Feedback Appreciated!

Hello friends,
Literotica has graciously published my first story! Feel free to give it a once-over and give me any feedback, positive or negative.

Red-Eye

https://www.literotica.com/s/red-eye-6

To me, you just didn't put the pieces together. You don't establish Amy's character very well.

As she walked down the aisle, Amy began to wonder if her choice of clothing was a good one. Figuring that she would be almost alone, Amy chose to wear a cotton t-shirt and her most comfortable jogging pants. Her hair was being held up in a hair tie, and she opted for the makeup free look. This is a hot look, she mumbled to herself with a chuckle as she inspected herself in the hotel mirror before departing.

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Why is Amy wondering if her choice of clothing is a good one? Seems reasonable for someone traveling back from San Diego. Why does she think it's a hot look? Or was she making a joke?

You don't establish a rapport between Steven and Amy. In fact, Amy should be pissed that someone is asking to sit next her to on a flight she's intending to sleep through.

Steven putting his hand on her thigh really comes out of the blue. There's nothing in the story to suggest Amy is going to receive it positively. At this point, she should be wanting to sleep. Instead, she gives Steven the go-ahead. A few seconds later, Steven has his finger into her "now wet pussy." Why is it wet? Why has she gone so quickly from trying to go to sleep to being sexually excited?

They have sex. I'm not into it because I don't have any emotional attachment to the characters and I'm not wanting them to have sex.

Then we have her husband picking her up at the airport. Shouldn't she have thought about him before? What's her relationship with him like?

To me, the story would have been much better if you had spent a lot more time going through Amy's thoughts. Build up her sexual excitement. And you should have had more dialogue between Steven and Amy so we can understand the attraction between them. Finally, cutting the "Surprise! She's married!" out of the story would have improved it.

Thank you for the feedback. I agree that there were areas that I could’ve expanded on, but being my first story I was concerned about making a story too long to keep someone interested in. I will take your feeedback into consideration with my future stories.

DarkestSkys said:

Thank you for the feedback. I agree that there were areas that I could’ve expanded on, but being my first story I was concerned about making a story too long to keep someone interested in. I will take your feeedback into consideration with my future stories.

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3 pages is a good story length - that's long enough to build some sexual tension but short enough that people can enjoy the story and get on with their day. My stories are typically much longer than that.

I left you a short comment on the story.

I try and look at stories for what they are and what their goal is, rather than try to look at them as being more or less than what they are, and trying not to base it on my particular style or taste.

Your story was good for what it was meant to be. A one page short fun dirty little encounter that fulfills a common fantasy. You didn't have a lot of depth to the characters, but...did you really need it for this? No. This to me falls under a 'quick and dirty' read and was done well enough for that.

Someone left a long grammar nazi style comment. Some of the points were valid, especially the first one where you narrate the cabin's lack of seats, then have it said in dialogue. Little things like that come with more writing and learning as you go.

But also don't take too much of it to heart, I personally take off legitimacy of critiquing comments when they're given by anonymous. Until you show me you can do it yourself, stop being a nit pick.

DarkestSkys said:

Thank you for the feedback. I agree that there were areas that I could’ve expanded on, but being my first story I was concerned about making a story too long to keep someone interested in. I will take your feeedback into consideration with my future stories.

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As I just posted, for a piece like this I really don't feel we need to know much about the characters, in fact its sort of sexier that you don't know much. Lends an added air of excitement for a quickie.

Thank you for replying both here and on my story. Yes, the other person’s comment was a fun read. I actually did take a few of his comments to heart, and laughed off the more critical comments, especially when he asked me if English was my first language.