A kitchen...

[shakna]

It was Saturday.
John Oliver was in the kitchen, wondering how he could make his delicious cabbages better suit Andy Zaltan's sensual and manly taste buds.
John was looking through his treasure trove of cabbage hell, a trunk which contained several years' worth of cabbages.
A brief thought went through his head, wondering if that's why his cabbage meals were never good, but he quickly ignored it and moved on.
As he looked, he found one cabbage that stood out.
It had several wrinkly leaves on it, and they reminded him strongly of Andy's wrinkly old person face.
He screeched with joy, and held the cabbage gently in his arms.
As he stood, nuzzling the sexual ugly cabbage close to his fuschia nipples, he felt his Ass Thermometer harden.
He moaned loudly for 13 seconds, then set the cabbage down and took off all his clothes.
He climbed into the kitchen sink, imagining what would happen if Andy saw him like this.
He reached down and touched his sexy weiner that was throbbing intensely.
But then, he looked at the cabbage, realizing it must feel left out.
But it wasn't an it.
It was Andy.
John grinned, picking up the moist cabbage.
He then opened up his butt hole, and put the Andy cabbage inside.
It took some work to get it in; he had to force it in, until his ass swallowed it whole.
His asshole closed up, and he grunted like an old man moving furniture.
He got out of the sink, and stood up on the floor.
But the pressure from the cabbage was intense, like a million cocks lighting up the inside of his rectum like a forest fire.
He moaned under his breath, the soft whisper traveling through the kitchen as he did lots of pelvic thrusts into the air that smelled of rotting cabbages and cum.
He just kept thrusting his sweaty hips around and around, like a carousel.
He spun in circles, jerking his arms back as his hips vibrated in front of him.
The sexual vegetable sensations inside his ass became too much for him, and he climbed back onto the counter, squatting and inserting his arm into his ass to pull out the cabbage.
He pulled it out, and stared at it.
The wrinkly leaves had become even more wrinkly, as if they were the face of a middle-aged man going through a divorce.
But John only found it hotter.
"An... Andy..." he moaned.
He slowly inserted his Peiner Weiner into the cabbage feeling the leaves close around his dick.
As he did this, he picked up some of the loose spaghetti with meatballs and sauce that was laying out on the counter, and started shoving it up his ass to keep it warm.
The spaghetti reminded him of Andy's cold, limp dick, and the meatballs rubbed his insides like chewed pencil erasers.
"Uh-huh... Argh... Yep! Oh! Andyyyy..." He said huskily, doing his best impression of Larry the cucumber's voice.
The ugly cabbage continued to vibrate on his Throbbing Pickle, turned on by John's pure sexual power.
Then, the cabbage started moaning too, in a voice deeper than any John had ever heard.
"Oh, Andy!" John cried, shoving his hips around violently, uncontrollably.
He felt the sexy, moaning cabbage tightening around his hot banana and squirting out orange juice everywhere.
The meatballs in his ass expanded from the heat, and the spaghetti squiggled.
The tightness of everything overcame him, and he came inside of the wrinkly, hairy, and moist cabbage.
He panted, and decided to keep the spaghetti and meatballs inside his big booty for insulation from the cold in the coming winter.
He slowly removed the cabbage, which was once again silent, off from his dingle dangle.
He let out a relieved sigh.
Now the cabbage was ready to be cooked.

Randomly dumped onto this thread.

 

[DarkSollat]

Well, that's enough of Internet for today.

 

[CuttingEdge]

What a waste of time for people on this site

 

[ElliottEden]

Does not anyone feel any sort of empathy for the cabbage? Did it fall within Lit age guidelines? Methinks not. Shame! Shame on you! Pedervegy in the lowest sense of the word... (okay yeah I made it up but that does mean I can define it. Right? Im not into this #MeTooVeg thing. Just sort of going with the typical angst mensch groupthink here. No? Yes? It's so confusing!!)

 

[ElliottEden]

And oh my god poor Larry! The cucumber!! You have defiled one of the organic Whole Foods Staples my... goat? Tofu? Mein Gott this new age shit gets one so confused.

 

[ElliottEden]

Oh. And THAT word.

"UGLY".

You veg hater.

I just bet you refuse to buy produce because it looks - off. Right? Oh my Goddess! You Hater!!

 

[ElliottEden]

Okay so now at this point I really need more chips to continue. And adult beverage. No my god no not that piss lite beer crap. Honey if you want the good shit go into the fridge - open the freezer door - and pour out the vodka. Okay? Is this still rolling... taping... ARE WE LIVE FOR GOD'S SAKE! Fire him. Okay?