What do you consider to be your hard limits & how have they changed over time?

Just curious. Although technically I am a slave, there are still things that Master and I have no interest in and I can confidently hope that he will never ask of me. I know that people's kinks and squicks evolve as they mature in the lifestyle.

For the sake of simplicity we can say that illegal and immoral practices like incest, paedophilia, necrophilia, bestiality etc go without saying.

Mine might seem a bit silly, but to me, they are quite serious.

No red rooms/lighting
No confined spaces (you can tie me up, spank me, leave me dangling from the rafters..... but don't even think about shutting me in a closet)


And these ones are new:

No trying to wedge yourself up into my urethra
Don't even think about penetrating my cervix. Unless you want a broken jaw.

I used to look at hard limits as just that, immovable. I've come to realize that everything is about trust. Of course like the examples above there are some things that I simply would never submit to, but as to other things...I understand they can be softened. For example I used to consider knife play a hard limit. Even though I have allowed a vanilla ex cut me the situation was controlled, erotic, sensual, bonding. However an earlier event instilled a deep dread of blades-more specifically razor like instruments. The intent behind that incident was polar opposite of the latter. I have found myself thinking about this limit over time and as a result, I'm relaxing my attitude a bit. I'm not about to run up to some Dom and ask him to pull out a utility blade, but I understand that with the right situation and the right trust...I may not freeze and I may not word out.

Hard limits..other than the illegal stuff

no scat or piss play. I was a nurse for too long to ever think that playing or eating/drinking feces or urine is sexy.

cervical penetration - this is a new one for me because I'd never thought that anyone would be inclined to think this was a good idea.

Face licking - cant do it, might seem weird, but I cant even look at pictures of it.

Everything else is negotiable

My only hard limit is that I can't be "outed". In the privacy of a hotel room I'll do anything that Daddy would require of me. I know him and trust him enough to know that he would not do anything that would cause me harm.

EmpressFi said:

no scat or piss play. I was a nurse for too long to ever think that playing or eating/drinking feces or urine is sexy.

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Oh yes, that's on my list too.

i always say i am pretty open and to most things i am... i would say the limits that are absolute NOs for me (in the idea of safe, sane, consensual) are scat, animals, and kids

outside of that, i am not into the idea of cutting, needles, things like that but much of that is comfort... so who knows

malinborn said:

i always say i am pretty open and to most things i am... i would say the limits that are absolute NOs for me (in the idea of safe, sane, consensual) are scat, animals, and kids

outside of that, i am not into the idea of cutting, needles, things like that but much of that is comfort... so who knows

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that pretty much describes my feelings on the subject as well...

My biggest one is no group stuff. We've talked about it, and just the talking has led to really intense, hot sessions. But I don't think I could ever go through with it. I'm a one person kind of girl, and if you can't accept that, then you need to look elsewhere for companionship.

When K and I first started all this I had lots of hard limits. I've learned if he's interested enough that I will. We have shared hard limits; no pee, poop or vomit. Nothing non-consentual. Nothing that (as homburg puts it) interferes with my primary duties (a mom). My main hard limit is no poly and no girls. I have an anal sex hard limit, but that's cause I have ulcers in my colon and don't want to risk tearing any of them open - I don't heal well.

They really haven't changed much. No pee or poo. I suppose someone could pee on me and it would be fine. But no drinking it. Anyway, Mister Man isn't into it, so it really doesn't matter. No kids or animals - obvious.

Mister Man is not into all that much really. I'd try needles, and probably will at some point, but he could care less. He's really a rope bondage and spanking kind of guy, rough sex and likes to call the shots. That's about it.

ETA: Oh yeah - of course, no outing or activity which would interfere with my being a mom. That goes without saying.

They're very person-dependent for me - things that I know would really fuck the person I'm with - for some people that could be something really simple and stupid, but if I'm going to have to deal with a complete meltdown it's SO not worth it to me.

If it's really something I have to have, that means there's an incompatibility betwixt us.

Uhh, animals and children and murder and mayhem are all not SM in my mind, ergo not on the table even.

I won't do things best done by surgeons.

I've done a couple of things better done by nurses, but nurses showed me how.

I realise belatedly that I didn't put my own hard limits. I don't mind golden showers but draw the line at drinking it and Master has no interest in that anyway. Scat is a definite no-no. Most other things are up for negotiation (as far as a slave negotiates but that's another debate) but there are some things I would try such as needle/knifeplay/cutting that Master has no interest in. I wouldn't mind other people being introduced or even a poly situation. I would not like to be 'outed' but we both feel the same way about that.

I also would say a big no to cervical or urethral penetration but perhaps we can lump that in with 'not even on the table and therefore not relevant.'

Goes without saying that the things most of you have posted as *not on the table* are pretty much not on my table either.

My absolute hard limits are scat and blood. Urine is a limit as I don't mind pissing on someone, but kind of draw the line at being pissed on, and consumption is not an option for me either. These haven't changed in the last 3 yrs, I can't see them changing anytime soon.

Now.. I do have an interest in knife play, and have seen it done with blades being used as writing implement, but without hard enough pressure to break the skin and cause bleeding.

I will not have needles used on me for any reason, but might be ok with using them on someone else. However.. hard to indulge in needle play without there being some blood letting, which is one of my previously mentioned hard limits. I discussed this with one of my previous subs as it was something he was interested in exploring, and I think in that relationship it might have been one of those things that I could have done. I know, doesn't make sense.

While I adore rope art/bondage I can't be immobilized, I freak out. Karada for me is easy. Tying my hands or legs to the bed, no problem. Just don't do both. Three years ago, karada wouldn't have been an option for me either tho.

Humiliation is a definite no, either giving or getting. I don't understand it, don't want to understand it.

I think someone mentioned this before, forgive me for not remembering who. Trust. It's all about trust. I have allowed two to do more to me then I would have ever thought possible. I have done more to them then I thought I ever could. Every day is a new lesson. Every time together a new adventure. Takes time and trust to move a limit.

Anyway.. I'm sure I've missed some, but those are the first ones that I can think of.

My man-boy (by his choice) has give over complete control of our relationship to me. He trusts me to know the limits to which he can be taken; he trusts me enough that we no longer have a save word.

greeneyed_Lady said:

Now.. I do have an interest in knife play, and have seen it done with blades being used as writing implement, but without hard enough pressure to break the skin and cause bleeding.

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I understand that and I would say, in addition, that I used to work in medicine so I could be confident that I could furnish my Master with enough information and equipment to prevent him from harming me or scarring me permanently unless he deliberately intended to.

Hard limits are benchmarks of one's progress in this lifestyle.

twysted73 said:

Hard limits are benchmarks of one's progress in this lifestyle.

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Yeah, the more I do the more I have.

Whining. Scientology. Novices. Lawyers.

VelvetDarkness said:

For the sake of simplicity we can say that illegal and immoral practices like incest, paedophilia, necrophilia, bestiality etc go without saying.

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why would these things go without saying?

anywho...of course as a slave i have no limits, hard or soft. but as far as Daddy's limits, they tend to change or evolve over time or maybe even just depending on his mood. but there are a few things that i can confidently say are set in stone and always will be.

one would be my topping or in any way dominating another. this would even include something like my taking a leadership or managerial position at a job. it also would include participating in a physical altercation with another person or harming another person.

another would be my serving or submitting to another woman. natural order and all that.

electrical stuff...just totally squicks him out.

Incest, underage, scat, necrophelia, beastiality, and humiliation top my list currently. I don't see them ever moving from the top of my list. There are others, but some are negotiable, some aren't (such as things that would cause severe physical harm... cervical penetration? What's that about? No, thanks.)

ownedsubgal said:

why would these things go without saying?

<snip>.

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how about because they're illegal


Though I'm sure there are a few out there who would even have sex with a relative or a child if their dominant told them to. And those, imo, should go to prison for it as should the dominant who told them to do it in the first place.

EmpressFi said:

how about because they're illegal

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Legality should not apply, a lot of laws are just bogus. Like the ones making anal sex illegal. I'm sure everyone here has anal sex on their hard limits list.

ownedsubgal said:

why would these things go without saying?

anywho...of course as a slave i have no limits, hard or soft. but as far as Daddy's limits, they tend to change or evolve over time or maybe even just depending on his mood. but there are a few things that i can confidently say are set in stone and always will be.

one would be my topping or in any way dominating another. this would even include something like my taking a leadership or managerial position at a job. it also would include participating in a physical altercation with another person or harming another person.

another would be my serving or submitting to another woman. natural order and all that.

electrical stuff...just totally squicks him out.

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What is that?

YourCaptor said:

Legality should not apply, a lot of laws are just bogus. Like the ones making anal sex illegal. I'm sure everyone here has anal sex on their hard limits list.



What is that?

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ok, how about incest and molestation of children damages the person being.. you know what..why do I bother. I happen to disagree that laws against incest and molestation are bogus. Obviously someone of your higher intelligence will say that I'm wrong and throw back some statement about how in medieval times both instances were very frequent and common place.

Velvet, sorry for the hijack, I'm outta this thread

my limits used to contain things like cutting, fire play, caning (had a huge fear), as welll as children, beastiality, or. when i became a slave and entered a TPE, i gave up my limits, but still abide by Master's limits. of my original limits, Master wont do anything with children, animals. or scat play so those arnt an issue. as for cutting, fire play, and caning, i have an "R" carved into my right thigh, i have cell popping marks on my leg testing for a larger design, and have been known to cum from use of the cane which i now enjoy.

funny how limits work.

Hard limits? The usual, or four C's - No children, critters, corpses, or crap. I am also squicked by rainbow play. None of these have changed in the course of ten years, and I doubt they will. The first three are rather illegal, and icky, and the last is simply something that I find nasty.

There are things out there that I won't do due to lack of interest. I don't consider those limits though, as I would be willing, in theory, but don't find them exciting.

As to how things have changed, well, I used to be uninterested in anything that permanently modified my bottoms. I've one with a tatto on her leg, and another with a piercing that carries my initial. And there's a scar or two as well. I won't say that I'm casual about the idea, but it is not a limit.

Oh, I would call serious breathplay to be a hard limit. I spent too much time learning how to properly choke people out, and know a frikken load of attendant health risks associated with it. Breathplay is sexual roulette, and there is no way to properly manage the risk from that particular activity. Now covering someone's mouth for a few seconds, or giving a throat a bit of a squeeze (and I mean a bit), is technically breath play, but it comes nowhere even remotely close to unconsciousness or impairment.