Coping with ADD and writing/life

[darkride]

I like kisses... and hugs... when I don't have to over think it...

 

[JaxRhapsody]

I’d like to pick continuinpuss please

Mobius pussy?

 

[stickygirl]

I didn't know ADHD do masking too - just heard this. So, forgive me for probably repeating what's been said but is ADD that same as ADHD... I guess I could google that... and childmind.org says they are the same but ADD is an older term. Not for older people, apart from the OP who must be seriously old, because I've only ever heard of ADHD.
Another interesting thing about ADHD is that I always go to type AHDH then realise that can't be right. It's not as interesting to know that you mask, then get home and fall asleep.

 

[LittleLilyCanWrite]

Ooo, ooo, can I weigh in?

Psych grad here! (Who also happens to have ADHD!)

You will not meet someone with ADHD who does not "mask," or more accurately, engage in chronic self-negating/-controlling/-inhibiting behaviors. That said, masking in people with ADHD is not quite the same as it is with those who "mask" something like a mood disorder, eating disorder, or PTSD. With these, there is a connotation of feigned wellness and/or of deliberate, self-protective concealment. But for people with ADHD, the "mask" they wear in public is almost always a genuine part of themselves, and a sophisticated one at that.

With ADHD, because of the potential hazards of entering flow-state or tumbling down a daydreamy rabbit hole in public (esp. at work or school), people instead overdevelop their capacity for performance and people-pleasing. This performative part works on overdrive whenever they are at work, school, out in public, etc., so that when they come home (or to wherever they feel like they can be themselves) they are often desperately and understandably eager to "unmask." I've had clients tell me it's like kicking off a pair of shoes after a long hard shift where you never once got to sit down. A full day spent proving one's competence, people-pleasing, and refraining from daydreaming is taxing in the extreme for people with ADHD. And so they often overcorrect and succumb to compulsive, self-indulgent behaviors.

This is why they, in turn, may struggle with homework and procrastination, household chores, extracurricular responsibilities. They may be detached or unruly if they're at home but for whatever reason still unable to indulge their (legitimate, human) needs for pleasure and independence. They may be irritable or combative if they have already unmasked and begun to self-indulge but then been asked to "clock back in" and attend to some external demand. They often lose track of time while they're "off the clock," and so may run late, forget appointments, lose track of deadlines, etc., unless they have a routine they can stick to, a supportive loved one they can count on, or even just a "prosthetic" aid like a smart watch.

EDIT: Just wanted to add something, in case you're interested! When I call the performative part of someone with ADHD "genuine," I mean not just that it is an authentic facet of the person's personality, but that it too has needs that must be met for that person to feel well. Someone with ADHD who does not have external obligations and so never gets to flex their performative muscle will, after too long a time spent languishing like this, often report chronic low-level feelings of worthlessness and shame. The pandemic was a case study in this. Plenty (I daresay most) introverts with ADHD flourished during the first several months of the covid pandemic. It was a time of blissful, oasis-like respite for them. But then, at some point, many of them also began to feel insecure in their bliss, listless to a fault, a kind of Stockholm-Syndrome-like longing for the gone-away discomforts and tedium and bullshit of the outside world. They may not have "missed" work or school, per se, but they missed being the impressive, hardworking versions of themselves that these places forced them to be.

 

[MillieDynamite]

I have to get back to writing. Bye, for now, this has been such a lovely little distraction.

 

[stickygirl]

Ooo, ooo, can I weigh in?

Psych grad here! (Who also happens to have ADHD!)

You will not meet someone with ADHD who does not "mask," or more accurately, engage in chronic self-negating/-controlling/-inhibiting behaviors. That said, masking in people with ADHD is not quite the same as it is with those who "mask" something like a mood disorder, eating disorder, or PTSD. With these, there is a connotation of feigned wellness and/or of deliberate, self-protective concealment. But for people with ADHD, the "mask" they wear in public is almost always a genuine part of themselves, and a sophisticated one at that.

With ADHD, because of the potential hazards of entering flow-state or tumbling down a daydreamy rabbit hole in public (esp. at work or school), people instead overdevelop their capacity for performance and people-pleasing. This performative part works on overdrive whenever they are at work, school, out in public, etc., so that when they come home (or to wherever they feel like they can be themselves) they are often desperately and understandably eager to "unmask." I've had clients tell me it's like kicking off a pair of shoes after a long hard shift where you never once got to sit down. A full day spent proving one's competence, people-pleasing, and refraining from daydreaming is taxing in the extreme for people with ADHD. And so they often overcorrect and succumb to compulsive, self-indulgent behaviors.

This is why they, in turn, may struggle with homework and procrastination, household chores, extracurricular responsibilities. They may be detached or unruly if they're at home but for whatever reason still unable to indulge their (legitimate, human) needs for pleasure and independence. They may be irritable or combative if they have already unmasked and begun to self-indulge but then been asked to "clock back in" and attend to some external demand. They often lose track of time while they're "off the clock," and so may run late, forget appointments, lose track of deadlines, etc., unless they have a routine they can stick to, a supportive loved one they can count on, or even just a "prosthetic" aid like a smart watch.

EDIT: Just wanted to add something, in case you're interested! When I call the performative part of someone with ADHD "genuine," I mean not just that it is an authentic facet of the person's personality, but that it too has needs that must be met for that person to feel well. Someone with ADHD who does not have external obligations and so never gets to flex their performative muscle will, after too long a time spent languishing like this, often report chronic low-level feelings of worthlessness and shame. The pandemic was a case study in this. Plenty (I daresay most) introverts with ADHD flourished during the first several months of the covid pandemic. It was a time of blissful, oasis-like respite for them. But then, at some point, many of them also began to feel insecure in their bliss, listless to a fault, a kind of Stockholm-Syndrome-like longing for the gone-away discomforts and tedium and bullshit of the outside world. They may not have "missed" work or school, per se, but they missed being the impressive, hardworking versions of themselves that these places forced them to be.

Trying to get my head round this... so the person with ADHD knows they would day-dream but have been prompted by social cues/upbringing that they need to focus and be motivated?
Or is the motivation the other side of the coin, so one moment they're day-dreaming then they switch into hyperactivity because they're unable to regulate their attention?

 

[LittleLilyCanWrite]

Trying to get my head round this... so the person with ADHD knows they would day-dream but have been prompted by social cues/upbringing that they need to focus and be motivated?

Bingo! Your head seems successfully to have gotten around this! I might only add that this self-knowledge tends to come about the hard way. So it's not typically that people "teach themselves" to have ADHD. Rather, what tends to happen is that as a child with ADHD's brain develops, certain peculiarities of their executive functioning start to lead them consistently into certain kinds of crises that, as it turns out, are best avoided, negotiated, and/or resolved by strategies of, e.g., self-negation, diplomacy, and restraint. As the particulars of which strategies to use, when, and why will differ greatly from context to context, so too do the presentations of any one client with ADHD differ from another. What remains consistent, however, across all the wildly different life stories, is a throughline of lessons in self-control learned the hard way. We all struggle with self-control issues, but for ADHD clients, this is their Big Bad, their nemesis, their recurring nightmare. Lapses in self-control have caused their worst life experiences. And so they learn to suppress their basic psychological need for autonomy, i.e., their appetite for things like pleasure, self-examination, self-expression, etc., whenever they are "on the clock," whenever they are not safe to be themselves, as it is a hunger they cannot otherwise control. Social cues and upbringing account for a lot, but so do more universal factors like the basic human need to feel relatable and competent.

Or is the motivation the other side of the coin, so one moment they're day-dreaming then they switch into hyperactivity because they're unable to regulate their attention?

I like this question! While it's true that folks with ADHD have trouble regulating their attention relative to the general population, (1) it's not an inability, just a pesky deficit, and (2) the issue tends to present not as an overly short attention span, but an overly sticky one. People with ADHD have an unusually hard time shifting focus from one thing to another (quite the opposite of struggling to sustain focus), as they fall naturally into states of absorption and hyperfocus. I'm not sure which side of the coin "Motivation" should be on, because in plenty of contexts the blindered absorption and hyperfocus typical of ADHD can be extremely useful; indeed, somewhat elegantly, this is how they perform and people-please and self-negate so proficiently, as they can fall back on their capacity for effortlessly intense, fugue-like focus.

EDIT: Can I just say, it's so nice to get to write about this stuff without having to worry about in-line citations, APA formatting, or grading rubrics!

 

[KentLondon]

I was thinking of starting a thread about ADHD but never got round to it, which is typical of a person suffering from acute ADHD who has dozens of ideas spinning round his head at any one time and rarely gets to see any of them through to fruition.

There are so many types of ADHD, but I just want to start by saying that "Attention Deficit" is the wrong label to give to this condition. It's more a case of "Attention Overload" because you are hyper-aware of so many things going on around you.

When you are problem-solving, no sooner have you made a decision than your ADHD brain comes up with half a dozen alternatives, which can annoy the hell out of your colleagues.

That's why ADHD sufferers often work better alone, especially if they are able to use their powers of hyperfocus on subjects that interest them.

In many respects, ADHD certainly is a superpower. It is also extremely debilitating when you wake up for a pee at 3am and can't get back to sleep because your brain is instantly on fire. It is also a condition that can lead to loneliness and depression, especially if you feel acutely aware that you are different from other people.

Some of you have made some very intelligent observations on here and clearly understand the way the condition affects your life, your health, your work, your friendships and relationships.

Sufferers often develop addictive attitudes towards food, alcohol, drugs and, yes, sex. I didn't do drugs but the other three have been a constant in my life, with a variety of highs and lows in all areas.

Here in the UK our NHS is almost at breaking point and ADHD sufferers are often forced to wait years for a diagnosis or treatment.

I have started taking Brainzyme tablets which are herbal-based and help me to concentrate.

I should point out that I was actually diagnosed by an early ADHD specialist 25 years ago when I was seeking treatment for one of my children, but in typical ADHD fashion I stopped taking the meds after a few days and did nothing more about it until Covid ripped my health to pieces and I sought psychiatric help for depression.

Counselling has helped enormously, and some very kind and caring people helped me to rebuild my feelings of self worth by reminding me of all the achievements I have made in my life despite suffering from severe childhood trauma.

There is so much I could write (there's an unfinished book or six waiting to come out), but I will leave you with this portion of a recent newsletter sent out by Brainzyme.

If ever you are feeling a bit low and need a boost, I hope this helps your feelings of self worth.

>Today, we want to celebrate the incredible strengths that come with ADHD. In a world that often focuses on challenges, it's essential to recognise the unique abilities that individuals with ADHD possess.

Hyperfocus
ADHD individuals are known for their ability to hyperfocus on tasks that genuinely captivate their interest. This intense concentration can lead to remarkable productivity and creativity.

Innovative Thinking
ADHD brains often think outside the box. They excel at connecting seemingly unrelated ideas, which can lead to groundbreaking innovations.

High Energy
Individuals with ADHD tend to have abundant energy, making them resilient and enthusiastic problem solvers.

Empathy
Many people with ADHD possess a heightened sense of empathy, allowing them to connect deeply with others and excel in professions that require understanding and compassion.

Creativity
The unconventional thinking patterns of ADHD individuals often lead to artistic and creative talents that are unparalleled.

We believe that understanding and embracing these strengths is crucial, not just for individuals with ADHD but for society as a whole. If you or someone you know has ADHD, we hope this email inspires a sense of pride and self-acceptance.

 

[burgwad]

Ooo, ooo, can I weigh in?

Psych grad here! (Who also happens to have ADHD!)

You will not meet someone with ADHD who does not "mask," or more accurately, engage in chronic self-negating/-controlling/-inhibiting behaviors. That said, masking in people with ADHD is not quite the same as it is with those who "mask" something like a mood disorder, eating disorder, or PTSD. With these, there is a connotation of feigned wellness and/or of deliberate, self-protective concealment. But for people with ADHD, the "mask" they wear in public is almost always a genuine part of themselves, and a sophisticated one at that.

With ADHD, because of the potential hazards of entering flow-state or tumbling down a daydreamy rabbit hole in public (esp. at work or school), people instead overdevelop their capacity for performance and people-pleasing. This performative part works on overdrive whenever they are at work, school, out in public, etc., so that when they come home (or to wherever they feel like they can be themselves) they are often desperately and understandably eager to "unmask." I've had clients tell me it's like kicking off a pair of shoes after a long hard shift where you never once got to sit down. A full day spent proving one's competence, people-pleasing, and refraining from daydreaming is taxing in the extreme for people with ADHD. And so they often overcorrect and succumb to compulsive, self-indulgent behaviors.

This is why they, in turn, may struggle with homework and procrastination, household chores, extracurricular responsibilities. They may be detached or unruly if they're at home but for whatever reason still unable to indulge their (legitimate, human) needs for pleasure and independence. They may be irritable or combative if they have already unmasked and begun to self-indulge but then been asked to "clock back in" and attend to some external demand. They often lose track of time while they're "off the clock," and so may run late, forget appointments, lose track of deadlines, etc., unless they have a routine they can stick to, a supportive loved one they can count on, or even just a "prosthetic" aid like a smart watch.

EDIT: Just wanted to add something, in case you're interested! When I call the performative part of someone with ADHD "genuine," I mean not just that it is an authentic facet of the person's personality, but that it too has needs that must be met for that person to feel well. Someone with ADHD who does not have external obligations and so never gets to flex their performative muscle will, after too long a time spent languishing like this, often report chronic low-level feelings of worthlessness and shame. The pandemic was a case study in this. Plenty (I daresay most) introverts with ADHD flourished during the first several months of the covid pandemic. It was a time of blissful, oasis-like respite for them. But then, at some point, many of them also began to feel insecure in their bliss, listless to a fault, a kind of Stockholm-Syndrome-like longing for the gone-away discomforts and tedium and bullshit of the outside world. They may not have "missed" work or school, per se, but they missed being the impressive, hardworking versions of themselves that these places forced them to be.

Fellow psych grad with ADHD here (!) and: hot dang. You're the real deal. You nailed how it feels to live with this monkey on my back. Even down to the recurring nightmares, which to this day consistently fool me into thinking I'm back in undergrad, I haven't been to class since the first day of the semester, and it's exam day but I don't remember where the classroom is.

Nevermind that you haven't posted any stories here yet, newcomer. It's just so great to have another psych geek around.

 

[LittleLilyCanWrite]

Nevermind that you haven't posted any stories here yet, newcomer. It's just so great to have another psych geek around.

No! Not nevermind, burgwad! I'm supposed to be here learning how to write erotica! Instead, so far I've spent more time talking about ADHD and the dance scene from Netflix's Wednesday than I have erotica. I'm happy to make you feel less lonely, if that's what I can do for you (and okay I admit I too "(!)" at the coincidence of meeting another psych gradhd here) but please, in the meantime, hold me to account dude. Push me to write something, anything, asap. Tell me to quit stalling for time here on the forums instead of actually following my dreams of becoming a halfway decent smut writer.

Also, I like your avatar. Did you use an AI thing to make it? I did. That is, I have tried to change mine too. Alas, it remains a big stupid "L". I guess someone has to approve my profile pic? This concept is weird to me. Literotica is weird to me. Why am I here? Who am I anymore?

 

[Bramblethorn]

Ooo, ooo, can I weigh in?

Psych grad here! (Who also happens to have ADHD!)

You will not meet someone with ADHD who does not "mask," or more accurately, engage in chronic self-negating/-controlling/-inhibiting behaviors. That said, masking in people with ADHD is not quite the same as it is with those who "mask" something like a mood disorder, eating disorder, or PTSD. With these, there is a connotation of feigned wellness and/or of deliberate, self-protective concealment. But for people with ADHD, the "mask" they wear in public is almost always a genuine part of themselves, and a sophisticated one at that.

An example of when I mask (on the ADHD side - I also mask autism): I have great difficulty staying focussed on speech. If I had to explain it to somebody without ADHD: imagine listening to somebody reading a book at one word per minute - there's just not enough happening to occupy your attention, you get bored, you need something to do while you're waiting for the next word. My mind is like a plane that has to keep up a certain speed or it'll stall.

For me, that might be physical "stimming" (e.g. clicking a pen or a fidget spinner - some folk knit or crochet), it might be walking round and round the room (I've spent an hour-plus walking laps of a tiny office during a long phone call), it might be opening another window and checking my email, it might be daydreaming. If I'm lucky, I can find something that occupies just enough of my mental energy that I can keep on listening to the speaker.

But often I can't take the physical options, because people misinterpret fidgeting etc. as "not paying attention". (No, dude, this is me trying my utmost to pay attention...) and I end up doing something that then hijacks all my attention, and I stop hearing the speaker. Hope you weren't saying anything important.

If people figure out that I haven't been hearing what they're saying, they will again take that as rudeness, so I end up doing what I can to feign attention. Nod and smile on autopilot. I'm getting a little more confident in asking people to repeat stuff or put it in writing, but often I still feel like I have to make excuses that will seem acceptable to a neurotypical person - "I had a lot of noise in my background" etc.

Honestly, just *not fidgeting* is often a major form of masking for ADHD people.

I was thinking of starting a thread about ADHD but never got round to it, which is typical of a person suffering from acute ADHD who has dozens of ideas spinning round his head at any one time and rarely gets to see any of them through to fruition.

There are so many types of ADHD, but I just want to start by saying that "Attention Deficit" is the wrong label to give to this condition. It's more a case of "Attention Overload" because you are hyper-aware of so many things going on around you.

Sometimes I think of it as an attention direction issue. I'm always paying attention to something! Just that it might not be the thing somebody else thinks I ought to be paying attention to.

Again, I think a lot of this comes back to a medical model that works from a perspective of "how much of a burden is this person to society"?

Like a lot of ADHD and autistic kids, I had hyperfocus as a child. But, both luckily and unluckily for me, a lot of that hyperfocus was directed at academics stuff. I didn't have any kind of methodical approach to studying in school, but for the subjects that interested me, that wasn't a problem - I'd be thinking about that stuff long after class was over, going out and reading up on it. Not because it was going to be on the test, just because it fascinated me.

I did pretty badly on the subjects that didn't interest me. But there were enough subjects that did interest me for me to make it through school with excellent grades.

The "luckily" part is that this helped me get into a good degree, thence into good jobs, etc. etc. The "unluckily" part is that it got in the way of my ADHD diagnosed, because so much of the diagnosis is about whether it's causing problems for others. If I'd been hyperfocusing on, IDK, pop idols or comic books, and failed school as a result, that would've ticked off boxes on the diagnostic criteria. But because my hyperfocus happened to be in a direction that aligned with the things I was supposed to be *working* on, I didn't tick off those boxes, which got in the way of getting help for the less-external ways in which ADHD does affect my life.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Several of my favourite writers have mentioned in the last few years that they have ADHD (all people that I'd been following long before I knew my own diagnosis or theirs). I thought I'd share a few bits from Courtney Milan's "The Devil Comes Courting" because I just loved her portrayal of an ADHD-coded heroine. Amelia's new acquaintance is trying to persuade her to ditch the guy her parents want to marry and come invent a telegraphic code for her instead, and he's noticed that she struggles with remembering names:

Amelia turned to Captain Hunter.

"Did you really want the introduction," Amelia asked, "or was this all a pretext to speak with me?"

"No such thing as a pretext," she said. Perhaps he could see the hesitation she felt writ across her face because he leaned in and lowered his voice. "Don't worry. His name is Waterman. He lives by water and he is a man, remember?"
...
He gave her a little smile. "If you forget his name again, I'll remind you."

Her mother would scoff at that. If I keep telling you, you'll never learn on your own. You can't expect people to make your life easy for you, Amelia. How is it that you can remember the most obscure Chinese characters, but you can't remember someone's name?
...
She turned back to the man at the desk because at least she remembered his name. She'd told it to herself three times just now. His name was something man? Something about what he did or where he was. Harborman? Her head was full of answers, every one of them completely wrong.

The captain strode forward. "Captain Grayson Hunter," he said, "of Lord Traders, Incorporated, out of Maine. You must be Mr. Waterman."

Oh thank God.

...

Captain Something and Mr. Whatever Man were still conversing. Amelia had no idea what they were talking about. She pasted an interested smile on her face and tried to mind their words. She lasted half a sentence. Import duties? Bleah. There was only so much attention she could pay to that.

What she needed was a pocket watch, except instead of sounding the hour, it would poke her in the thigh every minute to remind her to notice whatever was happening around her. An excellent idea, but then she would have to invent a pocket watch that stopped her other pocket watch from poking her in the thigh because being continually prodded would drive her into madness.

[Another page or so in which Amelia completely fails to follow the conversation, and thinks instead about whether her foster-parents' plans to marry her off, a woman in Fuzhou who makes flower out of tea leaves, and her foster-mother's disapproval.]

"Well," Mr. Whatever stood, and Captain Something rose alongside him. The conversation was coming to an end; Amelia scrambled to her feet.

"A pleasure speaking with you," Captain Something said, holding out his hand. "I'll be in touch, Mr. Waterman."

...

"Of course, of course. My best to your mother, Mrs. Smith."

"My best to your wife." She did not add Mr. Waterman to the end of the speech because while Captain Question Mark had used the name, she was only fairly certain that was his name, not extremely certain. It would be extraordinarily awkward if she were wrong.

A big part of the story is that contrast between the pressure on Amelia to mask, and all the anxiety that brings her, vs. how Captain Question Mark embraces her quirks and keeps on finding opportunities to mention people's names in front of her to spare her that anxiety.

After he's hired her, he gives her a minion, Benedict:

"As your liaison, can I suggest that we have everyone in the office put name cards at their desks?"

She blinked at him. "How?"

Benedict shrugged. "I'll just go down and say, 'Hullo everyone, Mrs. Smith is bad at remembering names, and so we'll all make her feel better if we just use name cards with profligate abandon.'"

"You can't just tell people that!"

"Why not?" He looked at her. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. Not everyone is good at names."

She was sputtering. "But—that—if we just tell them outright..."

"They they'll know?" He seemed puzzled. "And will understand... why make you feel bad about not knowing names when we could just use cards to help you out? And if we're not in the office and I'm around, I can just whisper names to you when someone approaches."

I've had similar conversations with ADHD co-workers, minus the handsome sea-captain in the background. It can be such a revelation to get to a place where you're not required to mask and it's no big deal to ask for the little things that make so much difference.

 

[EmilyMiller]

@Bramblethorn (assuming hugging doesn’t mess with you)

Em

 

[Bramblethorn]

@Bramblethorn (assuming hugging doesn’t mess with you)

Em

Thanks

 

[darkride]

Ooo, ooo, can I weigh in?

I am absolutely wearing a mask when I'm in public - or at least, I am very very very very conscious of the image I am portraying, whether it be to a complete stranger I pass walking to the bank, or those in the line when I get there, and the teller who serves me... The people I meet for lunch (ha, I'd need friends for that), etc etc.

When I get home, with my family, I no longer wear quite as heavy a mask, but to some degree, especially with my wife, it's still there.

But as for daydreaming..... I daydream constantly, including at work. I have a desk job, and once I am comfortable in what it is that the job needs me to do, I can easily complete that task/s, as well as daydream about the impending apocalypse, or the gunman bursting through the door, or what I would say if I was to sit down with a psychologist...

(Even the other day, I was sitting at my desk thinking about the next story I'm going to write for this site... though I tend not to go erotic thoughts at work for obvious reasons.)

 

[onehitwanda]

Why am I here? Who am I anymore?

Why are we speaking German all of a sardine?!

 

[stickygirl]

This has been terrific so far. What a treat - free schooling! I've been wandering about in complete ignorance of the underlying causes and only ever saw the symptoms of ADHD. Thank you each for the puddings you brought to the table.

Perhaps like a NT person, I can pick a phrase or description and say 'Oh I do that too...' just like my asshole uncle who told me 'oh well, we're all a bit on the spectrum'. Yes, dear patronising uncle, our blood temperature is all about the same too, give or take death. So while I can recognise certain ADHD characteristics in myself, they don't cause me a real problem day to day.

The healthy outcome of such threads is to realise you're not alone. I listened to a radio interview of an autistic woman who is academically 'gifted' but couldn't find her lecture rooms. I went through my first year without knowing I had a physics tutor As Lily, Kent and others suggested, symptoms can be very isolating or lead to depression. Put name cards on everyone's desk and don't be embarrassed to admit to your life-hurdles, because the person next to you may feel relieved that you did.

 

[stickygirl]

How can you differentiate between the two?

I literally just put up a story about masking and I think I fall under the PTSD/eating disorder side of masking... but I've had a bunch of people ask me if I might be autistic or have ADHD and after reading through this thread... I'm kinda wondering if I should maybe talk to my doctor about the possibility of this.

But, I'm not the type to co-opt a diagnosis based only on circumstantial links. So, my answer when people ask remains, "I've not been diagnosed with either of those, so I'm going to say no because that's not my battle as far as I'm aware."

I manage, so even if it is a proper diagnosis for me I don't feel like it impacts my life as much as other things I've dealt with.

After diagnosis I binge-read dozens of books, watched videos etc all to understand the condition, but more importantly to find coping techniques. What works for someone with a diagnosis badge might be appropriate for you as well - pick and choose what works. Learn to be kind to yourself but if you find yourself desperate, reach out for help.

 

[Bramblethorn]

How can you differentiate between the two?

I literally just put up a story about masking and I think I fall under the PTSD/eating disorder side of masking... but I've had a bunch of people ask me if I might be autistic or have ADHD and after reading through this thread... I'm kinda wondering if I should maybe talk to my doctor about the possibility of this.

But, I'm not the type to co-opt a diagnosis based only on circumstantial links. So, my answer when people ask remains, "I've not been diagnosed with either of those, so I'm going to say no because that's not my battle as far as I'm aware."

I manage, so even if it is a proper diagnosis for me I don't feel like it impacts my life as much as other things I've dealt with.

i have official medical diagnoses for autism and ADHD. People self-diagnosing with those conditions aren't taking anything away from me. If you find something in the autism/ADHD toolkits that works for you, you're welcome to it, no doctor's permission needed.

(Except for the medications. Probably should see a doctor for those.)

There are all sorts of valid reasons why people with these conditions may not get diagnosed. The only time I'll side-eye somebody who self-diagnoses is when they're doing a Don Burke and using it as an excuse after they get caught being an asshole.

 

[LittleLilyCanWrite]

How can you differentiate between the two?

I can’t. I rely on the client, who in turn relies on me, and together we feel around for a true-feeling understanding. It can take minutes, it can take months, or it can even be left unresolved. It depends on the client.

That said, ADHD also has high comorbidity with a number of other diagnoses, especially depression, PTSD, OCD and OCPD (both of which have high comorbidity with food and eating disorders), and all manner of addictions. So it is not at all unreasonable for a person’s mask to be both genuine and not, both a help and a hindrance for them. It can be frustrating and confusing for them to try and control it, to unmask and stay unmasked, and even in the presence of a trusted loved one (or a promising young counselor-in-training) it can be a difficult challenge to bring them into a state of sustained authenticity and keep them there.

I love how you’ve thought your way through this so far, erozetta. I can’t diagnose you, of course, but I can say with some certainty that you are mindful and self-curious. These traits will def serve you well.

 

[KentLondon]

I am impressed by the wide-ranging content of this ADHD website:

https://www.additudemag.com/category/manage-adhd-life/

However, their newsletter can be absolutely overwhelming as it includes so many "useful tips". That's far too much information to absorb in one go for an ADHD brain.

 

[MillieDynamite]

What I was going to say on the subject, oh, look at the pretty butterfly.

 

[stickygirl]

What I was going to say on the subject, oh, look at the pretty butterfly.

Sorry I'm late but there was a dog playing in the park.

 

[stickygirl]

@Bramblethorn (assuming hugging doesn’t mess with you)

Em

Why are the hugging people so cold? Unless

 

[EmilyMiller]

Why are the hugging people so cold? Unless

I agree maybe orange and brown?

Em