Editor wanted - A man, a woman, a bed, a rose ..

Long time reader, first time contributor.

I am in an affair with a woman where both of us have to be discreet. It is turning out to be like a violent, molten hot volcano deep under the ocean - nothing showing on the surface. I wrote this on the way back from a date, did not get all the way home before I stopped to write. Must have looked strange to the folks at Starbucks.

The story is very short a bit over one page, almost a poem. The theme of the work is how I would use a rose on her sweet body.

A couple of the key questions are:

Is it erotic? We find it so, but then again, it is us. I worry about it being too sophomoric, might not have the same impact on others. Should I spend more time or less on the end? Would it cause the temperature to rise with others? And help with grammar, rhythm, structure would be most appreciated and welcome.

Thought about asking her for this sort of help but worry it might be like humor, would die on the operating table.

Thanks, Blair

I'm interested. PM me and I'll give you feedback.

Thanks to the kind words and suggestions of Lady Ver, have a better idea of what I am looking for with respect to an editor.

The work structurally closer to a poem than a story, has a rhythm, but no rhyme. (No claim to being Billy Collins). Does have a light touch of BDSM, the most consensual of non-consensual. Therefore, ideally think I am looking for a female editor, comfortable with both poetry and BDSM.

Help?

Blair