A weighty issue

[graceanne]

I actually don't own a scale. They depress me too much. But every 8 weeks I have remicaid, and the amount I get depends on my weight. So I have to weigh myself.

 

[Netzach]

I have been on different ends of the spectrum during my adult life, up to 178 before being sick, size 14 and five four. I am now 125 on a good day 135 on a bad day, but more or less where my body "should" be.

(I also have Crohn's though my disease has played out completely differently from gracie's - gotta love autoimmune)

The crohn's disease has made me change my diet and re-think my diet, partly from necessity, partly from the desire to be better armed if I'm going to have to fight for my health every so often in a more global way. I am very fortunate in that I can tolerate a lot of foods that people with Crohn's normally have a hard time with, so I eat as many raw fruits and vegetables as I can and avoid the ones that I know don't work for me (raw apples, no way)

What I realized was how much I was

1. using food to medicate my unhappiness
2. in denial about my actual eating habits
3. addicted to sugar
4. eating emotionally

Being on a very radical detoxy kind of diet where any and all sugar and grain was off limits reprogrammed my responses to those things. I can take or leave chocolate now because I had a year of looking at it and thinking "that will kill me." Now I know it's not going to kill me, but I also know that it's not going to solve my problems, alleviate my stress, or make me feel better.

I believe that sugar is, to someone like me, like booze is to an alcoholic. There is a physical connection that can only be broken with complete cold turkey and the support of the people around you with your modifications, until the physical and emotional ties are cut.

I consider myself like the person in 3 year recovery who can have a glass of wine without it turning into seven. It has to be one, and it's not all that.




Now for the self-esteem bit:


Would I trade my pre-disease fat self for this new one that everyone says looks so great?

In a fucking new york minute.

While I was misusing food and hurting myself doing it, I was happy in my sex life and relationships, I still felt sexy, I had only intermittent moments of annoyance when I had trouble finding exactly the right clothes, but I felt hot and I was hot.

I'm proud of myself for the changes I've made and the willpower I've found, but frankly it sucks ass.

 

[littlegirlslut]

Maybe I missed it - but there is a difference between being fat and unhealthy and fat and healthy.

When I was at my most fit I weighed 150 lbs and this was at 16, and everyone else I went to school with was a size 2 and weighed 100lbs. But I was on track to be an olympic athlete. I was addicted to working out. I ate 1200 calories or less and burned about 1200 or more per day.

I could run forever, i could life weights forever. I could hang with the wrestling team easily during their workout. I was totally unhealthy and droped to 135 lbs and was considered anorexic by my doctors. I still had pudge and rolls but this was an unhealthy weight for me. Apparently I won't ever look like a pro beach volleyball players. I'm square - i have no hips and a flat butt - but I do have a belly and some thighs...

 

[callinectes]

A friend of mine started keeping a food journal and found it to be a very eye opening tool. A handful of pretzels here, an ounce of cheese there..she was astonished to see how many extra calories she was consuming.

Inspired by her discovery, I have recently begun keeping a journal as well. I found a great website that had a great journaling feature with a very comprehensive list of regular and commercially prepared foods. It will analyze each day's nutrititional intake and you can factor in exercise, etc. it had been very enlightening to look at the big picture. If anyone is interested, the link is http://www.calorie-count.com/

 

[graceanne]

I don't want to be an unhealthy skinny. At my skinniest I was a size 12. I probably could ahve stood to loose a bit, so at my healthiest I'd probably be a size 10. I could starve myself for years and never be a size two, my bones are too big.

 

[saw_man1]

Just a quick note

I am an extremely active guy. I have always exercised regularly and have never had any real problems with my weight.
That said, even though I like kid around quite a bit this is one subject that I never joke about. With the societal pressures being what they are, joking about someone’s weight would be cruel.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[brioche]

Losing weight helps with self esteem issues a LOT. I like the quote from Eleanor Rooselvelt, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

I take that to heart.

 

[BeachGurl2]

This has been a very interesting thread. Like most women my age, I've bounced between being very thin and being pretty overweight - but at my heaviest, I still only weighed about 155. I'm 5'2" and very petite - I buy my shoes in the children's department and my hands are smaller than my 11yo's. I think it's important when talking about weight and size to remember that each of us has a very different body style - 155 pounds on me made me look like beached whale, but might be the perfect weight for someone taller and/or larger boned. When I graduated high school, I was 5' tall and weighed about 98 pounds and wore a size 0 - that was about 23 years ago. After having my first child at 21, I dropped the weight immediately. But I had my second child when I was 29 and it was much harder to lose that weight.

Like Netzach and Gracie, I have an autoimmune disease that contributes to weight gain depending on flares - I have lupus and also have no thyroid so am medicated for that (my mom and brother both have Crohn's). I also have arthritis, which is secondary to the lupus, so yes, joint pain does affect movement at times, but again, depends on flares. I'd like to lose about 15 pounds and try to exercise when I have the time. I'm fairly active, though, so while I'm not in the best shape, I'm not in bad shape. I'm in the same weight range at Netzach, fluctuating between about 125 and 135 and I'm in about a size 6-8. For me, when my weight is up a bit, I'm very self conscious about it and tend to wear bulkier clothing. When my weight is down, I feel much better about myself and my dress reflects that. I also tend to feel sexier the less I weigh.

I've visited the dungeon here and was surprised to note that I was by far one of the smallest women there. There were women and men of all shapes and sizes, and even many of the largest had no problems shedding clothing. As far as affecting kink, while I love being bound, there are certain positions that just don't work for me because of the bad kind of pain. The same goes for staying any length of time in one position. I'll never be able to kneel for long periods or do anything repetitive with my hands for long. Does that make things more difficult? I don't think so. I think you prepare for what your body can do and then you go with it.

Thanks for a great discussion, Cutie.

 

[graceanne]

This has been a very interesting thread. Like most women my age, I've bounced between being very thin and being pretty overweight - but at my heaviest, I still only weighed about 155. I'm 5'2" and very petite - I buy my shoes in the children's department and my hands are smaller than my 11yo's. I think it's important when talking about weight and size to remember that each of us has a very different body style - 155 pounds on me made me look like beached whale, but might be the perfect weight for someone taller and/or larger boned. When I graduated high school, I was 5' tall and weighed about 98 pounds and wore a size 0 - that was about 23 years ago. After having my first child at 21, I dropped the weight immediately. But I had my second child when I was 29 and it was much harder to lose that weight.

I'm also 5' tall. But I'm very curvy - busty, bubble butt, things like that. My target weight is between 120 and 130.

Like Netzach and Gracie, I have an autoimmune disease that contributes to weight gain depending on flares - I have lupus and also have no thyroid so am medicated for that (my mom and brother both have Crohn's). I also have arthritis, which is secondary to the lupus, so yes, joint pain does affect movement at times, but again, depends on flares. I'd like to lose about 15 pounds and try to exercise when I have the time. I'm fairly active, though, so while I'm not in the best shape, I'm not in bad shape. I'm in the same weight range at Netzach, fluctuating between about 125 and 135 and I'm in about a size 6-8. For me, when my weight is up a bit, I'm very self conscious about it and tend to wear bulkier clothing. When my weight is down, I feel much better about myself and my dress reflects that. I also tend to feel sexier the less I weigh.

*hugs* I'm sorry about the lupus. If you ever just need to bitch, my IM and email addy are on my profile.

 

[BeachGurl2]

*hugs* I'm sorry about the lupus. If you ever just need to bitch, my IM and email addy are on my profile.

Thanks, Gracie. Same goes.

 

[Etoile]

This thread is awesome. I think the only other thread we've had on this subject was more along the lines of "why are there so many fatties in BDSM?" I don't have anything further to contribute right at this time, but I'll think on this and probably post later.

 

[graceanne]

This thread is awesome. I think the only other thread we've had on this subject was more along the lines of "why are there so many fatties in BDSM?" I don't have anything further to contribute right at this time, but I'll think on this and probably post later.

I remember that one. I didn't even open it. But yeah, this thread is a good one, but I'd expect no less from cutie.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[callinectes]

After thinking about it for a day, I'm ready to chime in. I'm heavier now than I ever have been. I was an athlete through my first year of college and never really had to worry about my caloric consumption. Fast forward a number of years and I am seriously overweight. I'm lucky in that my BP and cholesterol are okay, but I know I am like a ticking bomb.

Interestingly enough, my entry into the world of BDSM (which was very recently) has been good for my self esteem . I always thought I was pretty..the classic "she has a pretty face" syndrome LOL. But I didn't feel attractive at all, I haven't for years. However, I have found that men do find me atttractive it came as a shock. So, on the positive side, I do feel sexy and desireable. But, at the same time, I see the impacts my weight has on the play; positions, flexibility, being too self concious to be on top , even fetish wear to a degree, and that makes me feel inadequate. I have a renewed interest in getting the weight off and I am more committed than I ever have been. Thankfully I have the support of a man that is not judgemental but does want to see me lose it. That in itself is a huge motivator. When I begin to reach for something I don't need to eat, I think of some facet of play that could be affected by my weight. Most of the time that works.

My sympathies to those of you dealing with illness. A good friend has Chrohn's and she has gone through hell with it. I admire y'all for your postive outlook.

 

[Quint]

.............

 

[the captians wench]

I wanted to share an experience from the same day that I posted my first response to this thread.

T approached me and asked if I had noticed that he was losing weight. I said that to be honest, I hadn't. But went on to explain that I have not seen him naked, felt him naked, for any length of time in about 10 days. (He just started a new job in a new district and we've both been running on empty since the month started.) He nodded and said that I was going to learn his body again and I'd be taking notes. (Week 1 and he's already in full-blown Teacher Mode.)

So I did. He took my hands and held them to various places on his face and body and I re-learned my husband. Afterwards, I noted where was tight, where was soft, and where was "enjoyable" for us to touch. It was a lovely lesson in appreciating what was right in front of me.

If T were a male equivalent of me (read: lanky), I would be less attracted to him and possibly feel less of the D/s vibe. I need a big, burly man-type to protect and threaten me in approximately equal proportion. Likewise, I know he wants me to remain fragile, but probably with more energy to resist and endure than I currently have.

this just made me smile all over.

 

[shy slave]

Quint ~ Thank you for sharing that, it was lovely to read

 

[FurryFury]

I have noticed on my recent cruise that people are far less shy about their bodies than I am or than I would prefer. I mean I would NEVER have the nerve to wear a bikini because my stomach is not "show quality." I don't know whether to congratulate these people for being so comfortable with their fat or take them aside and ask them if they've ever looked in a mirror. I tend to be very tolerant of people but some things can be enhanced with a little common sense and the right sort of suit.

The HUGE size of people now is becoming both an epidemic and a new industry. One recent trips to shop for furniture I saw furniture that is literally so BIG I couldn't fit in into my small 1930 living room. I tell you it is shocking to me, rather like the high prices of gas when it was 23 cents a gallon when I was a kid.

I think there will be many lawsuits in the future based on what consumables have been pushed on the American public that have had a good deal of impact on making them unhealthy and big. We already know that profit is the KEY thing and the people be damned from watching other companies focus on profit when they know their products literally kill people but we only know the tip of the iceberg here IMO.

Now that prescribing America for every single possible thing is being pushed I have had the unfortunate experience of watching my mother shrink down to a size eight and up to, well let's just say VERY big due to what I call "personality drugs" which as far as I can tell have done her little good and often a great deal of harm.

I have a great deal of sympathy for people who have trouble losing (as most ladies do) weight, have medical conditions and are just sort of big from the biological components that made them up.

Anyway, back to the subject, when I feel fat (which if often) it's MUCH harder for me to get into anything sexual or kinky but I usually manage. I know I tend to buy clothes that are too big for me too. It's a mind set problem, that I'm working on.

Fury

 

[brioche]

I have noticed on my recent cruise that people are far less shy about their bodies than I am or than I would prefer. I mean I would NEVER have the nerve to wear a bikini because my stomach is not "show quality." I don't know whether to congratulate these people for being so comfortable with their fat or take them aside and ask them if they've ever looked in a mirror. I tend to be very tolerant of people but some things can be enhanced with a little common sense and the right sort of suit.

That irritates me too, Fury. I have got to a point where my attitude as far as shorts, for example, is that I will wear them to be comfortable, and you don't have to look, but these are decent shorts, that go down farther than my hands can reach on my thighs. I'm still decent.

When I see larger people wearing styles that are not meant for them - midriff baring tops, bikinis, etc. I find it somewhat offensive. In this case I am talking about people who are quite overweight, not ones where it is an unfortunate fashion choice. I don't advocate talking to them - they're probably uncomfortable enough already. I just sigh, exchange a look with Mum if she's there, and go on with my life.

 

[FurryFury]

That irritates me too, Fury. I have got to a point where my attitude as far as shorts, for example, is that I will wear them to be comfortable, and you don't have to look, but these are decent shorts, that go down farther than my hands can reach on my thighs. I'm still decent.

When I see larger people wearing styles that are not meant for them - midriff baring tops, bikinis, etc. I find it somewhat offensive. In this case I am talking about people who are quite overweight, not ones where it is an unfortunate fashion choice. I don't advocate talking to them - they're probably uncomfortable enough already. I just sigh, exchange a look with Mum if she's there, and go on with my life.

I agree with you. What is really sad to me are the children that are so overweight these days.

Fury

 

[chris9]

I agree with you. What is really sad to me are the children that are so overweight these days.

Fury

That worries me greatly. If children are overweight it's mostly due to wrong food (too much fast food/snacks, not enough healthy stuff). They don't learn as children that their parents cook meals, and they don't learn that salad, veggies and fruit taste good. They will never really learn it.

 

[Netzach]

That worries me greatly. If children are overweight it's mostly due to wrong food (too much fast food/snacks, not enough healthy stuff). They don't learn as children that their parents cook meals, and they don't learn that salad, veggies and fruit taste good. They will never really learn it.

Bottom line, it takes time to be in the kitchen.

Look at the US work week. Look at the US vacation schedule. We're working more, with less, for less than ever before.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

... and possibly controversial subject.

In 1950 the average woman wore a size 8 (a vintage size 8 is about a 24" waist, or a modern size 4-ish).

Today, the average woman is a size 14.

....

Some other things to consider about dress sizes.

50+ years ago, a LOT of women made their own clothing, or had it made for them by friends or relatives. Off the rack sales were absolutely NOTHING like they are today. People buying off the rack (thus producing the sales of various sizes to produce "averages") were generally in pretty decent financial shape.

Also keep in mind that 50+ years ago, women (as well as men) were much SHORTER on average than they are now. A pair of size 14 jeans on my 5'7" ex-wife is very different from a size 14 on her 5'0" college room mate.

Folks, excess weight _IS_ a concern. It's not a matter of "good" or "bad", it's not a value or moral judgement. I've been "big" all of my life. Thanks to a combination of habits, poor diet choices, and honestly, self-indulgence and laziness, at one point in my life (5 - 6 years ago) I was pushing around 300 pounds. I've lost lot of that weight (I hang in the 245 - 250 lb range consistently now) but not nearly enough.

I've had my heart attack and bypass surgery. The "wake up, numb-nuts!" has been heard. Don't get me wrong, I _LIKE_ big women too. My girl janey is not "petit" by any stretch. Together we are going to push back from the table a little more, exercise a little more, encourage one another with better eating habits, etc. I scared the daylights out of her. Me too. Neither one of us want to go through this again, and I wouldn't wish it upon even my worst enemy, let alone someone I would call a friend.

Being overweight doesn't mean you are weak, unfocussed, lazy, or a "bad person". It does mean that your body has to work harder than it should, and that extra work puts strains on the heart, lungs, digestive system, legs, joints, etc. I am not going to fuss at anyone about their size. But I will encourage everyone to work with their doctor and other health care professionals to work together to find a stable, healthy weight for your body.

I'm still here, I plan on being around for a while. *grin* And I want my girl and oher friends and family around too.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****