it that you enjoy about being a cuckold and how has that evolved over the'd.

I'm totally in love with my wife. She means everything to me. This includes her seeing other men to fully explore her sexuality and sexual experience. We all bring different traits to the bedroom. I had explored mine pretty thoroughly through my years, but she had not. Allowing other men to sexually please her by having unattached sex is harmless. I am her "soulmate," so to speak, and she is mine. We will never really belong to anyone else outside of sexual fantasy play. Our marriage is rock solid.

Also, this only happens a few times year. Seeing her enjoying herself and having orgasms caused by other men makes me rock hard. It's hot!!

 

[dixonjay999]

I feel like I could go on and on, but that is enough for now. Of course anything else that you would like to add or embellish is welcome. Like I said I do intend to use any feedback I get to write a new piece, but it will all be aggregated information that won't even make reference to any online names. And while I do often express strong views it does all come from a place of respecting all parties in this lifestyle. In particular I hold all the supportive cuckolds in very high regard.

You are welcome to use anything I mentioned as long as usernames and identifiable material is not included, which you state you won't be doing. Share a link with the piece when you're done. It would be an interesting read.

 

[Ramone45]

Humiliation is part of the appeal for me, because I WANT to be the only man my woman needs, but I know that I'm not. She uses a passive form of humiliation. She talks about how amazing her lover is and how incredible her orgasms are with him. She'll talk about how she loves going down on him and how hard his cock gets. She will be very attentive to my feelings, with the implication that I SHOULD be upset, without actively saying degrading or derogatory things about me personally. It's like "relative humiliation" and she's really good at it.

 

[policywank]

Humiliation is part of the appeal for me, because I WANT to be the only man my woman needs, but I know that I'm not. She uses a passive form of humiliation. She talks about how amazing her lover is and how incredible her orgasms are with him. She'll talk about how she loves going down on him and how hard his cock gets. She will be very attentive to my feelings, with the implication that I SHOULD be upset, without actively saying degrading or derogatory things about me personally. It's like "relative humiliation" and she's really good at it.

I do find that approach effective. If a hotwife directly diminishes her husband masculinity there is a sort deliberateness to that which potentially makes him the victim and her the aggressor. But talking about the other man takes away that dynamic and casts the cuckold as having already accepted his relative place so thoroughly that there is nothing contentious about praising the other man. There is no longer even a vestige of the illusion that the cuckold is any way equivalent or competitive. Talking about it in front of him is like talking about it to another woman.

 

[bilash]

Her affections are not finite. The intimate feelings she has for this other man do not take away from the feelings she has for you. And they do not automatically mean she is in love with him to the degree that she wants to enter into along-term commitment with him - either exclusively or as part of a polyamorous arrangement.

I notice this saying only among poly community. I think this way of thinking only applies to polyamorous practising people.

 

[bilash]

I definitely agree that monogamous relationships are a function of polite society and not human nature.

Jails are full of people doing things inspired by human nature.
Look, I am not saying or trying to say poly relationships are this or that .
But, saying non-monogamy is humane & natural is NOT OKAY.
Try learning about swingers community , their lifestyle . Love is not important in that lifestyle. Threesome , 4some .............and so on. Love is overrated.

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

Jails are full of people doing things inspired by human nature.
Look, I am not saying or trying to say poly relationships are this or that .
But, saying non-monogamy is humane & natural is NOT OKAY.
Try learning about swingers community , their lifestyle . Love is not important in that lifestyle. Threesome , 4some .............and so on. Love is overrated.

Governments get away with things that would fill up jails due to human nature but that’s another thread!

There are many reasons for advocating for monogamous relationships through the ages. Paternity, order, and yes love. Love seems to exist everywhere and given half the chance, rears up and takes over. When people have a choice and do not have to marry out of pre-arranged marriages or just to survive, they marry for love. They choose to bond with a person who they‘ve been hit with Cupid’s arrow.

Science tells us that there is a strong Case for monogamy especially when time is invested in rearing offspring. For humans that number has seemed to settle on 18yrs. We seem to be bonding mammals that do best when sharing love between each other.

The topic discussed though was Poly relationships and there certainly can be arguments made to support that viewpoint. That is certainly OK to make that argument. In today’s enlightened world (I’m speaking to sexuality here) we have to deal with the real prospects of infidelity, divorce, and yes the human nature of being curious. That curiosity may well run its course in Dalliances.

My point is there is right or wrong answer and you can by all means advocate for your point of view. Certain lifestyles don’t agree with you, then don’t do them!

As for swingers, we’ve established there are clear lines between Swinging, Poly, and mutual non-monogamy. Let’s not muddy the waters.

 

[lc69hunter]

Non-monogamy, no matter what form it takes, has a strong group of haters her on Lit. If you don't believe me, just go the the LW section and see the insane rage directed at it.

 

[FantasySharer1]

I do find that approach effective. If a hotwife directly diminishes her husband masculinity there is a sort deliberateness to that which potentially makes him the victim and her the aggressor. But talking about the other man takes away that dynamic and casts the cuckold as having already accepted his relative place so thoroughly that there is nothing contentious about praising the other man. There is no longer even a vestige of the illusion that the cuckold is any way equivalent or competitive. Talking about it in front of him is like talking about it to another woman.

This is beautiful. I wish my wife would have sex with her brother and regularly discuss it with me without putting me down. Just talk about how big he is, how full she felt, how he did things that made her absolutely drown in pleasure. How he eats her pussy well. How he cums so much that she drips. How he gives her multiple orgasms. How his refractory period is so low that he is able to fuck not long after he has already cum inside her. How he's so fit and strong that he's able to fuck her hard, fast, slow, all of the above from any angle and position without losing tempo or rhythm or running out of breath. How she is feeling sore and needs me to massage her to alleviate it.

How he kisses her in the right places and in the right ways.

I'm not even REMOTELY a competitor. Just a spectator who has to accept what is being done with my wife and to her.

 

[peter49parker]

Non-monogamy, no matter what form it takes, has a strong group of haters her on Lit. If you don't believe me, just go the the LW section and see the insane rage directed at it.

I know of which you speak. I insisted on writing and posting a story there. WOW. The hate levelled at me was unreal.

 

[LustyScribe]

Non-monogamy, no matter what form it takes, has a strong group of haters her on Lit. If you don't believe me, just go the the LW section and see the insane rage directed at it.

That is so true about the LW story comments. I have long held the "moth drawn to the flame" theory on that. They are drawn to this topic by desires and thoughts they are ashamed of because they won't even discuss them rationally. They go to that topic over and over, never addressing the roots of the repressive shame, and then lash out because they're angry at themselves and those who write the stories they hate to love and love to hate. A perpetual cycle of hate and shame.

That, or they're just shallow, ignorant morons.

 

[jimmyturtleman]

What led you to the role of Shared Wife Is it something that you were drawn to right away or did it take a long time to build in your mind/heart? Did you initiate? Your husband initiate? Or perhaps some event (such as cheating) kicked it off?

Hi!

For us it started with a shift from traditional marriage to a wife led marriage.

As the dynamic changed I realized I had needs (wants?) that weren’t going to be met. So we started talking and eventually came to the idea of me dating. For us it was sort of mutual.

We sort of led each other to the conclusion.

It’s never that simple, and I actually cried in the car all the way to my first date. Then I cried on the way home. Then there were tears after the first kiss. It took me months to actually have intercourse with another man, then I had to deal with that flood of emotions.

I also had to manage my husbands issues. They were mainly fear of abandonment, but once he realized I would always come home to him he got more comfortable.

I’m sure a few people can relate.

As the cuckolded husband, I can relate to this "fear of abandonment" as being the biggest issue for me. There are some others, but this fear of 'losing' my wife to another man becomes debilitating at times.

In the beginning, my wife suggested that I find another woman to have sex with, but there is no way I wanted that. Turns out that she doesn't either. It was just a 'quick fix' that would have ruined our marriage. In reality, she does NOT want me to have sex with any other women.

Usually, it takes a few minutes of her time to reassure me of her commitment to "us" and I am good. She does always come home to me.

 

[lc69hunter]

As the cuckolded husband, I can relate to this "fear of abandonment" as being the biggest issue for me. There are some others, but this fear of 'losing' my wife to another man becomes debilitating at times.

In the beginning, my wife suggested that I find another woman to have sex with, but there is no way I wanted that. Turns out that she doesn't either. It was just a 'quick fix' that would have ruined our marriage. In reality, she does NOT want me to have sex with any other women.

Usually, it takes a few minutes of her time to reassure me of her commitment to "us" and I am good. She does always come home to me.

That is what makes a consensual loving cuckold relationship so special. The wife making sure her cuckold husband knows that he is the most important man in her life.

 

[SlutAddicted]

That is what makes a consensual loving cuckold relationship so special. The wife making sure her cuckold husband knows that he is the most important man in her life.

I think that the monogamy paradigm is a multi-fact mindset that is a challenge to overcome.

This paradigm is partially built on the assumption that a partner's love is demonstrated by their fidelity and exclusivity. Yet in virtually every other relationship we have with family and friends we experience love, affection, support and commitment without exclusivity.

The paradigm is also partially built on the premise that every person wants to find that one person best suited to them. That obviously invites the assumption that if they are looking beyond their current partner then that partner must be something less than the best fit and therefore their relationship is at risk if she finds a better man. Yet we have no problem with the fact that our spouse has close personal relationships with family and friends which do not pose a threat to our relationship.

If our wife wants to spend time with a close friend or family member and we aren't invited and that is where she wants to be rather than with us at that moment in time we still accept (if we are both mature about it) that other relationship as healthy and non-threatening. But as soon as sex is involve it becomes a threat, not because it is but because the monogamy paradigm says it is supposed be.

We all have friends who have other friends and they spend time with those other friends without us. Even if the person is our best friend in the world, we don't expect them to be exclusive to us. If we have a healthy relationship we don't see the dynamic they have with that other person as being in conflict with the relationship they have with us. We know they can co-exist, we don't see exclusivity as a necessary demonstration of commitment and we know that they aren't seeking to whittle their relationships down to just one.

As my wife has put it, I am and always will be her #1. There is no need to add only to that phrase because she isn't looking for anyone to be her one and only.

 

[Beachsyrf]

I wrote the following (and it’s all true) as the beginning of a story I posted on Literotica many years ago. Looking back on it, I’m not too proud of the story (which was made up) that followed, but this prologue IS true and explains my first exposure to the concept of a “Hotwife” ... or girlfriend in my case ...

”
From some point in my young adult life, and even before I was married, the idea of a happily married wife enjoying sex with other men has been a huge turn on for me. I know when and how this fantasy began for me but I am still at a loss (intellectually) of how to reconcile this fascination with all that we are taught as being normal.

As a young college student my then girlfriend and I lived next door to an middle-aged couple who were very lower middle class (what can I say? I was a college student) and not at all attractive. But one day the wife stopped by and asked if I wanted any of the huge stack of adult magazines which they were going to otherwise throw out. Now, being a very sexually active and inquisitive young male, how could I let a treasure trove of this magnitude go to waste? So, with my girlfriend's blessing we took in these homeless skin mags and tried to give them a good home.

I was working my way through them, setting aside those of interest and having articles or models which I found particularly stimulating, when I read one article in an old "Hustler". The article was entitled "The Big Suck" and was about a housewife who ended up having sex with a neighbor she encountered in the laundry room of their building. Now this was not shocking, in and of itself, but the fact that she told her husband, who LOVED it and then they arranged for her to fuck him so he could watch was something else entirely!! I was instantly and thoroughly hooked!! The article and the description of his wife sucking and fucking that big dick was an incredible revelation to me!!

I must have read that article five times a day for weeks. I am sure I came more in the next few days than I had up to that point in my life!! When I wasn't jacking off, thinking about it, I was thinking about jacking off, thinking about it. I showed the article to my girlfriend and had her read it. I began sharing this fantasy with her and having her share the fantasy with me. I would have her tell me about the other guys she fucked and how much she liked it; about their cocks and balls and how many times she would cum .... “

Since then, the notion of a slutty wife or girlfriend has been one of my favorite sexual themes.

 

[peter49parker]

As you said, the prologue is a very interesting explanation of your exposure to "Hotwifing."

 

[Mu5tang]

I have been fortunate to correspond with many people on Lit and elsewhere and IRL on the topic of being a hot wife or cuckold. I am thinking of publishing a new piece primarily on my anecdotal observations about the cuckold's perspective. I have gathered a lot of content just from discussion with you all, but I would like to ask a few questions specifically in order to get your feedback. Please feel free to post here or PM me. For this purpose I think of a hot wife/cuckold relationship as simply being one in which her side of the marriage is open but his is not. And I am directing these questions at actual cuckolds as well as aspiring cuckolds. The input of actual or aspiring hit wives is also welcome.

What led you to the role of cuckold? Is it something that you were drawn to right away or did it take a long time to build in your mind/heart? Did you initiate? Your wife initiate? Or perhaps some event (such as cheating) kicked it off?

Was there ever a point at which reciprocity (i.e. both sides of the marriage open) was a consideration? If not why did you never consider pursuing other women? If it was a consideration what led you to leave that behind and embrace being a cuckold?

Is the role of cuckold and the attendant limitation on your sexual activities with other women something that is defined by an explicit agreement with your wife or just something that came to be in an unspoken way?

Did your wife's attitude or approach to your personal interactions change in any way after she started cuckolding you?

Do you and your wife have any rules associated with her sexual activities with other men? How have they evolved over time? What is the purpose of those rules?

Do you engage in fetish play? Do you want to? How has that evolved over time?

Why did your wife choose to cuckold you? What is it that she seeks from other men? What is her "type" when choosing a sexual partner if you can define it?

Are her lovers purely sex partners or does she have a greater connection to them? Can you tell me anything about those relationships?

Does your wife have multiple lovers or one boyfriend? How does she feel about the term "bull" as opposed to "lover" or "boyfriend"?

Is she in control in her extra-marital sexual relationships or is she more submissive with the other men?

What is it that you enjoy about being a cuckold and how has that evolved over time?

I feel like I could go on and on, but that is enough for now. Of course anything else that you would like to add or embellish is welcome. Like I said I do intend to use any feedback I get to write a new piece, but it will all be aggregated information that won't even make reference to any online names. And while I do often express strong views it does all come from a place of respecting all parties in this lifestyle. In particular I hold all the supportive cuckolds in very high regard.

I am new to this cuck/hot wife experience... yes, I found out my girlfriend was still fucking her married ex-husband occasionally (his wife allows him, and has had a threesome with her). They have 2 kids together. She told me... I didn't catch her. It was happening long before I started dating her. It really had an opposite effect on me, I should be upset, but it turned me on more than I ever have been. Probably, because she was doing it prior to me, he lives far away(5hrs), and she said it was only sex. I now encourage her, and we kept it a secret from him that I know. I can't explain it, but it's made sex between us amazingly better recently. She is a naughty girl. A couple weekends ago, he found out I have knew, and let her 'play'. He asked to watch us have sex, that quickly turned into a threesome. So I'm still trying to figure it all out too.

 

[MorlockIam]

What led you to the role of cuckold? Is it something that you were drawn to right away or did it take a long time to build in your mind/heart? Did you initiate? Your wife initiate? Or perhaps some event (such as cheating) kicked it off?

I have been submissive most of my life and always thought cuckolding was a no go zone for me. I had a girlfriend who I adored and wanted to marry, it was a difficult relationship and during the last 6 months of it she would go hot and cold on me and start fights over bullshit. We ended up breaking up and I later found out she was cheating on me.

I started to wonder what it would have been like if she were more honest about her desires and how it may have worked. She knew I was submissive but would never entertain any kink play. So I decided that I would explore cuckolded in my next relationship which I also wanted to be FLR.

I contacted a woman on a vanilla dating site about wanting to explore such a relationship and she came back saying she was interested but had never done it before. We messaged and chatted and our views on how it might work seemed similar. Within 3 months of our relationship she was going on her first date. She was seeing younger men anyway before I contacted her so the only difference was she was now hooking up while being in a relationship.

Was there ever a point at which reciprocity (i.e. both sides of the marriage open) was a consideration? If not why did you never consider pursuing other women? If it was a consideration what led you to leave that behind and embrace being a cuckold?

No, I approached her with the view to a cuckold arrangement and we spoke about FLR as well. She made it clear that she could not handle it if it were the other way around let alone mutual. I never wanted an open relationship. I wanted it to be one sided in the woman's favour. Me seeing others would not be in keeping with the Female Led aspect as well as not being as exciting to me or her. We like the unfairness of it.


Is the role of cuckold and the attendant limitation on your sexual activities with other women something that is defined by an explicit agreement with your wife or just something that came to be in an unspoken way?

It was made clear that I would not see others. This includes cuckold fetishes like cleaning up the bull etc. Which I like as I am not into men. There is no reason for me to have sex with others.

Did your wife's attitude or approach to your personal interactions change in any way after she started cuckolding you?

No, we started off with a view to cuckolding so we spoke about it a lot from the start. She was always concerned that I might feel like she would leave me and reassured me the young men she sees are just "Toys". She likes coming home and having me finish her off as she puts it.

Do you and your wife have any rules associated with her sexual activities with other men? How have they evolved over time? What is the purpose of those rules?

Safe sex. No men that I know or that we know outside of the hook up thing. She says she will not get emotionally involved that is her rule for herself. I do not watch or take part. She is open about what she is doing and who she might be seeing and when. The rules are so we understand how it all works and came about through discussion rather than a formal meeting to write up rules.

Do you engage in fetish play? Do you want to? How has that evolved over time?

Yes. We are in a Female Led Relationship. I do not get to see her naked whilst I am naked often. She sometimes locks me in chastity before going on dates. I do most of the domestic chores. I submit to her in various ways. It evolves as per new ideas and how we feel.

Why did your wife choose to cuckold you? What is it that she seeks from other men? What is her "type" when choosing a sexual partner if you can define it?

As per first answer. I approached her on a dating site. She was already hooking up with younger men and was curious about this type of relationship as she has a friend who cuckolds her husband who can no longer perform sexually. She prefers younger men.

Are her lovers purely sex partners or does she have a greater connection to them? Can you tell me anything about those relationships?

Purely sex and she refers to them as "Toys". I would love it if she found a regular as I think it would be hot knowing she has a boyfriend on the side but they tend to be one off encounters or just seeing them a few times.

Does your wife have multiple lovers or one boyfriend? How does she feel about the term "bull" as opposed to "lover" or "boyfriend"?

She calls them Toys. She sees multiple men when she feels like it. There is no pressure from me and no schedule. If she wants to see 10 men one month and not do it again for a year that is up to her.

Is she in control in her extra-marital sexual relationships or is she more submissive with the other men?

It is more like vanilla sex usually but she does entertain their kinks if she likes what they are. They are younger men who pound her harder than I do and are usually better endowed.

What is it that you enjoy about being a cuckold and how has that evolved over time?

It is an extension of my submission and I enjoy knowing that I can provide her the freedom to see others whilst being in a steady relationship. It does excite me that younger men are into her and she is having sex with them.