If anyone has done this or can point me to another thread, your response would be very kind. My husband and i have been together a decade and in the past year we have started seeing a therapist because my husband is dissatisfied. We have children and i love him, and after the initial shock, I'm happy he has tried to make our relationship meaningful by telling me the truth about how he feels.
That said, one of his issues with us is that he never told me he is a switch. I have always been submissive in bed. Primarily because i get positive feedback in the form of his interest by that behavior. When i get more forward or even direct in initiating sex, he loses interest. But now i learn that he has been missing the feeling of vulnerability to a dominant woman. I would totally be game to try, though i dont feel so confident given my lack of experience, which worries me since confidence seems a prerequisite.
Complicating matters and further reducing my confidence is that he also said he would be "disgusted" if I even try "to control him sexually". The implication is that theres something about me or how he sees me that means he can't handle our swapping roles during sex.
One time after he'd given me a playful spanking time i asked if he'd ever like me to reciprocate (before he had explicitly announced it would disgust him.) And he did nearly walk away, exclaiming "No, no, oh god no!" and laughing derisively. So I figure thats what i have to overcome.
But given that he'll never feel complete without this and the the thought of sex in new ways with him really turns me on and we like each other otherwise and would like to save our marriage if possible, i would like ideas on how i can get him to see me differently.
Other issues with our marriage need addressing, but I think without his envisioning a solution to this one, he isn't all that motivated on other fronts either. Any advice would be welcome.
That said, one of his issues with us is that he never told me he is a switch. I have always been submissive in bed. Primarily because i get positive feedback in the form of his interest by that behavior. When i get more forward or even direct in initiating sex, he loses interest. But now i learn that he has been missing the feeling of vulnerability to a dominant woman. I would totally be game to try, though i dont feel so confident given my lack of experience, which worries me since confidence seems a prerequisite.
Complicating matters and further reducing my confidence is that he also said he would be "disgusted" if I even try "to control him sexually". The implication is that theres something about me or how he sees me that means he can't handle our swapping roles during sex.
One time after he'd given me a playful spanking time i asked if he'd ever like me to reciprocate (before he had explicitly announced it would disgust him.) And he did nearly walk away, exclaiming "No, no, oh god no!" and laughing derisively. So I figure thats what i have to overcome.
But given that he'll never feel complete without this and the the thought of sex in new ways with him really turns me on and we like each other otherwise and would like to save our marriage if possible, i would like ideas on how i can get him to see me differently.
Other issues with our marriage need addressing, but I think without his envisioning a solution to this one, he isn't all that motivated on other fronts either. Any advice would be welcome.