Question for the ladies on here!

I'm 20 and still a virgin, I have a couple toys that I was brave enough to buy but not use. I was always told by my grandma (who adopted me when I was young) that sex is painful and that there will be a lot of blood. I really want to put my toys to good use, and I have gone to use them just to chicken out and tell myself next time... any help?

SassyPonygirl said:

I'm 20 and still a virgin, I have a couple toys that I was brave enough to buy but not use. I was always told by my grandma (who adopted me when I was young) that sex is painful and that there will be a lot of blood. I really want to put my toys to good use, and I have gone to use them just to chicken out and tell myself next time... any help?

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There are lots of toys you can use without penetration. Vibe on the clit is my preferred technique. So I'd start with that and get comfy with a toy and figure out if you want lube and what kind.

I have two a bullet and a vibrating dildo... the bullet feels nice but I never climax with it...

SassyPonygirl said:

I really want to put my toys to good use, and I have gone to use them just to chicken out and tell myself next time... any help?

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SassyPonygirl said:

the bullet feels nice but I never climax with it...

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???

or is this another sexual role play request
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1261624

Nope just need to know what to expect when I go to use my toys for the first time, first penetration...

SassyPonygirl said:

I'm 20 and still a virgin, I have a couple toys that I was brave enough to buy but not use. I was always told by my grandma (who adopted me when I was young) that sex is painful and that there will be a lot of blood. I really want to put my toys to good use, and I have gone to use them just to chicken out and tell myself next time... any help?

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Welcome to Lit.

Sex, even for the first time, should not hurt if the woman is relaxed, ready, sufficiently aroused, is very well lubricated and is a willing participant in the play. If sex hurts*, barring any physical conditions, then one of the above criteria is usually not met, usually because the woman is tense or isn't lubricated enough. Foreplay and/or extra lube often helps.

Being a virgin or not is your choice. If you are not ready or do not want to give your virginity, that is on you. If you do want to get physically intimate with a partner, that is also on you. It should be your decision what you do with your body.

And no, there should not be a lot of blood. Most women when they do have intercourse do not have a hymen, or it is stretched out by playing sports, or masturbating, or just general activity. Hymen means nothing.

As for using your toys, that's on you. However, it seems that you have a preconceived notion that penetration of any kind will hurt, and guess what? It will if you continue to believe it. However, it does not, nor it should not. Try to relax, play a little, and then back off. You may need to do this several times, spaced over a few weeks until you are comfortable enough with yourself and realise that intercourse and intimacy does not hurt, nor does it produce more blood than a decapitated chicken.

Sex is pleasure. It should not hurt.

*I mean hurts, not the occasional soreness that can happen but is not a cause for any concern. I mean ouch, it hurts.

Thanks that helps a lot!

I took a Girls Virginity, we had been going out for ages.
According to her, there was a slight sting but she enjoyed it. We made an event and took things really slow. . . in fact the only thing that was quick was me

Small amount of blood, no more.

Take your time, its no race and make sure your ready.

A little late getting into the game, as usual.

This is something that you might discuss with your gynecologist, who can tell you whether your hymen is intact enough to give you trouble. If it is, it's not a problem to have that remedied under local anesthesia.

Otherwise, I wouldn't worry about it overmuch. Have fun, stop when it gets uncomfortable. Women are all over the map about this, and many of them worry about damaging a hymen that actually went south a long time ago through exercise or sudden strain on it.

Speaking for myself, I admit that my first time hurt a little but, but since I was stoned at the time, it was easy to take the pain in stride and concentrate on the positive sensations. It was certainly nothing to get excited about (the pain, I mean). It was kind of like getting a shot at the doctor's office ... hurts a little bit, then nothing. If it makes you feel better, reward yourself with a lollypop, like the doctor did when you got your first shot.

It shouldn't hurt and you shouldn't bleed during your first time. It should be enjoyable as long as you're aroused and well lubricated like the others have said.

Fire_breeze summed up exactly what I was going to say. I will admit that while my first time wasn't what I would consider painful it definitely was an odd sensation that my body took a little while to get used to. If you are stressed or nervous and expecting pain then any penetration will most likely be painful. Take your time and explore your body and get yourself relaxed. Foreplay is just as important during masturbation as it is during sex. Also if all you focus on is trying to have an orgasm than there is a good chance you won't achieve it. Pleasure is a very mental thing for women; both your mind and body need to be aroused in order for things to work. When it comes to sex toys start out small, don't go for the giant rubber dildo. You can also try using your finger(s) to warm yourself up and prepare yourself for penetration with a sex toy.

I'm a big fan of sex toys and look at them as a way to enhance pleasure. I own around 6 toys, I believe, ranging from vibrators to dildos to a butt plug. In my experience vibrators are the way to go if you want to experience the big O. My absolute favorite vibrator is the body wand. It plugs into a wall outlet so you won't burn through batteries. It has a dial on it so you can adjust the intensity, unlike the original hitachi (another very popular wand style vibrator) which only has two modes, low and high. Low might not be enough power and high might be too much which could lead to some major frustration. Also the body wand is surprisingly quiet despite the power it has.

Here comes my toy safety speech that I feel compelled to give anytime sex toys are mentioned. When it comes to sex toys what you pay for is what you get. The FDA does not regulate the production of sex toys meaning all sorts of chemicals and things you would never want to put inside your body can be put into sex toys. You should buy toys that are made of high quality material and ones that can be properly cleaned and sanitized. The best materials are 100% silicone, ABS plastic, glass and metal. This is because they are nonporous, therefore they can be cleaned effectively and easily, and aren't filled with chemicals. Absolutely AVOID anything labeled jelly!!! Please do your research on sex toys. The body safe sex toys may be more expensive but they really are worth it.

Not exactly that I consider myself a "lady", but there was a thread about this very topic some time ago:
Breaking a hymen


The thing is, that "the hymen as we know it" is primarily a religious/cultural construction, with little physiological reality.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/cristen-conger/sex-myth_b_1154683.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201103/the-hymen-membrane-widely-misunderstood

But what about the bloody sheets and such, you ask? First, Anna Knöfel from the Swedish Association for Sexuality Education points out over at Scarleteen that the bleeding-during-first-intercourse is yet another facet of virginity mythology that we've accepted as a standard and unnerving feature of the female sexual experience. For many women -- 63 percent according to one small-scale survey -- losing their virginity was neither physically uncomfortable nor messy. Sex educators instead attribute bleeding during coitarche (aka "first sex") to what Michael Castleman at Psychology Today cringingly called "nonsensual, poorly lubricated, piston-like intercourse."

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...and stop taking sex advice from Grandma.

Girl....get yourself aroused...whatever you like-porn, stories, etc. and just play, have fun and explore...

My grandma told me..
"don't ever be too tired for that.. there's always a wide awake woman right down the road"

Cumference said:

Not exactly that I consider myself a "lady", but there was a thread about this very topic some time ago:
Breaking a hymen


The thing is, that "the hymen as we know it" is primarily a religious/cultural construction, with little physiological reality.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/cristen-conger/sex-myth_b_1154683.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201103/the-hymen-membrane-widely-misunderstood

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I think you might be oversimplifying these already-simple articles a little... When I lost my virginity at 16, something most certainly happened that has never happened since. So while the "hymen" might not be exactly the thing it was portrayed to be through sex ed, it certainly is there. One of my best friends had a hymenectomy. It was a very real ordeal.

To the OP: You've got this! My Grandma advised drinking as much gin as possible. I think such Grandmas should definitely be disregarded! So just relax. Have fun. I recommend the Hitachi Magic Wand in the strongest possible terms.

TheStarlet said:

I think you might be oversimplifying these already-simple articles a little... When I lost my virginity at 16, something most certainly happened that has never happened since. So while the "hymen" might not be exactly the thing it was portrayed to be through sex ed, it certainly is there. One of my best friends had a hymenectomy. It was a very real ordeal.

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I have never claimed that the hymen does not exist, but it seems to be highly overrated. And is is horribly abused as a tool of repression (not to mention a "causer of anxiety").

Imperforate , microperforate and septate hymens are well described, and may require surgery.

What I say, and what the links say, is that in the majority of women, it it not a distinct seal, that must be broken with much wailing and shedding of blood.


Apart from that, I think that it takes some serious stretching to insert something the thickness of your wrist in a hitherto unused orifice.
Add "nonsensual, poorly lubricated, piston-like intercourse" to this, and "ouch" should be likely.

this medical talk never fails to get my juices flowing.

and I'm saddened by how true that is.. ::sigh::

.....

GiggLeGasm said:

this medical talk never fails to get my juices flowing.

and I'm saddened by how true that is.. ::sigh::

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Juice is healthy!


I hope the sadness is for the hymenomythology, not for the rivers of nectar.


.

Cumference said:

Juice is healthy!


I hope the sadness is for the hymenomythology, not for the rivers of nectar.


.

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as soon as I figure out how to control this overactive bartholin's gland.. I should be good

Cumference said:

And is is horribly abused as a tool of repression (not to mention a "causer of anxiety").

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Definitely agree with you here. Sorry for getting a little short earlier.

GiggLeGasm said:

as soon as I figure out how to control this overactive bartholin's gland.. I should be good

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It's nature, nothing to do about it...

TheStarlet said:

Definitely agree with you here. Sorry for getting a little short earlier.

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No hard feelings.

SassyPonygirl said:

I'm 20 and still a virgin, I have a couple toys that I was brave enough to buy but not use. I was always told by my grandma (who adopted me when I was young) that sex is painful and that there will be a lot of blood. I really want to put my toys to good use, and I have gone to use them just to chicken out and tell myself next time... any help?

Click to expand...

You can buy a vaginal dilator kit online. Get one with a vibrator base and interchangeable dildos. Smallest is like a finger and they get wider and longer. You can gradually open the vagina this way. If there is discomfort, use a lidocaine cream that is used for hemmrhoids around the opening of the vagina.
Having an orgasm with a hitachi or other external vibrator releases endorphins and reduces pain and increases lubrication.

Use lube on the dilation dildos and turn on the vibrator as you insert...the vibration also reduces pain.

Congratulations...you aren't losing anything...you are gaining sexual experience.

If you need to, see a hypnotist and get that "sex is painful" programming out of your head.