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Pussy issues?

Scalywag said:
Eilan, you're probably worrying about this more than you need to. Most men don't really care about pussy depth unless it's abnormally shallow, it's the size, shape, and hang of the boobs above that matter.
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Oh. Boobs. I see.

bisexplicit said:
What I love best about this thread is that some people appear to have taken it seriously.
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But pussy depth is a serious issue. *nods*
 
Scalywag said:
TBK,

I'm sure the info you have provided will be helpful to Eilan and also many other women. I did not realize Vaginal Accoustics was such an advanced science.
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I did some research, courtesy of my ancient collection of Journals of the American Acoustical Society (no joke, btw; I used to belong when I was in grad school) and found the following equation for the acoustical properties of the average vagina:

snell.gif


As you can clearly see, the sin of theta1(wavelength divided by amplitude of the shallow vagina) is equal to the sin of theta2 (wavelength divided by the amplitude of the deep vagina) when their respective sins are divided by the coefficient of coitus1 (when engaged with a smaller cock) and the coefficient of coitus2 (when engaged with a larger cock).
 
midwestyankee said:
I did some research, courtesy of my ancient collection of Journals of the American Acoustical Society (no joke, btw; I used to belong when I was in grad school) and found the following equation for the acoustical properties of the average vagina:

snell.gif


As you can clearly see, the sin of theta1(wavelength divided by amplitude of the shallow vagina) is equal to the sin of theta2 (wavelength divided by the amplitude of the deep vagina) when their respective sins are divided by the coefficient of coitus1 (when engaged with a smaller cock) and the coefficient of coitus2 (when engaged with a larger cock).
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AHhh I see! This would make sense as a large cock would fill more area in a deeper vagina than a smaller one, thus leaving less space within which sound can travel. This would prove the sonic effectiveness of the Vaginal Retainer, as it reduces the area which a cock has to fill as well as providing dampening for any residual space beneath the retainer.

You know I used to be a roadie in a former life(no kidding, I really was) and in some accoustically nasty halls we would put speakers in the back fo the hall on a different phase. This would deaden the sound comign at them and stop Slap Back from echoing off the rear wall. Theoretically, if we inserted a small speaker with an embedded microphone near the cervix of a woman with a deep vagina, I think we couldl achieve the same effect. :cool:

What do you think Yank?
 
But I don't care how it sounds. I just want to feel adequate. :eek:
 
TBKahuna123 said:
AHhh I see! This would make sense as a large cock would fill more area in a deeper vagina than a smaller one, thus leaving less space within which sound can travel. This would prove the sonic effectiveness of the Vaginal Retainer, as it reduces the area which a cock has to fill as well as providing dampening for any residual space beneath the retainer.

You know I used to be a roadie in a former life(no kidding, I really was) and in some accoustically nasty halls we would put speakers in the back fo the hall on a different phase. This would deaden the sound comign at them and stop Slap Back from echoing off the rear wall. Theoretically, if we inserted a small speaker with an embedded microphone near the cervix of a woman with a deep vagina, I think we couldl achieve the same effect. :cool:

What do you think Yank?
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It all depends on the base wavelength of the slurping sound which you want to deaden. For example, the wavelength of the low bass note that opens up Strauss's Thus Spake Zarathustra (otherwise known as the opening to 2001, A Space Odyssey) is approximately 30 feet. Thus, in order to guarantee th eelimination of slap-back, as you call it, from occuring when that note is played, the speakers would have to be placed a minimum of 30 feet behind the source of the sound. So now the question on the table is this: what are the acoustical properties of the sound to be deadened and/or eliminated? Once we have that in hand, we can get busy determining the ideal sonic characteristics of the miniature speaker needed for the job.
 
TBKahuna123 said:
You're not actually calling Dr. Schleptaquim's exhaustive research frivilous, are you? Do you have any idea the number of years of study, the number of pussies he had to probe, all in the hopes that he might help a few poor ladies like Eilan?

Come on Bi, I know you and your perfect pussy are content and happy, but I thought you'd be more sympathetic for a sister with such a dibilitating handicap. :mad:
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Well, you know, even if she gets some special aide, she'll never be as good as us who truly have the correct pussy depth.
 
bisexplicit said:
Well, you know, even if she gets some special aide, she'll never be as good as us who truly have the correct pussy depth.
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I realize that if I have to ask about this, then I probably don't have it, do I? Please tell me what the correct depth is, so I can bask in your pussyrificness.
 
midwestyankee said:
It all depends on the base wavelength of the slurping sound which you want to deaden. For example, the wavelength of the low bass note that opens up Strauss's Thus Spake Zarathustra (otherwise known as the opening to 2001, A Space Odyssey) is approximately 30 feet. Thus, in order to guarantee th eelimination of slap-back, as you call it, from occuring when that note is played, the speakers would have to be placed a minimum of 30 feet behind the source of the sound. So now the question on the table is this: what are the acoustical properties of the sound to be deadened and/or eliminated? Once we have that in hand, we can get busy determining the ideal sonic characteristics of the miniature speaker needed for the job.
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OK, well then I think we have another dilema, as different sized cocks would create different frequencies of sound in different sized vaginas. Now we are getting into width, rather than length.

A thicker cock would take up more space, meaning there would be less airflow and less space for lubrication to move. This all sounds would be created by contact with the vaginal walls. As the body itself would have a dampaning effect, I would surmize that the frequency of the resulting sound would be of a lower tone. With a smaller cock, where contact with the walls is less direct, air and fluids moving around would cause a higher pitch. Likewise a higher speed of penetration would also cause the frequency to rise.

It would be hard to determine in advance the required frequency of the cancellation noise coming from the Intervaginal Tweeter. Perhaps a remote control which would alow the woman to adjust the frequency mid coitus if she begins to detect an increase in her Vaginal Sonic Discharge.
 
Vagina anatomy

The average vaginal canal is three inches long, possibly four in women who have given birth.

Dry (no pun intended) information, but true.

:kiss: :kiss: :rose:
 
mistymoon said:
The average vaginal canal is three inches long, possibly four in women who have given birth.
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Do I get extra credit for four vaginal deliveries? ;)
 
Eilan said:
Do I get extra credit for four vaginal deliveries? ;)
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So have you pulled out the tape and figured out your Vaginal Hypontenuse yet?

Remember, use a CLOTH tape, not a metal one. Last time we did a cock measuring exrcise, someone forgot to tell me that! It still hurts when I pee. :(
 
TBKahuna123 said:
OK, well then I think we have another dilema, as different sized cocks would create different frequencies of sound in different sized vaginas. Now we are getting into width, rather than length.

A thicker cock would take up more space, meaning there would be less airflow and less space for lubrication to move. This all sounds would be created by contact with the vaginal walls. As the body itself would have a dampaning effect, I would surmize that the frequency of the resulting sound would be of a lower tone. With a smaller cock, where contact with the walls is less direct, air and fluids moving around would cause a higher pitch. Likewise a higher speed of penetration would also cause the frequency to rise.

It would be hard to determine in advance the required frequency of the cancellation noise coming from the Intervaginal Tweeter. Perhaps a remote control which would alow the woman to adjust the frequency mid coitus if she begins to detect an increase in her Vaginal Sonic Discharge.
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Let's not confuse the volume of the resonance chamber and the resulting limitation on amplitude with the differences in frequency that would occur due to changes in penetration rate. Neither should we confuse the effect of the resonating body on sinTheta2 with the impact on sinTheta1 by the movement of the fluids within the resonating chamber.

I do like the idea of a remote control device which could operate much like a variable oscillation white noise machine. Now who on earth can we get to manufacture such a device? The one person who originally came to mind was Q, who so admirably outfitted Mr. Bond with all those elegant little devices. Since M has now taken his position (I do have this right, don't I?), perhaps M's Girl would be willing to get us a good rate on the design and production.

What do you think?
 
midwestyankee said:
Let's not confuse the volume of the resonance chamber and the resulting limitation on amplitude with the differences in frequency that would occur due to changes in penetration rate. Neither should we confuse the effect of the resonating body on sinTheta2 with the impact on sinTheta1 by the movement of the fluids within the resonating chamber.

I do like the idea of a remote control device which could operate much like a variable oscillation white noise machine. Now who on earth can we get to manufacture such a device? The one person who originally came to mind was Q, who so admirably outfitted Mr. Bond with all those elegant little devices. Since M has now taken his position (I do have this right, don't I?), perhaps M's Girl would be willing to get us a good rate on the design and production.

What do you think?
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An excellent suggestion! :)
 
TBKahuna123 said:
So have you pulled out the tape and figured out your Vaginal Hypontenuse yet?
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I'll do that after the kids have gone to bed.

Remember, use a CLOTH tape, not a metal one. Last time we did a cock measuring exrcise, someone forgot to tell me that! It still hurts when I pee. :(
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Someone neglected to ask.

So in the meantime, what am I supposed to do if my husband wants to fuck? We have some porn in our video/DVD collection, and I'm afraid that he'll expect me to be able to take the better part of an 18-inch double dong just like all the porn sluts do.

Maybe if he just keeps rammin' it in there, it'll fit someday?
 
Eilan said:
So in the meantime, what am I supposed to do if my husband wants to fuck? We have some porn in our video/DVD collection, and I'm afraid that he'll expect me to be able to take the better part of an 18-inch double dong just like all the porn sluts do.

Maybe if he just keeps rammin' it in there, it'll fit someday?
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You might try some repetitive stretching, like I suggested to the young man worried about his cock size. Taking said 18 inch double dong (is that your husband's new nickname?" and firmly pushing in might indeed serve to lengthen the vagina a bit. Don't ram it though, push firmly and hold for at least 30 seconds before releasing.

I'm not sure this will have too much effect though. There is after all only so much space there into which you can stretch the vagina. That's where the surgery comes into play. By lengthening the taint it gives more room into which the vagina canal can expand. Pushing too far back could lead to a perforation or rupture into the colon. While this would indeed offer the ability to take that 18" double dong all the way to the hilt, it would certainly ahve some other health consequences. I believe that the the concept of Recto-Vaginal Bypass was explored, but was discarded when it failed to yield acceptable results.

Perhaps until we get this worked out it might be best to just stick to anal sex. :cool:
 
TBKahuna123 said:
I'm not sure this will have too much effect though. There is after all only so much space there into which you can stretch the vagina. That's where the surgery comes into play. By lengthening the taint it gives more room into which the vagina canal can expand.
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So I'm gonna have to resort to surgery or be doomed to a life of ass sex? I mean, I like anal as much as any porn goddess, but then there's the dreaded ass cancer to worry about.
 
Eilan said:
So I'm gonna have to resort to surgery or be doomed to a life of ass sex? I mean, I like anal as much as any porn goddess, but then there's the dreaded ass cancer to worry about.
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Don't worry about ass cancer. Those idiots on the General Board are just being sarcastic assholes. There's no correlation between anal sex and ass cancer.

Stick to taking advice from the helpful folks here in HT and you'll be fine.And don't panic yet, you haven't even found your Vaginal Hypontenuse yet. Let's find out where you fall first before we start figuring out what your best options are. :)
 
I feel your pain, my dear

Have you seen that commercial on TV for the new tape measure?
You know, with the old ones, you had to stretch it our by hand. Then, when it got too long, it broke tension and folded over at 90deg angle. No good for anyone. They figured out a way to automatically retract it years ago. Just push a button and it zooms back into its hole.

Now, the new one has a button to push to make it EXTEND! And it doesn't go limp and fold over when you don't want it too. Push another button and it retracts. So, you need to go buy one of these and use it to measure your little pussy. Don't worry if you don't get it right the first time. Just push a button and it goes in, push a button and it goes out, button-in, button-out, etc, until you get it right. If needed, you could fit one of those little finger dildoes that lesbians like to use to make it more cumfortable. ;)
You might get your husband to help with this as guys like to play with tools.
Let us know what it cums out to be, please? :)

And that double dong thing mentioned above - everyone knows that you insert the small end into your vagina, then bend it and insert the large end into your anus, 9" in each. This leaves you a nice handle in the middle to hold on to.
 
Eilan said:
I realize that if I have to ask about this, then I probably don't have it, do I? Please tell me what the correct depth is, so I can bask in your pussyrificness.
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As we know the correct way to measure a penis is by using the displacement method.
If your husband was to use this method and you were to catch the displaced water in a seperate container you would then be able to use this to measure the capacity of your vagina.
First you will have to invert the vagina and then pour the displaced water into the vagina, if you have an overflow then your vagina is too short for your husband.
See previous posts regarding increasing size.
If however you are underfilled then you are too large for your husband.
In this case using a graduated cylinder you must top up your vagina taking carefull note of the extra amount required.
Once you have all the measurements correctly written down you may empty your vagina.
Now add the amount of water that it took to top up your vagina to 3 parts of gelatin, pour this into your "inverted" vagina allow to set and you will now have the perfect fit for your man.
 
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Scalywag said:
Question for TBK and midwestyankee:
Could noises created outside the vagina, but in close proximity to the vaginal opening, be captured by the device you are contemplating?

It seems to me that the man's balls slapping against the woman's area around the vaginal opening (exact location of testicular slappage would be dependent on sexual position) could possibly cause incorrect sound detection inside of the vagina.

Also, I'm wondering if the micro speaker could be located in the vicinity of the G-spot; it seems that any vibration the speaker may emit could enhance G-spot stimulation and thus the woman's pleasure, which, by the way, happens to be my main mission in life.
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Well there's really nothing to detect, the speaker just generates white noise which contacts the sound waves and cancels them before they can hit the anterior wall of the vagina and be echoed back. The white noise it generates might indeed create some stimulation if it were used without any penetration, but if used during penetration, the white noise would be cancelled by the Vaginal Sonic Discharge, just at the white noise cancels the discharge.

An interesting concept, but this application would not be efficient in producing the desired effect.
 
Rereading it...what???

Eilan said:
This is probably a "female" thing, but I'm quite sensitive about the whole pussy depth issue. I'm not positive because I've never measured or anything, but I'm pretty sure that I'm average. Would most men have any complaints about fucking a pussy that's only average depth?

My husband and I have been married for almost four years. We're quite attracted to each other, we have regular sex, and we communicate openly and honestly. I've voiced my concerns to him, and he thinks that a deep pussy is more important to women than it is to men. However, I think that he's bound by our marriage vows to be nice about stuff like this. My other partners have had no complaints, either, but I was wondering if they could be have trying to placate or reassure me just so they could get in my pants.

Does anybody know of methods that would help increase vagina depth? Are there any techniques or pills or any methods of stretching or lengthening the vaginal canal? I'm willing to try just about anything at this point, as long as I don't have to insert objects that go through, past, or beyond my cervix.

Please help me. I consider a deep pussy to be a status symbol of sorts, and I worry about how my pussy "measures up" to all the other pussies out there. I've considered withholding sex from my husband because I don't feel that my pussy can satisfy him enough, even though I know there's probably nothing wrong with it.

Thanks in advance. :rose:
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Assuming your serious...what? Good thing I couldn't care less about this. Did someone bring this up to you? Who the hell even thinks about this stuff? Maybe it doesn't matter to me because I have only had one partner and we fit. Just think it's a weird topic. :rolleyes:
 
So I'm gonna have to resort to surgery or be doomed to a life of ass sex? I mean, I like anal as much as any porn goddess, but then there's the dreaded ass cancer to worry about.
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And this is assuming your ass is adequate... whatever that means. I wonder if this potential dilema would be related to actual anal cavity size, cheek size leading to interfearance , a womens weight, or perhaps the girth of the matter being inserted? I won't even include the whole leverage issue.... Wow.. you really opened a can of worms for me to ponder. Too much thinking for a weekend :confused:
 
Hehe, it took me a second to figure out this was a parody thread. Well played.
 
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