Feedback Request

Feedback?

Hi there. My first M/M incest (twincest) story was posted a few weeks ago. Any feedback would be much appreciated.

Thanks in advance!

https://www.literotica.com/s/indecent-proposal-7

The writing seems wooden to me. Maybe it's that most of the sentences are short and choppy. I don't get any sense of emotion or range in the writing, so it got monotonous for me. The writing is technically correct in most instances, but it's not elegant writing. I did an "oh, yeah, right" on anyone being dumb enough to pay even twins to have one sex session for $100,000. For $100,000 you should be able to buy them as permanent sex slaves. And then I didn't see any indication they collected the money, so that got a snort too. I don't read series that weren't completed before posting started and thus all parts follow a known story arc, so, no, I wouldn't continue reading this.

I think you'll get considerable razzing (and I see there's already a comment on this) for putting MM in any category but Gay Male. But maybe that was the site editor's decision and not yours. It still invites attack, even if it shouldn't.

sr71plt said:

The writing seems wooden to me. Maybe it's that most of the sentences are short and choppy. I don't get any sense of emotion or range in the writing, so it got monotonous for me. The writing is technically correct in most instances, but it's not elegant writing. I did an "oh, yeah, right" on anyone being dumb enough to pay even twins to have one sex session for $100,000. For $100,000 you should be able to buy them as permanent sex slaves. And then I didn't see any indication they collected the money, so that got a snort too. I don't read series that weren't completed before posting started and thus all parts follow a known story arc, so, no, I wouldn't continue reading this.

I think you'll get considerable razzing (and I see there's already a comment on this) for putting MM in any category but Gay Male. But maybe that was the site editor's decision and not yours. It still invites attack, even if it shouldn't.

Click to expand...

Thank you for the response.

Wooden writing: the first chapter is wooden and mechanical because it is the twins first time together and my first time writing incest. As the stakes get higher and the emotions change so does the writing, although I do tend to write in short sentences. I am assuming you only read the first chapter?

The money thing, is overblown because this is a young billionaire who has endless cashflow and knows nothing about what an escort should cost him. He sees a set of twins who have a no-touching clause in their contract and throws money at them to get them to do what he wants. Maybe I should have indicated that better but the key to the story is the twins, not their clients. Also needed the dollar amount to be so huge they could not refuse it.

When I posted the story I selected the Incest/Taboo section but specifically indicated gay male action. I left it up to the site editors to change the category at their discretion. They didn't.

I scanned into the third chapter. The reasons I gave were why I didn't look at it more closely--that and your indication that you have no idea if/when you are going to put a conclusion on it.

This story is all about the consequences of the Twins' actions, and it's erotica, so, sex. The twins and their sexual interaction with their clients, and each other, will be the focus. You're not going to get play by play bank transactions, be safe in the knowledge that my characters are not going to go through with a job if they haven't been paid.

Also please know that I know where the story is going and how it is going to end. I am just having fun playing out what happens in between that end. If you don't like unfinished stories, that's your prerogative. But I have a grasp on what I'm doing with it. I promise.

All 10 chapters have been written. They will be posted over the next week or so.

All 10 chapters of this story have been posted. It has been completed. It may not have ended the way some people desire, but it is the ending my characters asked for.

Please read the entire story remembering I write erotic fiction. It may be set in modern day with non fantastical elements but it's imaginary. Hope you can enjoy the ride with the twins.

https://www.literotica.com/s/indecent-proposal-7

Thanks