Slut. Let’s talk about it.

Icy1 said:

After witnessing a bit of a storm in a teacup over the use of the word slut I was wondering how others felt about its use.

Personally I don’t want to be called a slut by just anyone but I’m happy with it in the bedroom with my man.

Thoughts anyone?

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I'm with you. I know it is a derogatory term, when I am with a guy, sometimes all I can think about is how good the sex is with him. I just want to get lost in sex, sex, and then it's fine. I want to be *his* slut. That doesn't mean that I want sex with other people. Just him.

Icy1 said:

No I just think they’d have no right or cause to say it. It can be a demeaning term but I don’t think we have to let it be one.
The rest is quite private and I think I only need to say that I enjoy it with my partner probably more as a type of sex talk. We are both consenting adults with a huge amount of respect for each other.

Edit to say anyone who knows us sees the respect we have for each other.

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To me it is more like a heat of the moment thing. The first time I used it as in, "I want to be your cum slut" and keep in mind, I am 59, I rather shocked myself. But it did feel good to say it because I was really feeling it at that point in time. And I think he took it exactly how I meant it.

If I was with someone and he told my family that I was slut, he would probably be my ex. Because I think it's kind of creepy to be talking sex with the family.

murmurmara said:

Interesting...

I don’t like the word slut at all, and I’ve asked people not to use it with me. But I LOVE the word cunt — as a noun for a particular place. I certainly wouldn’t use it to describe a person, but I prefer it to pussy. Maybe because it’s a strong Anglo-Saxon word that makes me think of cunnilingus. My favorite pet name for That Place is cunny. For the same reason.

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Oh wow. That word is off limits to me. Nope. Not my thing.

Karabare said:

In the right setting, said by a man who's voice is all husky with lust, it's a huge turn on. Everyone has their preference.

Whore on the other hand is not.

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I thought that too until someone recently used it with me. In that instance, it was a real turn on.

toeskr said:

It's not up to men to choose.

Usually a derogatory term.

However, if your partner chooses it as a term of endearment to describe herself or it turns her on, by all means, have fun with it.

I don't really care for it though.

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It can be derogatory. I have used it with a guy in the past and told him that he was such a slut. And in his case it was true. He just laughed. I didn't mean it to be derogatory to him. He was very open with his sexuality and we were just joking around.

Phosphene said:

There are some women who delight in the reapproproation and ownership of derogatory terms like “bitch” and “slut”. Your friend reminds me of an old coworker like this who is known for her mouth. I seriously doubt she would ever want to hear that coming from a man, though.

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My adult daughter and I use the term "bitch" to each other jokingly. She also says things like, "These nachos are bitchin'". Meaning that they're good. My mom is mortified when we talk this way but we are never angry at each other when we say it.

I would dislike it if a person used that term to me in anger though. And for sex? Unless they said something like how I was acting like a bitch in heat, I think I wouldn't like it.

I don't care for the use of the word generally. There are times when my husband and I are in the heat of passion I may say something like "I'm such a slut for you" or "make me your slut". He never refers to me with that word though nor any other woman in a degrading manner. Some of my girlfriends and I may jokingly refer to each other as sluts in front of each other but again, not in an insulting way.

Icy1 said:

After witnessing a bit of a storm in a teacup over the use of the word slut I was wondering how others felt about its use.

Personally I don’t want to be called a slut by just anyone but I’m happy with it in the bedroom with my man.

Thoughts anyone?

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It’s not a word I am comfortable in using. I have during playtime used it but only if the girl refers to it and asks to be called it. Even then it is used sparingly.

I never use ‘cunt’ as a derogatory term, but I do during the heat of playtime tell the girl what I am going to do to it. Again I don’t use it with anyone, it has to be someone who has indicated a liking for that sort of talk to be used.

StElmosFire said:

Why do we debate stuff that is self evident? Clearly context matters. Calling someone I don't know well a slut would be an insult, or in the least be open to being received as such. To someone I know well in a casual context should be received in the spirit it was said. Presumably it was expected to be received well. If it is not, then that person should learn from that and proceed accordingly. The use of the word again would then be rightfully taken as an insult.

This conversation applies to all words. Words are words, it's what is being communicated that matters.

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I’m not sure that it’s self evident since there is varying answers here.

Mustang Sally said:

And as for the incident in question, since I am one who spoke up in defense of the thread's title -- this is a porn site. It shouldn't be shocking or upsetting to see it here, unless it is being directed at someone who does not welcome it, which was not at all the case. *shrug*

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I think lit is a place where we can easily move on from things that aren’t to our taste and towards whatever is our thing.

Jada59 said:

To me it is more like a heat of the moment thing. The first time I used it as in, "I want to be your cum slut" and keep in mind, I am 59, I rather shocked myself. But it did feel good to say it because I was really feeling it at that point in time. And I think he took it exactly how I meant it.

If I was with someone and he told my family that I was slut, he would probably be my ex. Because I think it's kind of creepy to be talking sex with the family.

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Just to clarify that was a question posed to me about family knowing my partner may call me a slut. To me it wasn’t something that would be likely to happen as it’s not a common occurance in my day to day life and my sex life isn’t a conversation topic with family.

StElmosFire said:

Why do we debate stuff that is self evident? Clearly context matters. Calling someone I don't know well a slut would be an insult, or in the least be open to being received as such. To someone I know well in a casual context should be received in the spirit it was said. Presumably it was expected to be received well. If it is not, then that person should learn from that and proceed accordingly. The use of the word again would then be rightfully taken as an insult.

This conversation applies to all words. Words are words, it's what is being communicated that matters.

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Well said.

Yep, it all about context as well as the “Who” is saying it.

I’ll occasionally drop it with a close friend to stress the absurd; “I’m such a slut for pizza” (and I am).

In the context of dirty talk, yeah call me whatever you like. You call me a slut in any other context, you're getting punched.

Icy1 said:

I think lit is a place where we can easily move on from things that aren’t to our taste and towards whatever is our thing.

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Yes, exactly.

HoneyUndone said:

In the context of dirty talk, yeah call me whatever you like. You call me a slut in any other context, you're getting punched.

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I can live with that!!!!

Paul_Chance said:

unless it is in sexual play with a partner

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This. I don't see how this can be considered off limits or unacceptable if you believe in anything resembling freedom of expression. I don't think this has to be kept privately either, as long as it's limited to adult situations.

I am not a young guy. I was brought up to measure someones intent and not get hung up on what is said. A word is just a word, and oversensitivity leads to a unnecessary misunderstanding nearly every time.

I don't subscribe to the notions of "political correctness" or anything else that tells me what I must think or say. That doesn't mean I should not be considerate. It just means that I believe we all have the right to think and say what we think is right. I might not agree with you, but I'll defend your right to the same.

HoneyUndone said:

In the context of dirty talk, yeah call me whatever you like. You call me a slut in any other context, you're getting punched.

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Honeyundone nailed it. In the bedroom and in sexy chat or calls, I may use the term slut or cumslut. I would never use this term outside of sexual play.... And if my partner absolutely hates it, why would I even use it?

Yeah, my wife hates the words whore and slut. But when she is masturbating with her wand while taking a big dildo, she will suck my cock as I speak dirty to her. Telling her what a good whore she is and to come while she has a crock in her mouth and pushy will send her into orgasm. It's about context. The only word never used is 'cunt', she has always hated it.

I would have to agree with how Mustand Sally put it. Slut is one of the words me and my partner negotiated on. I like being called HIS slut and in the context of our dynamic it works for me. The word does have certain connotations but within the context of my dynamic it just means that I am willing to do whatever pleases him since I want him so bad. Outside of that it definitely is a derogatory term and I personally don't like to use it or have it be used on me.

nothing wrong with a slut

I would never call any woman 'a' slut, but I will call her 'my' slut if it's fitting. Saying 'my' is endearing, but just calling a woman names feels demeaning, and I'm not into that at all.

I don't mind being called a slut. To me it means a woman who enjoys sex.

As a dirty talk thing, I like it sometimes with my boyfriend, but on my initiation only... I would certainly not enjoy having it thrust upon me, especially not by someone I wasn't totally comfortable and familiar with.

As an insult, I'm of the mindset that it needs to be reclaimed, because as long as everything is safe and consensual, there is nothing wrong with promiscuity, and a person's worth is not tied to how many people they have or haven't had sex with. I have no patience for moralizing.

I agree about the context. A partner I'm having IRL sex with, may be ok. Same for chat, etc. But some random person judging me on my sexuality, not so much.

Bandit1977 said:

I don't use the terms of slut, cunt or whore when speaking to a woman unless it is in a "dirty talk" setting in which I know before hand that she is turned on by the use of those words in that setting and encourages it.
Now as a joking term of endearment with close friends, male or female, I will use the terms with those people. But as i said, with close friends who know it is not being said in a derogatory or insulting manner and they reciprocate accordingly.
As far as the shit storm that happened in the other thread, I will only say this about it after following the events and biting my tongue on it... I feel the situation as a whole was handled very poorly by all parties involved. The initial action, reaction, and the piling on by others did not help the situation. But as reading words on a screen, you can never truly or properly understand the context in which something is being said unless you personally know the person and many things are easily taken out of context or tone and twisted to fit your way of the thinking. Unfortunately, that is the danger of forums.

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I came to say exactly this. I don't think I could have put it half as nicely. 100% agree.

Not to be a drama whore, but which thread did this go down on?

I suppose I’ve always known that I’m a bit slutty by nature, whether I was acting on it or not at any given time, whether I was with one person or dating more than one...it’s just one facet of my being, but still a part of me nonetheless. That doesn’t mean I have to do something slutty every minute of every day. I can control myself around family and polite society and still know it’s true.

Several months ago, I (briefly) found myself single for the first time since I was 18, and a few months after that, found my way here. It was incredibly liberating to reclaim my sexuality, explore different fantasies and fetishes with new partners, and fully embrace my slutty nature. Now I’m very much enjoying being 1 man’s little cumslut Feeling safe and loved inspires a very different, yet still powerful, kind of liberation that doesn’t diminish or erase my slutty nature at all; on the contrary, I feel more free to give in and explore more of those tendencies in a deeper way, without fear of judgment.

As others have pointed out, source and context are.

When my man and I are getting frisky, he knows how much I desire him, and that I’d try just about anything to please him, and that I’m fully and completely HIS slut, and that’s a turn-on for us both. On the flip side of that, hypothetically, if he were to accuse me of being a slut with other guys, that would not be okay. Likewise, it would not be okay for someone else to call me a slut in a malicious or judgmental way. Friends calling each other sluts are more of a grey area, and totally dependent on the comfort level of both parties involved. Honestly, the word “slut” should be approached similarly to a racial slur; like it’s fine if the relevant parties want to reclaim the word and call themselves or each other that when it’s done with love and/or humor, but the uninitiated or casual observer should never use it against someone in a hurtful manner.

Since others here have also shared their feelings on a few other words, here are mine as well:

Bitch: this one has nothing to do with sex, IMO. Despite its origins, one can be called a bitch for actions or attitude, regardless of gender, even if it’s more commonly used to describe females. It can be used casually like “bitch, please!” or as a compliment indicating strength and empowerment like “badass bitch.” Personally, if someone calls me a bitch in a negative way, I’d prefer to have done something to deserve it. If someone calls me a bitch unprovoked, you can bet I’m ABOUT to earn that title, and then some!

Whore / hooker / ho / THOT / etc: Any implications of selling sex for money are off the table, in my book. Unless talking about actual prostitutes, it’s just disrespectful...LOL even if I found myself in the presence of one, I’d probably ask the professional in question how they’d prefer to be spoken of/to. I also read a lot of Plantagenet and Tudor-era historical fiction, in which the word “whore” is often used to describe a mistress, as opposed to a prostitute; I don’t really have as much of a problem with it in that context, but I don’t see how it would come up, outside of a possible roleplay scenario. THOT or “that ho over there” is just reductive and about as stupid as YOLO, and you’re unlikely to see me use either.

Cunt: I don’t personally use it as a noun describing the female anatomy. As an insult to a person, it’s solely reserved to describe Ann Coulter. End of list. Full stop.