The Men Who's Wives Have No Sex Drive Support Club

Hi Everyone!

There seem to be a large group of us here who are happily married and somewhere along the lines our wives have lost interest in sex. I thought it would be nice to have a common thread for us to chat and discuss how we deal with it and meet others in the same boat.

My story seems to be a common one. Had really great sex while we were dating. Ok sex once we got married. And now it is once a month "make it quick" sex since kids. It's rough. I'm always horny. I think my wife is sexy and beautiful. But there is nothing that seems to get her interested in sex. Even when we have sex she's always very present. She doesn't let go. Most of the time i'm ok with it and just thankful for the wonderful life I have. But sometimes (when it gets to 6 or so weeks without sex) I take it personally and feel unloved. When that happens it's hard.

How do I deal with it? Usually i'm left to jerking off and end up on Literotica. Check out my fav threads, see what new stories are up and then venture out into porn land from there. I've recently tried to really cut back on Lit and Porn. But in a bigtime current dry spell (2 months) so there is only so much holding out I can handle

I'm starting this club because I feel like one of the best things about Lit is being able to talk about what you are going through and then coming to realize you aren't alone. It's free therapy with some sexy conversation and content thrown in

Feel free to share your story and how you deal with it or you can PM me if you don't want to post.

IMPORTANT NOTE WOMEN ARE VERY VERY WELCOME HERE I may have made it a guys club but it isn't. Any women in this position please join in we'd love to hear from you

I had found this article and sent it to my wife. Usually when i send stuff like this she gets very defensive. This was the first time she actually reacted in a positive way. She read it and immediately said it was exactly how she felt.

https://www.bustle.com/articles/105...-drive-because-having-hsdd-can-be-devastating

I am completely in the same boat, and look forward to others responses here, great topic, well written, love it.

Intoanythin said:

I am completely in the same boat, and look forward to others responses here, great topic, well written, love it.

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Thanks! Nice to see you here.

it's sad

Unfortunately I can count myself among the men who's wives drive has fallen. In my case everything was fine until she had to have a hysterectomy. It was all downhill from there. She is still very loving and even cuddly but that's where it stops. She was a dynamo prior to that.
We tried hormone therapy and that was fruitless. I've resigned myself to the once a month or two and stroke it the rest of the time.

Pandora's box

Omg you've opened Pandora's box here. My wife is sexy as hell when she wants to be. But her work is incredibly stressful. I am 100% supportive of her but I need a little bit of her once in a while too. About 10-12 years ago, when I would crawl in bed and she was already sleeping, i would just snuggle up to her. Not for sex, although I wouldn't have turned it down. Mostly i just need to feel her skin next to mind... even just holding hands or caressing her shoulder. But I'd crawl into bed, snuggle up and in her sleep she would push me away... almost every time. So, I admit, at that point I kinda gave up. Conscious or subconcious, she didn't want my affection. So we rarely kiss, we rarely hold each other... and when we do it's nearly always me who initiates it. About once every 6-8 weeks, I guess she feels the need. Then we have fabulous but predictable sex.
Our relationship has become more of a business relationship. She needs a spouse to fulfill some of her job expectations, so I'm there appropriately supportive but at home, we might as well be roommates. I'm grateful for the ladies (and men) here at Lit who have helped me feel like a desireable man again and who have at times helped me escape to land of lust and pleasure.
How do the rest of you cope? Am I alone in all this? She and I have talked. She usually feels guilty when we talk but frankly I don't want an sympathetic handjob. I want to feel that lust and passion every day whether it results in sex or a kiss or just holding hands. Help?

Mr. Briggs said:

Hi Everyone!

There seem to be a large group of us here who are happily married and somewhere along the lines our wives have lost interest in sex. I thought it would be nice to have a common thread for us to chat and discuss how we deal with it and meet others in the same boat.

My story seems to be a common one. Had really great sex while we were dating. Ok sex once we got married. And now it is once a month "make it quick" sex since kids. It's rough. I'm always horny. I think my wife is sexy and beautiful. But there is nothing that seems to get her interested in sex. Even when we have sex she's always very present. She doesn't let go. Most of the time i'm ok with it and just thankful for the wonderful life I have. But sometimes (when it gets to 6 or so weeks without sex) I take it personally and feel unloved. When that happens it's hard.

How do I deal with it? Usually i'm left to jerking off and end up on Literotica. Check out my fav threads, see what new stories are up and then venture out into porn land from there. I've recently tried to really cut back on Lit and Porn. But in a bigtime current dry spell (2 months) so there is only so much holding out I can handle

I'm starting this club because I feel like one of the best things about Lit is being able to talk about what you are going through and then coming to realize you aren't alone. It's free therapy with some sexy conversation and content thrown in

Feel free to share your story and how you deal with it or you can PM me if you don't want to post.

Click to expand...

It's like you are living my life. Lots of sex dating, less married and quick in the bathroom with kids. Kids are teens now so up later then us. When we have pockets of time with no kids she want to go to the gym or clean the closets. Both could be done with the kids home. I use the same relief methods you do. At times I feel like a roommate co-parenting

HighPlainsDrifter said:

I don't want an sympathetic handjob. I want to feel that lust and passion every day whether it results in sex or a kiss or just holding hands. Help?

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Wow this right here for sure

Wow. This thread made me realize just how lucky I am.

Married 34 years, Sex drive is just not compatible with wife. Love her, will never leave her, is why I found Lit and other places was for release. Not at all uncommon, for my wife, menopause SUCKS.

I am with you guys!
Hysterectomy stole her drive.
She's trying so hard. Doc put her on a hormone cream. Sex still hurt her after 2 weeks. But it felt so good getting in her pussy.

We've been doing anal as a substitute - mostly out of sympathy for me I guess. Who would have believed I would get tired of anal?!?!

Also she gives good head - but I think it's more of "Get him out of the way" head. Not a prolonged blow job.

So again; I feel you guys!

Count me as a member

I'm in the same boat as well. Married 20+ years, no kids and no sex either. I love my wife but sex is like a hated chore for her. Feels like she'd rather be doing anything else. On the rare occasion we do get intimate, I make sure to give her as many orgasms I can in hopes it will help but I usually hear she wants me to cum so she can get on to other things.

Lit. is my escape for the weeks and months of jerking off between the vanilla sex. So here I am joining the club.

I'm in! Sex has never been that good or plentiful during 33 years of marriage - but for the last 4 years it's been non-existent!

PrrnSexy4Papi said:

Good morning gentlemen,

I am not a guy, yet I can also identify myself with y'all in regards to ones partner sex drive being on the low. My hubby, well I love him dearly, but there are times that I just get so frustrated because he isn't feeling it.

He is a little more cautious than I would be about the whole sneaking into the bedroom in the middle of the day for a quickie, he would much rather wait until our kids go to bed and are sound asleep for us to have any action. Then the thing is that he doesn't realize is that he also tends to fall asleep and then gets moody.. I don't know if there could be a reason behind it, because when we do have sex is amazing, dirty, kinky, and ridiculously passionate. So idk, I feel at a loss sometimes.

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Very cool ( well..y'know..not cool, but cool) hearing from the female side. A lot of guys have intimacy issues or just plain erectile dysfunction.

I have never used the blue-pills-of-life but I hear they work wonders. Maybe it would help. OR...

There may be another issue he is hiding.

raises hand...

jrdexter said:

Married 34 years, Sex drive is just not compatible with wife. Love her, will never leave her, is why I found Lit and other places was for release. Not at all uncommon, for my wife, menopause SUCKS.

Click to expand...

Menopause does suck!!!

I share the statements here about how sex went from a daily activity before marriage to a few times a month if that anymore...

Wishing the best for you.

Mr. Briggs said:

Hi Everyone!

There seem to be a large group of us here who are happily married and somewhere along the lines our wives have lost interest in sex. I thought it would be nice to have a common thread for us to chat and discuss how we deal with it and meet others in the same boat.

My story seems to be a common one. Had really great sex while we were dating. Ok sex once we got married. And now it is once a month "make it quick" sex since kids. It's rough. I'm always horny. I think my wife is sexy and beautiful. But there is nothing that seems to get her interested in sex. Even when we have sex she's always very present. She doesn't let go. Most of the time i'm ok with it and just thankful for the wonderful life I have. But sometimes (when it gets to 6 or so weeks without sex) I take it personally and feel unloved. When that happens it's hard.

How do I deal with it? Usually i'm left to jerking off and end up on Literotica. Check out my fav threads, see what new stories are up and then venture out into porn land from there. I've recently tried to really cut back on Lit and Porn. But in a bigtime current dry spell (2 months) so there is only so much holding out I can handle

I'm starting this club because I feel like one of the best things about Lit is being able to talk about what you are going through and then coming to realize you aren't alone. It's free therapy with some sexy conversation and content thrown in

Feel free to share your story and how you deal with it or you can PM me if you don't want to post.

Click to expand...

So, on my wedding day of all days, my father told me that men are pretty simple creatures overall, if you feed them, water them and sex them, they'll most often stay pretty content. If you don't, then they won't be, (I mean really, who would). I took what he said to heart as just a simple fact of life. I think after time, some women view sex as an afterthought and its rank of importance as compared to other things falls way down the list, sometimes apparently, to nothing at all. Years ago I used to chat/post on a website that is now defunct, but I was amazed over how many men this is a common problem for and I sometimes received messages from fellas who were simply starving for attention...it's sad and unfortunate, especially when many of them simply wish to feel loved. Anyway, I guess my point is, I may not fully understand but I sympathize regardless.

Well, Briggs, my man,

You know I fall into this category, too. Wife's sex drive never did mesh with mine all that well - I always got told she'd get horny at times when I was nowhere around, or where breaking off to have a quickie was just out of the question. Regardless, I never got as much sex as I would have liked (not that I'm in the minority there, either, I'm sure).

Wife had a hysterectomy several years before menopause set in, but she kept her ovaries, so the hormonal problems wouldn't start quite so soon. So, we had a few years where things were pretty good. It was great not to have to worry about birth control anymore, that's for damn sure, but still it was fewer and farther between than I'd have liked.

Then when menopause started, the painful sex began. I sure as hell didn't know what to do about it, and she just tried to gut it out, but it sure as hell didn't make it any fun for her, and knowing she was in pain put a hell of a crimp in my action, too. That's when I started having problems cumming with her, as well. Knowing she's just laying there with her eyes closed, trying to just get through it did wonders to dampen my enjoyment.

And, when menopause finally wrapped things up, it took what little was left of her libido, threw it in a burlap sack, and tossed it in the river. In a conversation we had about it, she told me it was like she was eight years old again: sex didn't even cross her mind. She asked me if I needed someone else (meaning: divorce). I truthfully told her: I wanted her.

So, then she finally mentioned something to our doctor. The doc is reluctant to put her on any oral supplement because of side effects. Trouble with that is, the only other solution is a topical, and she hates the applicator. Plus side for me is, I can get inside her again, but while the topical helps the tissues down below, it does nothing whatsoever for her libido. She can have sex again, she just doesn't give a damn whether she does.

I've always been an avid masturbator. Ever since I found out about it, I've indulged maybe a bit too much. However, after having experienced sex with someone else, after a while, the selfie bit gets to be pretty monotonous. That doesn't mean I still don't take matters into my own hands, but I so desperately want to have sex with my wife that sometimes these days, I find myself not looking forward to a jackoff session with quite the same attitude I used to.

And when we do have sex these days, she doesn't really seem to give a damn for foreplay. That, and she's so concerned with getting herself ready to take me, that she pays me very little attention at all. Now, I appreciate her desire to get ready for me, but I'm getting to the age where I need to have more input from her than I used to. I'm not young enough that just getting in a pussy is going to do it. So, the couple times we've tried sex, we haven't been overly successful. Not that I'd trade it for anything, but one thing that needs to happen, is she needs to take time out for herself to figure out how things work, so she isn't taking that time when we're trying to do us. Not that I mind her attempting to figure herself out while I'm there, but I'm getting to the point where I need positive feedback from her so I can perform better, but that isn't really happening, either.

If you watch daytime TV (I don't see a lot of it, thank god) or read articles or any other media stuff, all you ever hear about is: "My husband isn't interested in sex anymore." You never hear the other side, the side that this thread's about. I don't know the statistics, but I'll be there's at least as many women, maybe more, that don't really care about sex, as there are men. The way our society is put together, men aren't supposed to talk about such things. In our society, if a man isn't getting sex, he's doing something wrong. Either that, or he's viewed as less of a man because he can't get his woman "in the mood."

This is probably a lot more information than anybody wants, but it's my story. It isn't pretty, but I'm sure I'm not the only one out there with one like it...

Oh, and my diatribe above isn't meant to downplay menopause in the least. I have no idea what it's like, but it has to be horrible not to count on your body anymore. It's just hard not to be selfish when all you understand is the aftermath and what it does for/to you.

I guess, ultimately, she is trying. It's something at least, but it's still horribly frustrating for me. It still can't be any fun for her, at least when she does try...

"Hello, my name is INDoggy and my wife's sex drive has went completely into Park."

Many of the same symptoms as others; menapause (menastop), stress from work,etc. Bottom line is we haven't had sex since early July. She realizes it but apparently is not concerned enough to see a doctor or anything. I use Lit to basically keep me from doing something in real life that I may regret. Thanks for starting this thread Mr Briggs!

INDoggy said:

"Hello, my name is INDoggy and my wife's sex drive has went completely into Park."

Many of the same symptoms as others; menapause (menastop), stress from work,etc. Bottom line is we haven't had sex since early July. She realizes it but apparently is not concerned enough to see a doctor or anything. I use Lit to basically keep me from doing something in real life that I may regret. Thanks for starting this thread Mr Briggs!

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She's probably like mine: Doesn't feel a desire for it, and therefore, doesn't really care anymore. Mine, at least, says that she wants her body to work again. Of course, there was a point where she was getting UTIs one after the other. She'd get over one, then the next one would set in shortly after. Doc said that "dry vagina" was the cause. Up until that time, I never even knew that term existed.

OK....this is from a retired nurse and a woman....
Reasons for not feeling the burn?
Weight gain after childbirth. Besides her internal pieces parts being in different positions she may feel unattractive.
Loss of hormone levels results in loss of libido and dry vaginal membranes Then besides not really wanting it, it hurts.
The same ol' piece of ass. Mix it up, Bubba. Make her feel good about herself and she'll make you feel good.

What to do?
She needs to be persuaded to see a GYN. Don't let her stop with the family doc who may or may not know how to get a pussy back up and running. The studies regarding hormone replacement and cancer were flawed and out right bullshit. That seems to be the reason that many docs will not prescribe HRT. Dumbasses.....
Tell her how much you appreciate what she did to give YOU kids. If she's having problems peeing when she laughs, she needs a urologist.
Don't make every hug a push to screw. It gets old quick. Hug her, kiss her neck and walk away. Besides confusing her it will let her know that she's not just a warm place to get off.
DHEA 50-75mg. per day. Over the counter in health food and vitamin departments. Damn, even Walphart carries it.
Don't just polk her with a sharp stick. Hell her.

yep in this club

MaryanneB said:

OK....this is from a retired nurse and a woman....
Reasons for not feeling the burn?
Weight gain after childbirth. Besides her internal pieces parts being in different positions she may feel unattractive.
Loss of hormone levels results in loss of libido and dry vaginal membranes Then besides not really wanting it, it hurts.
The same ol' piece of ass. Mix it up, Bubba. Make her feel good about herself and she'll make you feel good.

What to do?
She needs to be persuaded to see a GYN. Don't let her stop with the family doc who may or may not know how to get a pussy back up and running. The studies regarding hormone replacement and cancer were flawed and out right bullshit. That seems to be the reason that many docs will not prescribe HRT. Dumbasses.....
Tell her how much you appreciate what she did to give YOU kids. If she's having problems peeing when she laughs, she needs a urologist.
Don't make every hug a push to screw. It gets old quick. Hug her, kiss her neck and walk away. Besides confusing her it will let her know that she's not just a warm place to get off.
DHEA 50-75mg. per day. Over the counter in health food and vitamin departments. Damn, even Walphart carries it.
Don't just polk her with a sharp stick. Hell her.

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many valid points here...

of course, she had to be interested...