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2009 Survivor Poetry Challenge: Workshop

Lauren Hynde

Lauren Hynde

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If you are struggling with a specially difficult form, or unsure of the requirements that need to be filled in order to respond to a particular trigger, or if you simply need help fine-tuning your poem, this is the place to come. A place where we can work together and together overcome the hardship of this freakin' challenge. Yes, we can!
 
I want Ange to get out the colored pencils, whiteboard markers and some hot teacher's outfit and teach me the sestina.
 
Okay, with much trepidation, I am seeking honest, but kind feedback on my 1st attempt at Pantoum:


With muffled orgasms of lustful dread,
his office transformed to coital playground.
"Sh! not so loud: he’ll hear you," Mary said.
Their hearts respond to risk of being found.

His office transformed to coital playground
with Mary’s skirt around her slender waist
Their hearts respond to risk of being found
as they submit to Id in nervous haste.

With Mary’s skirt around her slender waist,
her heeled black boots flinch against beige tile floor.
As they submit to Id in nervous haste,
exploring acts their spouses deem as chore.

Her heeled black boots flinch against beige tile floor.
"Sh! not so loud: he’ll hear you," Mary said.
Exploring acts their spouses deem as chore,
with muffled orgasms of lustful dread.
 
UnderYourSpell said:
Can I ask questions in here? The Acrostic how does that fit into the forms listed?
Click to expand...

You can do an acrostic over another form. I did an acrostic Ghazal once. Here, hold on, I'll post it. I did it for a college assignment in psychology.

Some characteristics are in supply in an artist’s life
Stability and full temperance die in an artist’s life​

Humans are born with set boundaries of predispositions
Humanity’s study is an ally in an artist’s life​

Eager to please, sensitive to the needs of everyone else
Episodes of depression taint the eye in an artist’s life​

I grew up in a home focused on study and achievement
Intelligence continues to apply in an artist’s life​

Living routine is shaped by traits, the behavior tendencies.
Life isolation, introspection tie in an artist’s life​

Alone or with my son in my studio or at my desk
Artistic and creative labels lie in an artist’s life.​
 
Oh hang on I will post what I have here and if it doesn't fit anything I will have to rework it


Never in a million years
Of trying against such odds

Here's the next whimsical
Offering open to ridicule
Pointing out flaws
Even laughter is expected

Oh for the muse to aid my
Floundering and pitiful

Wanderings through
Inadequate expectations
Notably losing myself
Nodding off and probably snoring
In this attempt of aspiring to that
Never to be reached
Goal.
 
UnderYourSpell said:
Oh hang on I will post what I have here and if it doesn't fit anything I will have to rework it


Never in a million years
Of trying against such odds

Here's the next whimsical
Offering open to ridicule
Pointing out flaws
Even laughter is expected

Oh for the muse to aid my
Floundering and pitiful

Wanderings through
Inadequate expectations
Notably losing myself
Nodding off and probably snoring
In this attempt of aspiring to that
Never to be reached
Goal.
Click to expand...


The way I read the rules, you can enter this as is using the Acrostic Trigger. Half of the poems have to use not only a trigger but a form as well. So you need not make this one fit a form.
 
I have to do a form first before I can do that haven't I? My muse just got frightened out the door with that list of triggers I'm just sitting here looking at it and thinking wtf!
 
UnderYourSpell said:
I have to do a form first before I can do that haven't I? My muse just got frightened out the door with that list of triggers I'm just sitting here looking at it and thinking wtf!
Click to expand...

No, you do not have to do forms and poet's choice in any particular order...
just as long as you end up with 25 form poems and 25 free verse or form poems of your choice to fill all the triggers.
 
oK A triolet gone in if and when it's accepted where do I put in on the score card .... the triolet the trigger or both?
 
UnderYourSpell said:
oK A triolet gone in if and when it's accepted where do I put in on the score card .... the triolet the trigger or both?
Click to expand...

Under forms- Triolet is letter R. So, next to the R, you put the trigger # and the title of the poem. (at least that is how I understand it.)
 
LadynStFreknBed said:
Okay, with much trepidation, I am seeking honest, but kind feedback on my 1st attempt at Pantoum:


With muffled orgasms of lustful dread,
his office transformed to coital playground.
"Sh! not so loud: he’ll hear you," Mary said.
Their hearts respond to risk of being found.

His office transformed to coital playground
with Mary’s skirt around her slender waist
Their hearts respond to risk of being found
as they submit to Id in nervous haste.

With Mary’s skirt around her slender waist,
her heeled black boots flinch against beige tile floor.
As they submit to Id in nervous haste,
exploring acts their spouses deem as chore.

Her heeled black boots flinch against beige tile floor.
"Sh! not so loud: he’ll hear you," Mary said.
Exploring acts their spouses deem as chore,
with muffled orgasms of lustful dread.
Click to expand...

I haven't written this form, maybe I did once but not sure. You definitely have the rhyme scheme and repetitions correct. I'm not sure what meter you're attempting. It reads mostly iambic pentameter to me but goes off in a few places. For example, coital, is three syllables according to Merriam-Webster, so that throws the meter of the line by one syllable. It doesn't bother me a whit: I'll always sacrifice meter to a word I think works best (though I strive to do the meter correctly as much as possible). I can't recall what Lauren said about this, whether it matters if one goes off a bit here and there. If we're not allowed to stray a little, I'm in deep shit!

Of course you could always take out "play" and then it would be fine. I also didn't check line by line to see if your pattern of stressed versus unstressed syllables is perfect, but I'm hoping that is not something we need to adhere to 100 percent either.

Hope this helps. :)
 
Angeline said:
I haven't written this form, maybe I did once but not sure. You definitely have the rhyme scheme and repetitions correct. I'm not sure what meter you're attempting. It reads mostly iambic pentameter to me but goes off in a few places. For example, coital, is three syllables according to Merriam-Webster, so that throws the meter of the line by one syllable. It doesn't bother me a whit: I'll always sacrifice meter to a word I think works best (though I strive to do the meter correctly as much as possible). I can't recall what Lauren said about this, whether it matters if one goes off a bit here and there. If we're not allowed to stray a little, I'm in deep shit!

Of course you could always take out "play" and then it would be fine. I also didn't check line by line to see if your pattern of stressed versus unstressed syllables is perfect, but I'm hoping that is not something we need to adhere to 100 percent either.

Hope this helps. :)
Click to expand...

Thank you, Angeline. Yes, I was going for iambic pentameter, but now that you mention it, I see the rough spots. Taking out "play" is a good idea.
 
Angeline said:
It doesn't bother me a whit: I'll always sacrifice meter to a word I think works best (though I strive to do the meter correctly as much as possible). I can't recall what Lauren said about this, whether it matters if one goes off a bit here and there. If we're not allowed to stray a little, I'm in deep shit!
Click to expand...

All the greats sacrifice meter for a better choice. As long as we try to stick to meter, I'm happy. :D
 
Cento #2
Write a poem, with a minimum length of 7 lines, made up of lines lifted from famous speeches made by public figures.
Click to expand...
I want to make sure I have understood this properly before posting my attempt. Here is the poem:

Calvary

He created the universe
To proclaim his power,

Great conservator of woman's love,
And make gentle

The life of this world.
When one man is enslaved,

I am prepared to die.
The day, forever fortunate,

Has arrived
Upon a cross of gold.


The lines (usually partial lines) are from the following speeches, in order:

--Maximilien Robespierre: "Speech on the Festival of the Supreme Being" (1794)
--Elizabeth Cady Stanton: "The Destructive Male" (1868)
--Robert F. Kennedy: "On the Death of Martin Luther King" (1968)
--John F. Kennedy: "Ich bin ein Berliner" (1963)
--Nelson Mandela: "I am Prepared to Die" (1964)
--Maximilien Robespierre: "Speech on the Festival of the Supreme Being" (1794)
--William Jennings Bryan: "Cross of Gold" (1896)

I've used seven different lines (again, parts of lines, usually) but from only six different speeches. I've also slight altered the punctuation in some cases, though not the words.

Does this count?
 
Just want to check that I'm doing Triggers and Forms correctly:

Trigger #9 (cocktail) / Form B (Clerihew)

Carrie Nation
Believed in salvation
But thought you’d go to hell
If you sucked a cocktail

"Good to go?" or "Big freakin Whoa!" ?


P.S. the "Whoa" used courtesy of Roy Rogers and his Wonder Horse "Trigger(s)" :D
 
UnderYourSpell said:
Is this haiku please?

Skylark nests;
blue sky
remains empty
Click to expand...

I don't think so. The way I learned, Haiku need to contain a syllable count of 5-7-5. Using the linked Syllable Counter you have a count of 3-2-4. But that conflicts with what Lauren has in the definitions:

When written in English, Haiku is characterized by: 1) the use of three (or fewer) lines of 17 (or fewer) syllables; 2) use of a season word; and 3) use of a cut (sometimes indicated by a punctuation mark), to contrast and compare, implicitly, two events, images, or situation. The typical length of English-language haiku is 10-14 syllables.
Click to expand...
Try using this Haiku Syllable Counter to check your lines. LINK
 
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