Craig's List Whore

https://www.literotica.com/s/craigs-list-whore

My first stories up. I'd love feedback and am willing to answer questions here.

Nice Work!!

I'm frantically scanning Craigslist now in hope that I find one of your ads

It’s an interesting theme for sure. Random hookups can be so much fun.

The most glaring issue I had with it was the times you switched tenses. I assume it was supposed to be written in first person past tense, but once in a while you slipped into present tense. It’s very rare but I’ve seen it successfully done elsewhere. It’s something you have to be very careful about though. The switches have to make sense or it pulls the reader right out of the story. I can’t stress enough how rare it is to see it pulled off in a way that isn’t obtrusive.

There’s also a lot of telling as opposed to showing going on. I know it’s an age old mantra but it’s repeated for a reason. This stood out to me as an obvious one:

“I deliberately stayed close inside his personal space for a little longer than needed after the hug, keeping our body inches apart.”

It’s fine to tell us that but it’s even more exciting if you tell us how that made the characters feel. How did the protagonist feel, standing that close to him, a man she didn’t know? How did he feel? What visual cues did he give that might indicate whether he was turned on, uncomfortable or even disgusted? Dialogue, I find, is a good way to show what is going on. There was very little of it overall.

There were other things I noticed too but those are the areas in which I think you can improve most on.

All in all a pretty good first story. It reminds me of something I could have written when I first started writing.

Valuable feedback. Thank you.

Congrats

Way to go beautiful.

Very

Very beautiful!

I'm surprised that the story wasn't rejected for using a URL name. I've had them rejected for using fake Web site names. This is a real Web site.

That's not a reflection on the story; just a "wonder how that one got through when others, less direct, don't" comment.

All positive comments, a good first story indeed. Lovely constructive feedback on tenses et., and am adding a little. I had feedback on some of my early stories (different name on here) that they would benefit from more dialogue, and I would agree with them looking back, and share that though here. More noises, begging, teasing, orgasmic sounds, anything that brings the experience to life.

I so sympathise with the lead character as an older male in a similar celibate position :-(

Not bad...

I got a little confused at the first line, because I was sitting here thinking of how those ads usually are written...thought you started it as the ad would read.

Not bad...could be better