Male Doms; She will never "meet the right Dom." Get over yourselves.

Why are men compelled to try to dominate or demean dominant women? Even the guys you thought knew better-- whoops, there he goes again. She might be a complete stranger, too. You hear her say she's dominant and you just can't stop yourselves? Why can't you?

Stella_Omega said:

Why are men compelled to try to dominate or demean dominant women? Even the guys you thought knew better-- whoops, there he goes again. She might be a complete stranger, too. You hear her say she's dominant and you just can't stop yourselves? Why can't you?

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It's the need to "tame" us. It's the prove it mentality.

Because they hate the idea of there being a woman out there that won't do cock worship. It's an affront to their very identity and all they hold dear!

Swhy girl-on-girl is so much more popular than actual lesbian porn.

Sir_Winston54 said:

Never had that issue; sorry. Maybe it's because I'm a lot less Dom than I am sadist. A *lot* less.

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In that case, the last thing you need to be is "sorry."

I do it just to fuck with yall.

Sir_Winston54 said:

Never had that issue; sorry. Maybe it's because I'm a lot less Dom than I am sadist. A *lot* less.

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Me neither. Live and let live, I always say. Well, unless you piss me off.

rosco rathbone said:

I do it just to fuck with yall.

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Do you really do that, Mr. Rathbone?

I try to make it go both ways at least some of the time. I think we're just quieter about our laughing backstage when we meet Dominant men.

Actually in all seriousness, there are the majority of people who are all immature about one-up positions because of insecurity, or at least immature about it some of the time, self included, and then there are people who truly don't care, who kind of skate above worrying about it, and they're rare. I have enlightened moments at best.

Another thing, when I talk to guys about this at all beyond the superficial, most admit that under the RIGHT circumstances, sure they will/would. Maybe it's projection.

Because most people will. Wouldn't it be great to be able to be honest about that, instead of loading it up with sexist shit?

Netzach said:

I try to make it go both ways at least some of the time. I think we're just quieter about our laughing backstage when we meet Dominant men.

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Yeah, we don't walk up to COMPLETELY STRANGE MEN to tell them they haven't met the right Domme.

Actually in all seriousness, there are the majority of people who are all immature about one-up positions because of insecurity, or at least immature about it some of the time, self included, and then there are people who truly don't care, who kind of skate above worrying about it, and they're rare. I have enlightened moments at best.

Another thing, when I talk to guys about this at all beyond the superficial, most admit that under the RIGHT circumstances, sure they will/would. Maybe it's projection.

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again-- not a complete stranger, not for instance at a munch, you're not pissing on the fire hydrant.

Because most people will. Wouldn't it be great to be able to be honest about that, instead of loading it up with sexist shit?

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I agree.

My most charitable opinion is;

Some men are just so enthusiastic about their topping skills, and as I always repeat, they don't know the difference between topping and being dominant.

Better vocabulary for the better living, that's my motto.

My least charitable opinion is;

Some men are all insecure about their status out there, knowing they will never be the Alpha amongst other men. But hey, here's a handy dandy person who is smaller and frailer and doesn't even have a glorious penis. Easy pickings.

I should probably preface this by mentioning that it's not the most mature response.

I've come across it a few times, and I simply tell them that they're right, and perhaps one day they'll find a dominant male that magically turns them into a submissive as well.

Honestly, I tend to get twitchy when it comes to labels. When I come across people attempting to label others, especially along gender lines? Yeah. I get snarky.

tenderlily said:

I should probably preface this by mentioning that it's not the most mature response.

I've come across it a few times, and I simply tell them that they're right, and perhaps one day they'll find a dominant male that magically turns them into a submissive as well.

Honestly, I tend to get twitchy when it comes to labels. When I come across people attempting to label others, especially along gender lines? Yeah. I get snarky.

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That's a good response! it might not be mature, but hell-- we aren't dealing with maturity in the first place.

Gentlemen, notice; tenderlily says "a few times."

I can say "a few times" and I can also name a dozen other women in my immediate circle who each could say "a few times."

Say "a few times" means... three, one more than a couple, that's forty instances of Dom men dissing Dom women. Just in my community, not to mention the larger.

Are there any Dominant women among us who can say "never?"

Insecurity, would be my guess. People who are secure in their (whatever label you choose to use) don't need to prove anything to anyone. Anytime I see someone screaming that they're the strongest, the most dominant, the sexiest, the smartest, etc. I know that they are in truth very insecure about whatever they're hollering about.

I can never say never. I sometimes have to "prove it" every other day on Lit. I get PM's from men telling me what I can do for them. When I tell them I'd rather have them do for me, I get tested. Seriously I get a series of questions like if I was to answer incorrectly I'd get a check mark that says I'm not "dominant" enough to truly be in control. I learned early on that men like that will not change his mind and I can just feed him BS and move on.

It's happened to me before, too, and I'm not a Domme. That's because the men who do it are idiots. They probably think if they do it enough times, it'll work.

On the other hand, methinks you're preaching to the choir, dear Stella.

Scentofawoman said:

I can never say never. I sometimes have to "prove it" every other day on Lit. I get PM's from men telling me what I can do for them. When I tell them I'd rather have them do for me, I get tested. Seriously I get a series of questions like if I was to answer incorrectly I'd get a check mark that says I'm not "dominant" enough to truly be in control. I learned early on that men like that will not change his mind and I can just feed him BS and move on.

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See, if I wanted a dom, i would certainly ask a lot of questions of the guy. If a guy wants a Domme, I can see him asking some questions of her. this

But this denial that women can be dominant-- this imperative to conquer even when he doesn't even want her-- and the lack of self control-- I don't even. i really don't.

BiBunny said:

On the other hand, methinks you're preaching to the choir, dear Stella.

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Oh, wouldn't that be wonderful!

Stella_Omega said:

See, if I wanted a dom, i would certainly ask a lot of questions of the guy. If a guy wants a Domme, I can see him asking some questions of her. this

But this denial that women can be dominant-- this imperative to conquer even when he doesn't even want her-- and the lack of self control-- I don't even. i really don't.


Agreed. If the man original intent was to seek out a Domme then yes by all means ask me all the questions that need to be asked. What I don't like is to be blatantly tested.
In some cases it like your at a bar and a guy buys you a drink. He brings you a screwdriver and you hate Vodka. But you sip the drink and make awkward conversation until the guy moves on you leave the table with the drink.


It's worse Stella in real life when they dismiss you even just by your outward appearance. I get overlooked a lot for my stature. I've learned to stand my ground or just plow my way forward.



Oh, wouldn't that be wonderful!

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I do have to agree that most people see you POV.

I can agree with most of what you are saying and feel. To strip women ofwhat and who they are, denies them of what can make them truely feel. Get a doll, blow her up, and tell her what to do. To me a person, you know,trust,care for, that offers herself to you,is to be cherished, accepted,and should share mutual enjoyment. Lot of sad egos out ther,they will only continue to hurt and abuse. My gender has some issues.

Scentofawoman said:

Agreed. If the man original intent was to seek out a Domme then yes by all means ask me all the questions that need to be asked. What I don't like is to be blatantly tested.

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For something that you are not doing anyway.

In some cases it like your at a bar and a guy buys you a drink. He brings you a screwdriver and you hate Vodka. But you sip the drink and make awkward conversation until the guy moves on you leave the table with the drink.

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This is why I stay away from het bars... just I don't want to thank some dude for the drink he thinks will get him into my pants. And I'm not even the most beautiful thing in the bar, either-- they still do it. I go out of my way to butch it up. Dudes STILL try to get with me.

It's worse Stella in real life when they dismiss you even just by your outward appearance. I get overlooked a lot for my stature. I've learned to stand my ground or just plow my way forward.

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I suppose I don't even notice the guys that "dismiss" me.

But they shouldn't be overlooking you.

So many women trying to dissect men seems about as productive as a thread full of men dissecting women. For my own part, I can't ever say I'd try to dominate or demean a dominant woman, but that doesn't preclude the possibility of finding myself attracted to a beautiful and intelligent woman who just so happens to be Dominant. I would like to believe in such a situation we would be equals and both share opportunities to top one another. However, I freely admit that I would make every effort to establish myself as a provider, protector, etc. in the relationship. Not as a means of asserting dominance, but simply from my personal (albeit old school) values.

To address the original inquiry more directly, I might say it has to do with the history of competition between males for dominance. Even in a society where more and more women claim equality, men are still often expected to do more or be capable of more than their female counterparts. While I don't find it is a excuse to blame our history or evolution for our faults, I might (surprising) take a cue from the Bible and simply say "Let he (or she) who is without fault throw the first stone."

Hope that makes sense, I'm a bit tired now.

Stella_Omega said:

That's a good response! it might not be mature, but hell-- we aren't dealing with maturity in the first place.

Gentlemen, notice; tenderlily says "a few times."

I can say "a few times" and I can also name a dozen other women in my immediate circle who each could say "a few times."

Say "a few times" means... three, one more than a couple, that's forty instances of Dom men dissing Dom women. Just in my community, not to mention the larger.

Are there any Dominant women among us who can say "never?"

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Oh, yeah, no. This is so freaking common/endemic/persistent/eternal that it makes me want to scream. Maybe you think it's funny because you just thought of it, but imagine having your identity be a joke every time you walk into a room with more than 2 people in it, when you come into the scene, completely new.

Annnnd we get "Dominant women are really rare."

Well I do think the SM community basically flushes out any woman who is not ironclad, that's for fucking sure. Every woman who comes into the scene thinking "I want to meet a cute boy who likes to be spanked" winds up twisted around the question of whether she's repressing her true slave nature in 2 minutes or less and handed "O" and I just want to CRY.

Maybe we should start just doing this to anyone who ID's as dominant. I know the only guys it happens to are younger guys. It's why I'm kind of protective of any noobish dominant dude who is getting a lot of crap and cockblock.

It is NOT a few. Not a fucking few.

However, I'm very careful about parsing my frustration into anything that reinforces the idea that if you DO submit to someone you would submit to anyone, of stroking the notion that he's better than anyone he could sucker into letting him spank.

In his dumbass mentality, I'm diminished by saying "yes," I'm a conquest, I'm public goods. I don't want to cement that view of submission with OH NO NOT I!!! I AM ABOVE THAT!

I can be above him without being above liking some aggro dick in my holes. Just not his. Boy do they hate that reality.

I think that's important. I try to defuse the whole question. I'm more of a "so what if I did?" person. People like this have never been confronted with the conversation mostly yes or no.

Problem is, I usually wind up with a horny guy wanting to explore his sub feeewings with me when I bother. Hunting in camoflauge is too easy.

WhenInDoubtFuck said:

So many women trying to dissect men seems about as productive as a thread full of men dissecting women. For my own part, I can't ever say I'd try to dominate or demean a dominant woman, but that doesn't preclude the possibility of finding myself attracted to a beautiful and intelligent woman who just so happens to be Dominant. I would like to believe in such a situation we would be equals and both share opportunities to top one another. However, I freely admit that I would make every effort to establish myself as a provider, protector, etc. in the relationship. Not as a means of asserting dominance, but simply from my personal (albeit old school) values.

To address the original inquiry more directly, I might say it has to do with the history of competition between males for dominance. Even in a society where more and more women claim equality, men are still often expected to do more or be capable of more than their female counterparts. While I don't find it is a excuse to blame our history or evolution for our faults, I might (surprising) take a cue from the Bible and simply say "Let he (or she) who is without fault throw the first stone."

Hope that makes sense, I'm a bit tired now.

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Some of us aren't exactly women, bub.

Also-- how's the weather on Mars?

WhenInDoubtFuck said:

So many women trying to dissect men seems about as productive as a thread full of men dissecting women. For my own part, I can't ever say I'd try to dominate or demean a dominant woman, but that doesn't preclude the possibility of finding myself attracted to a beautiful and intelligent woman who just so happens to be Dominant. I would like to believe in such a situation we would be equals and both share opportunities to top one another. However, I freely admit that I would make every effort to establish myself as a provider, protector, etc. in the relationship. Not as a means of asserting dominance, but simply from my personal (albeit old school) values.

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If you can say that you've never dumped a load of shit on a woman in the community because she is a Domme-- then you are to be commended.

Also, Being topped does not make a woman -- or a man-- submissive. Topping does not make a person dominant.

To address the original inquiry more directly, I might say it has to do with the history of competition between males for dominance. Even in a society where more and more women claim equality, men are still often expected to do more or be capable of more than their female counterparts. While I don't find it is a excuse to blame our history or evolution for our faults, I might (surprising) take a cue from the Bible and simply say "Let he (or she) who is without fault throw the first stone."

Hope that makes sense, I'm a bit tired now.

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1; what the fuck does "men are still expected to do more or be capable of more" have to do with the way some men try to force a relative status on women whose status has no relation to those men?

2; The day I walk up to a man I've never even met before, tower over him intimidatingly, and tell him that all men are subs really and he just hasn't met the right woman-- You can throw a stone at me then.

WhenInDoubtFuck said:

So many women trying to dissect men seems about as productive as a thread full of men dissecting women. For my own part, I can't ever say I'd try to dominate or demean a dominant woman, but that doesn't preclude the possibility of finding myself attracted to a beautiful and intelligent woman who just so happens to be Dominant. I would like to believe in such a situation we would be equals and both share opportunities to top one another. However, I freely admit that I would make every effort to establish myself as a provider, protector, etc. in the relationship. Not as a means of asserting dominance, but simply from my personal (albeit old school) values.

To address the original inquiry more directly, I might say it has to do with the history of competition between males for dominance. Even in a society where more and more women claim equality, men are still often expected to do more or be capable of more than their female counterparts. While I don't find it is a excuse to blame our history or evolution for our faults, I might (surprising) take a cue from the Bible and simply say "Let he (or she) who is without fault throw the first stone."

Hope that makes sense, I'm a bit tired now.

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I'm not "dissecting men" but an SM community that treats women's sexual desires if they are dominant, like they're a joke. I'm dissecting an SM community that treats submission like it is the punchline to some shared joke. Ha ha.

Obviously people are incredibly anxious about submissiveness, because so much time is spent denying it or trying to argue for its validity and respectability.

The biggest joke is to attribute it to women or to femininity, because then, even more ha ha.

Oh look, Stella's started another thread bashing men and posting generalizations about the male species.