Fantasies getting out of control

Lately my fantasies are getting darker and less normal than usual and perhaps more than I care to admit. Why is this? I like to think I am normal and have a normal sex life but for some reason I seem to masturbate more and more to fantasies that I regret later. Help?

southern_gal said:

Lately my fantasies are getting darker and less normal than usual and perhaps more than I care to admit. Why is this? I like to think I am normal and have a normal sex life but for some reason I seem to masturbate more and more to fantasies that I regret later. Help?

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Darker and less normal are relative. Maybe it's not a reget that you fantasized about them, maybe it's a regret of unfulfillment

sithpac said:

Darker and less normal are relative. Maybe it's not a reget that you fantasized about them, maybe it's a regret of unfulfillment

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That is a whole other topic and one that I am trying not to let bother me tho it does.

I think everyone's do to a degree.

Take porn. We start out with couples or one on one scene where they are both beautiful. Then soon it becomes threesomes...and then mature or cheating and then bukakke and then gang bangs and midgets and large boobs and complilations and ...It never ends. LOL Oh wait, that's just me!

sethp said:

I think everyone's do to a degree.

Take porn. We start out with couples or one on one scene where they are both beautiful. Then soon it becomes threesomes...and then mature or cheating and then bukakke and then gang bangs and midgets and large boobs and complilations and ...It never ends. LOL Oh wait, that's just me!

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And then what happens when we (I) start to blur the line between fantasy and reality? I am starting to consider things that I once wouldn't dare even imagine.

southern_gal said:

And then what happens when we (I) start to blur the line between fantasy and reality? I am starting to consider things that I once wouldn't dare even imagine.

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Good question. I think we need to step back a bit and be grateful for what we have, because then it never ends. It's never enough.

sethp said:

Good question. I think we need to step back a bit and be grateful for what we have, because then it never ends. It's never enough.

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Point taken. And thank you.

southern_gal said:

Point taken. And thank you.

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Of course, not all fantasies that go a bit darker are bad.

sethp said:

Of course, not all fantasies that go a bit darker are bad.

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Ever had an orgasm and a few minutes later cried because of the fantasy that brought it on? I have. Things just get fuzzy sometimes.

southern_gal said:

Ever had an orgasm and a few minutes later cried because of the fantasy that brought it on? I have. Things just get fuzzy sometimes.

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Sorry. I've had fantasies almost as crazy. never acted on them though.

I think as long as they are fantasies it's okay.

Lot's of people have incest fantasies, and read those stories but would never ever do that in real life.

Lot's of women have rape fantasies but would never want them in real life. Lit is a safe place to read and set those fantasies loose. I think if we don't let those fantasies loose in our minds every once in a while it makes us crazier.

You're normal.

sethp said:

Sorry. I've had fantasies almost as crazy. never acted on them though.

I think as long as they are fantasies it's okay.

Lot's of people have incest fantasies, and read those stories but would never ever do that in real life.

Lot's of women have rape fantasies but would never want them in real life. Lit is a safe place to read and set those fantasies loose. I think if we don't let those fantasies loose in our minds every once in a while it makes us crazier.

You're normal.

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I like to think I am. Unless it comes to buying shoes............

southern_gal said:

I like to think I am. Unless it comes to buying shoes............

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You're probably still normal there too! LOL

The last girlfriend I had had a closet full of shoes! and still needed more.

I know what you mean, that totally turns you on in the moment but once you cum you don't like them anymore or are not willing to try, and you're like what was that?

southern_gal said:

Lately my fantasies are getting darker and less normal than usual and perhaps more than I care to admit. Why is this? I like to think I am normal and have a normal sex life but for some reason I seem to masturbate more and more to fantasies that I regret later. Help?

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What you described is actually normal. As human beings we are not as evolved and civilized as we like to think. All of us carry dark fantasies in our subconscious. While some of us choose to face our darkest fantasies, others choose to bury their dark side. It is healthy both mentally and emotionally to explore our fantasies as long as we don't blur the line between fantasy and reality. And masturbating to these fantasies is actually healthy, it allows us to explore our thoughts and feelings to a greater depth. What is not healthy is burying our darkest fantasies and denying that we are less than perfect. To deal with these fantasies, you need to admit to yourself that like the rest of us, you are not perfect, that you are human. Our imagination is what makes us human.

Having dark fantasies does not make you a good or bad person, it just means that you have an active subconscious imagination like everyone else. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Fantasies and daydreams are a safe way to explore the possibilities and the depth of ourselves in a private, safe avenue. The key difference, though, is recognising what is fantasy and what is reality and knowing that there are some fantasies that should never ever cross into the realm of reality.

However, if you are becoming uncomfortable with your fantasies, then maybe you should ask yourself why. Some fantasies should, in my opinion, make us uncomfortable, because they represent the depth of depravity. Some fantasies stretch our comfort zone and makes us question our very existence. Some fantasies are uncomfortable because we have never entertained that particular thought. And sometimes, some fantasies are the only way one gets off, prohibiting us from forming a relationship. So, in truth, it really depends on where on the discomfort spectrum you lie.

We've all have depraved fantasies. I think if you entertain the fantasy because it's enjoyable to you, it's not the only way you get off and you fully recognise that it should remain firmly as a fantasy, then rock on. Go nuts. However, if you are becoming scared of yourself, or that you fear that this fantasy is no longer enjoyable but still necessary to orgasm, or that you are terrified that you will enact this fantasy in reality (if it's something that should not be), then it may be time to talk to someone to just get a check. It really really depends on you, and what you feel comfortable with.

As Sethp said, not all dark fantasies are bad. But, not all people are equipped with enacting dark fantasies and handle the extreme intensity of it. You only you can decide what you are capable of.

Good luck

I really do feel better and thanks to all for that. Can't quote everyone due to space but the comments were helpful and appreciated. I doubt seriously that many (if any) of my extreme fantasies will ever be acted out but goodness knows I think about a few of them a lot more than I used to.

Keep it sane and safe and as long as it doesn't freak you out, enjoy them. If you decide to follow thru with some of them, follow the same rules, enjoy and live a little. Life is too short and too stressful not to let that inner you out from time to time.

southern_gal said:

Lately my fantasies are getting darker and less normal than usual and perhaps more than I care to admit. Why is this? I like to think I am normal and have a normal sex life but for some reason I seem to masturbate more and more to fantasies that I regret later. Help?

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By nature we tend to seek new things. If you have certain fantasies for a period of time they tend to lose luster and you will find other fantasies.

For example I watch a pretty fair amount of porn and what type of video turns me on at one point will get a little tired and I moved into another type of fetish.

Darker is usually the direction they will go as you seek more taboo ideas to get that thrill.

Its like building an immunity to medicine after awhile you need a stronger fix.

As for normal? Normal is very relative.

Bottom line as long as whatever you are thinking about stays fantasy and you're not hurting anyone, or yourself, don't worry about it.

Southern Gal

First off, there is nothing wrong with dark and "perverted" fantasies. After all, they're fantasies. Fantasies allow people to "explore" things they might never do in real life, but could certainly help the masturbation side of life.

I think fantasies, like real kinky sex, tend to get more dark and adventurous as time progresses. Often it takes a greater deal of "taboo" to bring about the same level of arousal that lesser levels once did. It's like certain physical meds or drugs. Sometimes you have to "cycle" them and go off for a bit to let the body come back to a state where they are more sensitive again. I will admit that there have been times when I've watched too much porn and needed kinker and kinker stuff to get my motor running. The best solution is to go off cold turkey for a period of time and then you get back to a more sensitive level.

Normal

Southern Gal - You may be more normal than you think...read through this article.
http://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health-pictures/dr-laura-berman-favorite-female-fantasies.aspx

It's because over time we acclimate and need more down the road...deeper, harder, more intense, more pervy, and so on...

Our brains have some weird wiring, and not all of our turn-ons make logical sense. You'll often reach erroneous conclusions if you try to figure out "What does this fantasy say about me?" Our turn-ons often say nothing about our character. As long as you make good judgments in dnstinguishing which fantasies are okay to pursue in real life and which fantasies are best kept as a fantasy, then there isn't a problem.

Sorry you're struggling but I have to say (sorry if this is selfish) that the advice and support here was super sweet to see. I think you're in safe place amongst people that can understand. It was heart-warming to see the great comments.

Fantasy stuff often creates discovery you cant wish away. When the cat is outta the bag others make their own assumptions.

Lemme cite a real instance of what I mean. I was involved in the case, and it made a huge impression on me.

A local woman accused her ex-husband of making child porn. Her new husband was a vice detective and involved in the case, too. So the ex-husbands stuff was taken by police and brought to the station for examination by several local and state agencies. We were looking for child porn. The woman's new husband was present.

What we found was a computer filled with vids of the woman having sex with half the state. She had been busy during her first marriage. And we found no child porn. Just the woman and her legion of partners. It was embarrassing for all of us but the cat was out and we had to go the whole hog with her husband watching.

SOUTHERN GAL I think youre determined to fuck yourself, so do it up right.

L2Read said:

Sorry you're struggling but I have to say (sorry if this is selfish) that the advice and support here was super sweet to see. I think you're in safe place amongst people that can understand. It was heart-warming to see the great comments.

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Sweet and bad.